DC: I don't own it

thanks to my reviewers

Chapter 2,

I had left Volterra as quickly as I could. Marcus caught up with me to wish me farewell. He told me it had been a pleasure to meet me and, like Aro, he hoped we would meet again. I left as humans came in to be killed for the hungry vampires. I broke into a run and wished I could cry and release the pressure in my chest. I could still taste her blood on my tongue. It burned my throat and made me feel ravenous. I didn't care what animal I could find, I just needed to soothe the ache before my resolve snapped.

And yet I felt my resolve was stronger than ever. I didn't want to be like them! I wouldn't be like them! I couldn't! To use humans like that...to abuse that girl like that...no I couldn't be like them. I wasn't violent and I wasn't a monster. I felt deep shame when I remembered the temptation I had felt when I smelled and tasted her blood.

I stumbled through the countryside as the sun set with that thought on my mind. I had been weak. So weak I had wanted her blood. I could never be weak again. I would become immune to the scent of blood. I would never crave human blood again.

Well...after time I wouldn't crave the blood of humans. That was my purpose in life. To rise above my curse and become somewhat human again.

---

My life changed again when I came back to the countryside of London. I learned that my parents had died years before and I couldn't be too surprised. After all my father was about my age when I was born and my mother was just a few years younger. Combined with the fact it had been nearly twenty odd years since I left.

I walked through town with my cloak on. Many of the people I had grown up with had died. I learned some interesting facts as I walked through the town I had once called home. I learned how my mother died in childbirth and I had a younger brother that survived named Arthur. I also learned that I had a niece named Abigail and nephew named Thomas. They were sweet looking children. My baby brother was my age now. Well, early twenties like I had been as a human. His wife was attractive I guess. I was disturbed and horrified to learn that his wife, Elizabeth, was the first born daughter of my former love, Anne and her husband Henry.

I didn't feel the same pain I had when I thought of Anne and her betrayal. I guess I had just gotten over it. I suppose you could survive heartbreak no matter how much it hurt. I had to admit I was happy to see my family so happy. That night I sat in a tree and watched my family. My brother led the meal's prayer. I could see them clearly from my shadows. Elizabeth looked just like Anne, maybe a little better. My niece, Abigail, had curly blonde hair that was kept back with a ribbon. Thomas had dark hair like his father. He looked to be a young man and had to be the eldest as his sister looked quite small. Her mother was helping her eat her bread and her soup.

"Father when am I going to meet her?"

"In time, Thomas, be patient. Have faith that I have chosen a good bride for you."

The young man smiled.

"Papa where will he go then?" Abigail asked.

"I won't go far Abby, I promise," Thomas said with a smile as he pat his little sister's head.

My nephew was ready to begin his life as a man. His eagerness was adorable. They looked like a good family and I was happy that they seemed peaceful. I began to feel a bit sad. I had always wanted to marry and start a family. I wanted to have moments like the one I was watching now. I hated moments like this. Moments when I realized what I had missed out on as a human. I had wanted a son to call my own. To teach and protect. Call me soft, but it was what I wanted.

"Ouch!"

I jerked from my thoughts about my wish for a family when I heard my niece yelp. I then smelled her blood. Time to go. I was proud that I could keep my head around fresh blood for a few moments, long enough to control my body to get away. I fled town and into the countryside where I could ease the burning sensation in my throat with a rabbit or some small animal. I wasn't necessarily hungry, but it was what I had to do to keep from losing my control.

"MAMA!"

I heard the child's scream before the scent of fresh blood hit me hard. I could hear flesh being torn and I felt my body reacting. The monster inside of me wanted the blood so badly. My throat was on fire and my control was slipping. I did a fair job of resisting human blood but my crutch was my reliance on animal blood to easy the ache while I struggled to build an immunity to the smell. I hadn't gotten any blood to soothe the ache from before, so it was so much harder to resist.

"NO! PLEASE DON'T!"

