Okay, you'll have to forgive me for being so easily frustrated and such a stubborn brat at some points, ha ha. I had written this whole thing out two days before Christmas and Christmas played a really big role in this, unfortunately, when I entered it into Fan fiction, it got deleted and my whole chapter went, 'bye-bye.' I was beyond furious because I had stayed up until two in the morning writing it. But, with the ideas fresh on my mind, I started again at two. Sadly then, my computer decided to turn off and all my work was gone two hours later. I really need to start saving the documents before I post them, Ha! Well, anyways, a month late, here it the next chapter! I already have most of the next one mapped out, I just need to get it reviewed so I don't have many mistakes. Now, Christmas and New Years are passed by quickly in this and now have very little to do, just in case anyone is sick of the holidays.
This chapter in the beginning is harsh and I didn't like writing it, but I loved putting in the next couple parts even though they are small. Look forward to having the next chapters be lighthearted togetherness! :)
Again, I'm so sorry if there are mistakes in this, again it's one in the morning on a school night... :( I hope there isn't any! Thanks again to everyone for reading my story, it really means a lot.
Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star no matter how much I beg and plead and scream and kick. I also do not own Rachel Ray, or the song, I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie. (I love that song at the moment. Although it may have nothing to do with the story, I had to put it in! :)
Still standing in the doorway, Tommy turned to look at Jude. Her face was blank, her mind distant, and her eyes, broken. She was not the same Jude anymore. This was not the Jude that smiled and laughed, and made smart aleck remarks to him every five minutes. This Jude was not familiar.
His rage, instantly forgotten as he focused every bit of attention on Jude. He watched her change. At first, the blank stare seemed as if it were never going to leave her face, however, something in her changed. As she came out of her reverie, her eyes focused back on her mother. Anger, hurt, betrayal, and fear all mixed into one emotion she plastered on. He had never seen Jude so still in all the time he had known her. The reflection of Victoria danced in her expression as she watched.
Victoria slowly blew out the remaining smoke from her puff on her cigarette and stared impatiently. Her lips turning from a straight line, into a smug smile she said, "Well, aren't you going to let me into this pretty little house?"
Tommy had only seen her a few times around the studio and once when Sadie had invited him over for dinner, but he couldn't help but notice how immensely Victoria had changed. Her once bright face had succumbed to thick, deep lines around her mouth. She had purple bags under her eyes with deep ridges in them, like she hadn't slept in days. Her once healthy hair was now brittle and untamed, and the veins on her arms were now prominent. She looked like she had been to hell and back and Tommy was unsure a person could change so drastically in such a short amount of time. Her nails were bright red and her diamond jewelry hung loosely around her wrists. Someone had obviously been cashing in on Jude's fortune.
Jude still hadn't faltered. After what seemed like minutes, Victoria adjusted her bag on her shoulder and pushed past Jude in the open doorway to let herself inside. Her condescending eyes scanned over the house, taking note of every imperfection she saw.
She took a deep, exaggerated sigh, and spoke, still facing the other direction, "Jude, get your things."
Slowly, as he watched Victoria, out of the corner of his eye, Jude turned for the first time and headed in the direction of the guest room. Silently, Victoria took a seat on one of the couches.
Immediately, Tommy began to go after Jude. He ran down the hall and flew open the door and saw her frantically throwing things into the suitcase she had brought. Her eyes brimmed with tears as she hurried around the room. At first, Tommy watched, then swiftly his consciousness kicked back into place.
Tommy spoke up for the first time since yelling at Jude, "What are you doing?"
"What does is look like I'm doing, Tommy?" she said bitterly.
"You can't leave," Tommy felt like an idiot for having only that to say when Jude was about to be out the door with a person who sould be in jail.
"I can, and I am," she spat back.
"Jude, no," he tried desperately, "I won't let you."
Jude laughed sarcastically, "It's not your decision whether I stay or go."
Tommy raised his voice, "You're right. It's not mine, but it is yours. Jude, you don't have to listen to her, you don't have to go with her."
"She's my mother, Tommy," Jude replied.
"She's also abusive, twisted, and sick," with every word, Jude winced. "I'll say it again. I will not let you go with her."
Tommy paced towards the bed, where Jude's clothes were flying haphazardly and began putting them back into the drawers they belonged in.
