Redid the ending. It's basically the same except I deleted the epilogue.
The 'MicrosoftWerd' picture is on:
w w w . x a n g a . c o m / a k a t s u k i a d d i c t
Copy, paste, and remove all the spaces. If that doesn't work, then you can check out the link on my profile.
Thanks a million to my reviewers:
reanalee, Maker-chan, Kawaii Kyuubi-chan, Son of the morning, xcgirl08, Catgurl2004, Guardian of Atlantis, poopontoast123, xXUrbanRegalityXx, darkangel-iticha'sgurl118, keanadee, Ocean-Eyed Wolf, and any other future reviewers.
Itachi hissed, and whipped around, his eyes flashing with disbelief and anger.
"I'm the emo!? Are you joking?" he asked, his voice starting to sound a bit strained.
Sasuke smirked and merely nodded.
"Oh, it's on, bitch," he spat, lunging at his sibling.
Sasori and Deidara quickly tackled him, hoping to prevent him from mauling his brother.
The three went down on the ground hard, clouds of dust coming out from under them.
Deidara shook his head, a little dazed, and stood up, allowing Sasori and Itachi to breathe.
Sasori coughed violently, an aftereffect of being squashed under a very heavy blonde. As he lifted himself up, his hand landed on Itachi's butt, pressing something that felt like a button.
Itachi suddenly went limp, appearing as if he was dead.
"Is he okay?" Zetsu asked warily.
The puppet-master didn't reply. Instead, he suddenly pulled down Itachi's pants!
HOLY JAMA LLAMA! LOOK AT THOSE BUNS OF STEEL!
"Damn, Itachi sure has a nice gluteus maximus, yea," Deidara stated, his jaw dropping.
Zetsu gave a low whistle, obviously impressed.
Sakura blushed, her eyes widening.
Sasuke grimaced.
Hinata fainted.
Hidan vomited.
Naruto shrugged, not knowing what the big deal was all about. I mean, a butt is just a butt, right?
Sai laughed crazily for some unknown reason.
Tsunade got turned on.
Jay-Z gagged. He was straight, after all.
Everyone else stared.
And stared.
And stared.
And let me tell you this:
Their eyes were like Jigglypuff's from Pokemon, if you get what I'm saying.
"Eureka! I knew it!" Sasori shouted aloud.
Zetsu looked at him oddly. "What do you mean?"
The red-head pointed to a green dot on the Uchiha's butt.
It was a switch.
'Itachi' was actually an automaton- an example of artificial intelligence.
In other words…
UCHIHA ITACHI WAS A FAKE!
Or at least, the one in Konoha was…
Let's see what the real Uchiha Itachi is doing.
"I have a delivery for Mr. Uchiha," a man shouted, rapping on the door softly.
Itachi heaved himself out of his chair and stumbled to the door, flinging it open.
"Sign here, please," the delivery man ordered, giving Itachi a pen and a piece of paper that had some shipping rules and other useless information that we don't really care about.
Itachi furiously scribbled his name on the paper and handed it back to him. The man placed two large cardboard boxes in his hands and ran down the stairs.
He slammed the door shut and peered at the boxes.
The boxes.
Ooh, so exciting!
He ripped the bigger one open and started drooling.
It was a video collection.
It included ten, high-quality videos of porn.
Yes, that's right. Porn.
Uchiha Itachi was a closet pervert! Let us all laugh at him and mock his raging teenage hormones!
Itachi started laughing maniacally. "OH YES! IT HAS COME! I HAVE WAITED SO LONG FOR THIS MOMENT!"
Man, Uchiha Itachi needs to get laid.
He gingerly placed the videos down on a nearby table and ripped open the other box with his bare fingers.
Unfortunately, that didn't work out too well so he tore it open with his teeth like a rabid rabbit.
Lo and behold, it worked!
Then he slapped himself for no reason.
Then, he eased the package out of the box. He had ordered a writing program so that he could write resumes and such on his laptop. He wanted to live in Nigga City. It was such an amusing place! Besides, everyone wanted to kill him in the ninja world, anyway. What was the point of staying there?
He could barely contain his excitement. It was just what he had ordered!
It was MicrosoftWerd
No, I'm not talking about MicrosoftWord.
MicrosoftWerd- it's the MicrosoftWord for gangsta niggs, fo' sho'.
The box was a simple black and white, with a collage of black people on the front. Below it read, 'Write letterz n shit, yo.'
"Oh, straight up, G," Itachi breathed out quietly.
He opened the box slowly and took out the compact CD required for the set-up.
His stomach growled.
Eh, I'll set it up later, he shrugged, dropping the box and the CD on the soft carpet floor.
He gave himself a once- over in the mirror and was satisfied with what he saw. His haircut was super sexy, his complexion was flawless and pale, his yellow Hillsong United T-shirt was clean and lint-free, his black, Hot Topic shorts- which had beastly stainless steel chains on them- were very gothic and cool-looking, and his black Converses were so fucking hot!
He was one smexy beast.
"Ooh, I'm so beastly," he murmured to himself huskily, blowing himself kisses.
