Right, I WAS going to do the thank you's here, till I realised how long this chapter already is, so chapter five is my thank you chapter- I SWEAR

Chapter four- The Revenge of a Goldfish, Three Crazies, a Skeleton, and .

Everyone heard the door open and close and then a dragging sound and muffled screaming.

'DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I THINK I AM?!?!??!' someone yelled in an American accent

'Of course I know, dear stump, now shut up or I'll rape you'

'ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'

Druna and flaring ran into the hall and whooped at what they saw

Sticking out of a large sack was an annoyed and scared Patrick stump. His glasses steamed up.

In another bag, was Pete wentz, squealing and yelling

'Hhhhhhhhhhheeeeelpppppppppppp!'

Shakra happily dragged the two bags up the stairs to the spare room, druna right behind. Flaring went to get the sacrifice tools ready.

A few hours past, when Valkyrie started to wonder what the hell Shakra was doing, and what the yelling had been, so she went upstairs to investigate. If only she was prepared…

She opened the door and stared

'Shakra, why is Patrick stump lying in the middle of your floor? Valkyrie asked cautiously, looking down at the leader of fall out boy, who was angrily glaring at the ceiling.

'Why do you think Valkyrie?'

'I asked you'

'Druna, read back the minutes of this meeting'

'I was taking the minutes? I thought that was Flaring's job!' druna cried, from her place on the desk.

'It's anybody's job!'

'Well blow that!'

'That was SO WRONG!'

Flaring peeked through the door and grinned at the sight of pete wentz rocking back and forth in the corner and muttering absently.

She went to sit on him.

'Flaring, is that Edward Cullen in your bag?' druna asked, disgusted

Flaring looked down at the Edward Cullen action figure sticking out of her bag and grinned

'Well, Shakra keeps Patrick in her breast pocket, why can't I have Edward in my bag?'

'Shakra keeps me in what now?' Patrick asked, worried.

'Are you still here?'

'Yes, and can you PLEASE help me? Theres no hope left for Pete but you can save ME, right?' Patrick asked pleadingly

'Hush' Shakra said

Patrick whimpered and Pete muttered something in a language he himself did not understand.

"Why are you stroking me?" Patrick asked nervously

"Because I love you" Shakra answered, like she'd just told him he most obvious thing like saying, 'what we need- is a kite' in the middle of hurricane season.

"Then why are you being evil to me?"

"Am I being evil? I'm so sorry! What can I do to make it up to you?!" Shakra cried. Of course she knew she was being evil, and she loved it, but if she got on a better side of Patrick (or got his clothes off) things would go a lot smoother for her.

"Do you know how to make pumpkin squares?"

"...no, but it shall be an adventure finding out..." Shakra said

'Uh…huh…'

'Well, we're going to leave you now for a while young cheeses, we have a hungry caterpillar and pirate themed party to plan for' shakra said.

Flaring, Shakra, and druna left the room, leaving Pete and Patrick tied up and going insane.

When the got down the stairs, skulduggery looked up from his 'House and Gardens' magazine and tilted his skull to the side.

"What are you three doing now?" he asked suspiciously

"We just kidna-Ow!" Flaring said

"NOTHING!" Druna yelled

"NOTHING!" Shakra yelled

"OW! Don't hit me!" Flaring whined

"I...see..." Skulduggery said, choosing to ignore the ranting and concentrate on floral patterns for a while.

The girls shuffled into the living room and Shakra turned on the laptop to look up a recipe for pumpkin squares while flaring and druna set out a game of poker

"Are these crackers I see before me?" Fletcher asked, looking hungrily at a plate of crackers sitting on the coffee table

"No..." druna said

"Oh..."

"It's the remains of Pete Wentz"

"Oh..."

"You don't happen to have a spare coffin do you?"

"No..."

"I've heard you can get them real cheap second hand"

"Who from?"

"That bloke who lives next door to the cemetery"

"Oh..."

Skulduggery, hearing this, realised what the girls where up to and quickly put down his magazine and ran upstairs.

The crazies were oblivious.

'Ha! Ive found it! A recipe for pumpkin squares!' Shakra yelled happily

Druna and flaring ran over to the laptop and peered over. An MSN icon flashed up

Take England's sexual health quiz now and win an Xbox!

"...msn is a scarring contraption..." Shakra said

They all shuffled into the kitchen, clutching the recipe for pumpkin squares and got to work destroying the kitchen and chewing through the blender.

Half and hour later

"Hey, you three, you haven't seen my-WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE KITCHEN?!" Valkyrie yelled, coming into the kitchen

"Uh...Pumpkin square, Valkyrie?" flaring asked limply

"THE KITCHEN!!"