Getting angry, Jude yelled, "Stop, Tommy! Knock it off."
He ignored her commands, however and began taking the clothes back and flinging them into the closet.
"Tommy, no," Jude yelled as she grabbed the latest handful Tommy had taken and tugged, "Give me my stuff back."
"No Jude, if this it what it takes to make you stay here, so help me god, I'm going to fight," he retorted.
Tommy yanked the clothes back, but a persistent Jude wouldn't budge. He then put both of his strong arms on Jude's frail ones, careful not to hurt her, but still forceful. He inched closer to her face.
"Jude, look in the mirror!" he yelled as Jude struggled to pull away. "Look at what is happening to you!"
He shook her as he spoke while she softly let out small sobs she had been holding in.
As Jude pulled, Tommy held tighter, and neither seemed to notice the figure step into the doorway.
"Is something wrong?" Victoria asked.
Jude froze and Tommy took his opportunity to take the clothes out of her hands and throw them in the drawers. Jude snapped and looked down. She began to quickly throw what was left on the bed into the suitcase and zipped it up when she was finished, wiping the stray tears from her eyes.
Victoria's crooked mouth curved up at the ends, and Tommy had the irresistible need to punch her. He figured if Jude wasn't going to do anything, he would.
"You're a sick woman, you know," Tommy said, the rage bubbling up again.
Victoria looked up at him, "Excuse me?"
"How could you do this?" he asked bitterly, "to your own daughter. What the hell does she do to you?"
"Mr. Quincy, I suggest you step out of the conversation before something goes wrong," she replied coolly.
"If you walk out that door, I'm calling the cops," Tommy threatened. "Hell, if you don't walk out the door I'm calling the cops."
Victoria laughed, "I wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah," Tommy countered back, "and why is that?"
She took a step toward him and he could smell liquor on her breath. "Because you have no idea how badly I could ruin you."
Jude spoke up, "Tommy, don't." Her voice was small as she pleaded with him.
"You just wait until I tell everyone what a disgusting, vile person you are," he spoke coldly.
"You just wait until I tell everyone that you're with my daughter. Living together, for your age, isn't that illegal? Do you think the police would want to hear about you having sex with my teenage daughter?"
"You know that's not true," he said.
"The police don't," she smiled, "when a small, helpless mother comes in for the sake of her daughters safety, whose story do you think they will believe?"
She grabbed Jude's arm and started to pull her out of the room. Jude looked at Tommy helplessly. 'I'm sorry' she mouthed.
"Jude, do something," Tommy pleaded. "Be you. Be the Jude I know. Fight back."
She said nothing and continued walking.
"Fight back," he said again, begging. "Please."
Jude contemplated what he had said. She looked down, and looked over her shoulder at him. Suddenly, she stopped, causing her mother to be jerked back slightly.
She took hold of her arm again and pulled, "Jude, lets go."
Jude turned and looked up at Tommy, her frame fragile. She took a deep breath.
Still watching him for support, she turned to her mother and spoke up.
"No."
Victoria looked baffled. "Jude, we're leaving."
"No, you're leaving," she said coldly.
"What?" she asked incredulously.
"I said, you're leaving," she drew in a shaky breath and put on a determined face. "I will not come with you."
"Jude, you will," she commanded.
"No!" Jude yelled harshly. "I am not coming with you!"
"Jude, he is no good for you," she stated. "Three days gone and you're already in every news story possible. You got your chance to play house and now you're coming home."
"I am home," she replied.
"You've got to be kidding me, after less than a week, you simply cannot call this your home. That is both naive and childish," she retorted.
"Maybe not," Jude said, "But it has been more of a home than you have ever given us."
"You can't stay with him," Victoria commanded.
"I can, and I will," she repeated her words she had said to Tommy not three minutes before.
Jude slowly walked towards Victoria, causing her to back up, intimidated by the closeness she had with her daughter. Soon, they were by the door.
"After everything I've done for you, you're going to ruin it with someone who will trash you and use you?" she accused, "You want to throw that away?"
"The most you've ever done for me is put me through hell," Jude said quietly. "I lost myself, my heart, and I almost lost my life. He has been saving me, not you. So I think it's time that I return the favor to you for the first 17 years of my life."
