Guten tag, everyone! xD
I'm thinking of taking them to Konoha next chapter. So can you guys help me out a bit?
Think of some really weird crack pairings, or whatever else you want, and I'll try to put it in the story. If you have any suggestions or just some crazy ideas for the Akatsuki members, just inform me in your review.
And I am truly grateful to the awesome people who reviewed in the last chapter:
RileyKiller, Hisana Kuchiki, poopontoast123, Eat, keanadee, SweetStealer, xXUrbanRegalityXx, TheHumanBlankie, reanalee, violet.fox224, Ocean-Eyed Wolf, xcgirl08.
You guys make my day. Seriously. :)
I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!
Thursday
"WAKE UP MOTHAFUCKA'S! TODAY'S A NEW DAY FOR US NIGGS, FO'SHO!" the irritating wake-up call boomed loudly, echoing throughout the halls of the Akatsuki hide-out.
Itachi sighed tiredly as he woke up.
He glanced at the clock, trying to see what time it was. He failed.
He reached over to pluck his thick, stylish, black rectangle-rimmed glasses off his bedside table.
He looked at the clock again.
It read '3:30' in blinking red numbers.
3:30 A.M.
Yes, Uchiha Itachi woke up at three thirty in the morning. Well, he usually woke up at four o' clock, but he was doing something extra special today.
Do you know what he was about to do?
He was going to binge and then purge it all back up.
Yes, Uchiha Itachi was bulimic. Let us laugh at his weight problems like bullies.
HAHAHAHAHAHA ITACHI'S FAT! LAWL!!!
Oops- I mean:
Poor Itachi…
I've been waiting for this for such a long time, he thought to himself, relieved that the time had finally come.
He tip-toed to the kitchen, making sure the no one was around, and grabbed some stuff from the refrigerator: some pints of ice cream, a gallon of milk, a box of chocolate chip cookies, a bar of dark chocolate with almonds in them, a butt load of bread, and a container of peanut butter.
Then, he grabbed the leftover turkey that the leader ate last night for dinner, several slices of chocolate cake, a couple boxes of Oreos, and a can of Coke- the soda beverage, not cocaine.
Wow, what a pig!
He laid everything all out on the table. He looked at the clock. It was 3:50 A.M.
He had to eat everything in less than ten minutes if he wanted to get it all back out.
"Here I go," he murmured to himself, sighing.
He grabbed the turkey first, shoving the greasy strips of meat into his mouth quickly, chugging it all down with a gulp of milk.
Then, he quickly made some peanut butter sandwiches and swallowed them down in record time. He took another sip of milk, hoping to get rid of the sticky feeling in his mouth.
He attacked the cookies and Oreos next, grasping them like they were his prey, and also shoved them down his mouth like the Apocalypse was coming. He chugged the glass of milk down, and had to move onto the soda. Even though he was feeling quite full, he continued eating.
He scooped some of the ice cream out of the pint and gulped them down greedily. He could feel a brain freeze coming. He hastily guzzled some soda down and snatched the slices of the chocolate cake with his bare hands. What an animal!
And he ate like an animal, too. He literally filled his entire mouth with the chocolate-y goodness, swallowing the pieces whole. He was done.
He glanced at the clock. It was now 4 A.M.
"Shit," he swore, hoping that it wasn't too late to purge.
He sprinted to the bathroom hastily, flicked the light switch on, slammed the door shut, and jumped to the toilet, kneeling in front it. He positioned his face toward the hole, stuck two fingers down his throat, gagged a bit, and vomited.
Oh my.
He did that over and over again, sticking his fingers back down in his throat until…
The door opened.
Hidan and Zetsu stared at him in shock, observing his vomit-covered fingers, the vomit-covered toilet, and him kneeling over it like he was sick.
Itachi spoke first: "This isn't what you think it is."
Hidan's face twitched slightly. "What the fuck are you doing, Itachi?"
"You're bulimic," Zetsu stated slowly, frozen in place.
