Where Words Fail

Book Six: It's All or Nothing

Bonus Chapter 3: He turned, and asked softly of me, "Wouldn't you?"

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is a fan fiction - nothing more, nothing less. It has been made purely for entertainment purposes, and is not meant for commercial gain. Avatar: The Last Airbender and all characters, places and concepts are copyright of Nickelodeon, Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko. All original characters are copyright their respective owners and are used with their permission.

SCENE DIVIDE

Then

"Man...we're pretty far away from land, huh...?" I leaned forward, folding my arms over the edge of the courtyard wall, looking back towards shore - barely visible from here, just a flat piece of brown and green hugging the edge of the horizon. A warm sea breeze whistled past, combing through my hair. It was relatively quiet up here - no other inmates ever came up this way, they weren't allowed, because, well, it was too easy to jump over the edge and into the water from here. No, they were all down in the courtyard, going about their daily business.

Jiege laughed. "You'd better not be thinking about a jailbreak, little bro. I'm the one that got you out of that cramped room and up here so we could talk more, remember? Besides, if you bailed, I'd be the one that would have to bring you back."

That's one thing I'd always loved about Jiege: he was one-hundred percent serious (he would get in trouble if I escaped and he would bring me back here), but it was never a stern, parental sort of thing. As much as I would have liked getting out of this place, I didn't want to bring any of it down on Jiege's head. He was clever, though - I knew that he would have liked me to escape, to get out and go on with my life (because 'escaped convict' had nothing on 'deserter'), but he had a duty both as a naval officer and my older brother to make sure I stayed in line. Fair enough.

As fair trade, I hadn't told him any crucial information regarding the Freedom Fighters. I had my responsibilities, too. He knew they had music night, that only some of them could swim, and that they fought the Fire Nation where they could; he didn't know exactly how many Freedom Fighters there were, or where Hong Ye forest was located, or their combat tactics. I wasn't a complete moron.

"You know, last I checked, you were still an ensign," I said, taking in a deep breath - smelling the sea salt, which barely eked in over the metallic tang of the prison and the oil of the nearby machinery. "Who did you have to kill to jump up to lieutenant commander?"

"I would tell you, but then I'd have to kill you too, and then I'd wind up leaving in a bad mood, which would ultimately be counter-productive to the entire reason I took leave to visit you." He rolled his shoulders and head, trying to work out some cramps; his helmet sat on the wall between us, and his hair - tight and black and pulled up into a topknot - reflected the sun's light. I missed wearing a topknot...but I didn't really have the right to one anymore.

I chuckled in response to Jiege's faux-threat. "Seriously, though. Thanks for stopping by...and I'm really glad you've been getting my letters over the past couple months. I'd always hoped..."

"Always hoped what?"

"Nevermind, it was stupid." I leaned forward and sighed, glancing out at sea. "Mom and dad...do they know I'm here? And what about Zisi and Sheji?"

"I keep in touch with Zi and Ji as much as possible...even though Ji is a lot more receptive, but yeah, they know. As for mom and dad..." Jiege glanced away. "I sent word out to them, figuring you wouldn't have. I haven't heard back."

I grimaced. He was right - I hadn't even bothered sending anything to my parents since before going AWOL, but that was hardly unusual; they'd never been big on letter-writing unless somebody sent them something first, and even then their letters were stiff and informal and read like a shopping list. I was a terrible son, I realized - disappearing and then not even writing them when I had the opportunity. I sagged a little bit under that knowledge, and the fact that they hadn't replied to Jiege's letter might be legitimate cause for concern - either for their personal wellbeing, or for what, exactly, they thought about me.

When I didn't bother picking up where Jiege left off, he grunted and said, "They're doing fine, by the way - all four of them. Zisi got promoted to lieutenant in the 44th division in the south ocean, and Sheji's still busting her butt down on the clinic at Whale Tail Island. Sheji misses you especially. Zisi, though..."

"Zisi's got her own things going on." I gave an uncomfortable shrug. That was my second-oldest sister for you; she always laid her goals out in order of personal importance. I couldn't really blame her. "But mom and dad are doing good, then?"

"Yeah, they and Dimei are - "

He stopped short, and I looked at him, hiking an eyebrow. "They're what? And who's Dimei?"

Jiege slapped his forehead and cursed (I hadn't heard that one before - he must have picked it up from being out at sea for so long), muttering, "Of course you wouldn't know."

"Wouldn't know what?" I asked. "Bro, just lay it out for me! I'm not that smart!"

Jiege drew a deep breath - sighed, drew another - and turned to look at me, and the expression on his face was so weird. Sad, sort of - but, but self-deprecating, annoyed, like he just -

"Dimei Zhen," Jiege said, "Is your new baby brother."