With the final step, Victoria was out the door and Jude had shut the door in her face.
Tommy had been watching the scene unfold before him and felt pride knowing Jude had won. However, his pride and all happiness he felt towards the victory diminshed as he saw the fragile girl, who had just been so strong, collapse to the ground in front of the door in uncontrollable, frightening sobs.
For a minute, Jude saw black. Her world had gone dark and her head dizzy as she watched her mother's face when she closed the door on her. Suddenly, the events that had just taken place came crashing down, and she struggled for air. Her body shook and he knees gave out as she finally let the pain she had been avoiding for so long overcome her. Her hands covered her eyes and she did not once bother to think about Tommy still in the room when she broke down.
He took this chance to rush towards her and provide the only comfort he could at the moment. He sat next to her by the door and wrapped his arms around her, holding her as tightly as he could, afraid she might literally break apart.
When her cries had died down, Tommy had picked her up and carried her to the couch, where the both sat now, absentmindedly watching another program of Rachel Ray's holiday special. Neither of them had noticed, but Christmas was only days away, and the two had some planning, however now was simply not the time.
Jude sat silent, in her own world while Tommy was trying to keep his focus on his beloved Rachel Ray, and his broken Jude. When the program ended, Jude got up from her place on the couch and grabbed her jacket.
"Going somewhere?" Tommy asked.
"No," she stated simply. She then headed out the back door, into the grass where the swings were. Tommy soon picked up his jacked off the bar stool he had laid it on and followed her out. Not bothering to swing, Jude just sat on the swings and stared at the ground. Tommy took his place beside her.
They both sat again, in their own thoughts when Jude spoke up.
"You know when you said, 'Be you, be the Jude I know,'" she said. "When you said that, something inside me clicked. Everything was put into perspective. I was alone, terrified, and I was letting her drag me around. I wasn't standing up to anything, to anyone. That's when I realized. When I'm with you, I'm Jude. I can fight with you, and win." Tommy smirked when she said this, "I can be silly and funny and have a good time, all while staying me. I've spent my whole life trying to be someone that woman wanted me to be, and that doesn't feel good."
She laughed quietly.
"You thought you were the only one with family problems. I wanted to thank you for letting me be Jude, and for making me see that I am fine the way I am."
Tommy didn't say anything. He didn't know how. As soon as he mustered up something to say, she spoke again.
"You know how most beautiful, amazing musicians have a haunting past that forces their music to come out so heartbroken and deep. Well, you've just seen my inspiration. It isn't pretty. It normally never is, but I think over time I'll be able to tell you the whole story. Right now, I just want to be me and you. Jude and Tommy."
"Okay," was all he could say. He then looked up in the sky at the sun beams behind the darkness of the clouds and thought to himself about how greatly it reminded him of Jude.
"Do you know what I was thinking?" Jude asked.
"No," Tommy answered with a small smile on his face, while the fireplace roared beside him.
Jude smiled. "We need to get ready for Christmas."
Tommy looked apprehensive. "Jude, after what has happened today, I can't believe you're thinking about something else. I can't believe you're even thinking to tell you the truth."
Jude laughed lightly. "That's kind of what my brain or body does. This is going to sound weird, but my brain kind of, protects me in a way. Like, when I was little, I watched my dog get hit by a car. Because the experience was so traumatic, my brain has sort of blocked it out. When I found out that my dad had been married before he was married to my mom, I cannot even tell you how upset I was. But my brain pushed it away. I don't 'get over things.' I never have and I never will. I simply just don't think about them. So can you do me a favor for now and help me not think of it?"
"You're an alien, I swear," Tommy smiled.
"So I've been told," she replied. "So, about our tree--"
"Woah, woah, woah. A tree?" he asked. "Why do we need a tree?"
"Tommy, are you kidding?" she replied. "Everyone needs a tree. That way, Santa can put presents under it!" she stated sarcastically.
"Jude, I don't think that's such a g---"
"Stop right there," she commanded. "We're getting a tree and that's final. I can be in charge of decorating it, and you can be in charge of the Christmas cookies, Mr. Chef!"
"Yes, Sargent Jude!" he put a hand to his head and saluted her.
"You've had a tree before, haven't you?" Jude asked.
