In the final sentencing, Richard White was convicted of four rapes, three murders and an assault on a cop. The judge decided the death sentence was just what Richard White needed. Olivia walked out of the courtroom feeling like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, she no longer had to be afraid of him. The nightmare was over. In a matter of months he'd be dead, right now he remained behind bars in a maximum security prison on death row.
It was Monday lunchtime when they finally came out of the courtroom. "You wanna get some food," she asked Elliot. "I'm starved."
He shrugged. "Nuh, you go ahead. I have paperwork to finish off," he left without another word. Olivia stopped walking and watched him disappear of out of the courthouse building, her eyes following him with confusion. A moment later she felt a hand on her shoulder, she turned to see John Munch standing behind her.
"He just walked away…" she whispered. "I don't understand him anymore," she confessed to Detective Munch as they slowly walked out together.
"I'll eat with ya," he offered.
"Thanks," she smiled weakly.
Ten minutes later they were eating hamburgers at the nearest café. Olivia stared at her food for the most part, unable to eat now that she was thrown another curve ball.
"Penny for your thoughts," Munch asked taking another bite of his burger.
"It's Elliot," she answered with a low voice. "I mean before Richard White raped those three women, we were… different. Now he never talks to me, WE never talk about anything, we never eat together at café's anymore, he doesn't even offer to take me home."
"You know why, don't you?" he asked all-knowing.
"No," she frowned looking at her co-worker. "Do you?"
"He feels guilty, Liv, he put you in danger in the first place, months ago when you were in hospital he thought it was his fault."
"What?" she was confused now. "Why- How do you know that?"
Munch shrugged. "Guys talk. He said your last words were angry and hateful, and he had promised to look out for you, Olivia. You were close to being murdered and he had left you there on the doorstep, unaware that White was in your apartment," he explained as a way of letting her know how he knew so much. Olivia stood. "Where are you going?"
"To talk to Elliot," she said stating the obvious. Olivia left Munch there to finish his lunch, and she returned to the precinct to find Elliot.
He was predictably, at his desk. She sat down on the side of her desk across from him and watched him for a moment. "You okay?" she asked with concern.
"Yeah," he didn't even look up from his paperwork.
Olivia looked around the precinct, there was no way she could talk to him about this with too many people around, Elliot would never open up. "Can I have a word with you?" she asked. Elliot looked up. "In private?"
"What about?" he asked.
Olivia stood and headed for one of the interview rooms, Elliot reluctantly followed behind her. Once they were inside, Olivia closed the door and leaned against it, afraid that someone might walk in.
Elliot wouldn't even look at her. "Stop it!" she demanded causing the silent room to echo, just as well it was sound proof and no one outside the room could hear them without turning on the intercom.
"What?" he asked in confusion.
"Blaming yourself," she stated. "You didn't do anything…"
"That's exactly right," he said with his head turned down, but his voice angry. "I didn't."
"Elliot," she responded, her voice calmer and softer than his. "You know what I meant, and if you want to be technical then you did do something, you saved me, he could have raped and killed me."
"But you were still beaten," he reminded her.
"You can't be held responsible for White's actions OR mine. It's okay, El… I don't blame you for what happened in my apartment."
"I know that," he answered. "But I should have-"
"No, Elliot," she interrupted. "I was being me and once I get an idea-"
"I know, you're a stubborn bugger," he smiled looking up at her, she could have sworn she saw glassy eyes.
"I am. So will you get over yourself and get on with the job? Treat this like you would any other case, isn't that what you always tell me when I get personally involved," she reminded him.
Elliot disagreed. "How the hell am I supposed to do that, Liv? You're my partner, you were in danger and you needed me to just do my job. Instead I went home to my family at the end of the day,"
"Yes," she nodded. "That's what you should have done." At the end of the day, he had his life and she had hers, and when they came together the next morning, it started all over again.
"And forget about you?" he questioned. "Is that what you expect?"
"Yes," Olivia felt that when the job was over, her life was her problem.
"Well I'm sorry, I can't do that. You are my partner, my job is also to look out for you and I intent to do that, with or without your blessing. It doesn't stop for me when the day ends, with this PARTNERSHIP comes a responsibility and for me, that means looking out for you when someone like White gets up in your face. I just messed up this time…" he looked disappointed in himself.
"You didn't mess up," she tried to console him but he wasn't buying her compassion. He didn't feel he was worthy of it.