Itachi looked at his puke-covered fingers and remembered the incredible amount of food he had just eaten not too long ago. He still had to get the rest of it out.
"You better not tell anyone," he warned angrily.
"Okay," Hidan shrugged carelessly, yawning and walking back to his room.
Zetsu took one last look at the vomit-covered Uchiha and sighed sadly. He padded back to his room slowly.
Not wasting another second, Itachi continued puking his guts out.
"I want to be skinny!" he roared while throwing up.
Kisame and Sasori, who were light sleepers, heard the noise and went outside to check if anything was wrong.
They saw Itachi throwing up. Now finished, the Uchiha stood up wiping his mouth, and spat into the toilet, getting rid of the last glob of half-digested food.
"Holy shit," Sasori frowned.
"Sweet mother of bananas," Kisame gaped, gasping.
Itachi noticed them and calmly said, "If you two do not get out of my sight, I will stick a rusty fork in your eyeballs and twist them without hesitation."
Kisame, knowing that he would actually go through with his threat, fled the disturbing scene.
Sasori stayed.
"Aren't you going to leave?" Itachi asked coldly.
He shook his head. "I love watching people throw up. It's the shit, man. I hope you're not finished already."
Itachi looked at him oddly and shrugged. "Suit yourself."
"I'll help clean up," Sasori offered kindly.
What the fudge?
"Uh, okay…" Itachi said, raising an eyebrow.
The two Akatsuki members got down on their knees and ripped some toilet paper off the roll and wiped the puke-covered floor. When they were finished, they threw the dirtied paper into the trash and washed their hands carefully with soap.
They both glimpsed at the clock. It was now 5 A.M.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going back to bed," Sasori stated, flicking the light switch off.
"Yea, I think I'll go back too. You wouldn't believe how exhausting vomiting can be," Itachi informed him calmly.
Sasori gave him a knowing look and smiled. "Oh, I know."
Itachi frowned and questioned, "How?"
"I got sick a lot when I was a kid; threw up every other day, almost," he explained.
"Sucks for you," the Uchiha smirked, walking back to his room.
"Did he just smirk…?" Sasori muttered inquiringly to himself, raising an eyebrow.
What the gay raisin? Was Itachi trying to be like Sasuke or something?
He jogged back to his room, eager to jump back into his warm, comfy bed. He did that, and fell asleep soon after.
Sasori woke up and looked around. Peeking hastily at the clock, he saw that it was 2 P.M.
"Holy shit," he swore aloud, jumping out of the bed and running out of his room.
The Akatsuki hideout was empty.
Where did everyone go? He thought to himself curiously.
Something flashed by in front of his face.
Holy shit, what was that??
"Ooh, look at me! I'm zooming!" he heard someone shout loudly. He looked up and saw a younger version of Itachi flying.
Wait a minute… that wasn't Itachi!
"Who are you?" Sasori asked loudly, trying to catch the boy's attention.
The flying boy looked down at him and announced, "My name is Uchiha Sasuke and I am going to be the next Pokemon master! Believe it!"
"Oh God, not the 'believe it' thing!" Sasori cried in horror.
"What's wrong with believing it?" Sasuke questioned, baffled.
"The American version of 'Dattebayo' has totally raped the authentic Japanese one!" Sasori yelled, scowling like a little boy.
"Raping is cool. Believe it," the little Uchiha smirked.
"Shit," the puppeteer cursed, backing away. "You're going to rape me, aren't you?"
"You better believe I will," Sasuke cackled, swooping down to grab Sasori.
"Holy jama llama!" he screamed shrilly, attempting to run away.
"Come back here, sweet mama," the Uchiha crowed, winking flirtatiously.
Sasuke clutched the back of Sasori's shirt and pinned him down.
"Oh no, I'm getting raped again!" Sasori bellowed angrily, fed up with the author's fan girl-ness. "Author, get your own friggin' boy-toy!"
"Never!!! Behold the power of Out-Of-Character-ness!" AkatsukiAddict roared ferociously.
"Get out of here and write the damn story!" Sasuke yelled at her.
