Asuma was tempted to fall asleep right then and there.

Kakashi was in a mood, and Naruto and Sakura had left him alone. Asuma was left with Kakashi, and he was dead tired. He was sitting next to Kakashi now, one hand absently resting in his friend's soft silver hair.

"You okay?" he murmured. He wasn't sure if Kakashi was awake or not, but he might be from the way he was shifting…

"No."

Asuma smiled, and his hand began to move in Kakashi's hair. "Come on, don't be like that."

Kakashi grunted a response and turned over, onto his back. "Do you want something?"

Asuma shrugged. "I got left here with you."

Kakashi turned back onto his stomach. "Sucks for you."

Asuma sighed. "You're a very difficult little child, you know that?"

"Tsunade-sama once told me I had the mind of a six-year-old who didn't want to finish his vegetables."

"I believe her!" Asuma cried. "You're so outrageously stubborn…"

"Got a problem with that?"

Asuma sighed again. "There is no talking to you, is there?"

"Nope."

At least he's honest….

OOOOOOOOO

Kurenai sped through the forest at practically light speed. She had realized that Tsunade was at the head of the team of ANBU long ago; now she just needed to find them…

And lo and behold, there they were, resting by a brook. Kurenai jumped down from her tree.

"Tsunade-sama!"

Tsunade spun around, several shuriken jumping to her hands. Two ANBU leaped in front of her protectively.

"Oh, it's Kurenai," they said, and slowly stepped aside.

"Wait a second," Tsunade said. "I'm asking you something only the real Kurenai would know."

Kurenai shrugged. There wasn't much that might qualify, since she shared everything with Asuma, but maybe…

"Who did you lose your virginity to?"

O.O

"Asuma?" Kurenai said tentatively. "That's really personal, you really shouldn't ask those kinds of questions-"

Tsunade sighed. "It's her."

Kurenai bent down and picked up a rock.

"Here," she said, thrusting it at the nearest ANBU. The ANBU took it hesitantly.

"What's this…?"

"Big rock."

"…What do you want me to do with it…?"

"Kill me!"

The ANBU sighed and dropped the rock. "Yeah, yeah, don't leave your boyfriend in the lurch."

"Tsunade-sama, I am going to hurt you so bad for that."

Tsunade grinned. "Thanks."

Kurenai plopped down on the ground with a sigh. "How is Asuma, anyway?"

"He's fine," Tsunade said, sitting down next to her. "It's Kakashi I'm worried about. What exactly did Itachi do to him? Kakashi agreed to let me search his mind, but he was damaged, severely. A lot of information I found was cloudy and kind of…"

Kurenai nodded. "I'm not really sure what happened, either. When I talked to him all I could gather was 'stabbed' and 'three days' and I thought he said something about a cross."

Tsunade nodded. "That fits. So Itachi tied him to a cross and stabbed him for seventy-two hours…that would screw anybody up."

Kurenai exhaled and leaned back against a tree trunk. "So…what brings you out to this neck of the woods?"

"We were actually looking for you," Tsunade said. "I found one clear image in Kakashi's mind, and it was the Akatsuki headquarters. How Kakashi knows that, I do not know, and it's not important. What matters is that we have you back."

Kurenai shrugged. "I actually got out of there because no one was guarding my room. Busted the window and ran for it."

Tsunade nodded. "So we came here for nothing, really."

Kurenai put her hands behind her head and leaned back. "Guess so."
Tsunade sighed and stood up. "Whatever. I guess we should head back, then. Kakashi will be happy to see you."

"He'll probably be in a mood," Kurenai said sourly. "Right after the shock of being injured wears off, he gets cranky. Hormones, I guess."

"Na, testosterone," Tsunade replied. She held out a hand, and Kurenai used it to pull herself to her feet. "Boys are unstable little creatures, so it's up to us women to hold them together."

Kurenai laughed and stretched her arms up. "Well, then, let's get going. Kakashi and Asuma are probably falling apart."

OOOOOOOOO

Asuma was dozing against the wall, Kakashi simply tossing and turning. He didn't really expect anything to happen; he was just bored and stressed.

That was when the door opened.

"All right, you moody little brat, get up, I'm back, and I'm not dead!!"

Kakashi threw the pillow at Kurenai laughing. "You had to jump on me, didn't you?"

Kurenai's wicked grin spread even further. "Of course I did, silly! You never would have woken up otherwise!"

Kakashi sighed and whacked her again with his pillow. "Get off. Go jump on Asuma, I'm sure he'd love it."

