Brian was at the bar (the gang had decided to act on Justin's suggestion that night and had gone to Boitoi) getting himself and Justin a couple more beers (Michael went with him, Justin thought, in a strange puppy-like fashion), and Emmett went to the bathroom. After he and Ted were alone, Justin inquired cheerfully, "So what do you do, Ted?"

Ted stared at Justin blankly for a moment. Justin had never shown much interest in him before. But then, few did. Justin smiled as he awaited Ted's answer. Suddenly Ted couldn't help but notice that Justin really had a beautiful smile. Well worth the name Sunshine. Finally, when his staring silence was getting a little weird, Ted stammered, "Uh..I'm an accountant."

Justin nodded and said, in a serious voice, "Oh. That must be interesting."

Ted raised both eyebrows and gave him a doubtful look. Justin blushed a little and smiled an embarrassed smile. "Well, maybe not."

Ted chuckled. "So…umm….are you going to art school in the fall?"

Justin's eyes widened. "How did you know I was an artist?"

"I saw some of your work at the Gay and Lesbian Center art show."

Justin's eyes nearly popped out of his head. He asked excitedly, "My work was in an art show?"

Ted nodded and chuckled again. "Your drawings were all great, but, of course, the one of Brian naked received the most attention."

"I drew Brian naked and submitted it to an art show?"

Ted nodded. "It sold for a hundred, I think."

Justin's smile nearly blinded Ted. He asked a little nervously, "Did Brian see it?"

Ted nodded. "Yeah. He couldn't stop staring at it."

Justin kind of zoned out then (still smiling, but a softer smile), imagining the scene Ted had described. He really wished he could remember that. Ted pulled Justin out of his bittersweet reverie by asking his original question again, "So are you going to art school in the fall?"

Justin clenched his jaw and looked down. "No. My hand is fucked up. The…the incident affected my fine motor skills."

"That's a shame. I was always amazed by your talent."

Justin asked softly, "You were?"

Ted nodded. "Would more physical therapy help?"

Justin shook his head. "Unfortunately I've done all I can do on that score. I'm going to have to find a way to do art differently."

Ted tilted his head. Then he actually smiled. "I'm sure you'll figure it out. And who knows (after looking around nervously, he squeezed Justin's shoulder, but quickly; he knew how jealous Brian was when it came to Justin, despite his many claims to the contrary), maybe you'll end up doing something even more amazing, something you would never have considered before. Emmett's always saying that everything happens for a reason. That obstacles are opportunities. I don't usually agree. Emmett calls me a pessimist, though I'd call it being a realist. But you are very creative. He might be right in your case."

"You really think so?"

Ted nodded. Brian and Michael reappeared then (followed shortly by Emmett). Brian made a point of pulling Justin back against him and wrapping his arms around Justin's waist. The entire time, he fixed Ted with an icy glare. Ted chuckled. Apparently, Brian had seen Ted touch Justin, and he was less than thrilled.

**********

Brian and Michael were dancing, and Ted was slowly sidling up to a hot guy he was hoping, but not expecting, to fuck. Justin smiled. Ted was staring at the guy nervously (though looking away once every few seconds, attempting to appear nonchalant, but failing miserably) and inching closer to him. Justin shook his head and glanced away. He couldn't bear to watch Ted get crushed, and that was undoubtedly what was going to happen. That's when he caught sight of Emmett staring at him. Justin blushed a little and asked, "What?"

Emmett smiled. "Nothing. I was just wondering what precipitated this scene. Your mom told us that seeing us again would be detrimental to your recovery."

Justin nodded. "She told me something similar, that actively trying to remember things was dangerous. But then, something happened, and Brian sought the advice of a psychologist."

Emmett's eyes widened, and he huffed a laugh. He asked incredulously, "Really?"

Justin nodded.

Concern evident in his voice, Emmett inquired, "What was it that happened?"

Justin fidgeted uncomfortably for a moment. His severe panic attack had been frightening and even a little painful. He'd been dizzy and nauseous, and he'd ended up with a terrible headache, probably from slapping himself and hitting the floor (when he'd lost consciousness). It had also been humiliating. He'd called Brian crying and fucking wet himself like a 4-year-old. Thankfully, Brian pretended not to know that Justin had pissed himself. But Justin knew he knew. Justin closed his eyes for a moment. It couldn't be undone (so he had told himself about a hundred times since it had happened). He needed to simply forget. Justin's embarrassment was only topped by his fear that it could, that it would, happen again. He was desperately afraid of a reoccurrence. He told himself often (more than he told himself not to be embarrassed) that there had been a trigger. That the panic attack didn't just come out of nowhere. It was probably stupid, but remembering that made Justin feel like maybe he could prevent a reoccurrence, which he desperately wanted to do. He was afraid that even thinking about the attack would cause another. But Brian had told him that the psychologist recommended talking about everything. That that was the best way to prevent more panic attacks. So he sighed and said, in answer to Emmett's question, "I had a severe panic attack the other day."

Emmett gasped, "Oh no!"