The young templar had the night watch and waited for the healer to fall asleep. His mind raced with insults and frustration as thoughts of the Grey Wardens having no idea of how to control their own, when templars knew how to at least control mages. Illusen had been spared the horrors of the Circle Tower that night, but the Fade had come for her, just as it did for all mages. They had to be blotted out. It was the only way for the world to be safe … the only way for him to be sane. He knelt beside her bed, and wished for a thousand different realities to take this one away, so that he might be watching the beautiful woman sleep under more romantic circumstances. He let out a sarcastic snicker as he noticed the pace of her breathing, and the sweat on her brow. Cullen knew that nothing would ever make this any different.
His armor whispered high notes, gently jingling as he raised his sword above her head. He would not risk stabbing the mage; it would have to be a killing blow. He would decapitate the beauty, and save her from her mind's torment. No one had the answers to help her … no one but him.
The blade came down and the chaos from both their minds appeared to have exploded into the room. Cullen's steel did not strike her skin, and he wondered if this was the Maker being reminiscent of how he had not been required to before. The templar was thrown across the room against the stone wall behind him, and he sat, crumpled on the floor, looking up at a very frightened looking Illusen. The healer had awoken at the sound of the bang, which had come before Cullen had hit the wall. Perhaps the mage was now taken over by evil spirits … but the noise definitely meant something.
Illusen had surrounded herself in magic. A translucent blue ball enclosed her person in much the same way that Cullen's cage had done for him in his moment of crisis. Her usually puffy bangs were flat against her forehead, and the woman was sweating more than ever. Her blue eyes darted around the room and she rubbed her hands over each other consistently before whispering, "Not the Fade, not the Fade, not the Fade, not the Fade …"
"My lady …" interrupted the healer. The statement was expressed out of obedient concern, as she did not know how to address a Grey Warden, but her emotions were meant with a deafening scream.
Illusen was lost to her madness, and when she had ran out of breath she curled over into a fetal position and wept heavily. Cullen cursed in his mind knowing he had missed his chance as two of the arl's guards came rushing in, followed by Eamon himself. The older man was begging the Maker not to have him regret obeying Alistair by allowing his mage into his home, so that she might bring further strife upon his men and his people.
"What's happened?" asked the arl before he was truly in the room, and when he saw the state of it and the templar he knew it was at least bad enough for him to have to look at the Grey Warden. He saw her shaking, looking shrunken and broken in her white sleeping robes. The blue crystal shield she had wrapped herself with was unnerving, but not aggressive and so he held out his arms to hold his men back whist he analyzed the situation some more. He struck the man to his left with an open palm, "Call for King Alistair and the Grey Warden messenger, they'll want to know."
Illusen twitched upon hearing the familiar words and she muttered as she turned to face the arl, "Alistair … Grey Warden …"
Her deep eyes caught Eamon's, and Illusen's mind repeated the man's first question over and over again as she wondered what did happen. She started to come back to reality for a split second as she thought on this wonder, but she lost herself again as she looked over and caught sight of Cullen. Memories flooded back of her days as an apprentice admiring the full, strong physique of the gentle man. Memories of doubting his feelings for her and her own of him were worst of all, as he could have been her templar, if things had been different; and then her heart would not be broken over Alistair being king. She closed her eyes tight and held her hands over her ears as she swung her body around to sit on the edge of the bed. She whispered to herself, "Not the Fade, not the Fade, not the Fade, not the Fade … Cullen said if you just close your eyes the nightmares will be gone when you open them … the nightmares will be gone … Cullen said …"
Eamon couldn't help raising an eyebrow at the templar, who returned the exchange with a look of sorrow-filled confusion. He bit his bottom lip as he stood up, and did his best to sheath his sword inconspicuously. He wondered if he should call out to her.
"This is not the Fade," announced the arl. "We are here to help you, Warden. You defeated the Blight." Unfortunately his words fell on deaf ears as Illusen simply shook her head and continued whispering her deranged mutterings, and Eamon, frustrated, kicked a chair. He didn't bother to ask the templar if he thought she would turn violent, as it was obviously anyone's guess. These did not seem like good odds, and he did not want to keep his family so close to the Warden. He could send Teagan back to Redcliffe with Connor and Isolde … but … he would rather dismiss the Grey Warden to a dungeon somewhere.
"Let me speak with her … I know her best," Cullen requested somberly. He did not like it, but for them to stand there for four hours or more waiting on one of Illusen's companions to shake her out of it was cruel. Exasperated, Eamon nodded and waved the healer out of the room, taking his other guard with himself. As the door closed Illusen looked up at Cullen and her eyes shook within their sockets as she whispered,
"Still here?"