"Damn. Okay," the narrator sighed sadly, backing out of the room and disappearing into thin air.
"Now, time to initiate the raping!" Sasuke laughed evilly.
"Damn son, how old are you?" Sasori inquired, trying to escape from the younger Uchiha's grasp.
"Twelve. But I'm Emo, so I can do whatever the fuck I want," he grinned, chuckling.
"So I'm about to get molested by a twelve year-old?" he thought aloud, raising his eyebrows.
"Yep," Orochimaru stated, popping out of nowhere.
"I wonder when that day will come," Sasori pondered randomly.
"What day?" Sasuke asked, baffled.
"The day when Orochimaru or you won't rape me in my sleep," he replied calmly.
"That day will come when I become straight," Orochimaru sighed, looking up at the ceiling sullenly.
"You're gay?" Sasori asked, surprised.
"Wow, you just figured that out?" Sasuke asked, raising his eyebrow.
Sasori didn't reply. At this point in the struggle, Sasuke's grip on him loosened, so he wormed his way out from under the pre-teenager and miraculously escaped.
"Thank you, Lord!" Sasori praised, turning into a Christian like Itachi.
"Oh, the power of the Lord repels me!" Orochimaru cried, a mysterious light appearing and blinding his eyes. He screeched like a girl before he evaporated into the air.
"Shit," Sasuke frowned, looking at Sasori oddly. "You're weird."
"And you're Emo," Sasori stated, sticking out his tongue like an immature infant.
"Oh, the OOC-ness!" he cried, also vanishing into the air like water vapor.
Impulsively, Sasori woke up, panting with fear and shock.
"Crap, another Sasuke-Orochimaru dream," he sighed, rubbing his temples.
Then he went back to sleep.
Let's go see what Itachi's doing!
Unable to fall back to sleep, the Uchiha sat up on his bed and got out, trying to find something to do before the others woke up.
"Maybe I should weigh myself," he thought aloud, walking over to the scale in the corner of his room.
Stepping on it gingerly, he winced and closed his eyes.
Summoning up the courage to find out what his weight was, he slowly opened them and peered down at the numbers below.
It read '125'.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Itachi bellowed, placing his hands on his cheeks and stretching them down so that he looked like the monster in the movie, Scream.
Suddenly, Deidara burst in and shouted crossly, "Keep the fucking noise down, Itachi! Some of us are trying to sleep at five o' clock in the fucking morning, thank you very much, yea!"
Then, the blonde man understood what the Uchiha was doing.
He was weighing himself.
At five o'clock.
In the morning.
"So how much do you weigh, yea?" Deidara inquired curiously.
Itachi sighed resentfully and replied in a quiet voice as if he was ashamed, "One hundred and twenty five pounds."
"What the schnitzel? Damn, how'd you get that skinny, yea?" he questioned, raising his eyebrows in shock.
The 'fat' Uchiha raised his eyebrow. "Isn't that a lot for someone like me?"
Deidara looked at him pointedly and spat, "Oh yea? Well, I weigh one hundred and thirty five pounds, so are you saying I'm fat, yea?"
"Kakashi weighs one hundred and forty," Kakuzu stated, suddenly popping in.
"What the fuck Kakuzu?" Hidan asked, sticking his head in from behind.
"What are all of you guys doing in my room?" Itachi inquired coldly, glaring at them angrily.
"Wow, Kakashi only weighs a hundred and forty?" Kisame gaped, suddenly joining the others.
"He's like, six fucking feet tall, too," Zetsu sighed, walking in the room, yawning.
"How much do you guys weigh, yea?" Deidara inquired.
"Why don't we just go around in a circle or something?" Sasori suggested, stumbling in sleepily.
"Can Tobi join, too?" Tobi chirped, skipping in happily.
"Sure, go ahead," Zetsu shrugged lazily.
"Tobi weighs a hundred and fifty!" he announced, completely satisfied with his weight unlike the others.
"Dammit, I weigh a hundred and fifty-eight," Kisame growled, poking his stomach.
