No Laughing Matter

Chapter 3

Danny's room looked different. It was no longer a warm and comfortable place. The bedside lamp cascaded a small area with light and the corners were left in darkness. Jez waited for the shadows to grow larger until they reached out and swallowed him whole. He wouldn't mind if that were to actually happen, he would welcome it even.

The room felt different because suddenly he felt that he didn't belong in it. It was uneasily hot but goose bumps still prickled at his skin. He sat on the edge of Danny's bed, fully clothed, but not to his normal standards. Jez had always prided himself in his own personal style but not this time, not tonight. His shirt was un-tucked and the buttons were mismatched. His tie hung loosely from his neck, the knot still in tact, which was surprising considering the way Danny had ripped it over his head. His belt was several notches too loose and his shoes remained untied.

But he made no move to fix any of it. He couldn't fix anything. His smile and sparkling blue eyes usually got him anything he wanted. Smiling wouldn't be able to alter time.

"He has no where to go!" He heard Danny's muffled voice from downstairs. "His ass of a Dad wants nothing to do with him!" Jez came and left the mansion whenever he wanted. His father wouldn't acknowledge his existence but wouldn't deny him shelter. So Jez came and left as he pleased, usually going there only when absolutely necessary but it was no longer his home. It was just the place that held his belongings. According to Jack Tyler, he didn't have a son anymore.

"He can't stay here!" Claudine shrieked. He wasn't wanted anywhere now. He ran his hands over his face and forced his aching body upright. He wasn't wanted here so the most logical solution was to leave even if he had no where else to go.

Lauren's door was shut and he held his breath as he past. There were two soft voices inside, one broken and crying, Lauren. And another low and consoling, Lola. The sounds of their voices were overtaken by Claudine's screams. She yelled things that Jez would never picture coming from such a pretty girl's mouth. Her favorites seemed to be calling Danny a "fucking wanker" and Jez a "dirty little slut."

He slid down the stairs slowly and quietly careful not to trip over his shoelaces. He reached the bottom the yelling died away immediately. Claudine was halfway though another curse and Danny was trying to calm her to no avail. They both stopped. Claudine stared at him wide eyed not in an angry way but in more in surprise that he dared to show his face in front of her. Jez cleared his throat. "Right then," He croaked his tone several octaves higher than normal. He nodded to himself and turned grasping the door handle. Danny reached his hand out at a loss for what to say but it seemed fitting that he did say something. But what? Stay? He couldn't ask Jez to stay even though he wanted him to. "Right then," Jez whispered to himself again and started to walk down the street stuffing his hands in his pocket. His jacket was lost somewhere in Danny's room. He welcomed the cold maybe it would numb the tearing pain in his chest.

He found himself flat on his back staring up at the brightly-lit ceiling. Again. "Sorry," He mumbled. Lola didn't say anything as she pushed off his chest dusting herself off. The other couples still twirled around the dance floor. Jez had missed the lift again. And again Lola ended up sprawled over his chest leaving bruises where her elbows crashed into his stomach.

She didn't lend him a hand getting up and it wasn't because he'd dropped her four times already. "Take my hand!" She hissed.

"What?" Jez blinked. She sighed snatching his hand from his side and picking back up on the routine. Oh yeah, dancing. That's what they had been doing.

Lola was the only one who was acknowledging his existence. It wasn't like she had much of a choice though. She was his dance partner after all, though if he kept this up she probably wouldn't be much longer. He misstepped and tripped falling into her and taking them both down. Even Lola had her limits. She sprung to her feet with a low growl of frustration.

"I think that's enough for today." Stephan interjected. Lola stomped away and Jez lie there rubbing his hands over his face and though his fingers he watched Danny's back. He averted his gaze quickly finding a tightening pain in his chest. He was the last to head for the door. "Jez, a word?"

"Yeah?" He responded wearily. Stephan made his way over from the opposite side of the studio.

"Is there something wrong? I'm going to be honest with you. That wasn't good. You're one of the best in the class but it seems that in the last couple days . . ."
"I suck." Jez finished for him.

"Well, I wouldn't quite put it that way but . . . yeah." He crossed his arms over his chest shifting uncomfortably. "Is there something, you maybe . . . wanted to talk about?" He said awkwardly. He always wanted his students to feel that they could come to him when in need but this was easier said than done especially with the look on young Jez's face. Pure distress.

"I'm fine, thanks." Jez murmured without even making the attempt to put forth a fake smile. He readjusted the strap on his shoulder and headed to the changing room. He stood face to face with the changing room door. He couldn't force himself to push it open, not if there was the chance that hewas still in there. Jez couldn't encounter Danny in the same way he could barley be in the same room with Lauren. She hadn't yet turned to anger her eyes still shown of two things, betrayal and disappointment and that was almost worse than anger. He could handle anger but disappointment was like salt on an already deep cut already slashed by his father's abandonment.

"He's already gone." Jez blinked finding BB standing in front of him holding the door open. Jez quickly scrambled aside for him to pass. BB was just as unhappy with him as the rest of them but on some level he saw Jez's side too. They were best friends after all. They were but now BB wasn't talking to him only those extremely just in small increments usually warning him of Danny's whereabouts and for that Jez was unbelievably grateful for but maybe it was just because BB didn't want there to be a confrontation between the two.

