Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

She watched them leave together again, she was locking up and not one of them came up to see her, not one took a second look at her, so she continued to struggle with her bags and laptop, trying to lock her door until someone took the keys.

'I'll do it for you Penny.' Kevin said and Penelope stood up wordlessly as he locked her door. 'We need to talk.'

'Oh.'

'At yours... I've got my own car so I'll meet you there.'

'Oh, okay.' She responded and didn't know how to take it. 'I just need to take these into the bullpen and I'll head home.'

'Okay, I'll be at yours at about 8ish.'

'Okay.' She said and watched him walk off, she then just did what she needed and then headed for the elevator. She stood waiting, trying to keep her mind from what the night was going to entail, she stepped forward as the doors open but smacked into Derek. 'Oh, sorry.' She said meekly and tucked a curl behind her ear.

'No problem Garcia.' He said detached and continued where he was going, she looked slightly behind her before climbing into the lift and hitting the basement button.

'Hey Garcia you up for a night out?'

'No thanks guys, I got a date with Kevin.' Penelope replied smiling.

'Again? That's the 7th week running.'

'Sorry guys, but he's something special I guess.' She responded but even she wasn't going to kid anyone. She was going on continual dates so that she'd feel wanted. It'd only been a 3 months since the shooting and she was over powering herself with Kevin Lynch.

'Well I suppose we'll see you around.'

'Yeah.' Penelope said and quickly slipped away to her car, ignoring their glares.

She still remembered how the invites became less and less each week; how she tried to fill herself with the love that Kevin could offer her, to make her feel alive because without it all that filled her was the dwindling feeling that Battle had left her with.

She still remembered the night that Derek had brought her home from the hospital, how he'd held her as she froze at the blood stain on the stairs, the stain that still marred the steps of her apartment block. She remembered how they'd thrown banter around and he'd told her she needed her rest and she told him to go, she had the goon squad. She still remembered how he stood there and told her he didn't care if there was a goon squad or not, he was not leaving her alone until Battle was caught and then she remember all too vividly how he'd told her he loved her.

Of course any fickle fool looking on would've told her that she could've had Derek Morgan, after all he told her he loved her but she didn't want to go too far in. Didn't want to jump into the deep end, didn't want to become a notch in a bedpost, didn't want to be Derek Morgan's next triumphant, didn't want to be left heartbroken when he opened his eyes to what Penelope really looked like. When she didn't amount to the stick thin blondes that danced perfectly smooth and had no inhibitions or woes to their body shape, when she didn't look like the women that Derek could get. When he finally realised she was just plain Garcia.

So she shielded her heart with Kevin Lynch, someone she was admittedly drawn to but someone she wouldn't be able to love like she loved Derek and that was the killer in it all. It was the one thing she'd always keep but always the one thing that'd keep her from moving on.

She got into her car and just stared out of the window screen, she looked to her left when she saw movement and saw Derek. He walked past her car and she wiped her eyes. Derek looked at Penelope and saw she was crying but he couldn't just go running to her, he'd told her he loved her and she'd repaid with going to another man and to make matters even better, she blanked them, she didn't flirt with him, she didn't smile when he tried, she just didn't bother with him anymore and for that she'd have to earn him back.

Penelope pulled out of her parking space and drove past Derek as he finally got closer to his SUV, she didn't take another look at him, she didn't stop, she just went home, parked up and waited for Kevin.

30 minutes later she watched Kevin pass her apartment, he looked stressed, looked like something was cutting him up.

'I don't think we should continue this.' He told her and halted. 'It wasn't right to start something with you so soon after what happened. It wasn't fair to assume you'd be in the right frame of mind.'

'Kevin it's been 6 months, I've moved on.

'But have you?' Kevin asked her point blank. 'I mean really? Because the way I see it, is that you haven't.' She watched him pace more, before he stopped and looked her dead in the eyes. 'Did you know you call out for Derek in your sleep?'

'Excuse me?'

'When you're having nightmares, you scream for Derek, never me but always him. I just think you need to see someone, talk about what happened. Get your head straightened out.'

'Are you saying you think I'm messed up?'

'Not entirely but come on Pen, you were shot on the steps of you apartment and then you're going out with me, and you call for another man in your sleep... it's not normal and I can't keep doing it, if anyone you should be calling for me in your sleep. I'm the one here.' Kevin took Penelope's expression and silence as response enough. 'I would still like your friendship.'

'Get out.' Penelope mumbled as her world seemed to crash and perspective of what she'd done in the 6 months settled.

'Penny?'

'Don't, just go Kevin, leave now.'

'I'm sorry Pen.'

'Just. Go.' She told him as her emotions began to fountain. Kevin did as she asked and left the apartment rapidly. Penelope shook as she stood there, her head spinning, she was never her normal self with the team, she wasn't Penelope Garcia anymore, Battle had torn that right out from under her and now she had to live with it, live with herself.

She had to deal with herself as she was, she'd pushed away everyone that meant anything to her and all because she thought she was doing right. She felt angered, wondering why the team hadn't stepped in and tried to sort her errors out but she then realised they had. Each and every one of them had tried to help her and every time she told them she was busy with Kevin.

Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.

Now Kevin was gone, the team were gone, and Penelope was left with the wreckage that was her life. She placed a hand on her fresh scar and once again wished that it'd just killed her that fateful night.