Jyuushirou glanced over the budget he had just finished, rechecking the numbers in his head to make sure they added up. Yes, that seems right, he thought, signing it and setting it to the side before he stretched. Maybe he'd just take a break for some tea before he finished his paperwork. He was planning to catch up from his most recent bout of sickness by working late tonight, so tea would help him stay alert. Taking out one of his favorite blends from a canister he kept in his drawer, Jyuushirou went to put some water on to boil. Just as he was about to turn the heat on under the pot, he heard a knock on the door. "Yo, Mr. Handsome," Kyouraku said.
"Ah, hello, Kyouraku," said Jyuushirou, smiling at his friend to hide the worry. Kyouraku was lounging on the doorframe, trying to look carefree, but Jyuushirou could see the slight tightening of his jaw, the haunted look in his eyes. Without asking, he knew that Kyouraku had just come from visiting Nanao, and that he desperately needed to be distracted. "Care for some tea, old friend?"
"I was hoping for something a little stronger, actually," Kyouraku said, trying for a grin.
A bad visit, then, Jyuushirou thought. Glancing at his paperwork, he decided that the rest of it could wait. Kyouraku needed his company more than it did tonight...and gods knew Kyouraku had spent more than enough time tending to him over the years. "Yeah, I think I can afford to take the night off," Jyuushirou said, smiling impishly at his friend. "We'll just have to sneak by Kiyone and Sentaro."
"Ah, but sneaking around subordinates is my specialty," Kyouraku said lightly, though Jyuushirou could see the flash of pain and self-hatred in his eyes.
Jyuushirou sighed internally, but knew better than to comment on it. Instead, he motioned to the door, saying, "Lead on, oh wise master."
The two of them slipped out the door and over the rooftops of Thirteenth, dodging around Kiyone and Sentaro, who were heading back to headquarters with dinner for Jyuushirou, fighting about who was carrying more food for him. He and Kyouraku stifled snickers as they raced over the rooftops and away from the noisy Third Seats. By the time they were at the West Gate, Kyouraku was actually laughing a bit—real laughter, not fake laughter.
Jyuushirou made pleasant, inconsequential small talk as they walked to a little out-of-the way restaurant and bar. Underneath the surface, though, he was worried about Kyouraku. His friend tried to hide it, but what had happened to Nanao was tearing him apart. Jyuushirou hadn't even seen him this upset when Lisa was exiled. He knew Kyouraku was only sleeping the bare minimum he could get away with, and he'd lost weight. Not to mention the way his jokes sounded hollow and his eyes always had guilt and pain hovering in them. It worried him.
Kyouraku had been ecstatic when they found she'd respond to simple commands, thinking she was starting to get better. But then they realized she didn't really understand what they were saying. All their efforts to communicate were met with a blank stare. It had been over a month now since Nanao first woke up, and there hadn't been any real change. Unohana was worried, too—about both Kyouraku and Nanao. Jyuushirou was suddenly startled to realize that he and Kyouraku had arrived at the restaurant and had been standing at the door for several seconds. "Zoning out on me, Ukitake?" Kyouraku teased.
"Ah, but who wouldn't find your discourse on the relative benefits of the different pink haori you've owned to be utterly fascinating?" Jyuushirou answered.
Kyouraku laughed as he headed for a corner table and motioned to the waitress for the first round. "You're right, my friend. I wouldn't listen to me, either," he said.
The waitress smiled at them, blushing prettily, and brought dishes and a couple of bottles of sake. "Just…take it easy, all right, Kyouraku?" Jyuushirou said. "Have you eaten today?"
"Ah, but eating will make the sake take longer to take effect," said Kyouraku, forgoing the dish to take a deep drink straight from the bottle. "And I don't want that," he muttered.
Jyuushirou frowned and pulled the bottles away from him. "No more of this until you get something in your stomach. Honestly, you're going to ruin your liver."
"Yare, yare, you should know I have an iron liver. It's my zanpakuto's true power," he said, but he let Jyuushirou snatch the sake bottles away from him. He ordered them both some ramen, which he knew this restaurant could make quite well, although Kyouraku probably didn't care all that much right now. Still, he had no intention of letting his friend get smashed on a completely empty stomach.