Kurenai gave an indignant squeal and smacked Kakashi with his own pillow, then untangled herself from him and tackled Asuma from the side.

"Wake up!!"

Asuma grunted as Kurenai slammed into him, and the two wrestled it out on the floor. Tsunade grinned and waltzed over to Kakashi, leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"Come here, you," she murmured, and pressed Kakashi to her shoulder. As she expected, Kakashi returned the embrace, and settled against her chest.

"You okay?"

"No."

Kurenai looked up from her wrestling match with Asuma to grin at Tsunade. "Told you he was in a mood."

Tsunade grinned and held Kakashi at arm's length, closely examining his figure. "You're fine," she declared, and pulled him close again.

"Kurenai," Asuma was saying, "There's…something I need to tell you…Kakashi already knows, but he found out by accident…"

Kurenai nodded. "You're a jinchuuriki," she said. "Yeah, Kakuza told me."

"Kakuza?"

"Leader of the Akatsuki. Listen, Asuma, I need to tell you something too. Itachi and Kisame took off last night and left someone else in charge of me. They weren't very good, considering I got out by breaking the window and running, but you have to be careful. Itachi and Kisame might be coming for you, and I don't know-"

"Kurenai, Kurenai, calm down," Asuma shushed. "I know, don't worry."

Kurenai sighed. "I'm sorry, this is my fault-"

"Oh, don't you start too!" Asuma cried. "None of this is your fault!"

Kurenai sighed. "I still feel guilty…"

"You and Kakashi, with the angst and the guilt! Seriously, you two!"

Kurenai smiled. Asuma was fine…and Kakashi was still in a mood.

OOOOOOOOO

Itachi was pacing.

He was bored and restless, and impatient. Itachi wasn't a patient person to begin with; he had rushed it a bit with Kakashi. Yes, he had made the jounin scream in agony for three days. Yes, he had broken his sprit extensively. Yes, he could have killed him, but left him for some reason. But there was still something Itachi felt he needed to do…oh yes.

Shred that damned Yuuhi.

He really wanted to shred her boyfriend, too, but he was a jinchuuriki, so he couldn't kill him until they had the demon. And Kakashi…he just wanted him to fulfill his own satanic pleasures. Not to mention the jounin knew far too much, and Itachi had to get rid of him somehow…so now he had a cast iron reason for capturing and torturing the jounin. Feh…weak-minded fool. He really should have just-

"Itachi."

Itachi looked at Kisame. "What, fish sticks?"

"Stop calling me that," Kisame grumbled. "Anyway, what the hell are we doing just standing here?"

Itachi fisted down the urge to punch Kisame's lights out.

It was hard, but he managed.

Not.

Itachi dealt him a real wallop over the head, and Itachi could have sworn he heard Kisame' brains rattle.

"Well what was that for?" Kisame whined, glaring at Itachi.

"For being stupid. I hope I knocked some intelligence into you."

Kisame had had enough from Itachi for one day, and decided to gain back an ounce of respect. Itachi glared at the raised finger and smacked him again.

"Ouch! Stop doing that!"

"You don't have any brains left to knock around so I don't know why I still smack you."

"So stop!"

Itachi sighed and smacked Kisame again. "Let's go. It's midnight. Kakashi should be alone by now. We grab him and run. If you see anyone, you rip 'em to shreds. Got that? Leave Kakashi too me."

Kisame sighed. "Fine."

Itachi opened the window. He was surprised it wasn't locked; Kakashi may have had it open, though, to get some air. Whatever the reason, Itachi was grateful; Kakashi had just made his job a lot easier.

The jounin was sleeping soundly on his side. His masked face was bathed in moonlight, pale and white. He looked so innocent…

Itachi shook himself. Beautiful as he was, Itachi had to handle him roughly, otherwise the jounin would fight him viciously. If he presented himself as a threat from the beginning, the chances were much larger that Kakashi would be caught off guard and submit to him.

Oh, who was he kidding, the jounin would throw a fit.

Itachi slid through, motioning to Kisame to stay until he saw someone. Kisame backed down with a bit of grumbling, but he did as he was told. Itachi approached Kakashi, praying the jounin would sleep through-

Oh, crap.

Kakashi awoke with a start, how Itachi didn't know. He hadn't made a sound…oh, well. It wasn't important. He darted forward, snatched Kakashi, and plastered his hand over Kakashi's mouth.

"Shut your damn little mouth," Itachi spat, pinning the jounin's arms to his sides. He could feel Kakashi begin to tremble under his hands, and he was almost surprised. Kakashi was crumbling-so easily? Well, again-Kakashi was making his life so much easier.

