Denying Fate

Darkness surrounded……………everything……………it threatened to swallow my consciousness. even deeper……………it felt safe almost…..nothing could hurt me here for awhile I just drifted in the darkness ………..then light slowly formed faraway…as it got closer color slowly dripped into the image of a man ….. He was very handsome with skin snow white, but what most attracted my attention was his eyes if I looked to long pain didn't seem so far away anymore….. stranger yet I couldn't tear my eyes away for long I found myself thinking of pine and snow. The thoughts comforted me until memories tore through blasting blinding light every where-

I opened my eyes to white

When I finally realized where I was my whole body shook with violent tremors.

Emmett, the fall off the roof and th-the kiss, just thinking about it seemed to warm my frozen body.

The tremors slowed to a shivering when I remembered it, his lips had barely touched mine and then my whole being felt like it was on fire it was one of the most frightening moments in my life, yet I couldn't help imagining doing it again, and then drowning in his extraordinary eyes forev-

Flashes of Royce jeered at my impossible fantasy, my insides churned with complete and utter disgust.

All Emmett's love could bring was horror and injury to my already mangled heart.

These thoughts made my dry sobs quicken to increase my hysteria. Emmett, my best friend, he made me feel so whole and new, so close to what it was like to be human it was scary.

How could I give up the one person that fixed me…. Only the answer was so simple. He also the one person that could destroy me.

I had set myself up for failure.

All the silly thoughts that Emmett and I could be friends. It was a no win cause, Emmett would expect intimacy and all I could give him where words.

Yes I finally came to acceptt that I loved him but it didn't matter love wasn't enough it would end the same way it had ended with Royce…

When love was no longer enough Emmett would expect more…..

Things that I could never give him I was to scared, and broken.

Life had taken any hope of romance with another man away it wasn't going to give it back.

Realization dawned on me like a wave that quickly knocked the wind out of me and let me gasping for air.

I would have to go back to avoiding him... no even worse……… I'd have to go through my life and if I did encounter him from time to time, treat him like he was a complete stranger, someone I had to live with because i had to, not wanted to.

It hurt to think the words, I had fallen in love with a man that I couldn't be with under any circumstances.

Pain slowly urged me to stand up I slowly looked toward the direction of the house, I had gotten farther then I was aware.

Even in my sealed state I was smart enough to hide from Emmett, My imprint in the snow was five feet deep into a snow bank.

Relief washed over me at lest I wouldn't have to face him at the moment.

The walk home was a silent and slow one, I dragged my feet in the snow dreading the meeting with who I was sure to encounter as I trudged to the house.

I was probably a mile away when a slight breeze and a blur set Emmett two feet away.

My eyes slowly trailed on his chest until I my gaze made its way to his mouth and then the worry in his eyes. I held back a shutter and a gasp as he took a small step forward , all humor gone from his face he look so serious, probably wondering why I was so afraid of a kiss...

"Rose, are you ok……what happened I-I'm……I'm so sorry" it seemed to take him hours to get out the words that froze my bones.

Why was he always sorry when he should be mad…

The genuine regret shone in his eyes but he was regretting kissing me for the wrong reason.

He felt bad because he had harmed me not because I was a whimp who couldn't take a kiss.

"I'm fine…I-I'm just going to warm up in my room for awhile" I slide the sentence out quickly as I tried to quit stammering.

I walked to my right and held in a sigh as I stepped away from him, the guilt I was trying to conceal threatened to burst through.

"Rose are you sure…your ok?"

I tore my shoulder from under his hand and turned to yell " Emmett I'm fine" when I saw the moisture in his eyes that couldn't form tears-

" Please Emmett I just…. Let me go…. please" my voice cracked on each word,

All Icould see was the hurt in his eyes that I had caused.

I turned and ran away from the face that surly held more unbearable pain that I couldn't bring myself to carry.

I broke down in my room and let dry sobs shake my body only after a few minutes did I realize I was hurting him again, surly he was listening to my cry's that rang out throughout the house. This sent forth more sobs that wouldn't seem to end.

That night was only the beginning of the wound that still ached inside me, I couldn't believe it… I opened up a scar that I thought I had buried.

Tomorrow would slash at my insides .

Pretending to be ok was something I had tried to rid myself of after Emmett….

Fate wouldn't cut me break, love had found me and broken me once again……Emmett and I seemed so wonderful and the reality was we couldn't ever happen…..

Pain flowed through what was left of me……. And this time I knew the wound would never heal.

A/N: Hoped you like it, Rose's pain is so unbearable, its hard to try to describe it hopefully this is some of what she feels. Theres a poll on my profile if you want the next chapter to be in Emmett's view of the snowy day or just have me continue the story with Rose, keep me posted on how I'm doing and plz answer the poll so i can add another chapter soon (;

FallingAngel14