"This is Patrick's fault."

"Do NOT blame this on !" Shakra defended

"Shakra's right, it's all her fault" druna pitched in

"Exactl-HEY!"

Valkyrie continued to stare at the poor kitchen

'Well, uh, we'd best be going then…' flaring said, biting her lip

Valkyrie made a noise that sounded like she was making an effort to even scream

'Yeah, we're gone' flaring concluded, and the three girls quickly ran out of the room

They ran up to the room where Pete and Patrick had been 'stored' and gasped

They were gone.

'WHERE THE FISHING HELL IN THE NAME OF GOOD TRE AND ALL THINGS YELLOW AND SPRINGY ARE THEY?!?!?! Yelled Shakra

Skulduggery poked his head round the door and the girls turned to glare at him

'Uh, hi, girls…I didn't MEAN to let them go, I…swear…' Skulduggery said weakly

He saw a flash of red, and then his vision disappeared

When skulduggery woke up, the first thing he registered was that he was lying down. The second thing he noticed was that he was tied up, and the third thing he noticed was Valkyrie was standing looking at him and trying not to laugh

'Where am I?' skulduggery murmured, dazed

'On the ground' Valkyrie answered

'Well can you untie me?'

'Can I have a coffee?'

'No'

'What about an ice-cream?'

'No' 'beer?'

'No'

'A Panic! At the Disco CD?'

'No'

'Your hat?'

'No'

'A motorbike?'

'No'

'Your skull'

'Valkyrie, you cannot have my skull'

'No, I mean it's kind of in the middle of the road!'

'Ah'

And the fourth thing skulduggery realised, was that he was lying right in the middle of a main road, with a shiny silver Volvo speeding towards him.

'HELP ME UP!' skulduggery yelled

'Can I have an ice- cream?'

'YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT!'

'Deal'

Valkyrie grabbed skulduggery and pulled him away from the road and onto his feet, seconds before the Volvo sped past. Valkyrie caught a glimpse of something sparkly in the car.

'Well, we better get home' Valkyrie said casually

'Y-yeah'

……………………………………………….

Skulduggery and Valkyrie stepped through the door and skulduggery saw Patrick tied up in the corner again. try as he might, freeing Patrick would never work. He walked over to the three crazies and towered over them.

"Why do you always bring your kidnapping victims here?"

"Because it's the biggest house. The bigger the house, the bigger the amount of fun." Flaring said sweetly

"You know, I could forbid it."

"I know, but you won't."

"Why not?"

"Because I love you Skulduggery Pleasant." She said in all seriousness

"Wh-what?"

"So can keep Patrick?"

"S-sure...bu-"

"AWESOME! Thank you!"

"T-that was evil, flaring" skulduggery said, still recovering.

"Oh, I know"

They wandered off and then there was a loud crash and valkyrie screamed, then shuffled into the hall looking apologetic

"Uhm, Skulduggery" Valkyrie mumbled

"Oh dear...what?"

"You didn't, uh, LIKE, the vase did you?"

"Yes, I did. It was a present from my wife"

"Oh dear Tre..."

"I was joking. I got it from IKEA"

"I hate you"

There came an awkward silence, which flaring decided to break

"I think I have scheduled pooing"

"Why would say something like that?" druna said, disgusted and exasperated.

"Well, I don't like awkward silences!"

"And yet, you create them"

"Good point"

'Hey whatever happened to Pete?' Shakra asked

'The garden' flaring said simply

Everyone rushed to the window to see Pete wentz rocking back and forth in a wet suit leaning against Tre cool dressed as a tree.

'well today' flaring said, doing one of her random monologues ' I scarred Pete wentz, told skulduggery I love him, succeeded in making Fletcher admit he was a bit of hovering stupid bacon AND a deranged singing hamster'

'Well, I better go clean the kitchen' Valkyrie muttered, shooting a glare at Shakra and druna

'I'll go too, I think Mr Stump needs assistance keeping his sanity' skulduggery said, going to find Patrick to free him again

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' Shakra, druna, and flaring yelled, running after him

Fletcher wandered around the room saying

'Hover, hover, hover, hover, hover' over and over again in a very deranged high pitched voice

In the garden, the tree, formally known as tre cool, got up and walked away.

In the Belfast Royal Academy crowded canteen, in Northern Ireland, five girls called Rowan, Meghan, Olivia, Katie, and Rebecca, talked about numerous fanfiction plots, and made constant remarks on their headmasters mental health.