I began running. I could hear a child being grabbed and I came into a clearing to see a young woman lying dead on the ground, fully drained. There was a vampire with dark skin and long black hair in strange braids. He bit the child and I snapped. If I stopped him quickly enough the child wouldn't die and I could save him. I crashed into the vampire and the child flew out of his hands.

The vampire snarled at me.

"Leave," I growled.

He snarled again and tackled me. I fell back against the ground. We clawed and bit at each other and I felt him trying to rip off my arms and worse, my head. I remember Aro telling me that to kill a vampire you rip him apart and burn the pieces. That certainly seemed to be what he wanted to do to me. I could hear the child screaming in terror behind me. As far as I knew the vampire didn't have time to change him so the child was going to be fine. I couldn't worry about the child now. I had to focus on the angry vampire that was trying to kill me.

"You're just jealous I found them first," he accused in a thick accent.

"I have no interest in feeding on the child," I snarled back.

"Then why did you stop me?! Are you mad?!"

"You won't kill that child!"

I kicked him off of me and pushed him against a tree.

"Leave," I snarled.

"Fine. I'll just go find another one."

He pushed me back and then left. The kid was still crying and screaming. He must have been terrified. I turned and went to him. He was writing on the ground and I wondered why. I knelt down beside him and he screamed.

"STOP! PLEASE!"

"I won't hurt you," I promised, "it's going to be okay, I'll make sure you're taken care of!"

I didn't know how old the boy was. He wasn't a man by any means yet, but he wasn't a young boy. Maybe ten or so. He looked like he was suffering. His face was showing extreme pain and he was sweating profusely. When I touched his shoulder he looked at me with frightened green eyes. He gripped my arm and tried to find words to express his pain. I didn't know what to do besides hold him tight. He was gripping my arm tight, and crying. I cradled him and sang a lullaby as I rocked him. I pet his reddish brown hair softly as I tried to soothe him.

I carried him around with the hours that passed until I found an abandoned farmhouse. It was broken down and quite unlivable by human standards with several holes in the ceiling. I carried the boy and his mother's body into the house. Two days had passed and the child was calming down. I cleaned up his mother's body while in denial. I didn't need to see the child standing behind me to know what had happened. What I had caused.

"What happened?" he asked me.

I was silent. I cleaned the blood off of her neck. I heard his light footsteps and then the boy was next to me. I looked down at him and saw his face was hard and focused. He looked up at me with scarlet eyes.

"She's passed," I said, "we can lay her to rest near here."

"What killed her?"

His voice was firm and confident. There was a sense of entitlement behind it as well. Judging from the state of his clothing and his speech he was probably educated and from a wealthier family.

"The monster. You fought him off. What was he? I had never seen someone so dark dressed like that."

"Listen...young man."

"My name is Edward," he said, "Edward Masen."

"Carlisle," I mumbled. "Listen, Edward, something unexpected has happened."

"My mother died that is quite unexpected," Edward growled at me, "now I want answers and I want them NOW!"

What could I tell him? I didn't know how to phrase the words. He was going to have to accept that he was a vampire, that his mother was killed by vampires, that he will spend the rest of eternity on the cusp of manhood and worst of all it was because I hadn't saved him like I could have. Like I should have. But I had no idea how vampires were created! How could I have saved him if I didn't know what to do!

I could have let him die, but I wasn't going to admit that to myself.

"Edward you aren't among the living anymore."

"Stop talking nonsense."

I knelt down to be at eye level. I held his shoulders like my father did when he would tell me big news. Edward looked at me with angry red eyes.

"We are vampires. The man that killed your mother was a vampire as well. I don't know how he changed you..."

"You don't know how he changed me?" Edward repeated. "Just how old are you then?!"

"That isn't the point," I muttered, "listen, things are going to be different now."

"Different how? Can't you just take me back to my father?"

"No, Edward, I can't. You aren't human anymore. You'll kill him."

The boy seemed shocked by that. His eyes widened and he seemed to grit his teeth a bit.

"But...without them...who is gonna take care of me until I'm old enough? I'm only eleven."