"How's the budget coming?" he ventured.
Kyouraku put his hand on his forehead melodramatically. "So cruel, mentioning that when I don't even have sake in me yet!" he proclaimed. "Hey, do you think I could get out of it if I fell on my sword?"
"Nope. Sensei would still make you do it," Jyuushirou said unsympathetically, smiling at Kyouraku's antics.
"Alas! Such a cruel world! How do you do it?" he asked.
"Carefully," Jyuushirou said. Taking pity on his friend, he said, "Look, I finished mine today. I'll come over tomorrow or so and help you. But only this time!"
Kyouraku's overdramatic protestations of eternal friendship were cut short by the waitress coming with their ramen, so they tucked in instead. For a few minutes, they were quiet, except for slurping their noodles. "Ne, Ukitake…thanks," Kyouraku said quietly.
"It's no trouble," Jyuushirou said. He sat in silence with his old friend, until it grew uncomfortable, and Jyuushirou knew it was time to ask. "How is she?"
"Same," Kyouraku said, finishing his ramen. Wordlessly, Jyuushirou handed over the sake as he motioned for some more ramen for himself. Kyouraku poured himself some sake and gulped it down.
"I'm sorry," said Jyuushirou.
Kyouraku made a non-committal noise as he steadily started to get himself drunk as quickly and effectively as he could. Jyuushirou didn't push him, eating his second bowl of ramen quietly. Kyouraku didn't speak again until he was into the third round of sake. "We ate ramen the first time I ever took her out to dinner," he said. "It was after Lisa-chan left."
"I remember," Jyuushirou said quietly. She was still an unseated officer back then, and she looked like a tiny child, but even then, she could bully Kyouraku.
"I found her curled up on top of a stack of paperwork on the floor. She'd finished it all, and when I woke her up to put her to bed, her stomach growled. Of course, she tried to say she wasn't hungry at all, even though she hadn't eaten that day because she was doing my damn work, even at that age," Jyuushirou saw his friend clench his hands.
"And you came sweeping in, with her in tow and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner with you two," he continued, trying to divert Kyouraku from that train of thought.
"Well, I knew she wouldn't agree unless it was for a good cause, like getting you out of that dusty office," he said. "But she was so very proper when she ate, so careful not to splash. It was cute." Kyouraku smiled sadly. Jyuushirou nodded and Kyouraku continued, "See, that's what gets me." He took another deep drink. "She looks like her, but she doesn't act like herself. They made curry today for her dinner. She didn't even notice when it splattered."
Jyuushirou nodded again. There was nothing he could say. All he could do was to listen. Kyouraku lapsed into silence for longer this time, drinking steadily without comment for well over an hour. The other patrons slowly filtered out. Jyuushirou drank a bit of sake, but then just ordered tea for himself. One of them should stay sober enough to get home, at least. "Her eyes, too. Hate those eyes," Kyouraku slurred.
"Hm?" Jyuushirou said.
"Her eyes," Kyouraku explained. "Supposed to be expressive. Can't hide 'em behind her glasses, you know? Flash when she's mad and twinkle when she thinks something's funny. Even if she's trying to be tough, can always tell. Can't tell now. Nothing in her eyes."
"I know," said Jyuushirou. It was painful to see her like that for him, as well. She'd always been such a determined young woman. To see her lifeless and lethargic like that...it was difficult. He considered her a dear friend, too. "It doesn't seem fair." The words tasted hollow in his mouth.
"No, 's not fair. Not fair that she's done so much of my work over the years. Not fair that she's worked and worked and worked, and barely asked for anything. Never asked for a raise, you know. Given her one a few times. But she never asks. 'Most never asks for time off, either. Only asks for one thing, one damn thing. Asks me to do my paperwork. And I just couldn't be bothered," Kyouraku said disgustedly.
Jyuushirou sighed internally. On one hand, it was hard to argue that Kyouraku should probably have been more diligent about doing his paperwork. On the other hand, he really did care about his subordinates and tried to protect them when he could.
Kyouraku continued, "'S in the hospital because of me. Because I left stuff she shouldn't have even seen to her. And because that bastard knew she's a good person, takes care of me even when I don't deserve it." He closed his eyes for a moment, and then stared into his dish. "'M scared for her. Scared he broke her spirit. Scared she's gone, that 'm never going to see her smile again."
