5

Alex remained in front of her grave in silence for a few more minutes, before she finally turned away and wandered back towards the exit of the graveyard. She took her time, appreciating the complete silence and peaceful atmosphere. As she passed dozens and dozens of tombstones, she almost envied the truly dead – at least an end had been put to their suffering.

Alex got into the car and turned on the engine. She hesitated for a moment, not quite sure what to do now, then she drove off, not taking the road she had come here on.

She parked the car close to her apartment and then walked the last few hundred meters. She let out her breath when she saw that Marissa's car was not there, unaware that she had been holding it, not knowing whether she should feel relieved or disappointed.

Alex took out her keys – Victoria had somehow gotten them, although the police surely must have confiscated them at the crime scene – and cautiously opened her front door, quickly closing it behind her as quietly as possible. She held her breath and listened carefully, but no one seemed to be home. She kept the lights out – not that she needed them anyway. Since the beginning of her existence as a vampire her eyesight had steadily increased and now she could almost see as good in the dark as in sunlight.

She quickly looked around the whole apartment to make sure she was really alone, before heading back to the living room. She took out a blank sheet of paper and began writing. She had talked about this to Victoria earlier and they had agreed it was a great idea.

Alex folded the paper in half and placed it on her bedside table beneath a book. She made sure a corner of the paper was visible, without it showing all too obvious.

Then she lay down on Marissa's side of the bed, burying her face in the pillow. She inhaled Marissa's scent and allowed herself to come to rest. She knew it would only make everything harder if she stayed here this night, but at that moment she didn't care.

Alex awoke early the next morning before the sun had even risen. She tried to go back to sleep, to enjoy a few more peaceful hours surrounded by Marissa's smell, but she felt strangely restless. She rearranged the bed sheets she had slept on, so that they looked the way they had when she came here yesterday. Then, still wearing the clothes of the day before, Alex went outside and started running. She ran around the neighbourhood for over an hour, enjoying the darkness and silence. Quite ironical, actually, she thought, how much I enjoy the darkness when all it brought me is this half-life. But so the enemy becomes one's friend, one's protector even. During the night is now the only time I can walk around here openly.

It had already begun to dawn when Alex returned to her apartment. She had barely sweated, as her cold body hardly needed any cooling. But she noticed with satisfaction that the exercise had managed to heat her body up, so that she almost felt like an actual living being for a while.

She shot a longing glance at her apartment before getting into Victoria's rental car and driving back to the motel.

Alex realized she had no key and was about to knock on the door to their room, when someone tapped her on the shoulder from behind. She spun around and came face to face with a dark-clad woman.

"Damnit, Victoria!" Alex hissed. "You scared me to hell! How did you manage to sneak up to me like that?"

Victoria smiled knowingly, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"Training. If you think about it, why should it be necessary for us to breathe? It is much more pleasant to continue breathing, you will notice if you try to stop, but it is not essential. It's a quite handy trait when it comes to sneaking up on people."

Alex couldn't suppress a frown, as she noticed that Victoria's voice sounded uncharacteristically neutral… and wasn't there even a slight undertone of suppressed anger?

"Err… Could you maybe open the door for me?" Alex asked a bit unsure, pointing at their motel room. "I just went running. I'd really like to take a shower."

"We're not in there anymore," Victoria answered turning away, her voice still rather cool. "Follow me, we're in these two rooms now. They have a joining door inside, but this way both of us can have a bit more privacy."

Victoria opened one of the doors. "After you."

"Thanks," Alex mumbled, now sure that something was up. Victoria followed her inside and closed the door.

"Sooo, was your night alright?" Victoria asked in the same voice as before.

"More or less… but Vic… please tell me, did I do something wrong?" Alex asked somewhat desperately.

"Hmm… well, let's think… Maybe, you could have used the fancy mobile I got you and given me a call or simply answered my text message?"

"I –"

"Damnit, I worried about you, Alex! I know you needed some time alone and that's perfectly alright. But I thought you'd be gone for only a few hours. You were gone the whole night!"

Alex just stood there, dumbfounded, staring at the woman in front of her breathing heavily from her outbreak, her facial expression still cold and hard.

"I-I'm sorry," Alex finally said. "I didn't realize… I had no idea you would react like this. And I didn't see your text message… I left the cell in the car… I'm really sorry," Alex repeated, still confused by Victoria's reaction.

The older vampire sighed and her face finally softened a bit.

"Ah, oh dear, I'm sorry Alex. You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

Alex slowly shook her head. "No, I'm just a bit confused… I mean I was only gone for a few hours, not even quite half a day. What could have happened in that time? I mean, you said yourself I can't die." Alex laughed humourlessly and searched the other woman's face, trying to understand her.