"I weigh a hundred and fifty-five. Kisame, it's because of muscle, so don't worry about it," Kakuzu sighed tiredly, not caring much about his weight either.
"A hundred and thirty-five," Deidara repeated since the others didn't hear.
"A hundred and forty," Zetsu stated.
"I weigh a hundred and twenty-five," Itachi informed them monotonously.
"Damn, Itachi. I weigh a hundred and thirty," Hidan swore, frustrated.
"I weigh a hundred and five…" Sasori said quietly.
Everyone looked at him, their eyes full of jealously and shock.
"What?" Hidan seethed, glaring at him angrily.
"What?' Sasori asked, confused.
"Shit, I'm a fucking truck compared to you!" Kisame shouted, suddenly pounding his fists on the wall.
"I'm fat," Zetsu whimpered, starting to cry.
"I'm not exactly skinny either, guys," Sasori shrugged carelessly, not knowing what the big deal was about.
Itachi just looked at him oddly, frozen in place.
Deidara exited the room, stomping loudly.
Hidan spoke some colorful words irately and ran out the door.
Kisame and Kakuzu just shook their heads sadly and muttered, "I wish I weighed that much…" Then, they quietly left, retreating to their own dorms to cry like little girls.
"I think we all need to go on a diet," Deidara murmured, shaking his head and going out the door.
"Sasori…" Itachi started to say.
Sasori looked at him. "What?"
"I hate you."
"Okay," the red-head shrugged, walking out slowly.
Itachi pouted like a little boy and then sighed sadly. Then, he closed the door so he could change and wash up in peace.
Entering the bathroom, he switched the light on and brushed his teeth slowly. Then, he splashed his face and gingerly patted it dry with a small towel.
Looking at himself in the mirror, he grabbed his ponytail and looked at it.
"Maybe it's time for a haircut," he muttered, opening the drawer and taking out a pair of scissors.
He walked over to the trash can and hacked the whole thing off!
No, just kidding. Hehehe...
He merely trimmed a few inches off so that it went just a little past his shoulders.
I'll get a real haircut when I have time, he thought to himself, blowing the excess strands of hair that clung to the scissors off.
After applying a little bit of lotion and sun block to his face carefully, he washed his hands with soap and dried them off on his shirt.
Heading back into his room, he reached into his closet and pulled out a black T-shirt and a pair of black Capri's. Quickly, changing into them, he slipped on ankle-length socks and stepped into a pair of black Converses.
Wow, black Converses!
Hmm… they look nice. It's a good thing I bought them in New York while I was there, Itachi smiled gently, satisfied.
He picked up a lip ring off his desk and slipped it in.
It's a good thing I got my lip pierced while I was there, too.
Geez, Itachi...what other things did you do while you were in New York?
Well, on the bright side, Itachi looks like a smexy Goth boy.
The bad thing is- he doesn't have any tattoos on his arms, so it feels like there's something missing.
Tattoos…I forgot tattoos, Itachi sighed, peering down at his clean, blank arms. Oh well, I'll just get some done today in Suna or Konoha.
He went to the G.F.H. and jumped up onto his platform, where the others were.
He noticed that everyone was glaring at Sasori.
"What happened?" the Uchiha asked aloud.
"Thin bitch," Kisame spat at Sasori, creasing his eyebrows angrily.
Sasori sighed. "Are you mad at me, too, Itachi?"
Itachi shook his head. "No."
"Why the hell not?" Zetsu questioned, raising his eyebrow.
"It doesn't matter," the Uchiha shrugged.
Hidan looked at him strangely. "But you're the one who's bulimic…"
Itachi glared at him and commanded sternly, "Shut up Hidan."
"What's the reason, Itachi? Why aren't you mad at him like we are?" Kisame hissed meanly.
Itachi laughed like a maniac, his Sharingan flashing on. "Because someday, I will be skinnier than he is," he replied, suddenly calm again, his eyes back to a normal black color.
"Why is he skinnier than I am? It's not fair!" Kisame whined, crossing his arms.