They were silent again for a while. Jyuushirou was scared of the same thing, truth to be told, but he kept it to himself. Sake bottles were littering the table now, and Kyouraku was reaching the point where he'd be too drunk to drag home. He'd been staring into that particular bowl of sake for several minutes now. Jyuushirou got up, sighed, and signaled for their bill. "Come on, old friend. It's time to go home," he said.
"Can't get through to her, Jyuu," he mumbled. "Doesn't hear me. Doesn't see me. Doesn't feel me. What the hell he do to her that scared her so bad that she won't come out, even after a month?"
Jyuushirou shook his head silently. He didn't know what to say. How he wished there was something, anything he could say or do which would help either one of them. He fished out Kyouraku's purse and paid for the sake, then paid for their meals, before putting his shoulders under Kyouraku's arm to help him outside.
Kyouraku continued to talk as they went out the door. "Oh, I know what he did," he said. "Hurt her until she couldn't take it anymore and made her watch hellish images 'til she couldn't think straight. An' gods know what else he might have done to her...and instead of giving in, instead of telling him what he wanted to know like I or almost any other person would have, she kept telling him no until he destroyed her mind." He laughed bitterly. "Picked her because she was an easy target. That was my fault, of course. But he also managed to pick one of the few people who was strong and stubborn enough to refuse him. Stupid bastard." He stumbled a bit.
"Don't speak as if she's gone," Jyuushirou said sharply, pulling Kyouraku back up. "Don't you give up hope on her."
Kyouraku was silent for a moment, just standing still. Jyuushirou could see a few tears running down his friend's face. "Not giving up on her, Ukitake," he said in a low voice. "I can't. I...I love her. Not just for her looks or whatever or because she's fun to be around. She's kind and strong and loyal. I care about her. Could spend the rest of my life with her."
Jyuushirou knew that whatever his weaknesses, whatever his failings, when Kyouraku decided he actually wanted to commit to something, it was impossible to change his mind. They're more alike than either of them knows, he thought. Aloud, he said, "I know, my friend. Maybe you still can. Have faith in her, Kyouraku. She may still pull through."
"Suppose so. Don't really deserve her," he admitted. "Be happy just to see her okay again."
"Then trust her to find her way back. You know how stubborn she can be. If she can, she'll come back," Jyuushirou said.
They walked (stumbled, in Kyouraku's case) back towards the Seireitei. They'd used flash-step on the way out, but with Kyouraku as drunk as he was, they'd have to walk back the old-fashioned way. "Never told you about when we almost lost her," he said.
"What, you mean the energy transfer you pulled that Sempai was positively livid about?" Jyuushirou chuckled a bit. "The look on her face would have scared Sensei. You're lucky you were asleep while she was really mad."
"Yeah, that," he said. "Went into her inner landscape to do it. Wasn't any other way. I felt her...heard her, sort of." He shook his head. "She was so scared and tired. Maybe...maybe I should have let her go."
Jyuushirou frowned and looked at Kyouraku. Without warning, he hauled off and punched his friend in the face. "Ow..." Kyouraku said, rubbing his chin and looking up at Ukitake with an injured expression.
"Don't you ever say something like that again! She went through hell to survive what she did, and so I don't ever want to hear you say it might have been better if she'd died!" he shouted, his voice echoing in the empty field. "Do you think this is what she'd have wanted? For you to wallow in self-pity and guilt?"
Kyouraku was silent for a few moments, but Jyuushirou could see he was at least thinking it over. Then, he chuckled ruefully. "You hit hard, old friend," he said.
"You have a hard skull, old friend," Jyuushirou said. He could feel the bruises forming on his knuckles already.
"Fair trade I s'pose," Kyouraku said, getting unsteadily to his feet. "Nanao-chan always thought hitting me was the best way to make me behave." But Jyuushirou was relieved that he sounded a little more cheerful now.
"I would not presume to question Ise-san's experience in these matters," Jyuushirou said primly, but with a grin. And then they were both laughing and it was all right again. Or if not all right, than at least better than it was before.