III
« Stand still. »
She feared it failed. His skin was so hot under her fingers. She wanted the fever to go away. She wanted his pain to vanish. Power flooded through her veins and out of her hands to melt into his body. She mended the bruises and the sore muscles. He groaned when the broken bones snapped back into place. Magic dissolved slowly, and her fingers on him were steady again, cool and comforting. His eyes went back to their usual blue. Arthur whispered her name.
He knew now. He knew she was a witch, one to despise and hunt. She turned her head, tried to pull away. To see disgust and grief on his face was more than she could handle.
« Morgana, look at me. »
Arthur was forcing her to face him; his hand was holding her firmly to face him. Tears threatened to run free. She escaped, avoiding his gaze. She hated to be scared. She hated herself for deceiving him so much. She was shaking.
« I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… She had promised not to hurt you… Never to hurt you… I'm sorry, please don't hate me…
-- Oh, well, what would be like without a few broken ribs now and then? »
She couldn't help but smiled. His voice had his usual mocking tone. She relaxed slightly. He was probably masking anger under teasing, to take her of guard.
« So I take it Lancelot didn't get here first for once? »
She laughed. God help her, she laughed, finally allowing her gaze to meet his. He looked surprised, a bit uneasy. Soon he will realize. The spirit his jokes had raised started to fade away. She didn't want to deceive him again. Ever. She was misunderstanding his concern.
« I'll kill her… I'll find a way for us to escape… »
Morgana pushed him away.
« I can not leave.
-- Of course you do.
-- No, you don't understand! If I leave, I'll die. »
*
She left him to rest. Morgause was waiting for her in the library. The blond witch was smiling, but her grin was cold and bitter.
« Your precious little prince is fine, I take it?
-- Not thanks to you.
-- Ah Morgana… You're disappointing me… He will never accept who you are… You're a treat for his power… Don't you see?
-- I see that you lied and broke your promises not to hurt him.
-- I will spare your feelings and let him go, unharmed. But you will remain.
-- I don't really have a choice, do I?
-- Little sister, you're free here…
-- Free? I'll never be free! »
Despair filled her voice. Morgause caressed her head, but Morgana jerked back. « Let's go. »
She hated this stiff staircase, leading deep into the ground. She hated the long descent to the cavern carved into the rock. She hated the dim light of the torches along the ancient walls. She hated the gold circles in the middle of the room, and its bottomless hole. She hated to take off her clothes, to walk to that hole. But she undressed and climbed the three steps and let the magic fire engulfed her. The flames turned blue and green and black and blue and green again, until her poisoned blood was cleaned and the fire retrieved her golden taint.
*
Morgana woke up screaming. She could still feel the unbearable sensation of her blood boiling in her veins. The air around her was heavy. She could almost smell the sour taste of ozone. Shivering, she rolled into a ball, hiding her face into her knees, clutching her arms around her. She was scared. If only Gwen had stayed, she would have been here to comfort her. Morgana saw the flames again, those burning flames licking her body, worming into her mouth, her nose, through her skin to eat her alive. A scream nearly escaped her again, muffled into her pillow, turning into incontrollable sobs.
The door burst open, and Uther got in, sword in hand, followed by Arthur. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her, completely at bay with her obvious despair. Arthur looked as his father lost ground, and settled to just caress her head, then left. Morgana tried to sober, pressing her hands over her mouth. But her gesture only freed her tears. Arthur sat near her, gently stroking her hair, while hysteric little sobs chattered her.
« You're alright… We all are… Calm down…
-- I can't… I can't…
-- Sh… »
She gripped his shoulder until her knuckles whiten. Arthur brought her to him, and he closed his arms around her. He held tight until the erratic pulse slowed down, and breath steadied. She relaxed a little when the horrible memory dwindled. Arthur helped her back into her bed.
« Do you want me to stay? »
She just nodded, and settled onto him again. After a while, when she trusted her voice not to break, she tried to explain. Arthur frowned.
« You dreamed my dream? How?
-- I don't know. –Her voice high-pitched and she breathed slowly before going on. - All you said, about the healing… I did it. And then she was there, a blond witch. She…»
Her voice broke again. Arthur tightened his embrace.
« It's okay, you're safe here. Go on.
-- She guided me to a sort of cavern, and I… I walked into that horrible fire. I had to walk into it… »
Morgana started crying again, clutching to his shirt. Arthur had never seen her that frightened. Her terror was getting to him, too.
« Morgana, stop that. »
He regretted the edge in his voice. The command tone calmed her at once. He gently dried the last tears, and stood up. She looked at his walking to the door.
« Merlin! »
A familiar and very concerned face appeared.
« Go fetch some wine. »
The alcohol helped settling her nerves completely. The thoughtful magician had also brought her favourite sweet-bread from the kitchens. She was not hungry, but she accepted the food to please her friend, and satisfied Arthur, who was walking her like a hawk. She was tired. With a smile, she dismissed Merlin. Arthur settled him on her band, and offered his hand.
« Is this to become a habit? »
To her satisfaction, the annoyance in her voice masked her need to have him there. She took his hand nonetheless. He just grinned.
« At least, this time we don't have to fear Merlin interruption in the morning.
-- Not Merlin. Gwen. »
The name stopped him as he was reaching to hold her. Arthur lied on his back. He wasn't smiling anymore. Morgana felt bad for her retort. He was gloomy. She wanted to rest her head on his shoulder. She didn't.
« Arthur, if you prefer to go, it's fine. I'm fine.
-- I'm not leaving you alone.
-- But what she…
-- I'm staying, Morgana. »
He had that sharp commanding tone he used with his knights (and with Merlin) again. She was too exhausted to argue. She wanted to lay next to him. She just closed her eyes. They stayed silent for a while, before she asked.
« Are you in love with her? »
The curtains canopy above his head had his whole attention. But Morgana was waiting for an answer.
« I want to be the man she sees in me. I'm a Prince in her eyes. » There. Uncompromising.
« You are a Prince, Arthur.
-- You know what I mean. A nice guy. Honest. Brave.
-- You're forgetting good-looking.
-- I am good-looking.
-- Stop flashing yourself. So you're in love with her? »
She never was one to forget a question without an answer. He finally turned his head to hold her stare:
« Why are you asking?
-- You didn't answer the first time. You just babbled about her fantasies. So, are you?
-- She fancies Lancelot.
-- Arthur…
-- Don't say anything. Please… »
Morgana shut up. The hurt in his voice angered her a little. That stupid maid of her didn't know what a fine heart she was ignoring. She hugged him. Arthur slipped his arms around her, and let her leaned comfortably on him.
« Don't you want to be love for who you are, Arthur? Instead of who you may become? »
He chose not to answer. Of course, she would not give it a rest.
« You can be rude, and reckless and deeply annoying, but you're a good man; you care.
-- You forgot to say I'm good-looking. »
She smiled and stretched to kiss his cheek. « I didn't. » He smiled back and relaxed, holding her.
« Since when are you that nice to me?
-- I always am. Usually, you're just to numb to appreciate it. »
He laughed and kissed the top of her head.
« See? This Morgana I know… Anyway, I begin to suspect you're nice just because you like sharing my bed.
-- First, this is my bed, and second, modesty is certainly not on the list of your not so numerous qualities. »
She knew she was blushing. Morgana was grateful he stayed quiet. She closed her eyes again, and soon fell asleep.