"You were in the hospital for two weeks!" he said as if she had forgotten. "He could have killed you, and all I had to do was my job… make sure you were safely inside before I drove away. There wasn't even a point to me following you home, it was a complete waste of time!"
"Elliot," she pleaded. A look passed between them, a look that had never been there before. Neither one of them able to explain it.
"I have to talk to Casey about the Johnson case," Elliot announced breaking eye contact. "Let's just forget it." He stepped towards her to get to the door, but she wouldn't move out of his way – she was far from finished this conversation.
"No I wont forget it, this was my problem, and now it's over and you can move on and I can move on," she said.
"It's not that easy. I don't find it that easy," he told her with devastation. He reached passed her for the door handle, Olivia reached out and touched his shoulder, her eyes locked on his.
"Elliot, I miss you…" she whispered.
He stepped back then as if he had been slapped. "What?"
Olivia didn't care how desperate she sounded, she wanted her partner back, her best friend, nothing more, nothing less. "I miss you, I miss US, our friendship, don't you?" she questioned.
It took Elliot longer to answer her. "Yeah I do," he nodded.
"Then can we please just go back to the way it was? Forget White, he'll be dead in a few months and right now he can't hurt anyone. You did your job, you saved me from my worst nightmare, and I'll always be grateful to you for that, you weren't to know that he was up there."
"I should have made you stay," he said quietly lowering his head to stare at the floor. He had wanted to tell her this for weeks and now that they were alone in the interview room he couldn't stop himself, no one else could hear them. "But I was angry that you were being so stubborn."
"I'm okay," she confirmed. "It's over now."
"It could have been bad," he shook his head unable to believe she had come THAT close to loosing her life. He was aware that people died everyday, the cases he saw proved that, but he tried not to think he might lose those closest to him, whether it was his wife, his children… or Olivia.
"I know," she nodded finally understanding what had made him so distant over the last few weeks. Fear.
"I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you, Olivia," he confessed. "I couldn't take it."
"I know…" she felt the same, except that Elliot was all she had and Elliot had her and his family.
"If we've reached this point in our relationship, maybe we shouldn't be partners anymore…" he said reasonably.
"I don't believe you mean that…" she tried to hold back the tears. It had happened once before, he had walked away and she had asked Cragen to assign her to a new partner, in the end she had gone undercover with the FBI for a few months. But eventually, they had agreed that they belonged together, they made a good team, one of the best and the reason they did was because they had what others didn't have – trust AND heart.
"Why not?" he said bitterly. "We're too close, we're more than we should be, Liv, and it's wrecking the cases were assigned to. Our job isn't being done the way it should be."
"We catch the perp, don't we?" she asked.
Elliot nodded. "Most of the time."
"You can call us close if you want, but lately for me, that feeling's gone. We don't talk or eat together, you don't take me home anymore…" she smiled as if that was a huge factor in their partnership.
"And you want me to?" he asked in surprised.
"I'd like to have the option."
"Just so you can argue with me?"
"I'd like to have that option too," she said with a light sense of humor. "Look, I think what we had was brilliant, I loved our friendship. I loved hearing about Elliot junior and Kathy's comments about late nights and early mornings, I miss talking to you…"
"Yeah, I miss that too," he admitted honestly. "But that says we're too close."
Olivia disagreed. "No, it says we're the perfect team, we're passionate about the job and we work damn well together. We've never crossed a line… except maybe once, and everyone makes choices, some wrong, some are just… the way it happens."
"And if I put you before the job or you put me, where does that leave us?" he questioned.
"Here," she shrugged lightly touching his arm. "Where we belong."
"Yeah?" he looked unsure.
"Yeah," she nodded.
"Okay," he said opening the door open, he turned to leave and just as quickly he turned back and threw his arms around her, relieved that she was still with him, still alive. Olivia brought her arms around him and rested her chin on his shoulder, just for a moment as the tears formed in her eyes. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then," he smiled pulling away. Olivia nodded and watched him disappear, a small smile came to her lips when she realized they were going to be okay.
They always were.
Thanks for sticking it out until the end…
I wanted to write an SVU one where El and Liv ended up together, but in the end, it would have destroyed their relationship. If you are interested in something like that, on the romantic side, then please let me know. I am writing one, just for me, but I'm willing to share with whose interested…