"Paul!"
Paul resisted the urge to turn around and walk the other way. He was barely in the school building that morning, and Casey was already about to bombard him with suggestions for glee. He was happy to have her, he was, and she was a nice girl, but really.
Sure enough, she was off and running as soon as she caught up to him. "I went to the library and I got some sheet music, and I picked out some songs that feature me heavily on lead vocal."
Paul went the grateful-apologetic route. "Thanks, Case, but I already have a song picked out."
Casey's face fell. Before Paul could find the sheet music in his messenger bag to show her, Ralph appeared out of nowhere and offered to carry Casey's backpack.
She smiled sweetly at him. "Thanks, Ralph. You're so chivalrous."
"That's a good thing, right?"
Paul shook his head and smiled. Casey was looking at Ralph adoringly. He didn't understand that attraction one bit, but he had a feeling he'd have to keep an eye on those two.
Emily, Sam, and Noel came in stride with Paul and greeted him enthusiastically. He was excited to see them laughing and talking like old friends. As far as he knew, they had barely interacted before New Directions.
"Don't be late for rehearsal this afternoon," he reminded them cheerily. They all nodded and waved as Paul branched off towards his office.
Too bad Derek and Sheldon were blocking his path. They were by the dumpster again, and Paul eyed Derek warily.
"Buenos nachos, Paul," he said with his trademark smirk. He slung an arm around Sheldon's shoulders as his jock friends chuckled. Sheldon looked just as terrified as usual, but again, Paul couldn't really do anything because Derek wasn't hurting Sheldon.
So he ignored the tension and decided to keep Derek happy. "Go Titans!" Paul pumped a fist in the air, and Derek saluted him.
Paul walked away, but not before he heard Derek tell Sheldon, "Get in the dumpster."
He turned around and was about to go save the poor kid, when he heard Sheldon proclaim with confidence, "One day, you will all work for me." Then Sheldon actually helped Derek along as he and a buddy threw him into the dumpster.
Paul kept walking. Sheldon was going to turn out just fine, that was for sure. But he'd have to have Derek into his office for yet another session on kindness.
Kathy peeked around the corner and saw Paul coming. When he was distracted saying hello to a student, she stepped into the hallway and collided right into him. (An oldie but a goodie.)
"Oh, gosh, Paul, I'm sorry," she said sweetly.
Paul steadied himself by putting his hands on her shoulders. Then he grinned. "That's okay. Hey, I want to thank you so much for your advice the other day. Glee is coming along really well."
"I know, and that's great." Kathy smiled. "Oh, look, we match! Periwinkle and periwinkle!" She pointed to his sweater and then the trimmings on her collar.
Paul looked down and chuckled.
"Get a room," Kendra snapped as she and Sally walked by.
Before either of them had a chance to respond, Sally added, "Ryan told me he wants to see you in his office, Paul. He doesn't like to be kept waiting."
"You got it," Paul grumbled.
Kathy gave him an encouraging pat on the back, and he headed down the hallway to talk to The Fridge.
~L~
Ryan was on a treadmill when Paul entered his office. "Hey, you wanted to see me?"
"Heya, buddy," Ryan said condescendingly. Or not. It was hard to tell. "Just blasting my hammies. Iron tablet?" He held out a bottle.
Paul shook his head, and Ryan shrugged. "I talked to Lassiter," he began.
"Principal Lassiter," Paul corrected, hoping to force him into showing some sort of respect.
No such luck. "Lassie said," Ryan went on as if Paul hadn't spoken, "that if your little group doesn't place at regionals, he's cutting the program. Ouch," he clucked.
"Oh, glee club will be fine, don't you worry. What does it have to do with you, anyway?"
"It's drawing funding from my Cheerios. The senior squad gets most of our budget as it is," Ryan snarled.
"Ah." Paul fidgeted. He really, really did not want to be on this guy's bad side.
"So, I was at the local library, where I read Cheerleading Today aloud to blind geriatrics," Ryan reached for a book from his desk, "And I came across this little page-turner." He held the book aloft so that Paul could read the title.
Show Choir Rule Book. Great. Just great. "Go on," Paul replied.
"And it turns out, you need twelve singers to qualify for regionals. Last time I looked, you only had five and half."
Paul must have looked confused, because Ryan explained, "Ralph's half a brain."
"Hey now—"
"I got a hold of the master curriculum list and highlighted a few special ed classes for ya. Maybe you can find more glee recruits in there. Because I'm not sure there's anyone who'd want to swim over to your island of misfit toys."
"Now just a second, Ryan. I am a teacher. You can't talk to me that way."
Ryan got a little too close, and Paul backed up under his threatening glare. "Oh yeah, and whatcha gonna do about it? Tell Lassie? Nah, I got him under my thumb. Just try and get me in trouble. Try."
Paul swallowed. "Are you threatening me, Ryan?"
Ryan backed away. "Threatening you? Oh, no. Presenting you with an opportunity to compromise yourself? You betcha."
Paul could not stand up to this kid. Ryan did have some sort of power over the administration. He briefly wondered what kind of dirt Ryan had on Lassie…er, Principal Lassiter.
Ryan kept talking. "I get it. You want to be creative. You want to be in the spotlight. Let's face it. You want to be me. So here's the deal. You do with your depressing little group of rejects what I did with my wealthy, elderly grandmother." He paused, and with menace in his eyes, said quietly, "Euthanize it."
It took all of Paul's willpower not to sock him in the jaw. He straightened up and said, "You know what, Ryan? Glee club is here to stay. I believe in those kids. I know you're used to getting whatever you want, but it looks like your Cheerios are going to have some competition. We're going to show at regionals. You have my word on that."
