Seymour's Bright Idea
By Nardo T. Icarus
Disclaimer: Nardo owns nothing. How many times do I have to tell you? What?! Every chapter?! What a load of bologna! It's almost 57,000 for crying out loud! (No, I'm not making 57,000 chapters, forget it)
We last left the party going into the rift to rescue Tidus, who was thrown in there by Seymour two chapters ago.
"Hello, people," greeted Tidus, who had no idea he was standing by the portal.
"Tidus," exclaimed Yuna, running out of the limo.
"So, that's what he looks like," said Signy.
"It's over 9,000," screamed Wakka.
"Mmmmmmmmmm, chicken," said the two Ronso for no reason.
"Seymour, get out of the limo," said Yuna.
"No," said Seymour.
"Yes," Yuna insisted.
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"GET OUT OF THE F**KING LIMO," shouted Wakka as he dove head first into the limo, initiating a wrestling match.
"REH! Get off of me, Jimmy Neutron," demanded Seymour.
Suddenly, the ground started shaking, even though there didn't seem to be any ground to begin with. Then, the silhouette of something that looked like something with eight-digit HP appeared. Nobody noticed it. Nobody, that is, other than Biran.
"Uh, guys," said Biran.
"What is it," asked Tidus.
"Big, bad thingy coming this way," said the blond Ronso.
Tidus turned around and took a gander at the figure. It looked kinda familiar, but not completely. He remembered that he saw it in some guys YouTube video about him playing the International version of Final Fantasy X. Then, he abruptly remembered exactly what it was.
"Hey, guys," said Tidus.
"What," said Wakka and Seymour coming out of the limo with nary a scratch on them. The only scratch on either of them was on Wakka's nose and he got that about a week ago.
"Pants is coming," said Tidus, incorrectly.
"Pants," asked Yuna.
Wakka began to say, "I think you mean P-"
"Wakka shut up," yelled Yuna, knowing if Wakka finished his sentence, Nardo T. Icarus would have to jack up the rating to M and he didn't feel like doing that.
"Sorry," said sad Wakka chibi.
"His name is Penance, you dummies," said Signy, who played the International version.
"Oh," everyone said.
"Okay, according to a walkthrough I read on the Internet somewhere, if we get rid of Penance's arms, he can't use Judgment Day, ya," explained Wakka.
"Got it," said Yuna.
"But watch out,ya? The arms have half a million HP on their own," warned Wakka, not knowing that Tidus and Seymour had already charged in to do battle with Penance's arms so he couldn't use Judgment Day. Little did they realize though, in fact they didn't realize at all, that they left their 'Break Damage Limit' weapons at home. Thus, they did only about 9,999 damage per hit.
"Reh, this worked a lot better in the video," said a frustrated Tidus.
"At this rate, it'll take a whole day," said Seymour.
"Or two," said the young blitzball star.
"Or three," said the demented Guado.
"Or thirty," they both said in unison.
"That's a whole month," said Seymour, stating the obvious.
"IMMA FIRIN' MAH JUDGMENT DAY," yelled Penance, almost freezing Seymour and Tidus with blind fear.
"Oh, snap," said Seymour as though he were just cool with the situation. Thus he and Tidus were zapped by Judgment Day and died. Game Over. End of story. I LIED!!! We can't have the story end like that! That would be lame! Not to mention stupid! So, anyway, Seymour and Tidus survived Judgment Day and, realizing their lack of good weapons, backed away.
"What the heck? He's not supposed to use Judgment Day until later, ya," exclaimed Wakka.
"This isn't a video game, stupid! It's the real deal," said Signy.
"Well, how the heck was I supposed to know," yelled the drastically confused blitzball legend.
"Well, if this was a video game, you can just press RESET and act like nothing happened, but you CAN'T," said the green-haired chibi Guado.
"Oh," said Wakka.
"Well, if that's the case, then the only way to defeat it…is with another Penance," explained Seymour.
"Where are we gonna get another Penance," questioned Tidus.
"We're screwed," said Wakka.
"No, Daddy, the only way to defeat Penance in real life…is with a NUCLEAR MISSLE BARRAGE," explained Signy.
"Wouldn't that kill us, too," asked Yuna.
"You're right. Okay, new plan! Daddy, use Lance of Atropy," ordered Signy.
"What am I, a Pokemon," said Seymour.
"SEYMOUR, DON'T ARGUE WITH ME AND JUST TURN INTO SEYMOUR FLUX AND USE LANCE OF F**KING ATROPY ON PENANCE ALREADY," demanded the little tike, not realizing she just called her father by his first name.
"Fine," said Seymour as he continued to mumble, "I'll turn into Flux so you can shut the f**k up already."
Thus, Seymour entered his third form and used one of his most annoying attacks on the super monster.
"Okay, Mortiochis, use Full Life," said the annoying boss.
(: MORTIOCHIS IS ON A DIET! :)
"WHAT THE HECK DOES BEING ON A DIET HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING," he yelled.
"Ah, for the love of pizza," said Signy as she cast full life on the giant monster which, if it were a video game, would take at least twenty minutes to kill without Zanmato.
And so the helicopter head fell as quickly as he had arrived. Thanks to Signy, the rift was saved, even though they didn't go there just to defeat Penance in the first place. If that were the case, the could've left Tidus to rot for all they cared. But, no, they were there to rescue Tidus and Penance just happened to be there.
Little did they know, however, that all Penance wanted…
WAS A CUP OF SUGAR!!!!!
Next time: I'm not telling you what's gonna happen in the next chapter, you'll have to find that out for yourselves.