Then he walked out of his small condo and stepped into the streets of wonderful New York. His tattoos and piercings had already healed (which was abnormally fast), so his eyebrow rings, lip rings, and multiple earrings were glinting in the sunlight, making him look fierce.
No, not fierce. Let's just go with beastly- the good kind.
And the sexy number seven on his cheek completed the look. People were staring at him while he walked down.
Let's face it. There aren't many attractive, gothic Asian males who have numerous piercings and tattoos.
That's what makes Uchiha Itachi so damn sexy!
Well, he was skeletally skinny, too, so I guess that was another reason why people were staring.
Man, he was one attractive skeleton.
Wait, I thought he was on a diet…
Oh, I'm on a diet! Itachi suddenly remembered, pausing in the middle of the road.
Yes, the road.
Suddenly, a bright yellow taxi car zoomed and hit him!
OH NO!
Itachi's body rolled up the front of the car, his blood splattering prettily on the window surface. Then, his body rolled down on the concrete pavement sickly, appearing as if he was a squirrel that had just been run over!
Nah, it didn't look that appalling.
But he was still hurt pretty badly.
Pedestrians, models, drivers, and policemen rushed over to him, gasping with fright and horror.
Itachi's head was bleeding, he appeared bruised and battered, and his shirt was covered with blood.
The policemen gently prodded the limp body and asked, "Son, are you okay? Can you move?"
The Uchiha groaned, and rolled on his back, sitting up leisurely. He rubbed his head and grimaced at the sight of the red blood tainting his fingers.
He looked down and yelped, his deep voice echoing throughout the city.
"Wh-what's wrong? Are you okay?" one of the women questioned, looking at him with concerned eyes.
"My shirt! My fucking, twenty-dollar shirt is ruined!" Itachi yelled angrily, inspecting the dark bloodstains.
"What about your head, son? Do you feel nauseous at all?" the policeman inquired, ignoring his sudden outburst.
"I don't care about my head! This is my favorite shirt!" he bellowed, glaring at the man as if he was the stupidest monkey on the planet.
One of the models looked at him oddly. "It's only twenty dollars," she said, shrugging. After all, she was wearing a red leather coat that had cost over a thousand dollars. Two-digit prices meant nothing to her.
"You can take it off and wash it, can't you?" one of the drivers asked, looking at him oddly.
"Yea, there's a laundry place right across the street. I can take it there if you want," an elderly grandmother smiled nicely.
Itachi's face lit up. "Really? You would do that for me?"
She nodded.
Itachi stood up and pulled the dirtied shirt off, passing it to the grandma.
Everyone else gaped.
Itachi didn't have a six-pack.
He didn't have an eight-pack or a ten-pack.
Ladies and gentlemen, Uchiha Itachi had a twelve-pack.
I didn't even think that was possible.
"Sweet mother of bananas," a little girl breathed, staring at his perfect, muscular chest with perverted eyes.
"Nice tattoo," a skateboarder complimented, gazing admiringly at him.
"Thanks," Itachi grinned.
The ambulance came toward them and stopped right in front of the crowd.
"Where's the dude who got hit by a car?" one of the paramedics asked loudly, cupping his mouth with his hands to act as a megaphone.
"Over here," the policeman said, pointing to Itachi.
"Whoa, how the schnitzel does he have a twelve-pack?" the dude questioned, unable to look away from the Uchiha's radiant beauty.
"My head's going to crack open," Itachi announced.
"Oh, sorry!" the paramedic exclaimed, running forward with a stretcher. "Here, get on and we'll take you to the emergency room."
He obeyed and lay down on the thin, stark white mattress.
And alas, he fainted from the loss of blood.
Somewhere in the distance, an acorn cried.
Yea, I have no idea what the acorn has to do with Itachi.
Maybe they had an affair.
Perhaps they met together one foggy night. As they gazed lovingly into each other's eyes, they sighed and kissed passionately. The mama squirrel came by and, filled with jealously, it decided to kill the acorn and take her beloved Asian man for her own!
She ate the acorn and loved the taste of it so much that she threw it up again so that she could taste it one more time. The acorn, covered with stomach juices, rolled away into the lake and escaped, bobbing safely on the surface.
Itachi cried and mourned for his lover…his beautiful, perfect acorn.
And thus, the two were separated from each other, suffering from loneliness and heartbrokenness.
Later on, he finds out that his father, along with the rest of his clan, were the ones who hired the mad, love-sick squirrel! They had commanded her to eat the acorn and snap Itachi back to reality.
What they did not know was that Itachi loved the acorn greatly. He loved it so much he gave it a name.
He named her Pikachu.
Pikachu evolved from the dull, dreary acorn it used to be into an adorable, bright yellow pokemon!
Ash saw Pikachu and captured it! He then created the show, 'Pokemon', which became immensely popular at first. Over the years, the excitement of the fans died out and even little kids preferred watching Teletubbies than Pokemon.
Oops, I'm getting way off track here.