"Well, once, when I was on tour, we stashed one on our bus," he remembered and smiled, "we had gone to some national Christmas tree forest park thing, and cut one down with the tire saw we had found in the underbelly of the bus."
"Oh, yeah?" Jude said, "and what did the cops have to say about that?"
Tommy laughed. Soon the two grabbed their coats and headed to the Christmas tree farm.
Something in Jude's coat pocket vibrated through, and she knew she was getting a call. She picked it out and looked at the lit up screen.
"Call From: Dad
Received: 1:09 p.m, Sunday"
Her stomach dropped. She heard Tommy yell, "Come on slow poke!"
"Just a minute!" she called back.
The phone beeped, indicating she missed the call and found a voice mail waiting for her. She clicked open the message and waited to listen to it. It was the frantic sound of her dad that alarmed her most.
"Jude, honey. I am so sorry. I can never make this up to you and I know you will probably never forgive me for what I have done. I was selfish and rude and I didn't listen to you. I just want you to know that I love you. I need you to call Jude, I have to speak with you. Please."
Jude heard him sigh from the phone.
"I was trying to protect you," he stated sadly. "But I messed this up, and I'm so, so sorry."
Then she heard the line click, knowing that's when he hung up. Jude was shaken and shocked. But, doing what she does best, she momentarily put it behind her and knew to bring it up again later to Tommy. For now, she put on a bright smile and followed Tommy out the door.
"You folks looking to get one of these here nine footers, or an eleven footer?" the owner asked.
"Honestly, I don't even ca-"
"We'll take a nine footer," Jude said politely after cutting Tommy off with a small hit in the chest.
"Okay, ya'll follow me and we'll get you started," he beckoned them with his hand while he trailed off down the path to the other trees.
The cool, brisk air whipped past Jude's face, causing her to begin to shiver uncontrollably. Tommy watched her and silently laughed to himself. He was cold, too, even though he was the one with the heavier jacket, so he couldn't imagine how cold Jude was. He pulled her arm closer to him and when she was within his reach, he wrapped an arm around her shivering body and held her close to try and produce warmth for the both of them.
It seemed to be working because almost instantly, Jude relaxed, leaned more into Tommy and wrapped her arms sideways around his waist.
The Tree Farm Owner, or whatever he is called, was blabbering on about the quality of trees until now and when he turned back to tell Jude and Tommy another fact, this time, his cold demeanor faded while he gave off a warm smile.
"You know, young love always gets to me," he said, "it just gives me hope in this world. You guys are newlyweds I take it?"
"No, actually we're--" Jude began but was cut off slowly by Tommy.
"Celebrating our anniversary," he finished for her. Jude looked up at him curiously. He nudged his head slightly motioning towards the man, indicating that he wanted Jude to play along. "Right, honey?"
"Yeah," she started hesitantly. "Five years and still going strong."
Tommy smiled. This seemed to go according to plan.
The man put a hand to his heart. "You guys just amaze me. I'll tell you what. If you guys tell your friends about my here farm, I'll give ya'll a discount, how's that?"
Jude looked at him increduously. "Wow, thats wonderful! Thank you so much!"
"Don't mention it," he said in return.
Tommy tightened his hold around her and whispered when the man turned around. "You hear that babe? Our love brings joy to his heart."
"Oh, I heard that sweetheart," she said putting emphasis on the nickname. "So, what'd you get me for our anniversary?"
Jude and Tommy had picked the tree they wanted, stopped at the store and picked out as many decorations as they could, and finally returned home to decorate the house. Christmas day came and went, each of them promising to not get one another a gift, but breaking the promise anyway with small but thoughtful presents. Jude bought Tommy Rachel Ray's signed book and DVD set and two concert tickets to Tommy's favorite band. Tommy told Jude to run to his room to find her present.
Eagerly, she ran to his room and looked it up and down, but found nothing. She looked around the bed, in the sheets, on the pillows, on his dresser, under the bed (which was a pigsty, by the way) and couldn't find anything.
She came back out to yell at him about how it wasn't there but stopped in her tracks once she came into view of the living room. Tommy had gotten a giant stuffed bear with a necklace around the neck and in it's hands was a brand new guitar. He caught her gaze fixated on the guitar.
