Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

That was it for Derek, he'd stood on the side lines for long enough, tried to keep his feelings aside but now the sound of her crying was slowly killing him. He ran up to her and slowly wrapped his arms around her, she was shaking, he could tell it wasn't from the crying.

'Come on Baby Girl, let's get you in.'

'I can't.'

'You can.' He told her back.

'It needs to be gone but it isn't shifting. I want it gone.' She said as she tried to scrub the patch again.

Derek grabbed her hands and pulled them and pushed them to her chest as he moved forward. 'It doesn't need to doing now, we'll get someone in to do it.'

'It needs to be gone.' Penelope whispered. 'I can't live with it there.'

'Talk to me Baby Girl.' Derek said knowing they weren't going to move her for a moment. 'Tell me everything that's going on in that pretty head of yours.'

'Why are you being nice to me?' She asked meekly and more tears poured from her eyes. 'You shouldn't be nice to me, I'm a horrible person.'

'No you're not, but we're here to help you.' He told her and placed his hands either side of her face, pushing the tears away as they fell. 'Now come on... spill.'

'I've pushed you away and now I've got nothing but memories and nightmares and...' She looked at the stairs. 'Him.' She said and the trembling began and the tears made her hiccup. 'I wish he'd just finished the job.' She said and looked down. 'I've never felt so alone for 6 months.'

'How do you mean?' Hotch said taking a seat next to her on the pavement. 'How could you feel alone?'

'Yeah you have Kevin.'

She shook her head slowly. 'I had you lot too but it wasn't enough, I feel so scared all the time and nothing fulfils me. I'm just existing for the sake of it and I don't want to any longer.'

'Why didn't you say anything?' Hotch said placing a hand on her shoulder.

'It was hard to...' She looked down again, avoiding eye contact. 'Hard to seeing as I brought it on myself, it was my fault, it was all down to me that he planned it all, every step he had it planned.' She sniffed and Derek put a finger to her chin and lifted her head up to wipe the tears. 'I'm so sorry.'

'Come on Penelope let's get you upstairs, it looks like you need a good night sleep.' Hotch told her and stood up. 'When was the last night you slept fully?' Penelope shrugged. 'Penelope?'

'Before Battle.'

'Right Derek, get her in and upstairs.' Hotch ordered and turned to the team, they all stood there, silence had taken them, Emily and JJ stood near tears, they'd all woken up to why Penelope had been like she was. He looked behind him as Penelope and Derek disappeared into the building. 'Dave, we need to set up a psychiatrist appointment first thing in the morning.'

'Don't you think it's beyond that?'

'No I just think we've missed that Penelope's been suffering from PTSD.'

'It'd explain a lot.'

'The start of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder doesn't have to happen directly after trauma, it could be months or weeks. Usually within the 6 month period after, it happened within Penelope's 6 months.' Reid jumped in, his mouth and mind working well at last.

'What are the classical symptoms of it?'

'Depression, anxiety, guilt over the trauma. There consists three parts of PTSD, the first is flashbacks and nightmares, it's safe to say that Penelope's evidently been suffering them. Secondly, avoidance and numbing, she's obviously been finding herself reliving it over and over again and I'm guessing Penelope fells like it's happening all over again, even day dreams about it without wanting to.' Reid told them and their faces dropped. 'And thirdly, being on guard, the sufferer cannot relax, and from the way Penelope's been holding herself, the way her body language has been its clear to say she's anything but relaxed, as well, problems sleeping can occur.'

'Are there any physiological symptoms?'

'Quite a few but they don't seem to be experienced opening so we'd need to see what Penelope says.'

'Okay, well we can do that.'

'The suddenness and unexpected side of it probably made it worse for Penelope, she was in an area of knowing, she was familiar with him and here, she'd been out for a meal, she'd spent time with Battle.' Reid told them and they all nodded with acknowledgement. 'Now psychotherapy and medication might be the best help for her, its been months since she started to show the signs. She's real deep.'

Hotch looked at the others in front of him and saw multiple emotions playing up. 'I know it's late and if you don't want to here then you don't have to stay but I'm going to stay the night and first thing I'm going to help Penelope, but it's your choice.' He told them and turned and grabbed the bucket and scrubbing brush and headed inside.

Derek had left Penelope on the bed; he'd gone to get her aspirin and water to ready her from the come down from her vodka high. He'd been astounded with the apartment when walked in; she'd boxed up all her little souvenirs and left the boxes in the corner, now the place was dramatically stark in comparison.

He looked at Penelope as he walked in, her head ducked, her posture defeated and his heart broke. It couldn't have been all her fault that she shut down and he knew there was a bigger card playing. He'd heard Hotch mention PTSD as they slowly started to climb the stairs and he knew that could well be it and if it was that then they'd all failed to notice it.

They were all in a job where they had to put victims into positions where psychological help would be needed but all because Penelope passed her EVAL no one questioned the possibility of such a thing. So Penelope continued to spiral while they just thought she was loving a man.

'Do you wanna know why I went with Kevin?'

'It can wait P.' Derek told her and she shook her head so he sat next to her. 'Why did you go with him?' If Derek had to admit it, it still stung that she'd gone with him after he told her he loved her.

'I wanted to feel loved but you, I...' She shook her head in frustration this time. 'Why did you tell me you loved me?'

Derek was shocked, his breathing picked up and neither of them acknowledged Hotch entering. 'Because it was the truth.' He said and took her hand; he looked at Penelope's face and saw the tears.

'I so wanted to love you, start with you what I started with Kevin but I was scared that you'd wake up one morning look at me and see what the world see's.'

Derek's heart clenched. 'I do see what the world see's.'

'So you realise I'm fat, short, four eyed and plain ole Garcia... I'm not leggy, I'm not slender, I'm not pretty like the girls you get usually so I didn't want to be like them. End up as your last week shag or something.'

'You think I'd do that to you?' He sat closer, putting an arm around her shoulder. 'I told you I loved you because I do, I want a future with you. I want you to be mine. Before I checked my phone that night, I was in church asking for guidance on a whole load of stuff in my life. One was how I was ever gonna tell you exactly how I felt. Then my whole world crashed and burned down around me. I was losing my baby girl; she was fighting for her life while I was sitting in a church praying.' He lifted her face to stare at him. 'I'm always going to love you baby, nothing can stop that but just please believe me that I want you for life not for a couple of days.'