So very quickly their little tight knit group of six had been reduced to four with two being voted off the island. Because it takes two to tango, or in this case sex. Jez wished that sex was all it was. If it were only sex there wouldn't be the tearing pain in Jez's chest. If Danny were there it wouldn't make BB brushing past him so horrible. If Danny were there while they wouldn't have any of their friends they would still have something. Each other. But in the end Jez was only hurting himself because he was the one who was avoiding Danny, he was the one who couldn't look at the green-eyed boy when Danny was screaming at him with his eyes. Again it was that feeling, the one Jez knew really well. Shame. It just wouldn't leave him alone.

He got changed slowly but didn't bother to check the reflection in the mirror. He was sure to see something he didn't like. A complete stranger. Something must be wrong him. Gravely wrong and it was out there plain for anyone to see this was made clear by Stephan.

Danny rubbed circles on the sides of his head where a growing headache was forming with no mercy. There must be something wrong with him. Something terribly twisted and wrong. He missed Lauren. He missed her so much it hurt. He missed her sweet glossed kisses that tasted vaguely of cherries. He missed her laughing, usually at something he said or something silly like tripping over his own feet or a bad joke or something . . . so utterly Danny. He missed her curly red hair and the way in felt between his fingers.

He missed Jez. He missed Jez so much that it hurt. He missed Jez's sparkling blue eyes rolling at him when he did something reckless or stupid. He missed the laughter in Jez's eyes when Danny pretended to be serious. He missed the fake annoyance that crossed his face when Danny flopped down on Jez's couch putting his feet up on the expensive leather like he owned the place. Jez pushed his feet off roughly with a scrutinizing expression and it took just about everything Danny had to keep the smirk off his face. It had been Danny in the end that gave away their secret. He should have known, foreseen what would happen with the way Claudine was watching him like a hawk. A big black, jealous hawk.

It was the same couch that they had tripped over the arm of. Danny was caught by the soft cushions but Jez bounced off the smaller boy and found himself flat on his back on the hardwood floor below. Danny laughed for ten minutes straight even though his blood was alcohol free and Jez sat up rubbing the back of his head looking quite dumbfounded.

He missed them both. He felt like there was a whole part of him that was missing and whether or not that part had red or blonde hair was still undetermined. There was most defiantly something wrong with him. So he did the only thing he knew how to do. Run, and he was very good at it. He ran and hid himself from the world like he always did. The back area of the stage was hardly ever used with the exception of shows so it made for the perfect hiding spot. He hid behind the costume racks and the old flats and anywhere where no one would find him. Perfect.

He took off his leather jacket set it neatly beside him and pulled his textbook onto his lap. Much to his dismay, but with lack of other activities to engage himself in, he grudgingly began working though his music theory homework. Reading the though the questions was probably harder than actually finding the answer but he was getting better. The small alcove felt more of a home to him in the last week than his own bedroom and for a second he thought he might know how Jez feels.

Jez had always loved waling home. Sure, back before his father socially disowned him he offered to buy Jez a car. And when he refused his father went out and bought him one anyhow. Some small foreign kind that Jez never bothered to learn the name of. He didn't want a car. He much preferred walking. It was a way to cool down. To think about the days events, the funny moments and the dance routines that he could improve on during the next lesson. To pay no attention to the outside world or what they were doing, something that was highly frowned upon in driving. And you couldn't dance in a car. He would dance down streets and tap down alleyways turning the music up in his ears as loud as he pleased. Now, he felt like there was a burning spotlight on him as he sulked down the sidewalk hands in pockets. He found it the most difficult thing in the world to walk in the rhythm of silence.

There was no music. Not just that there wasn't any, he didn't want music. For the first time since, well he couldn't even remember when he didn't want to sing. He was almost happy that his Mp3 player was missing. He didn't quite remember the last time he had it. Maybe he left it in one of his classes last week or maybe it was lost among the large room that held his clothes and bed, a room he use to call his, a house he use to call home.

It was very possible he lent it to someone. The exchanging of music was not uncommon at a performing arts school. He lost count of numerous times he'd heard "Can I borrow . . .", "Will you lend . . . " or"Let me see your playlists . . ." etc. Maybe it was BB. Or it could be somewhere in the sound studio with the radio show stuff. Or maybe Danny had it. Jez doubted he would ever see his Mp3 player again. He inwardly groaned at the thought of Danny listening to it. Maybe he was even listening to it right now. If anyone were to have it Jez would want it to be Danny.

He deliberated banging his head against the brick wall he passed. He wondered if the blow would be enough to give him amnesia and he could just forget anyone. If he was in the hospital would his father come? Would anyone come? The voice in the back of his head answered. Danny would come. And the others too.

But something told him that not knowing why everyone was hatefully mad at you was much worse off than knowing why and deserving it. Then there was the ever-present pain in his chest. Jez blamed the cafeteria food. Then he remembered that he hadn't eaten anything in two days.