"You know, so we can play together and write songs once we get back in the studio after the holidays," he said, as Jude looked at him with wide eyes.
She dove at him the first chance she got, wrapping her arms around his neck. She kissed the top of his forehead and then let go to see her other gift. The two hadn't shared a kiss since the first night she had stayed at his house and for now, were on mutual friend territory. Neither of them wanted to ruin that because they enjoyed each other's company too much for it to be complicated with a relationship. It wasn't hard to not think about being together, though sometimes on lonely nights, the thought would cross one of their minds.
Jude examined the necklace in her hands. It was just a key around a chain. "Tommy, I don't understand," she stated. "I have a key?"
"No, you had my key. This one is yours to keep, for you and you alone," He motioned to it, "take a closer look."
In plain sight, her name had been engraved into the side and small music note crystals were etched into the features as well. Silently, she stroked the key, taking it in her hands and holding it up to the light. It glistened and sparkled. To some it may seem like just a key, but this was a key to her home.
Her new home.
Before she knew it, Jude was packing up all the Christmas things and bringing out the New Year's champagne. The two toasted on New Years, deciding to stay in and watch Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve, rather than head to G-Major's party on account of the past couple of weeks they both endured. They enjoyed this much better.
The two drank heaping amounts of alchohol unintentionally, thinking that the champangne Jude brought was just exceptionally good sparkling cider, and found each other staying up past the ball drop confessing their New Years resolutions and kissing briefly (and drunkenly) at the stroke of midnight. Jude had always wanted to go spend New Years in Time Square to watch the ball drop because it had always amazed her from when she was little until now. Tommy promised that he would take her to Time Square sometime. Little did he know, she intended to keep that promise.
Jude had three New Years resolutions. One was to focus more on song writing for herself than trying to write what the label wanted to hear. Two was to help Tommy decorate his own place and when the time came, to find her own place, though neither of them by now had any intention of looking in the ads for houses. And three, to finally be herself. To live without the constraints of anyone else and to be her own person.
Tommy's were, one, to produce the fastest selling album in the charts, two, to try and reconnect with his family so he can show them his new found cooking skills, and three, spend more time with the people he cares most about, unintentionally implying Jude.
Jude stood to get her new guitar when the two were finished confessing and play the first song of the New Year. First, she played Auld Land Syne, the official song of the New Year. Then she wanted to play the song that was most on her mind at the moment. She had heard it on the radio when she was shopping for Tommy's things and it had stuck with her since then. She couldn't get it out of her mind and finally she knew why.
As she started to think about the lyrics before she sung them, she knew that she would do anything for Tommy if he asked, and even if he didn't ask. If he just needed help, she would be there, like he was for her. They both knew that subconsciously, at the drop of a hat, the two would do anything for each other. Though they weren't going to die anytime soon, this song had meaning.
Jude picked up the pick and set the guitar on her lap. She on the floor in front of the TV with her back propped up with the couch. Tommy, still a little intoxicated, took a pillow and layed it on Jude's legs and rested his head. Smiling contently, he encouraged her to play.
"Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark"
She continued through the verses and the chorus that followed and stopped playing her guitar and quietly sang to a droopy eyed Tommy.
"You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
'cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark"
She quietly set her guitar down as she sang the last line and her eyes drifted off to a peaceful sleep.
"I'll follow you into the dark."
Teasers for the next chapter!
"This is your idea of fun!? You and I have very different definitions for the word "fun." Maybe you mixed this up with the word torture. Don't worry, I get those confused sometimes, too."
"Just shut up and keep walking, Harrison!"
"I got a message from my dad before Christmas, and I kinda forgot about it until now," she admitted sheepishly.
"What are you going to do about it?" he asked, his gaze wandering off.
"I have no idea," she stated sadly.
"You want to go to a gay bar?"
"What!?"
"That's not a no!"
Question time!
1. Does anyone even answer these? Ha ha.. just wondering, and thank you to everyone who does! :)
2. What did you get for Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, etc.?
3. New Years resolutions, anyone?
4. I was thinking, should Tommy's family play a part in this or no?
I wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who reviews my story. You guys are amazing. I loved reading each and every one of your reviews all the time to my friends and family and this time, I'm going to try to write everyone back! Hah! I hope you all are doing well.
xoxo
Emma! :)