"It's because you're blue," Kakuzu smirked.
"Geez, Kakuzu. You're so damn racist," Hidan chuckled softly.
"Racism rules," Kakuzu stated calmly.
"Well, you guys suck. None of you guys are fat, so stop acting like immature little brats and shut the fuck up," Sasori told the others, sticking his tongue out at Kisame. Something glistened on his tongue.
"Whoa Sasori- what's that on your tongue, yea?" Deidara asked, leaning forward to try and get a better look.
"I got a tongue ring," Sasori boasted, suddenly in a good mood now since someone noticed it.
"Wicked," Zetsu breathed, suddenly feeling even more jealous. "I've always wanted one of those."
"Itachi, did you get a lip ring?" Hidan asked, just now noticing it.
The Uchiha nodded.
"No fair!" Zetsu cried, pouting.
"You can get any kind of piercing in Suna, you know, yea," Deidara informed him, shrugging.
"What about down there?" Itachi thought aloud accidentally.
Everyone stared at him.
"Please tell you did not just say that," Zetsu said, his eyes widening.
"Fucking pervert," Hidan muttered, rolling his eyes.
"Fudging pervert, Hidan," Sasori corrected him, sighing tiredly.
"But-"Hidan started to say.
"No buts!" Sasori yelled at him as if he was a little kid.
Hidan pouted.
"Great. First, it was the eyebrow-raising. Now it's pouting?" Kakuzu questioned aloud, exasperated.
"What's up with you, Kakuzu?" Hidan asked, raising his eyebrow.
Kakuzu opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Jay-Z, who suddenly appeared out of thin air.
"Dawgs, homies- wattap?" Jay-Z asked, smiling widely, showing off his diamond-encrusted grills.
"When are we going to Suna?" Zetsu asked, very eager to get some facial ornamentation.
"Now, of course! Holla!" the leader exclaimed, whooping and jumping out the lair.
Everyone followed him, jumping from tree to tree quickly.
Five hours later:
Everyone was starting to slow down.
"Hurry up, fools! You guys are damn slow," Jay-Z said, hopping quickly and efficiently.
"Damn, how the fudge do you jump so fast?" Hidan asked, starting to feel a little tired.
"It's 'cuz I'm black, fo' sho'!" he replied, smirking.
"Hey, we're there!" Sasori exclaimed, halting to a stop in front of a large gate.
A couple of ANBU were there, staring at them. After all, none of them had the Akatsuki cloaks on. All of them were wearing black T-shirts for some reason, and had some bracelets on their wrists, accessorizing the outfit very nicely.
"They're fashionable," one of the ANBU whispered to his comrade.
Zetsu looked down at his black Converses, thanking Itachi silently for buying them. He had given the Uchiha some money in New York so that he could get a pair of shoes for him. He had no idea Itachi was so fashionable until he received a pair of black Converses. He fell in love with them at first sight.
"We're allies of the Sand. Suna, represent!" Jay-Z bellowed loudly, making a peace sign with his hand.
The ANBU nodded, satisfied, and let them in.
That sure was easy, Itachi thought, raising his eyebrows.
When everyone walked in, the gate slammed behind them, startling Hidan and Zetsu.
"Damn, that scared the shit outta me," Hidan growled angrily.
"Same," Zetsu frowned, now in a bad mood.
"Suck it up and be a man, ya' get me?" Jay-Z grinned, shrugging. "Anyways, everyone, go explore. Sasori, Deidara- I need to talk wit' y'all."
Confused, the two men walked up to him.
"What's wrong?" Sasori inquired.
"Rememba' when y'all kidnapped the Kazekage?" the leader asked.
"Yea," Deidara nodded.
"Go apologize to him."
"What? Why?" Sasori asked, horrified.
"Because the Akatsuki's rep right now ain't so good, ya' know?" Jay-Z explained, crossing his arms.
"That's true, yea," Deidara agreed calmly.
"That's why I'm tryin' to improve it," Jay-Z said.