Then, one day, Itachi saw Pikachu battling Charizard on the television, getting beat up and knocked around, and he knew, deep in his heart, that she was his lover. Pikachu was the acorn. Pikachu was his first and only love!
It was then that a dark hate filled his heart. He hated his father. He hated his clan. They mocked him and they shunned him for loving an acorn.
They didn't understand. Uchiha Itachi was so much deeper than that.
They couldn't understand.
They weren't able to see that he loved her. He loved Pikachu dearly, his heart filled with a burning passion for her- only for her.
That was when he decided to kill them. He needed to kill them.
That night was the night of the Uchiha Massacre.
The only person who didn't know about Itachi loving an acorn, and therefore had nothing to do with the evil plot to hire the squirrel, was Sasuke.
That was why Itachi left his innocent little brother alive- but he had this deep, lingering feeling in his gut. He felt as if Sasuke would've grown up to be just like him. He felt that he was able to love an acorn.
But you have to be strong to love an acorn. If you aren't strong, then you can't possibly kill those who tease you about it, now could you?
Therefore, he devised a plan. He wanted to make Sasuke powerful, so that when he grew up, he would be able to love an acorn freely, slaughtering anyone who stood in his way!
In the end, Itachi was not able to reunite with Pikachu. Their hearts were torn in two.
Later, Itachi found out the most shocking truth.
Pikachu was not a girl. 'She' was not in the female section of the pokemon.
Pikachu was a male.
Itachi had loved another male.
Ever since then, he has covered up his emotions, too scared of what could happen if he let himself love another male once again. Therefore, he abandoned his feelings, especially the ones that required loving and caring for others.
But then, he discovered Jesus Christ. He accepted Him into his life, and all of his emotions returned. He could now love once again!
Now, this tragic story must come to an end.
Why?
Because Hidan farted, that's why!
MUAHAHA!!!
No, not really. Hidan's way too cool to fart. He burps, which is so much sexier.
Now let's go back to what Sasori and the others are doing.
"That's messed up, yo," Jay-Z stated, frowning.
"Damn, where the fo' sheezy' did Itachi get this kinda idea of makin' an android outta himself?" Sasori wondered aloud curiously.
"Dunno man. Maybe he got it from watchin' porn or somethin', ya' dig?" Zetsu shrugged. "Or maybe it's 'cuz he's the Uchiha prodigy."
"Either way it doesn't matter, yea," Deidara said nonchalantly.
"Why the fuck not?" Hidan asked, raising his eyebrow.
"Hidan, if you raise yo' fuckin' eyebrows' one more fuckin' time, I will eat them off yo' face!" Sasori yelled irately.
Hidan shuddered. "Fine."
"Why are we here in the first place, yea?" Deidara asked.
Jay-Z looked at him, his wise eyes glimmering in the sunlight.
He sighed and then roared, spit flying from his lips, "WE MUST SPREAD THE HIP-HOP CULTURE TO THE OTHERS, FOOL!"
Deidara frowned as he wiped the offending saliva off his face. "Then why are we just standing here, yea?"
"Wait, so you guys aren't trying to take over Konoha?" Sakura asked, baffled.
Sasori gasped loudly and impulsively screamed like a little girl.
Zetsu whipped his head and questioned angrily, "What the fuck was that for!?"
"I-it's her!" he screeched, pointing accusingly at Sakura.
Sakura looked puzzled. "Wha-what did I do?"
"Yea, seriously. What did she do?" Hidan inquired, completely dumbfounded.
Sasori slapped himself. "She's a murderer! She killed me!"
Sakura gasped. "Are you Chiyo baa-sama's grandchild??"
"Hell yea!" he shouted, glaring at her hatefully.
"You're supposed to be dead!" she exclaimed, her eyes widening.
"You're supposed to be a man!" he shouted back.
Everyone looked at him strangely.
"What?" Naruto asked.
"It's a long story. Anyways, you should've been the one to go to Hell, not me!" Sasori cried.
"Me? I would've gone to Heaven, baka!" she spat.
"Says the atheist," Hidan muttered under his breath.
"Everyone, I command you to shut up!" a mysterious voice commanded, his voice booming throughout the land.
Everyone turned around to see who it was.
It was Simba.
"A lion!" Zetsu cried, shrinking in fear.
Sasori yelped.
Orochimaru appeared out of nowhere and ran up to Simba, yelling, "I WILL AVENGE MY CLAN!"
"SNAKES ARE DELICIOUS!" Simba roared, biting his head off.
OH YES!
"Mmm…delicious," he growled, smiling.
Then, he walked away into the blood red sunset, his golden fur shimmering beautifully in the sunlight.
From that day on, people learned about the culture of Hip-Hop. They used the power of Hip-Hop to protect themselves against Simba, the Lion King, who would come every ten years and eat someone.
I personally think the ending's more dramatic without the epilogue. What do you guys think?
I want to write another crackfic. BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY INSPIRATION! OH NOESSS!!!
If any of you have ideas, go ahead and write it in your review. Now, auf wiedersehen everyone! Have a lovely day. :)
-AkatsukiAddict