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Chapter 14: The truth
She couldn't sleep. She couldn't eat. She couldn't concentrate. She couldn't win.
No matter what sport Macy Misa was playing, she was playing it badly these days.
"Whatever's bothering you," her coaches had been quick to tell her, "figure it out and get your head back in the game. This isn't the time of year for us to lose our star player."
They had tried to reason with her at first, asking her what was wrong and if there was anything they could do to help, but Macy was keeping quiet. Even Stella was getting frustrated with her friend's refusal to spill on what exactly had happen during her night out with Kevin.
She felt too guilty to talk about it with anyone. She didn't feel she had the right to someone's shoulder to cry on or sympathetic ear. She had dug her own grave, and she was now sinking in it.
Macy was too consumed with her own guilt to even notice the evil glares Brooke was still sending in her direction, a sure sign that the other girl wasn't making any progress with their bet while Macy was doing nothing to further her case along.
The worse was the concern that came from the boys. Kevin most of all kept asking Macy if she was all right and if he'd done something wrong, probably worried that she didn't appreciate the chance he'd almost taken on their night together.
Macy once again cursed her competitive spirit and concentrated on finding more places in the school where she could hide from the boys.
***
"Hi, Macy."
Macy jumped at the sound of the voice.
"Hi, Nick. Don't you have class right now?"
"Stomach ache," he said as he took a seat next to her on the bench.
"Are you okay?"
"Oh, I don't really have a stomach ache. I said I did to get out of class because I knew this was the time of day that you were the only one of us to have free period and that you wouldn't be hiding. I figured you'd be easier to find that way."
"Hiding?" Macy scoffed, swallowing when she could see the content grin on Nick's face. "Well, you're going to get caught if you stay out here talking to me."
"What are you doing, Macy?"
"Math. I'm really bad at it."
"I meant, what are you doing ignoring us?"
She sighed and blinked to keep her eyes from watering.
"You wouldn't understand."
"It's okay. Macy, it's fine if you have a crush on Kevin. It's obvious he likes you too."
"But I don't like Kevin," she sighed. She knew something like this would happen. She knew that something bad would happen. She supposed she simply hadn't dare dream that it would be Kevin Lucas falling in love with her.
"Of course you do, Macy. You always have. I mean, come on, you're the only one who plays along with whatever the theme of the day is, and you bake for him, and you swoon every time he starts talking with rhythm, never mind singing."
"That's because it's fun, and I can't bake for you, and we never get to hear Kevin sing."
"Come on, Macy. You can't hide the way your eyes light up when you see him."
"Please stop, Nick." She closed her eyes slowly.
"You're doing so well. Why can't you just admit you like him?"
"Because it was too hard the first time," she choked out in a teary voice. "I liked him so much and then I met him, and there was nothing there from him, and I had to get over it. Do you know how long it took me to get over it? Do you know how long it took before I could hang out with you guys and not feel awful that he would never like me like I had liked him?"
Nick shook his head. "No, I don't. It must have been hard."
"It was. But I did get over him, and I'm not going back. I refuse to go back because I don't want to have to get over Kevin Lucas again."
"See that's where you're wrong," Nick told her as he moved the book between them so he could scoot closer to her. "You never got over Kevin Lucas."
"Yes, I did. It took forever, but I did get over him."
"No. You got over Kevin of Jonas. You fell in love with Kevin Lucas."
Macy sighed. "They're the same person, Nick."
"No they aren't. Kevin of Jonas is that guitar player who you see on stage and being dorky in interviews. Kevin Lucas is your friend who broke your heart when he couldn't tell you that you didn't have the best singing voice, and then who fixed it again by finally being honest with you. He's the guy that bought you a cupcake when you won MVP of the year and who flew you out to a carnival because you didn't win that hockey tournament and he wanted to cheer you up. He's the guy that makes you laugh on Monday mornings and wishes you a great weekend Friday afternoon even if he's going to see you in less than an hour. He's got nothing to do with that guy on the stage."
"What's your point, Nick?"
"My point is that you love him, and you're just hurting yourself and him by not telling him the truth."
She shook her head. "If you're right, then I can't tell him the truth because he's all those things, and I refuse to let go of that by making a stupid mistake."
A mistake, Macy thought to herself, that she'd already made and simply couldn't confess.
"Just tell him the truth, Macy." He nudged her side and got up from the bench. "Do it, and I'll let you hear the finished song I started for you the other day."
"Just tell him the truth," Macy sighed as Nick walked away. "Sounds so simple."
***
Somehow she kept herself from sighing when she saw him waiting for her at her locker. After all, she knew she would eventually have to face him.
"Hi, Kevin."
"Hey, Macy. How's it going?"
She nodded.
"Are you still mad at me?"
"Oh, no." Macy shook her head quickly, wincing when it caused her to drop her baseball bat which Kevin luckily caught before it could hurt him. "I was never mad. I was just..."
"Awkward?"
"Kind of. Definitely not mad but—"
"Good," Kevin interrupted. "I thought you were mad, but if you weren't, maybe you won't mind if I do this."
His lips were against hers before she could even realise what was happening.
"If you weren't mad, then I figure you owe me that since we went out and you ran away before I could kiss you. Plus you totally cheated when we were supposed to go ballroom dancing as our next date, and you distracted me with the zoo."
"Kevin..."
"You can't get mad now if you weren't going to get mad the first time I was going to do it, right?"
He gave her a crooked smile she had never seen pointed in her direction before, and slowly swooped in toward her. Macy found her senses just in time to press her hand against his chest and stop him.
"You can't, Kevin."
"Why not? I thought... I mean, we've been spending a lot of time together and I thought we were..."
"We were," Macy assured him, with wide eyes and a quick nod. "We definitely were, it's just... There's something I have to tell you."
"What?"
Macy took a deep breath. She closed her eyes and then opened them to see Kevin's trusting gaze in her direction.
"Listen, Kevin. You asked me what was wrong the other day?" She waited for him to nod and took another deep breath. "The reason I've been acting weird lately, and everything else that's been happening, it's because I made a bet with Brooke. I bet her that I could get you to fall in love with me before she could get you to fall in love with her. I didn't want to, Kevin, but then she got to my competitive streak and she was going to get Joe and Nick involved and I didn't want to hurt any of you, but I didn't want to lose you as friends and..."
"So the only reason you wanted me to like you was because of a bet?"
"No. No. Definitely no. I mean... That's the only reason I dared try to get you to like me. But, I mean, Nick's right and I'm completely in love with you, but I would never have tried anything because you're you and I'm me, and... It was just a bet. I know better than to think we could ever be more than friends."
He said nothing, and Macy realised that as long as she was looking down at the floor and not at him, she would never know what it was he thought of her now. She was scared when she did eventually look up and couldn't read the expression on his face.
"Please say something, Kevin."