"Fine, I'll go apologize…even though you're the one who told me to kidnap him in the first place," Sasori stated, frowning.
"See you later, yea," Deidara smiled, waving at the leader before he and Sasori took off, whizzing from rooftop to rooftop.
Zetsu flinched slightly as the needle went through.
"Damn, it hurts," he hissed, tensing up.
"Are you sure you want to get four all in one day?" the man asked, raising his eyebrow.
"Yea, I'm sure. At least we're almost done," Zetsu said.
"Here I go. Brace yourself," he warned him after clamping his tongue so that he could pierce it easily.
Zetsu felt a sharp stab on his tongue and felt a few tears slide out.
"Agh," he groaned, unable to form actual words now. His tongue was starting to swell up.
"It'll be over soon," the man informed him soothingly, sticking the backing of the tongue ring on firmly.
A teenage girl came over and sighed. "I can't believe you got two eyebrow rings, a lip ring, and a tongue ring all in one day. It's going to be hell for you for the next couple of weeks."
"Ahh weh," Zetsu said incomprehensibly.
"Well, you're free to go now," the man said, clicking off the overhead light.
Zetsu closed his mouth gently, and stepped off the chair. "Ank ooh!"
"You're welcome," the man smiled, somehow able to understand what he had said.
Zetsu was joyful and content. After all, he had received four, brand new piercings today.
Sasori suddenly halted in front of an old house.
"Go on ahead without me," he told Deidara calmly.
"Why?" the blonde asked.
"I need to do something first," he explained.
Deidara shrugged, and disappeared, going to the Kazekage's place.
Sasori strolled down the walkway to his house and knocked on the front door, looking for his grandma.
"Grandma!" he yelled, banging on the door impatiently.
The door opened, but it wasn't his grandma who answered.
"Who are you?" Temari asked curiously.
"Who are you and what are you doing in my grandma's house?" Sasori questioned back.
"Your grandma? You mean Chiyo?" Kankuro inquired, raising an eyebrow.
Sasori nodded.
"Wait…if your grandma was Chiyo, then you must be…" Temari trailed off, her eyes widening. "No way."
"Hello," Sasori greeted, smiling nicely.
"Shit," Kankuro swore, backing away slowly.
"I'm not going to hurt you guys," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "I just came to visit my grandma, for old time's sake."
"You tried to kill her, from what I heard," Temari huffed, crossing her arms.
Sasori paused and creased his eyebrows. That was true.
"I've changed," he pleaded.
Kankuro shrugged. "We don't know that for sure. You're going to have to come with us." He grabbed Sasori's arms tightly and pulled them back roughly, tying them together securely with a piece of rope.
"What the hell?" Sasori asked, trying to escape from Kankuro's firm grip.
"You're an S-Class criminal, and a current member of the Akatsuki. We can't let you escape," Temari informed him sternly. "Let's go, Kankuro."
And so the two Sand siblings dragged poor Sasori to the Suna Council, where Gaara was.
Itachi inhaled sharply, the top-left part of his chest and other places of his body burning with pain.
"Baby, it'll be okay; just one more place to go," the woman said soothingly.
Itachi was getting a tattoo.
Well, tattoos, more like, since he was getting more than one.
The top-left part of his chest, his left hipbone, his upper-right arm, his left wrist bone, and his left ankle were being tattooed.
"You sure you don't want a tattoo on your cheek or somethin'?" a man inquired, gently sticking a bandage on his arm.
"Should I?" Itachi asked, suddenly unsure. It seemed like a good idea.
"It's your body," the woman shrugged, cracking her gum loudly.
Itachi frowned, ignoring the current pain on his hipbone. Maybe he should get a number on his left cheek- maybe a seven.
"Can I get a medium-sized seven on my left cheek?" Itachi asked tentatively. After all, it was his face. Everyone would see it.
"Sure honey. Whatever you want," the woman shrugged again carelessly.
Itachi closed his eyes and felt the woman place the needle on his cheek. Feeling sharp waves of pain, he gritted his teeth and tensed up.
