I do not own Harry Potter.
Requested by one of my friends (Becky). This is for Becky and Katie ^_^.
AU. Remus is dead, but Tonks isn't.
Sometimes I ask myself if I am alone. I'd like to say no, I'm not - I have Teddy and Harry and the Weasleys and Hermione and there are so many people who I love and care a lot about. But the most important one of them isn't with me. I wish he was. I still wish he was standing by my side. I want to feel his warm body lie next to mine in bed. I want to hear his soft, low voice again. I want to see his face again. I would do absolutely anything to bring him back.
I still see his face - pale with dark bags hanging beneath his eyes, but a smile sits on his lips. A gentle, comforting smile. I still hear his voice - it's barely a whisper, but it sends relief rushing through me for a few seconds. I still think of him. I remember us sitting on a park bench and laughing at muggle kids or sharing ice cream at Honeydukes. I remember us dancing together in the rain. I dream of him every night and wake up to find damp tracks on my pillow and cheeks.
I should move on. I shouldn't let his death control me. I know I should, but I can't help myself. Because for the few moments I think of him, the burden of raising Teddy all by myself decreases just by a little. I feel at peace for a few moments and then reality comes crashing down on me, reminding me that he is dead and he isn't coming back.
Sometimes Teddy looks up at me with his wide, blue eyes and asks me where Daddy is. His voice holds childish innocence and curiosity and I don't want to shatter either of them by telling him he doesn't have a father. I keep telling him Daddy's in a better place, and who knows maybe Remus is in a better place. But the best place I can think of for him to be is with me. I know it's selfish, but I believe it's true.
Sometimes I cry when I see his picture. Teddy crawls into my lap and with his chubby hands, he clumsily brushes away my salty tears and asks me why I'm crying. I tell him I'm hurt and he offers to kiss the pain away. But the pain will never go away. The wound will never leave a scar in my heart, because the wound will always remain fresh. The only thing that can heal it if he's back at my side.
"Mommy?" Teddy starts.
I'm in the middle of crying my eyes out.
"Yes sweetheart?" I choke out.
"You said Daddy's in a better place, right?"
I nod.
"So why are you crying for him? He is in a better place, right?"
I nod yet again, before realising Teddy is right. Why am I crying for Remus? He's in a better place. H eno longer has to suffer the pain of transforming into a werewolf every month.
"Mommy's just being stupid. You're right. Daddy is in a better place." I answer.
Maybe the best place for him isn't by my side.
Reviews are welcome ;).