You are going thru life not knowing whats up and whats down. You feel like everything you touch falls apart or rot. Well that's me…

Ill go back 3 years and start there.

I started my first years at what we would call college, I was done with high school and all the drama that came with it. I was going to find new friends, I was going to start over. That is something I did, I met a girl, she was the sweetest, prettiest girl I have even met I my life. Her and I were totally different but at the same time so alike. My life started to build up again.

Of course I missed my old friends, but I knew by hanging with them I would only end up in trouble or worse jail. So I deceit to leave my old life behind and start a new one.

Mouth's went by, I got good friends, and a best friend. I still talk to my old best friend from High School. She lives miles away and its hard to keep up our friendship when we almost never get to see etch other, but we try our best, even if our parents think we are stupid to do it.

The first year of College goes by in a flash I have made a new best friend and I still have my old best friend, I am going up to visit her in a week, that's one of the things I love about us living so far apart its so good to see her smile again, so hear her laugh, to do the things I cant do with ANYONE ells to be with her and only her like it was our own little sisterhood.

But of course the summer goes by and we have to get back to school

Second year of collage

My best friend here is done at school and has just started her first year in her new job, so now I feel al alone, I really don't feel like I have a life at school anymore, I feel like I go to the wrong line at school, and I really done want to be anything on the line I go one.

I stopped going to school after my bestfriend came to a visit a few weeks a go, we had a lot of fun while she was here, but now shes back home and I quit school. I am a drop out, I don't know what or where I want to go.

I start going to a new school a few weeks later, it's a really cool school I had a lot of fun and it wasn that serious, it was just a alternative school to go to, to find out what I want to be.

Well I turn 18 now and me and my bestfriend made a deal that I would move up to where she lives this summer and start school there in the fall. We planned it all. I couldn't wait we were suppose to be a howl year together.

Until right after I had got a job up there it was about 1 mouth until I was moving up, I got the most shocking news, my firend, she was going to start private school. I couldn't believe it, after all I had done to move up there she was going to move away. She was trying to ruin my life, I could feel it, my heart was breaking, I could feel it to well, it was just like in the movies when you see the girl losing the love of her life and she wants to just die!

a few weeks before I moved away to new town where I didn't know anyone, I took a chance and asked my friend to be friends again. Things went back to usual again and everything was so good now, I was still a little upset about the fact that I was moving to a howl new town where I didn't know anywhere.

I had made it go so I could move back after the summer job and start school here at home.

But I finally got some great new, well I think they were great but if you know the howl story it wouldn't be that great. It's a little sad.

But my bestfriend is not starting private school shes moving here, to my home town, to her old home town, her mom, sister and herself are moving her and I couldn be happier. I know they have went thru the howl lot of HELL and I know it ant be easy for them t just move here without any choice, but I cant help but feel happy. She was moving back here and I could see her any day I wanted.

I would believe this was going to be great.

I made it thru my summer job then I went home and got ready to start my first year at college AGAIN!

Well this time was going to be better, this time I had my best friend and everything was going to be perfect, well so I though.

5 mouth's went by and things were perfect, suddenly I felt like she had turned. Knew well that she missed her home and that sha wanted to move back. But there was no chnce for that, I suddenly started to feel less important than everyone ells. When I tried to take it up with her, I didn't really feel like she was listening, she did what she wanted and she didn care what I felt.

She stopped talking to me, taking the phone when I called and she blocked me out of everything ells we had. I didn't understand why.

So then I saw her at school and I went up to her and asked her if she wanted to do something that day. But yet again she turned me down.

I figured that it was just because we had been together so much lately she needed some time. I went home and talked to a friend online. She doesn't live in the same country as I do, but I still feel really close to her. And I feel like I can talk to her about everything.

I talked to her about how I felt about the howl thing, but that I should never have done, because that just ruined my relationship with her even more.

Now I havnt talked to her for about 2 mouth's. I miss her, I really do. Shes my best friend, always have been, always will be. I miss our "us".

I just need her to feel the same way to make her understand, that I would do anything for her, I just sometimes need to feel like I can get some of it back.

I wish for her to call me to say shes sorry, to try to do something like I did last time.

This time it is on both of us, we are both stupid and we both know it, but I am tired of feeling like I have to do everything to make us stick together.

I want to know what you want how you want it to be, and not just turn your back on me when you snap. I want you to stand up for yourself and tell me what you want and stop hiding or what you are doing, because I miss you, but I don't want to call and tell you that when I don't even know if your listening.

Well so now Christmas is over and its back to old boring school.. just have to pull thru huh??