I didn't answer him. That was a good question actually. Who was going to take care of him? He seemed suddenly saddened and walked away from me. He stood by the bed where I had laid his mother and touched her cold cheek. He crawled up and sat beside her, taking her arm and laying beside her. I watched him with a heavy heart. What could I do? He was most certainly a vampire now and I had most certainly messed up big time. He was forever trapped in that child's body even though his mind would continue to develop and grow. He looked so frail and innocent as he wept over his mother's body. I wasn't ready to be a vampire and I was twenty three! Over a decade older than he was! I had known things that he hadn't, like first love, the joy of my voice going an octave lower (okay half an octave), or the awkward horror of my erection in my sleep. Although I'm pretty sure he wouldn't miss the hour long sermon from my father the next morning when I made the mistake of going to him to find out what had happened. I still shuddered at the memory. I had never been told that my area had any other use besides urinating so to wake up and find it stiff like that...no wonder I was scared! So naturally the old man just told me how I was sinning by wasting my seed (which I had no idea I had at the time) and I had to ask God for forgiveness.

I hope he forgave me.

"I'm sure he did," Edward said. I looked over at him strangely.

"What?"

"You were wondering if God forgave you for an accident. I'm sure he did."

Wait. I didn't say that out loud.

"Yes you did I heard you!'

He's in my head!

"No I'm not that's impossible I couldn't possibly fit in your head."

I finally found the limitations of my new mind. I couldn't process the fact that I had stolen this boy's future somehow and the fact that he was able to read my mind. I stood up and went to him. He sat up expectantly.

"Why is my throat burning?"

"I need to feed you," Carlisle said, "you'll drink blood from now on."

"I'm not a demon!" Edward protested. I lifted him up and set him on the floor.

"You are a vampire now," I said, "I'm sorry to say but it's true. I know it will take some time to get used to. Heck sometimes I still have trouble believing what I am."

"H-how long have you been like this?"

"Thirty years I think. I lose track sometimes."

Edward stood in thought for a moment. I could imagine what he was thinking about. If he was like me his life was flashing before his eyes and he was wondering what he was going to do next. Was he going to be like a regular vampire and kill humans or would he fight it? Could he grow to resist the scent of human blood like I was trying to? Speaking of blood...

Edward seemed to pick up the delicious scent in the air and he took off without knowing why he was running.

"EDWARD STOP!" I cried as I ran after him. He darted out of the window and I heard a scream that made me slow to a stop. I could see the child feeding on a grown man. I could hear his heart racing, making the blood flow stronger. He was struggling against the child and I just stood there. What could I do? Within moments the man would be dead. Either way Edward was going to suffer guilt and pain. I approached him and pulled him off of the body. He struggled and growled at me. He was territorial as most vampires were in a feeding frenzy.

"W-what happened? Carlisle why is he like that?"

"He's dead."

Edward looked at the body and then at me. He put his hand to his mouth and pulled it back. There was blood on his fingertips and he looked up at me. He silently begged me to tell him that he hadn't done it.

"It's easy for a newborn to lose themselves."

"B-but I...I didn't mean to..."

I carried him back inside and cleaned him. While Edward was washing his face I gathered the body and arranged him so he looked like he had been attacked by a wild animal. Tragic, yes, but it was what had to be done. I still had to bury Edward's mother. We would do that this afternoon. I went back and saw Edward was digging a grave for his mother in the back.

"Do I need to make one for him too?"

"No," Carlisle answered, "he will be found by the villagers nearby."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize Edward," I told him. He looked down and went back to digging. To show him I wasn't angry with him I pat his head gently. I could hear him crying outside as he dug the grave. I didn't know who he was mourning at the moment, his mother or the traveler. I looked out the window at him. I would take care of him. I would show him how to live as I did. I would have to remember not to force my diet on him as Aro and Caius had done to me. In the end it would be his decision. But I would guide him as a guardian should. I would take care of him.