Find a happy place, find a happy place, he cogitated, creasing his eyebrows from the pain.
A few minutes later, the man and woman announced, "You're done!"
Itachi took a deep breath and sat up, wincing. He stood up and looked in the mirror. He had a bandage on his cheek, his arm, his wrist, his hip, his ankle, and his chest.
Man, I look like I got beat up on the street or something, he thought, raising his eyebrows. Nonetheless, he was happy.
The tattoos on his body looked like this:
Left cheek- a number seven outlined in black.
Top-left part of chest- 'Jesus Christ is my Saviour', in thick, black italic letters.
Left hip-bone- a small fancy-looking cross.
Upper-right arm- a thick, curved cross.
Left wrist-bone- a thin cross outlined in black.
Left ankle- 'God is Love', in thick, blocky letters.
Six tattoos in one day.
Man, Uchiha Itachi was a very devoted Christian.
"Time to go get a tongue ring," Itachi sighed, pulling on his black T-shirt.
He handed a wad of money to the man and left the parlor, walking into a piercing shop that was right next door.
"What'll it be?" a teenage woman asked, smiling in a very friendly way.
Itachi pondered for a moment, wondering if he should get more than a tongue ring.
Grinning, he replied, "A tongue ring, an eyebrow ring, and…some holes in my ear."
The girl smirked. "You sure about this? It's going to hurt."
"I'm not worried about the pain factor," Itachi stated coolly.
"Oh, true," she said, eyeing the lip ring. "'Kay, let's do this."
Itachi walked over to an empty chair while she sterilized the needle and grabbed a poster of colorful rings.
"Pick whatever you want," she stated, placing the picture in his hand.
He picked a black eyebrow ring, a couple pairs of black studs for his ears, and for a tongue ring, he chose a silver stud.
The girl expertly fished through drawers and found them quickly.
Itachi closed his eyes and leaned back in the chair while she positioned the gun over his ears.
She clicked four times- two for each ear. Itachi didn't even flinch.
Oh man. Uchiha Itachi is an emotionless psycho.
He is the next Terminator! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! WATCH OUT MOTHERS! UCHIHA ITACHI WILL EAT YO' BABIES WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING!
Oh wait…Zetsu's the one who eats babies.
Never mind.
Finished with piercing, the girl cleaned the needle and announced, "You're done."
Opening his eyes, Itachi jumped off calmly, placing a small bundle of cash in the girl's hands and walking out the door.
For once in his life, Uchiha Itachi was happy- genuinely happy- because he had gotten some tattoos and piercings.
Kisame slipped his shoes off and stuck his feet in the beautiful, shimmering lake. He sighed contently and leaned back on his elbows, peering up at the bright blue sky.
Who knew that the violent fish man was a peaceful guy at heart?
"Hey, Kisame," Kakuzu said, sitting down next to him.
"Kakuzu, what are you doing here?" Kisame asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Nothing, just bored," he answered calmly, sitting Indian-style.
"I wonder what the others are doing right now."
"Zetsu told me he was getting a couple of piercings."
"Itachi told me he was getting a couple of tattoos."
"Why'd he tell you that? He doesn't usually share his schedule with people."
"I'm his partner," Kisame stated, sitting back up.
"I heard Jay-Z's making Sasori and Deidara apologize to the Kazekage."
Kisame chuckled. "Serves them right, those thin assholes."
"So what's everyone else doing?"
"Well, we know what Itachi, Zetsu, Sasori, and Deidara's doing. You and I are here, at the lake, so that just leaves-"
"Tobi and Hidan," Kakuzu said, finishing the sentence for him.
"Well, Tobi's probably just wandering around picking flowers, for all I know," Kisame smirked, thinking of the masked man's random, childish hobbies.
"So what the hell's Hidan doing?" Kakuzu wondered aloud.
"I guess we'll never know," Kisame sighed, lying down.
"Amen," Hidan whispered, ending the prayer. He was at a spa, about to get a facial. He was just thanking Jashin for the much needed massage he had recently received.
