Seymour's Bright Idea
By Nardo T. Icarus
Disclaimer: Nardo owns nothing.
Where we last left off, Seymour had sustained undisclosed injuries, but quickly recovered at the sound of a familiar voice.
"Whatcha want, boy?! Whatcha want," asked Seymour.
Apparently, the familiar voice belonged to…SHUY- TIDUS! He answered, "I see your hair hasn't changed at all, considering what you apparently went through today."
"Yes, I programmed my hair to stay the same no matter what the situation," said Seymour, "but you have yet to answer my question, Tidus."
"Why, I'm a bill collector," answered Tidus.
"A bill collector," asked Seymour, annoyed.
"Yup, and apparently, you owe Yuna a strawberry ice cream cone," said Tidus.
"Not that bulls*** again," said Seymour.
"Fine, then," said Tidus, "if you don't wanna be bothered, then I'll leave you alone," he then disappeared, "b****!"
"What?! What did you call me?! Show yourself, you buffoon," demanded Seymour.
"Tidus isn't here," said his voice.
"Yeah, he is," said Seymour, unamused by Tidus' tactics.
"Tidus died," the voice said, even though it was obvious he was still alive.
"Tidus, stop being an a** and show yourself, so I can BEAT YOUR HEAD IN," demanded Seymour, who was starting to get annoyed.
"Tidus died and went to the Farplane," insisted the voice.
"You f***hole! Show yourself, Tidus! I ain't got all day, you know! I got a music video to record," explained Seymour.
"You're a recording artist," asked Tidus' voice, doubtfully.
"Yes, I am," said Seymour.
"Never heard of your music," chuckled the voice.
Seymour finally revealed his true frustrations at the situation, "Tidus, you jacka**! Quit hiding like a fr***in' squirrel and face me like a man!" Seymour turned his back to the camera to reveal, unbeknownst to him, Tidus clinging to the back of Seymour's fancy coat. Seymour, just realizing what was going on, turned his face back to the camera, and cast Firaga on his own back, which only seemed to affect Tidus.
"No! Not Firaga! It BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNS," yelled Tidus, who dropped off of Seymour's back and started rolling around on the ground.
"Waterga," Seymour cast the spell on Tidus just to embarrass him with pity – not to mention to set up his next trick.
"STOP IT, SEYMOUR! YOU'RE GETTING ME WET," demanded Tidus.
"Thundaga," Seymour cast yet another level 3 spell on Tidus. Seymour had never heard such a cry come from anyone's mouth in all of his 36 years. Anyone that is, other than Tromell.
"Blizzaga," Seymour cast the spell on Tidus to put him out of his misery.
"Seymour, get me out," demanded the Tidusicle with the weirdest face on him that Seymour has only seen on Wakka before.
"Hey, look at it this way, now you can live forever," said Seymour, as he was chipping away excess ice as to make a Tidus ice sculpture.
"You mean like Walt Disney," asked Tidus, enthusiastically.
"No," said Seymour in an 'I'm just cool with the world' tone.
"Darn," said Tidus.
"Now to send you to another dimension," said Seymour as he chiseled the last touches in his statue.
"What?! Wait," yelled Tidus as Seymour cast FFV Banish on him.
"Now that that bozo's out of the way," said Seymour as a limousine stopped in his path. "The f***," he said.
The door opened slowly, thus beginning the prelude the most annoying limousine ride of his life.