Edward carried his mother's body out and I felt as if I should have. But then again he seemed determined to do this on his own. I saw him disappear into the grave and then jump back out. I helped him bury her and then I gave the final prayer as my father taught me. We stood in silence for a while after that. Then Edward moved my hand and hugged me around the waist. He buried his face in my side and began to cry again. I held his head gently and stroked his hair to soothe him.

"H-how come you saved me only?"

I was wondering that as well. How did I save him from permanent death? In my time in Volterra I had never found out how vampires are created.

"So you don't know? How could you not know?"

This mind reading thing was going to get tricky. I often spent hours in my head mulling over anything and everything. It was going to be weird having Edward always know what I was thinking.

"Believe me, I don't want to know what you're thinking," Edward told me hotly. "But I demand an answer, Carlisle, how could you not know what would happen?"

"I never learned, Edward, I'm sorry."

"That isn't good enough!" Edward cried, grabbing my hand and holding it tight. He yanked on my arm, betraying his grown up words by showing the child he still was. It kinda hurt my shoulder. "I want to know why I'm condemned to hell!"

"I don't know alright! I. Don't. Know!"

I was yelling at a child. Perfect. That was just great, I was becoming my father! I looked into Edward's fierce eyes and he threw my arm back at me. He pushed me immaturely and ran off. I had no choice but to follow, but damn was he fast. Seriously for having such little legs the kid could really run. I figured some of it had to do with being a newborn. I would have to find the answers to these questions and the only person I could think to ask was Aro.

Ug.

I would have to find my answers elsewhere. I stumbled when I thought of the night in the cave. I hadn't thought about that night in a long time so the force of it brought me to a halt. I heard Edward stop running now that I wasn't chasing him, and he was actually coming back. I couldn't think much of him though. I kept thinking of the girl's face. Her dark hair and her frightened brown eyes. I could remember every vivd detail from the shape of her body to the way her blood looked as it rushed through her veins beneath her skin. I felt sick again. I had to get the taste of the memory out of my mouth. I snatched up a rabbit that made the mistake of hopping into my clearing. I actually liked the relief the animal's blood brought me.

"Who was she?"

I looked over at Edward who was sitting up in a tree. He looked like a cat the way he was perched. A spooked cat.

"A bad memory," I answered. "Nothing more."

He scowled at me and I knew he was just dying to know.

"Tell me."

"You're quite the brat aren't you?"

He kept scowling and when I approached him he shifted to start running.

"Alright," I shrugged, "suit yourself. But I warn you, being alone is miserable."

I turned and started walking toward the farmhouse. I heard Edward creeping through the trees after me. He didn't want to be alone anymore than I did. I hoped that his desire for companionship didn't lead him to Aro and his merry band of monsters. I had a vision of Edward then. He was in his child's body but his eyes told of his old age. He was dressed in the same fancy attire I had worn with them. Fine silks and satins that regal vampires preferred. He was sitting with Aro and Caius in the magnificent throne room. A human woman was half naked in Aro's arms. She was bleeding heavily from between her legs and she had bruises from the vampires gripping her too tight. She was silently begging Aro for mercy. Caius slit her wrist with a jeweled dagger and offered the blood to the small vampire. I felt the sick burning when Edward's small lips touched her wrist and he drank the blood. He was like them. He was a monst...

"Carlisle stop!" Edward cried loudly.

I jerked from my thoughts and looked at the frightened boy. I forgot that he could read my mind. He looked deeply upset and, forgetting that he was angry with me, he grabbed my hand.

"Don't think those thoughts!"

"I'm sorry for frightening you."

He did look genuinely upset and I was sincere in my apology. I knew he was going through a lot and his temper would get the best of him. I just didn't want him to leave me. Not only because I longed for a companion, but because I knew he did too. The last place he needed to go in search of company was Italy. He didn't need their influence in his life that was for sure. From my brief time with little Edward I could tell that he was a stubborn brat of a child, but he was also very sweet. Like any child I suppose.

"What if I can't do it?"