"Sir, are you ready?" the woman asked politely, a bottle of green goop in one hand and a silky brush in the other.
"Yea, go ahead," Hidan said, exhaling slowly and closing his eyes. Ahh, this was the life- facials, massages, and relaxing baths.
The female gently painted the mixture on Hidan's acne-free face and sighed. "Oh my- you have such lovely skin for a man."
Hidan smiled. "Thank you."
"So how's life for you?" she asked, trying to start up a conversation. It was her duty, after all, to make sure the customer was comfortable. If she allowed the customer to be bored or unsatisfied, her job would easily be taken away.
"Sucks," he replied shortly.
"Ahh," she nodded, now painting his nose.
Hidan was in Heaven. He thanked Jashin silently for the soothing facial, and promised a human sacrifice later.
Well, let's leave Hidan alone and go back to what Sasori and Deidara's doing!
"Sasori? What are you doing here, yea?" Deidara asked, wondering why a blonde teenager and a guy with purple paint on his face were dragging him in so roughly.
"Deidara, save me," Sasori pleaded, struggling to loosen the rope on his wrist.
Gaara entered the room, walking in regally in his white-and-blue Kazekage robes.
"What's going on here?" he demanded sternly, eyeing Deidara and Sasori curiously.
"We kidnapped you, remember, yea?" Deidara asked, smirking.
He frowned. Of course he remembered that horrible moment. "Yes, I remember."
"We came to apologize," Sasori explained.
"They're S-Class criminals, Gaara," Temari frowned, looking at them with disgust.
"Look, I know 'sorry' isn't going to cut it, but we'll be willing to do something to pay off this debt, yea," Deidara begged, sinking to his knees, his hands clasped together in a praying position.
Sasori finally escaped from the Sand siblings' grasps and also sat down, knees together.
The two Akatsuki members bowed together, their foreheads touching the floor. Gaara and the ANBU shinobi watching were shocked.
Temari and Kankuro gaped. This couldn't be happening!
"Please forgive us, yea," Deidara muttered quietly, his face still to the floor.
Gaara sighed and shrugged. "Fine."
Kankuro widened his eyes. "Gaara, they tried to kill you!"
"I know," he said. "But I can't hold a grudge forever. Besides, his grandma brought me back to life, anyway."
"What?" Sasori questioned, suddenly snapping his head up and looking at Gaara oddly.
"She did," Temari told him.
"So doesn't that mean she-"Sasori started to say, and then froze.
"Yes," Gaara informed him sadly. "She was a kind woman, and we will never forget her."
"Don't worry- her heart still lives in you," Kankuro told Sasori, trying to soften the blow. After all, he had just found out that his grandma had died, for Pete's sake!
What Sasori did shocked everyone in the room.
Silent tears rolled down his cheeks as he just stared at the floor in shock. And then...
He bawled his head off.
Yes, he literally wailed like a little baby.
"Shit, Sasori- calm down, yea!" Deidara yelled, running over to him and hugging him.
"Dammit, get off me! My grandma just died, so just leave me the fuck alone!" Sasori shouted angrily, wiping his tears and sobbing some more. "Grandma…" he whimpered, sniffing.
Deidara fished out a tissue from the pocket of his pants and handed it to him.
Blowing his nose loudly, Sasori placed it back in his hand.
Looking at it with distaste, Deidara crinkled his nose. "Thanks, yea…" he said sarcastically.
"N-no problem," Sasori hiccupped, wiping his eyes.
"Come on, Sasori. Let's go home, yea," Deidara suggested, grabbing Sasori's wrist and helping him up.
Gaara, Temari, Kankuro, and the ANBU just looked at them, astounded. After all, they had just witnessed an S-Class criminal crying.
Hello again. Did you like the story? Or did you think it sucked?
Well, the magic of technology allows you guys to click a button down below, and a small screen will mysteriously pop up on the screen, beckoning you to review!
Oh, the brilliant efficiency of the Internet always astounds me.
I love you guys. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
NOW GO OUT THERE AND EAT SOME BABIES. :)