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Dance In The Dark
His boyfriend says he's a tramp, he's a vamp, but he still does his dance.
For a split second, I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could escape.
But then I realized that no matter what I did, I could never run far enough.
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"You think you can just leave me?"
My wrist is twisted.
"You think I would let you leave me?"
My head is throbbing.
"Did you forget who took you in?"
It hurts to breathe.
"Did you forget about everything I've done for you?"
Glass cracks beside me.
"You ungrateful whore. What? Did Atem fuck you? Is that why you want to leave?"
I'm crying so hard now.
"Oh, wait. That's right. He didn't want you."
"Stop," I sob. "Please."
I fall back into the kitchen counter when his fist buries itself in my stomach.
His other hand snakes behind my neck and pulls at my hair, yanking my head back so that I have no choice but to stare at him.
"You're not leaving me," he says in my ear harshly. "Not because I want you, but because you need me."
He lets go of my hair and pushes me away from him like he's disgusted by me.
By my presence.
My existence.
I am, too.
"No one will ever love you."
I know.
"Not me. Not Atem."
I know.
"You're nothing."
I know.
"And worthless."
I know.
"Now get out of my sight."
Okay.
"Oh, and another thing."
I stop by the threshold of the kitchen door and take a moment to lean against the frame.
I'm so tired.
And my body's still shaking in pure agony.
And I can't stop it.
"If you ever talk to Atem again, it will be the last time you do. Understand?"
My heart stops.
And just like that, the tears start all over again.
"Do you understand?!" he repeats, taking a step towards me.
"Y-yes."
I want to die.
I want to fade away.
I want to disappear.
"Good." He nods. "Now go shower."
I'm out of the kitchen and up the stairs before he even finishes.
I'm in the shower before the bathroom door closes behind me.
I'm still in my clothes.
But I don't care.
I don't care about anything anymore.
Because now, I have to make an impossible choice.
And no matter what I pick, I lose.
If I leave, he will kill Atem.
And if I stay, Atem will kill him.
Either way, I'll lose the one person I exist for.
The person I breathe for.
The person I would live and cry and die for.
Either Atem will die.
Or he'll spend the rest of his life in jail.
So, there's only one real decision I can make here.
There's only one way to protect him.
And I knew this before I even got halfway up the stairs.
So, knowing what I have to do, I curl up into a tight ball on the tub floor and cry until I run out of tears.
Until I can't cry anymore.
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