10

It was late in the morning and the sun stood high in the sky in Phoenix. Alex was running through the streets, through a park and through streets again. She ran and ran, and slowly she felt herself beginning to sweat. Her cold body had truly become hot enough to need actual cooling.

Thousands of thoughts were whirling around in Alex' head, but she tried to shut them all away. Just one moment, she thought, just one moment without any concerns. But then again she had spent all last night without worrying about anything.

She remembered everything she had done last night – done with Amy. It had been wonderful… The feeling of another body against her own again after two long months…

Alex looked at a public clock. It was almost noon. Time to go back.

She would go take a shower and then she would talk to Amy.

Around 1 o'clock Alex reached the pub they had been in the night before. Victoria was already there, dressed all in black as usual.

"Hey Alex!" she greeted her, smiling. Whatever it was that she had been doing that night, it had obviously gone well.

"Hey Vic."

"Where's Amy?"

"She's…" Alex cleared her throat. "She's not coming."

Victoria raised her eyebrows in surprise and gave Alex a questioning glance.

"So… What does that mean, in specific?"

"I'm going back to Newport with you."

Victoria's expression was hard to read. She almost looked a bit… disappointed.

"Did you and Amy not get along well?"

Alex cleared her throat again, "No, no… We did get along… pretty well, actually. But… I… Do I really have to justify myself? I'm going back to Newport – and that's that."

"Hey, no need to get bitchy," Victoria said coolly. "Okay, so we're going back. Come on, let's go find the car."

They walked in silence for almost twenty minutes until they reached the black rental car.

Victoria got into the driver's seat and Alex once more took the seat beside her, and so they began their ride home.

"You are aware, though," Victoria began after a while, finally breaking the silence, "that I'm not going to stay in Newport forever? I'm going to move on, soon."

Alex nodded slowly. "I guess we might part company soon."

Victoria threw her a quick glance, frowning. "So you're planning on staying in Newport? I don't think I have to tell you what I think about that…"

"Are you gonna try and stop me?" Alex demanded, her eyes sparkling with a red shimmer.

Victoria sighed, but her face remained emotionless. "You know, I'm not against you or anything. You should hear yourself talk sometimes… As if I was an enemy or something. I'm just trying to help."

Alex closed her eyes and massaged her temples. "I know. And I really appreciate everything you've done for me. But you have to let me decide how I want to live my life. And, as I told you before, the only thing in this fucking life that still means anything to me, is Marissa. I'm gonna stay in the O.C. and watch over her until the end – her end." Alex' voice had become steadily louder, but then she added in a whisper: "And it'll be my end as well."

Alex' facial expression was grim and determined. She waited for Victoria too either lecture her or drown her in pity, but was surprised when all she said was 'okay'.

Alex stared at Victoria for a moment, and the latter threw her a small – understanding – smile. "Maybe that's what you have to do – everyone has a different way of dealing. And I'm not leaving Newport tomorrow, nor the day after – maybe you'll change your mind. Don't look at me as if you'll kill me any second! I just said maybe. Let's just leave it at that for now, okay?"

Alex took a deep breath and then nodded slowly. She knew she would never change her mind. She would stay wherever Marissa was and make sure she was alright. But there was no sense in arguing with Victoria now.

They continued their journey in silence once more, but this time it wasn't a cold and uncomfortable one.

Alex thoughts wandered to the morning and the evening before – to Amy. What Amy had offered her was a complete new life – a fresh start. There were many tempting aspects to that… but it just wasn't right. She couldn't leave Marissa behind as if she had never known her. She couldn't and she wouldn't.

It was always difficult to lose a person. Break-ups could be devastating and it was often terribly hard to get over an ex and usually impossible to forget them. Losing a person because death took its toll, was terrible and immensely difficult, too. But in both of these cases at least one knew that there was no possibility of seeing that person or being with them again.

Alex, on the other hand, was doomed to watch from afar as Marissa grew old, while she herself remained young for ever. A few months ago I would have said eternal youth and life was a blessing, Alex thought grimly, but now I now it's a curse, a goddamn curse.

When they reached Newport Beach a couple of hours later, Alex felt herself relax a bit, even though she hadn't noticed how tensed she had been. She knew that Marissa was somewhere near, somewhere within her reach.

Victoria parked the car in front of their motel and Alex quickly rushed up the stairs to their rooms. It was in the afternoon and the sun still stood high in the sky. If anyone Alex knew came passing by – which was rather unlikely, but still – they would immediately recognize her.

Alex unlocked the door and entered the room, taking a wide look around. So here I am, Alex thought, I'm back. Not home, but back.

Victoria joined her a few seconds later, but left again almost immediately saying she had something to do.

"You've got my cell if you need anything, right?" she asked. Alex confirmed with a nod and moments later the front door fell shut.

Alex looked around the room again. What now? Everything inside her was itching to look after Marissa… but it was too early. Not that she had never followed her around during day-time… but it was risky.

Alex suddenly wished she had her guitar here. She hadn't played in such a long time now.

Maybe I can get a new guitar and improve my skills, she thought bitterly, at least I've got time now. No more work…

No more work! Alex nearly laughed out loud at her stupidity. How could she not have given that any thought before? Victoria was paying for their motel rooms now, and she didn't need any food. But what was she going to do when Victoria had left town? She had saved a bit money, but her credit card was at her and Marissa's apartment – and it wasn't much anyway.

Alex groaned. She would have to find herself a job, there was no way around it. She'd ask Victoria for advice later, but for now she pushed the problem aside.