"Well we have years to perfect our immunities," I told him in my best optimistic tone. I knelt down and put my hands on his shoulders. "As long as you don't fall in with the Volturi I know you won't become a monster."

"But I already am, Carlisle. I killed someone."

I hugged him because I didn't know what to say to that and he looked like he was going to cry again. We were monsters because our nature demanded us to kill humans in order to survive. There was one loophole in that logic. Feeding on animals. I was going to exploit that loophole till the ends of the earth. I would ensure that Edward and I weren't monsters like the others.

"It's getting late," I said finally. I stood up and lifted him easily. I held him on my hip and he rested his head on my shoulder. I had unknowingly given him quite a fright and he had reverted back to the child he was.

"Carlisle? Will you always be with me?"

"For as long as you need me."

Edward smiled a little and seemed to feel comforted by the thought of always having someone to protect him and stay with him. Just as I did. Sooner or later I would have to face the Volturi and get answers to my questions. If I did finally go get the answers I needed Edward would most certainly stay behind. After all, I didn't need Aro trying to seduce him into that terrifying lifestyle like he had done to me.

Thunder cracked above us and I knew it was going to rain soon. I carried Edward home, a feat that I probably wouldn't have managed as a human. It began to rain as I came out of the forest. It was a cold rain that felt warm against my skin. Edward looked up at the sky and then at me.

"Can you let me down so I can splash in the puddles?" he asked me. "Since I can't get sick anymore?"

I let him down and he took off running. He looked happy. I figured that, much like my own mother, his loving mother had discouraged his playing in the rain. I felt happy watching him splash in the small puddles. I ran after him, enjoying the feel of the rain on my face. I watched him misstep on the muddy road and his foot slipped. He flipped and caught himself. I caught up to him and he smiled up at me. He was in a good mood for now. I was happy for that. I had been in a deep depression when I was a newborn.

While Edward played in the rain I went inside to get a fire started. Whoever abandoned this house didn't take anything with them. There were clothes left behind that were a bit big for Edward but they would have to do. I could adjust them if needed but I wanted him to have a bit more fun outside first. I was amazed that I could remember his measurements clearly so I didn't have to wait for him. I changed into the clothes that had belonged to the man of the house and found the mistress's sewing kit. I threaded a needle and started to hem the trousers for Edward's size. As I did I began humming. Surprisingly I was humming a hymn. As I worked I went from humming to singing softly in latin. I was barely aware of Edward coming in and shedding his wet clothes. There was a night gown he could borrow for the time being. He curled up on the rug by the fire to dry off and maybe warm up a little.

"When did you learn to sew?"

"My mother taught me some basics one winter when she was sick," I answered. "The rest I picked up from observation and years of practice."

"My mother used to mend our clothes at night," Edward said with a faint hint of sadness in his voice. "I miss her."

I understood how he felt on that note. I still missed my mother and her calm smile. I missed the smell of her cooking and the gentle songs she hummed as she sewed. I wished my brother could have met her. She would have loved him dearly. I did feel sorry for him that he grew up only with my father. A good man by social standards, but not the warmest of parental figures.

"Do you think my father misses me?"

"I haven't met him so I can't say," I answered calmly.

Edward got up and went to find something to do. He came back with a book and began reading it slowly. He put his fingers on it to help him focus on the line he was reading and it wasn't long before I saw his lips moving, silently mouthing the words. He was cute.

He gave me a pained look and I smiled.

"Well you are adorable."

"I'm a man. I'm not cute."

I just smiled and went back to work. I wanted things to stay like this. Calm, quiet and warm. Edward propped himself up on his elbows to read. I realized I needed a source of income, mainly to keep us entertained. I wanted to buy lots of books for Edward. Maybe one day we could live in a nice house like the wealthy people did. Just so long as he was safe from the vampires that gave humans reason to fear.

TBC

It took forever to find a good stopping point. I find that when I write Carlisle and Edward in a father son role it's calming. The story line is kinda experimental for me.