Sorry about last chapter, I had writers block. LLL

Chapter 5: Depression.

B.P.O.V

Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months.

My life was washing away before my eyes.

I did not talk unless someone asked me a direct question.

When I did answer it was a "yes" or "no".

I no longer slept or ate well.

I was even more ugly, stupid and horrible than I was before.

I had no one to sit by.

No one to talk to.

No one to laugh with.

I had no one to make me happy when I'm sad.

To make me calm when I'm angry.

To make me exited when I'm bored.

I'm a nobody

I was depressed.

It had been a year since the Cullens left.

I wonder if they missed me like I missed them.

I threw myself into my studies. It was the one thing I liked doing now.

It was a good way to block the rest of the world out.

To take my mind off of things in reality.

Reality hurts.

I learnt all about the different countries and their history. I made a list of all the places I want to go.

I want to live in Italy, in a little historic town called Volterra, I love the scenery. An almost castle-like place.

I love the houses, the landscape and the community. The moment I turn 18 I'm going to fly there buy a house and decent car and I'm going to live there.

I learnt about math formulas and how to solve difficult equations in my head.

I learnt to speech French, Italian, Swiss, German, Spanish, Dutch, Japanese and Chinese.

I learnt to play the piano, guitar, flute and the Violin.

I learnt about Art, Heath, Computers, Money, Physics, Chemistry and many other subjects. In and out of school.

I had read and reread most of the books in the Forks and the Seattle libraries. With this I rediscovered my passion for English and discovered a possible future career, to become an English teacher.

I studied Biology and found myself quite interested in it.

My level clumsiness had dropped and I no longer tripped over myself, I suppose learning a few sports helped.

I now played baseball and football and I swam and ran. I love swimming, and to my great delight and surprise I'm much more graceful in the water than out. I liked the independent sports better but Charlie made me take some team sports I'm grateful though because I've started enjoying them.

I practised martial arts, yoga and gymnastics. I found these all very interesting and pleasant experiences every time I went.

I took some courses on cooking so I could make more exotic foods for Charlie. He enjoyed that.

I also took some courses on mechanics, and with this I identified my love for cars.

I had me eyes set on a beautiful Audi R8 Spyder, it was my dream and it was only in my dreams that I could afford it.

So instead I saved up and brought upgrades for my truck. It could go much much faster now, up to 180km per hour instead of 60. It was a start.

I had developed a taste of speed. I now loved the exhilarating feeling of the wind rushing past me when I was speeding down the motorway, I had almost convinced myself that day that what I needed to was rip the roof off the truck so I could have that feeling all the time. But then I pictured Charlie's face and quickly decided against it.

At school I was a top student in all my subjects, achieving As with ease. The teachers loved me and my passion for excellence. But I still had no friend. Angular was always nice though and talked to me.

Charlie was overjoyed about my grades and told me to keep up the good work, Renée was delighted as well but she was concerned about my social life. She was to observant for her own good, she noticed that none of my friends came over anymore, she noticed the bags under my eyes, she noticed when I zoned out of the conversations and was thinking about the Cullens. And it was starting to irritate me.

Charlie snapped.

I was lying on the couch staring into space, thinking about the Cullens. Again.

Charlie was sitting at the dinner table reading this mornings newspaper. More like pretending to read it, he was really watching me from the corner of his eye, yes I had seen thee fugitive glances he sent my way every few minutes.

I sighed.

He looked at me and put down his newspaper.

"Right, I've had enough Bella" he said "You have been to sad for to long and your bring the whole family down with you, your sad, your mothers sad and even I'm starting to feel the melancholy mood. Its just not OK, where is the happy Bella that I use to know.

I shrugged I couldn't be bothered answering.

"Bella I think you need some new friends"

I nodded my head in agreement.

"Jacob? Remember Jacob Black, Billy's kid, well he'd be happy to see you again. You have a few thing in common he loves cars too and currently he is working on a VW Rabbit"

I brightened up at the mention of cars even if VW rabbits are so last centaury and agreed to visit and help him.

Charlie gave me the address and happily waved me off down the driveway.

So just to clarify my situation.

I'm riding my truck down to la push. Trying to find an address I can hardly remember to meet a boy that I haven't seen in 5 years.

This is going to be good.