Victoria sighed again. "That's not quite true. Do you remember one of the last things we talked about last night? I told you- "

"-how to kill vampires, yes, but wasn't it rather improbable that another vampire would come here and try to murder me?" Alex interrupted, frowning.

Victoria shook her head. "You misunderstood were I was aiming at. I wasn't thinking of other vampires. I was thinking of you. I feared- I feared you might chose to end your existence…"

"You thought I was gonna kill myself?!"

"Yes," Victoria said quietly, hurt showing openly on her face now. "I considered going out to look for you… But I wasn't sure if I had the right to stop you. I chose to save you from death by introducing you into the world of vampirism. I thought that someone as young as you should get another shot at life. But I guess now that you are capable of making your own decisions again, the choice should really be yours."

There was a moment of silence in which both women just stared at each other.

Alex cleared her throat. "I'm not sure if I prefer this existence to death. But I thank you for giving me the possibility to find out," she said sincerely.

Victoria nodded, appreciating Alex' words.

"And I also thank you for caring so much about my well-being, but you really shouldn't feel responsible for me…"

"Yes, I know," Victoria said, her voice returning to its normal state. "I will let you find your own path. But do check your mobile from time to time when we're separated for a longer time, okay?"

Alex smiled at Victoria, receiving a smile in turn. "Okay."

"Ah, come here, little one," the older vampire said, pulling Alex into short but genial hug.

They both sat down on chairs around a little table and Alex told her about her night at the graveyard and her apartment.

"You say you felt restless when you awoke? And the feeling is coming back again? Hmm, Alex, I hate to tell you this, but do you think you might just be thirsty?" Victoria suggested. "You haven't fed again since the night I taught you to hunt, did you?"

"What, no!" Alex exclaimed immediately and then added more calmly: "No… really. I'm not- I'm not thirsty… yet. It's probably nothing. Actually the feeling's practically gone again."

Victoria threw her a sceptical glance but said nothing.

"You know what I wonder," Alex said suddenly. "Why are there vampires that drink human blood? Why risk being caught by police or vampire hunters like you?"

"Ah, yes, a good question," Victoria said, sighing once more. "Well, human blood is more powerful than animal blood. All vampires were once human themselves. To drink blood of the same kind that once flowed through their own veins is much more satisfying and nourishing than any other kind. A vampire that fed on a human can go on for a much longer time without needing to feed again. This is also the reason why it will take a while for me to locate Darian again. It will take some time before he feels the need to drink human blood again. He might even feed on some animals in between before his craving for human blood gets the better of him again."

"That's sick," Alex growled under her breath, her hands clenched to fists.

"Yes, I know. But there's another fact that leads many vampires to feed on humans… Human blood simply tastes better than animal blood."

"So Darian chose to drink my blood because he wanted a tasty meal!?" Alex grinded her teeth in anger.

"I know it's disgusting, Alex. But try to relax." It was only then that Alex realized her knuckles had turned completely white and she unclenched her fists, trying to calm down again. She closed her eyes and slowly breathed in and out for a few times.

Alex' eyes suddenly shot open again and she shot Victoria a piercing glance. "Have you ever drunk human blood before? I mean, if you didn't how would you know all this?" Alex demanded, fighting hard to keep her temper down.

"Yes, I have drunk human blood before, and you know it, Alex! I told you that I bit you again after Darian had left you half-finished, so to say."

"Oh, right. So… Did my blood-"

"As I said before, human blood tastes good. And it doesn't matter why one drinks it – as soon as one does it takes a lot of self-control to stop again."

Alex nodded slowly, but continued looking at Victoria questioningly.

"I can see that your not satisfied with my answers yet," Victoria sighed. "As you probably already guessed, your blood wasn't the first human blood that touched my lips. I could impossibly have kept you alive if I hadn't experienced the taste before.

"Long ago, before I started hunting other vampires, there was a time when I tracked down and killed 'usual' murderers. The first time I killed a man, a mass-murderer he was by the way, I had had no intentions of drinking his blood. But when I smelled his blood all around me after our battle I couldn't resist the temptation and fed on him.
I kept this business on for quite a while, and believe me, it wasn't easy to break the habit once I had gotten used to drinking human blood regularly.

"I hope I don't sound too much like a drug addict that finally managed to stop taking drugs, but ever since I stopped drinking human blood I've felt much less like a monster and much more human."

Alex took a few minutes to think about what Victoria had just told her. "So… what would happen if I got close to a bleeding human…?" she then asked slowly.

"Well, let's put it this way: You should definitely be careful. Probably it'd be best if you just went away – quickly. You have experienced how easy you lose your temper. For you to lose control over yourself over human blood is even easier."

Alex nodded sadly. One more reason for her to never tell Marissa the truth.

Victoria had offered to give Alex some self-defence lessons and Alex had gladly accepted, thankful for anything that took her mind off Marissa for a while.

