(AN: This is kinda my first fanfic, so don't expect much, mmkay?)
Dibs On The Left!
The midday sun was high in the sky of Volterra, Italy, and Aro Volturi was curled in a corner of his castle—the feeding room, to be exact—with a bundle of the most recent Stephen King novels. Marcus, his brother, was sitting on the throne beside him, locked in idle conversation with Aro's personal bodyguard, Renata. Every once in a while, a scream could be heard from a higher story, but, other than that, the massive Volturi residence was somewhat peaceful.
That is, until Caius and Felix returned home.
"Oh, my God, Felix! You were admitted into this guard for your strength, not your ability to whine! Put your back into it; it's only tape!" Felix entered the room first, his knees buckling under a colossal pile of silver duct tape that nearly touched the top of the doorway (and for a castle, that's saying something). It was set upon a 2-by-4 rectangle of cardboard, which Felix was supporting with throbbing biceps.
"Yes, Master," he managed to choke out. He staggered backward a few steps, but quickly regained his balance and continued walking.
"With… all due respect… Master," he spoke in a pained whisper, "how… much… farther?"
Caius followed after him, a pencil tucked behind his ashen ear, eyes intent on the clipboard he was holding.
"Hmm," he mused. He put one cold hand on Felix's back and pressed him forward, oblivious of the fact that the burly guard member was about to faint.
"Right… here." He stopped at the center of the room, directly in front of Aro and Marcus and drew an invisible X on the floor with the toe of his shoe.
Felix, grateful for the break, dropped the pile and promptly proceeded to collapse onto the carpet beside it, his chest heaving.
"Good afternoon, brothers," Caius said curtly without looking up.
"Um… good afternoon… Caius," Aro spoke slowly as he studied the silver rolls, overtly confused by it and Caius's cool tone.
"Duct tape?" he questioned gently.
Caius glared at him and nodded.
Aro pressed further. "Well, why, Caius?" he asked out of curiosity.
"Why?" Caius repeated. "Why? Because I'm so sick and so tired of you two mucking up my air with your carbon dioxide!" he shouted at them, probably a bit harsher than necessary. He saw Aro's worried expression and sighed. He revised his tone and tried again. "Brothers, you talk too much." He looked at Marcus, then at Aro. "I mean it," he continued. "How am I supposed to read around here if you two won't even let the words settle before you chase them out with your own?"
Caius picked up a tape roll and shook it at them. (AN: Yes, because tape is SO scary.) "So I'm splitting this castle in half," he asserted dominantly. "With duct tape."
Aro just stared at him. Caius stared back.
"What?" the blonde barked.
"Nothing," Aro murmured quietly. "It's just that, well, Caius, you do realize—"
"Ugh!" Caius exclaimed and threw his hands in the air. "I knew you'd try and stop this. Well, I don't want to hear it." He snapped his fingers. "Felix, up. There's work to be done."
"Caius—" Aro called, but Caius interrupted him with a sharp noise.
"Caius, if you'd only listen—"
"No!"
"But there aren't—"
"No!"
"There are more than—"
"No!"
"Caius, there are three—"
"No!"
Aro was laughing now. Marcus wore a smirk. "Caius, count. There are not just two—"
"What part of 'No!' do you not comprehend, Aro?!" he yelled, furious. "You are acting so childish! I refuse to listen anymore." He stuck his index fingers into his ears and started saying in a singsong voice, "I'm not listening, I'm not listening, la la, I'm not…" as he started to storm out of the room. Aro called after the incessant humming.
"Alright, Caius, don't listen, but then you'll never realize that you need to mark the rooms into thirds because there are three of us!" But, of course, Caius didn't hear, because the door slammed shut behind them, blocking all noise from either direction.
Marcus looked at Aro. "He's going to be angry when he realizes his mistake."
Aro grinned at him.
"I know."