After another moment of simply standing there, asking herself how she could have been so naïve and not have given money any thought before, Alex finally got out her combat sports books and began practicing. She didn't know what else to do with herself and this activity at least had some sense – she still had every intentions of hunting down Darian one day.

When the sun was finally stood low in the sky, Alex headed to the bathroom, intending to take a shower. She glanced into the mirror and something on a shelve behind her caught her attention. She turned around and picked up the hair-dye package. She glanced back into the mirror and examined her appearance. She still looked almost the same as two months ago, she had the same green eyes, the blonde hair and the purple streak. Her face was a bit paler, but apart from that nothing had changed. And yet…

This is not me anymore, Alex thought sadly. I'm not the person I used to be. So why play pretend?

And with those thoughts she opened the package in her hands, scanned the manual and then began to dye her hair.

Twenty minutes later she finally hopped under the shower and afterwards got dressed quickly. She put on a hoodie even though it was a quite warm evening – temperature didn't really play a role to her anymore.

She avoided looking in the mirror, and yet she caught a short involuntary glimpse of herself and then couldn't help but take a closer look. Long black hair now framed her face and suddenly she felt a strange calmness fill her. She was no longer Alex, the bartender, the girlfriend, the teenager. She was Alex, the vampire, now.

Alex left the building and started jogging in direction of Newport Beach – the motel was outside town – her hood up, hiding her face.

Shortly before she arrived at the apartment she followed a sudden impulse and headed to the beach instead. She passed the Bait Shop and felt another sting of loss. She really missed working there.

As soon as Alex had set foot on the beach, she stopped and took off her Chucks and socks. She felt the sand beneath her toes and a tiny, but sincere smile sneaked onto her face.

She wasn't sure whether Marissa was here or not, but it felt right to pay their spot on the beach a visit.

She walked down the beach, enjoying the wind in her hair, and soon saw that she was in fact lucky. When she saw the silhouette of a girl, sitting on the sand and looking at the ocean, she immediately knew it was Marissa. She sat down several yards away and stared at the back of the girl she loved more than her life. The crashing sound of the waves filled her ears and Alex sighed in contentment as she stared at the beautiful view in front of her: a deep red sun was setting into the sea, the black silhouette of the most beautiful girl visible against the colourful evening sky.

Alex didn't know how long she sat there like that, but when Marissa finally got up, she felt it had been way to short.

The sun had set completely a long time ago and Alex had no problems remaining unseen when she followed Marissa off the beach. At some point they walked past a man who looked at Marissa with an evil grin on his face. He was about to move forward, his hand outstretched, when he caught sight of Alex. She had stopped walking and stood staring at him, her hands clutched to fists, her breath shallow and fast. But it was her eyes that made his blood freeze inside his veins. He winced and quickly backed away. Something in her blood red eyes seemed to give the word 'death glare' a whole new meaning.

Alex had to close her eyes for a moment and force herself to calm down. The anger and hate she was feeling was threatening to take her over completely. Pictures of herself killing that man, biting him, drinking his blood filled her head, and she licked her lips subconsciously.

It took her another full minute to recover from her rage blackout. Then she opened her eyes and was relieved to see that the man had gone.

Alex took a deep breath. She had just been angry enough to kill that man. In the past Alex had sometimes asked herself if she was capable of murder. Today she knew the answer. She had already killed a vampire in Phoenix – but that had been different, they had been in a fight.

The time when she had been near to killing a man in L.A. had also been different. It had been clear then that he was attempting to rape Marissa.

But this man just now… The only thing he had done wrong was to look at Marissa. Maybe he had just wanted to ask for the time?

Alex shook her head and shivered. It was like the vampire inside herself was fighting her human part. The human part was still in control – and it had to stay that way. The thought of ending up to be a monster like Darian sent even more chills down her spine.

No, Alex thought, I won't. She suddenly realized that this wasn't a decision she had taken a long time ago – it was only now that she had decided for good that she wouldn't be a monster. She was a vampire, yes, but no monster.

Alex nodded to herself. She knew she would have a hard time fighting her rage-blackouts, or whatever it was, but fight them she would.

Then Alex suddenly blinked as if she was awakening from a deep sleep and quickly went after Marissa, suddenly afraid to lose sight of her. All self-centered thoughts disappeared from her mind as Marissa took their place again.

When they reached the parking lot, Marissa got into the jeep and drove off, leaving Alex to follow her on foot. The young vampire quickly put her shoes back on and then squared her shoulders.

Assuming that Marissa was heading home, Alex began jogging in direction of their apartment. Going back to the hotel now was no option for her. She needed to watch over Marissa tonight. She had caught a short glimpse of Marissa's face before she had gotten into the car. She wasn't sure what she had seen there – but it had frightened her. There had been sadness on her face, but also something else: a bitter determination that sent icy chills down Alex' spine.

A/N: Wow, okay, it's been over a month since my last update… O.o I hardly found the time to write at all… I spent my summer in Portugal (mostly at the beach!) and my best friend (her name is Alex, too, btw :D… and in case you read this one day, Alex: I love u!) spent almost three weeks there with me – need I say more? I had the best time of my life! : )

I think it's safe to say that I will update faster again now…

Oh, and I finally managed to get on the Alex/ Marissa fan site… Thanks shassy25 and susie! I'll post my stories there, too, when I find the time.

If you want to see a pic of Alex as a vamp, copy this link into your browser… you have to erase the three spaces, though: http: / /s8.directupload. net/images/080829/biyawblo.jpg

Hope you like it! :D

Thanks for the many reviews!! I know I've said this before, but your opinions really mean a lot to me.

Cheers!
Elanor