So the two of them spent the rest of the morning training in a lonesome spot not too far away from their motel. Alex wasn't sure if hunting vampires together with Victoria was really something she wanted to do for the rest of her existence, but hunting down Darian was definitely something she aimed at, and she knew that she would be no help to Victoria unless she learned to fight and defend herself.

Victoria got her some books on combat sports and Alex spent her afternoon reading them, while Victoria herself had something else to do, as she said.

Hours later, in the evening, Alex was beginning to feel restless again. She knew that Victoria was probably right and she was just thirsty, but she didn't want to accept it – as that would mean she'd have to go hunting again – and tried to ignore the feeling.

Alex looked outside and saw with relief that the sun already stood rather low in the sky. She left a note for Victoria on the table saying she was just going for some fresh air and that she could call her on her cell any time. Then she put on a thin black hoodie and went outside, pulling the hood deep over her face.

She walked all the way to Newport Beach and when she finally reached her apartment the sun had already begun to sink. She stood on the doorstep for a while, knowing she shouldn't be here and trying to fight the urge to go inside again.

Suddenly Alex heard the squealing of wheels and quickly jumped behind a few trees. Excitement and nervousness started to build up inside her and once again the absence of her heart beat became painfully aware to her.

But her excitement soon turned to disappointment when she saw not Marissa but Summer appear in front of her apartment. She watched Marissa's best friend walk up to the door and ring the bell. While waiting for a response, Summer turned her head in Alex' direction and Alex sent out a silent thank-you that it was already dark enough for her not to catch Summer's attention.

Alex noticed Summer's sad expression and wondered what could have happened to her, until she suddenly realized that Summer was probably grieving for her. In the last months she had gotten to know the lovable brunette better and they had become friends. Alex never forgot how Summer had helped her after she had broken up with Marissa after the bonfire incident.

Alex realized that she had been too busy mourning over her own lost relationship and love in the last days to think about how her apparent death might have affected others.

The dimension of her misfortune suddenly became aware to her. She would never be able to talk to Summer, to Seth or even her parents ever again. All she could do was watch them from afar… watch them as they grew old without her… Alex remembered Victoria's story and now she could really comprehend for the first time how she must have felt. Alex shivered, immensely grateful that at least she wasn't completely alone like Victoria had been.

Alex' thoughts were forced back into the presence when she heard Summer's voice.

"Hey Coop! Where are you? I'm in front of your house and I've been ringing the goddamn bell for over five minutes now!"

So this means she's moved back in here, Alex figured, somehow finding the thought comforting.

"Yeah, I kinda guessed as much by now. So where are you?……I just wanted to pay you a visit… You now, just hang, talk and watch a DVD or something……Yeah, I guess… But Coop, if you don't mind me asking, where are you driving?……What? You mean to LA?!"

Alex almost gasped out loud, and when Summer more or less confirmed her presumption with her next words, she felt fear creeping into her mind. She did not at all like the idea of Marissa alone in LA – and judging from Summer's tone of voice, neither did she.

"…Yeah… I love you, too, Riss," Summer said quietly. Alex had to strain her ears to hear her last sentence: "Please take care of yourself."

Alex shivered and watched as Summer slowly retreated to her car, looking worried and crestfallen.

Not all too long ago, Alex had and Marissa had been to LA together. They had heard of a club where girls were often admitted without being asked for an ID and they had wanted to check it out. But once they were there they had found the place was rather shabby – and in addition Alex had not at all liked the way the bouncer had looked at Marissa – and they had instead gone to a nice bar.

Alex waited until she was sure Summer was gone, then she left the shadow of the trees. She headed for Victoria's rental car until she realized she had come here by foot.

"Damnit!" Alex swore under her breath and then quickly made up her mind. Her jeep was not here – so Marissa must have taken it. So that left her with no other option but taking Marissa's red Mustang. It wasn't exactly the most inconspicuous vehicle, but it would have to do.

Alex got out her bundle of keys and quickly found the right one. Soon after they had moved in together, Marissa and Alex had exchanged keys to their cars, so both of them had access to both cars.

As Alex started driving towards the city she thought about what might happen that evening. If she was wrong and Marissa wasn't heading for the club, there wasn't much she could do – but nevertheless it was probably the better option. If Marissa really went to that club, God knows what she'd do then, Alex thought. She might begin drinking excessively again… and I don't even want to think about what that could lead to…

Alex sighed and tried to erase all the fears from her mind. Just concentrate on the road, she kept telling herself. But the thought of Marissa – in danger – threatened to drive her into insanity and she drove as fast as she dared – without risking not to arrive at all – hoping Marissa was just meeting up with a few old friends.

A/N: Okay… I know not all too much happened in this chap… I'm not quite sure how it happened, but this part turned out way longer than I intended it to be… XD

Well, anyways, thanks again for the reviews! : )