Itachi dragged Kakashi over to the window and handed hi to Kisame. "Get as far away from here as possible and keep him quiet. I've got to do something."

Kisame nodded and pulled Kakashi behind him as he began to run across the treetops. Kakashi followed, and Itachi watched him go until he couldn't see them anymore. He turned back to the room and slid through the doorway, heading for where he knew a certain someone would be.

OOOOOOOOO

As it turned out, Tsunade had actually gone home to sleep tonight-Itachi would have thought she would have crashed near Kakashi. Sighing, Itachi ran off to find her.

Plan B.

Tsunade's mansion was huge-but of course, she was the Hokage. She would have a huge house. Itachi found her window almost immediately and snuck in.

"Tsunade," he whispered, gently shaking her.

"Hm?" Tsunade turned over, jumping when she saw Itachi.

"What do you want?" she hissed, jumping to her feet. Itachi shrugged.

"Just wanted to show you what happened to Kakashi."

"Shizune!!!"

"Too late," Itachi said smoothly, and grabbed Tsunade's hair. "Tsukiyomi!"

In a heartbeat, the world turned red.

"Uchiha Itachi, you are going to pay for this!" Tsunade gasped, yanking at her bonds. She glared down at Itachi, standing below her with a katana.

"Seventy-two hours of this," he murmured, and thrust the katana into her side. "Enjoy."

OOOOOOOOO

Shizune heard Tsunade's call and rushed to her bedroom immediately. She had heard the screams as well-what had happened? No one could have gotten in past her defenses…unless…

Shizune slid the door aside, and saw Itachi, hovering over Tsunade, Mangekyou Sharingan blazing. Shizune gasped, and Tsunade dropped to the ground, writhing in pain.

"What did you do to her?!" she screamed. She pulled up her sleeve, revealing the needles on her arm. These she shot at Itachi, watching as they all went past him to strike the wall. Shizune swept forward, striking at him with another needle. Itachi could see the poison dripping from its tip, and dodged the deadly liquid. Shizune drove him back, and Itachi realized too late what she was doing. His Sharingan was a bit tired; he might have overdone it with Tsunade. And the fool's sprit was probably still intact as well…

She's fast.

"Die, you-!"

Itachi found a kunai in his cloak and held it before him in defense. Dammit, I did overdo the Sharingan-!

Shizune ducked Itachi's swing, sliding underneath him and striking-

A Shadow Clone.

Shizune gasped as the clone disappeared, and Itachi reappeared behind her.

"Shizune! Behind you!"

Shizune turned-

Half a second too late.

Itachi continued past her to Tsunade, kunai glinting in the half-light from the moon. Tsunade kicked out, striking blindly at Itachi. Itachi easily avoided the blow, and ducked underneath Tsunade's defense. Tsunade leaned back, trying one last time to get in a hit before Itachi found her arms and pulled her away.

Shizune wasn't about to take this lying down. She scrambled to her feet, shooting a new batch of needles at Itachi. Itachi ducked, falling on top of Tsunade.

Bad move.

Tsunade's jaws closed on Itachi's neck, resulting in a slap and a kick. Don't let go-come on, don't let go, don't let go, don't let go-

Itachi kicked her again, and shoved his finger into the corner of her mouth, prying her jaws apart. Tsunade turned on him again, this time biting down on his hand.

"Dammit, do you ever give up?!"

Itachi groaned and smacked her, hard enough to bring a flinch from Tsunade. By now, she was crazy mad-and Itachi was her target. Tsunade knew her arms were pinned down, and she was at a huge disadvantage-big enough for her to consider giving up. But hey, Itachi seemed to hate being bitten, so…

Shizune sprang forward, needles blazing. Itachi swore; he knew she was coming, and it was either take the hit, or give up Tsunade. And maybe it was better to-

Itachi substituted at the last second, leaving Shizune with a log. He leaped from treetop to treetop, knowing Tsunade was after him now. He had to get to Kakashi and declare-

Shit.

Itachi saw the flurry of needles headed towards him and ducked behind a tree, watching them whiz past him, dangerously close. A warning, perhaps? Well, he had given one to the Hokage herself, and he had told her in Tsukiyomi-

Don't interfere. If you do, we will kill you. Kakashi is mine, and there is nothing you can do about it. And do not interfere. He had stabbed her again, just to prove his point. Or else.

A/N: I felt like it. No flames, my fire demon is more than ready to eat them…