Chapter 15: Dark
I've lost track of time since I was caught, but I know they have something else planned for me now.
I'm being dragged toward a room with a heavy door, torture I've been able to handle so far, but now…who knows.
I struggle a little, trying to get my battered feet under me. One of them grips my broken hand and I barely stifle the cry of pain. I'm thrown into the room seconds later and I collapse on the floor.
As I turn and manage to sit up the door slams shut and I'm trapped in pitch black.
There is no light at all.
At first I manage to meditate and shut out the ominous darkness, but after days I start to jump at every noise. They come in and beat me until I scream.
I don't get enough rest, exhaustion plus my growing fear of the darkness around me makes me paranoid.
I'm convinced that there are people around me everywhere, just out of reach.
I hear voices constantly and it makes me more on edge.
I'm starved, who knows how long its been since I last ate.
Shivering I hunker down in a corner and struggle to stay awake.
I jump as the door creaks open and stumble back, blinking from the brightness of the other room.
They grab me and throw me to the floor.
It happens too fast for me to react. But I know what is going on…I still haven't broken…
He leans down and whispers in my ear as I squirm, struggling to figure out what they are going to do to me.
Then he tells me.
"You know what we do to those that don't break? It's called the ultimate punishment. Breaks them every time…I'm going to take you like a slut…" he tells me.
The terror hits home when I realize what he means. I fight back, trying to save my honor, but they hold me down.
NO!
Please no!!!
I'll never be able to go home!
I lash out, straining to get away, then the pain, I remember screaming but black out after that.
When I come to I'm bleeding badly and I can't stop sobbing.
I'm tainted.
I'm soiled.
I have no Honor.
I can never go home.
Never…go home.
I sob as I curl tight, I've been broken and they know it.
If I touch anyone I taint them too…I can't rescue Raph…I can't hold Nel ever again…
I can't…go home…
I drag my mangled lower body and huddle in a corner…every movement accenting the agony I'm in…and all I can do is weep.
~*~
They come back, day after day and do the same thing until I simply wait for them, simply let them.
Why not?
I have nothing else to offer but my dishonor.
They make it worse though…they kiss me even as I gag and drive heave they laugh and take turns.
My mind snaps and I lose track of time as well as how many times I've been raped. It all runs together…I can't go home…
I can't go home…
I can't go home….
I failed my family….
~*~
I've never know pain like this, the physical agony,…the emotional grief, and the mental horror.
I just want to sleep…to eat…to die…anything but be used again…
I sob as they drag me out of the dark and throw me down. I lay there and struggle to squint through the blinding light.
It burns…the brightness…clean…I am filth….tainted…
My name is no longer Leonardo…I don't deserve it…my name is Fumeiyo now…I have no other name…
I am no one anymore…
Days blur together as they bring me out and make me walk on a leash in front of potential buyers…
I am nothing more than a dog…I'm lower even than that…
I wait day in and day out in my dark room as they argue over a price for me…in the end I am left alone again…alone with my shame and fear.
I'm sorry…
I'm so sorry…
I'm so sorry father…I'm sorry I failed…
I'm sorry Nel….I love you…
I'm sorry Raph…you should have been the leader….you should have told me to leave…you should have let me die…
I grieve for the family I will never know again….the family that would turn on me of they knew. For the father that would cast me out and put Raph in my place.
Seppuku is the only way for me to regain my honor….
The only way is death…
I hover between madness and sanity by a thread. Somehow I cling to it, just barely, I cling to sanity.
But some unknown reason I am forgotten…I know not how long the time I spent in that horrid room was…but I know in the end that whatever might have been left of Hamato Leonardo was gone by the end…
All that remained was Fumeiyo.
Reviews Please!
Fumeiyo- "dishonor" or "without honor"