He paused outside the infirmary room door, hesitating just one more minute. Giving himself just a few more precious seconds before going in to her.

Before making it real.

Because he loved her. He knew that now. In fact, if he were honest with himself, he had known it for a very long time. But since Teal'c had called him on it by pointing out Jack's despair at thinking Carter was truly gone for good, he could no longer simply ignore it.

Yet he couldn't do anything about it, either, because nothing had changed. She was still as out-of-reach as she had been on the other side of that.…

Besides, what could he offer her, really? Even if he switched teams… or she did… and they could truly be together, what kind of life was that? Either one of them or both of them gone off world nearly all the time - gone off world apart from each other.

And as much as it killed him to see her in danger… To send her into danger… He knew with an absolute certainty not being there was much, much worse. Her recent MIA on the Prometheus had certainly reminded him of that.

Sometimes, he wondered how Sara had put up with it for as long as she did. Because he knew he couldn't. The terror in not knowing… of fearing the worst… And the pain in starting to believe that maybe, this time, she was really…

No. He couldn't survive that. Not again.

So he had to let her go. And this time, he had to really let her go. Completely and totally, once and for all.

Which meant, in a way, he should be grateful. Maybe… as much as it hurt… this was the best thing that could have happened to him. And he knew it was the best thing that could have happened to her.

He braced himself, straightening his shoulders, and stepped into the observation room. She was sitting there, all alone in the semi-dark, watching as he slept in the room below. Jack knew the surgery had been successful and the other man's recovery would be short. In a very few hours…

Carter must have heard him enter the room. Turning to look at him, she said, sounding only slightly surprised at finding him there, "Hey, sir."

"Hi, Carter."

"Sir, would you like to sit down?" she asked, pointing towards the empty chair next to her.

"Oh… no… I have to…" he gestured vaguely towards the door behind him. "You know… stuff."

She smiled slightly, but there was no real joy in the expression. Which was only reasonable considering the man lying there in the room before them. "Yeah. Stuff." Then, biting her lip slightly, she continued, "Look… Sir… About what happened… I didn't tell him… I mean… I couldn't have known…"

Despite everything, he couldn't help but smile at her confusion. "It's okay, Carter. In fact, that's why I'm here."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Hammond checked with Washington and, considering what the man's already seen… Well, they checked him out and have decided the best course of action is to simply come clean."

She was obviously surprised. "Really?" she repeated.

"Yup."

Her evident joy at the news almost made up for everything else. Almost. "That's… Wow. You mean I can tell Pete… Everything?"

"That's right, Carter. Everything."

"Oh…" He could practically see the realization of all that meant sink in. She turned back to him after a moment, her smile radiant. "Thank you, sir."

"Don't thank me, Carter. Hammond talked them into it."

"Still… Thank you," she said sincerely.

He forced himself to smile. It was getting easier each time he did it. Eventually, maybe it wouldn't even hurt. "My pleasure, Carter…. And now," he said, moving back towards the door, "I've got all that…"

"Yes. Stuff."

"Yup. See you tomorrow, then, Carter. Briefing with Hammond at 0700 and then, if he approves, fun and games on…." He let his voice trail off as though searching for the name.

She didn't fail him. "P3X-591, sir?" she provided with a slight smile.

He snapped his fingers. "Yes. Right. PSX-what-you-said. Until then, Carter…."

"Yes, sir." She smiled gratefully at him, and he hadn't fully realized until that moment one of those smiles could actually hurt. "And thanks again."

Jack didn't answer. He couldn't. He simply nodded once by way of reply and quickly left the room.