I jerked back - my arm bumped Jiege's helmet, jostling it, almost sending it spiraling into the ocean below, but I lunged out, grabbed it in time, slamming both hands onto the cold metal. "What - what do you mean, 'new baby brother?'"

"I mean what I mean." Jiege snorted. "Mom and dad had another kid."

"How...how long ago?" I brought one hand against my forehead, trying to massage out a headache that had suddenly ambushed me. "What the hell?"

"A few months after you went AWOL." Jiege shook his head. "None of us knew it was coming until after it had happened - Spirits know why they didn't bother telling us beforehand."

"Oh, man..." I slumped forward and sighed, giving up on the headache - it didn't want to go anywhere, like a visitor that just wouldn't leave, the metal wall cold and rugged against my forearms. "He's - he's like - fifteen years younger than me!"

"Just imagine what it's like for me." Jiege cringed. "I've got a brother who's young enough to be my son."

"How the hell do mom and dad still manage it?" I snorted and - and it was still hard to wrap my brain around the whole thing. "Actually, I take that back, I don't wanna know. I just hope they don't expect me to babysit, because I don't think the warden would like a little kid running around here. And I don't change diapers. And they're nuts if they think I'll work for free."

Jiege laughed again - and that sound helped cull the shock and the headache, just a little bit. It was still hard to believe, though...I had a little brother! I - it wasn't like I was jealous or anything, I'd always been the youngest, but I'd also been the youngest for my whole life and it wasn't like I was desperate for my parents' attention. I already knew I had it (and it wasn't like they'd neglected keeping only me in the loop about the baby), so it could be somebody else's turn and I wouldn't really care that much, but, just...wow.

A kid brother?

Maybe - maybe when my jail sentence was up. Maybe I could go visit him...be there for him like Jiege had been there for me, only this time I would be the big bro. And Jiege could vouch for my storytelling.

Assuming my sentence was light enough to warrant that.

It probably wouldn't be. I hadn't heard.

"I guess I'll have to write them when I get the chance," I murmured, glancing out towards the shore again - freedom within sight, but unattainable.

"Yeah. And our sisters, too." Jiege play-punched me in the arm.

"Yeah."

There...there wasn't really anything else to say at this point. I could feel it now - our time was up, and there was only so much special treatment I could get from being the brother of a lieutenant commander in the navy. I had to go back to the life I'd stumbled into - back to cooking for people that earned me no redemption, to working out and hopefully maybe someday probably getting into shape, to sleeping, to eating slop. All these thoughts, combined with the view of the shore...suddenly, I felt sick inside, that my fate was to be locked up inside this box for Spirits knew how long. If I didn't escape, my little brother probably wouldn't even know who I was until he was fifteen - just Sheng the traitor, locked up like he deserves.

"Bro..." Jiege said, breaking my reverie. I shook my head to clear away the thoughts bogging me down and glanced over to him - and I noticed that he, too, had turned his attention shoreward. "I can't do anything to help you, as much as I want to. As your brother, I wish I could break you out and set you free on the world so you can get your redemption, but as a member of the Fire Navy, my hands are tied. And I feel terrible for that."

"...Don't." I felt a grin lighting my face despite the lurching feeling inside my gut. "You have your own priorities. Don't throw away your career like I did."

"I thought you didn't regret doing that?"

"Not for a moment, but my military career would have been terrible anyway. You've got a good thing going for you." I clapped him on the shoulder. "Just promise me that you'll still always be my brother."

Jiege sighed - allowed himself a wry grin - straightened up, grabbing his helmet and sliding it over his head. As we began walking back towards the corridor that would take us down into the prison - back to where the other inmates were, down below, just one of the many criminals in ratty orange uniforms trying to make the most of the hours spent inside.

Down a staircase, enveloped on all sides by that rust-colored metal, a tight, suffocating walk...through corridors upon corridors, past guards who looked at me sideways with unmasked disdain, and at last we came to a junction in the hall - two more guards waited for me there, and my older brother turned to look at me with a wistless smile on his face. After a pause, he leaned forward and drew me into a hug - uncomfortable because of his armor, but I could still feel his warmth and all I could do was wrap my arms around him in return, because Spirits knew when the next time I'd see him would be.

"I'll keep writing," I whispered, and - and my throat tightened, my eyes plucked and stung and please don't be a wimp and cry...

"Me, too," Jiege replied - and at last, he released, and turned away without a second glance, and - going, going, just red and black armor - around a corner - gone. My big bro had left, and - and I wanted to break into a run after him, to yell, 'please don't go, I need you, I'm not strong by myself, I need your courage to keep me sane,' but the words didn't come, lodged somewhere between my brain and my tongue. All I could do was hang my head as the guards grabbed me and hauled me back to my cell.

Dammit.