Paul didn't owe him any kind of explanation, the spoiled rotten brat. "Have a good day, Ryan." He walked slowly from the office, dignity intact.
~L~
"We are in line to be the most popular kids in school by the time we're juniors," Sally was saying as Casey bent into her locker, rummaging for books. She used the door as a shield and tried to figure out to whom Sally was talking. "Prom king and queen. Homecoming court royalty. And I am not giving up those shiny crowns just so you can express yourself," she whispered fiercely. Casey was surprised. Sally did not seem like a shallow wannabe at first glance. But she knew better than anyone that ambition could mess with your head.
"Look, you're making too big a deal out of this," Ralph chuckled. Casey bit her lip. Sally was going to turn Ralph against glee! Again!
Sally's voice dropped a register, and Casey raised her eyebrows. She really wished she could see them. "Okay, let's compromise. If you quit the club, I'll let you touch my breast."
Casey's eyes turned to saucers, and she couldn't see it, but Ralph's did too.
"Under the shirt?" he clarified.
"Over the bra," Sally corrected.
Ralph paused, and Casey sucked in a breath. Please say no, please say no.
"No, no, I can't. I wanna do glee, Sal. I'm really happy when I perform."
Casey let out the breath and quickly covered her mouth, hoping Sally and Ralph hadn't heard her.
"People think you're gay now, Ralph," Sally was saying. "And you know what that makes me? Your big, gay beard."
Ralph shrugged. "I gotta go to class. Just relax. Everything's gonna work out." He pecked Sally on the cheek and walked away.
As he came past her, Casey dared to turn around. Her eyes met Sally's.
Sally's quivering lip turned into a snarl. "Eavesdrop much?"
Casey blanched, but stood her ground.
"Time for some girl talk, Man Hands." Sally strode up to Casey until she was right in her face. "You can dance with him, you can sing with him, but you will never have him."
Sally apparently saw the chemistry between them. Casey had been writing it off as necessary for a successful show. It was essential that the male and female leads generated some heat. Otherwise nobody would watch. But she knew that her crush on Ralph was hovering dangerously on the edge of the line. And as far as Sally was concerned, Casey had already crossed it.
But Casey was not going to be intimidated by this perky social climber. "I understand why you'd be threatened," she said pleasantly. "Ralph and I have made a connection. But I'm an honorable person. I don't need to steal your man. I have plenty of suitors of my own. Every day, glee's status is going up, and yours is going down. Deal with it."
Casey turned on her heel and walked off, leaving Sally looking disgusted. Casey was extremely proud of herself. She wasn't sure how much of what she had just said about her and Ralph was true, but she wanted to believe she would never steal another woman's man.
Just as she let herself smile at her triumph, a blue slushie hit her in the face. She gasped at the temperature, only to get a mouthful of another slushie. Eyes burning, she turned around to face her assailants, who were already walking away. "Der-ek!" she hissed. He heard, and turned to smirk at her. Then he winked at Sally and kept on walking. Sally and pretty much everyone else in the hallway started laughing. Casey ran for the restroom.
~L~
At glee rehearsal, Paul was trying to teach his singers Chic's "Le Freak". He offered words of encouragement as they almost nailed the choreography.
"Listen to us, I'm sure you'll be amazed," they sang. Paul sure hoped the audience would be.
"Whoa!" Emily turned on Casey when an over-enthusiastic kick almost got her in the face. "First of all, you try to bust my face again, and I will cut you," she seethed. Casey looked contrite, so Emily turned on Paul. "And also, this song is terrible."
"It's not the song, guys. You just need to get into it," Paul tried. Didn't work.
"Oh yes, it's the song. It's really gay," Sheldon chimed in.
"Yeah, we need modern music, Paul," Noel added.
Paul felt for them, but his hands were tied. "Guys, we don't have time to discuss this. We're doing the song this Friday at the pep assembly."
Sam's face went white. "We're doing this in front of the whole school?"
"Exactly," Paul sighed.
"They're going to throw fruit at us!" Sheldon exclaimed.
"I'll press charges if that happens," Casey assured him.
"Guys." Paul could not afford a mutiny. "I can't express to you how important this assembly is. We need recruits. There are six of you. We need twelve to qualify for regionals. We have no choice, or the club is over."
No one liked that news.
"Look, I know you guys don't like this song, but we took nationals back in ninety-three with it. It's a crowd-pleaser. Trust me." He believed in the song, but these kids just weren't feeling it. What could he do, though? "Come on now, from the top."
"I'm dead," Ralph muttered, and Casey sighed.
~L~
At the next rehearsal, Sheldon and Emily were discussing costumes. Sam and Noel were fiddling with Noel's guitar. Ralph was trying to tie his shoe. Casey was staring off into space, terrified that she would lose glee. And then what, if it fell through? She needed this. She could never become Famous without it.
Paul entered the choir room with a packet of sheet music. "How about a little Kanye?"
"Ooh, for the assembly?" Emily asked.
"No, unfortunately we won't be ready in time. We're still doing disco. But we can fold this into our repertoire, and it'll be awesome at regionals." He began passing out the music. "Communication is the foundation of any successful music group. If we're going to succeed, we need to communicate. You guys said you wanted modern music, I listened."
"Paul, we'd really like to not do disco at that assembly," Noel communicated.
Paul didn't hear him. He was already over by the jazz band, showing them the music. "Ralph, you're going to take the solo."
Ralph paled. "No, Paul, I'm still learning how to walk and sing at the same time!"
Paul smiled. "No problem. I'll walk you through it." It may not have been fair to the kids, but he was dying to sing this song with them. He needed a little break from worrying about glee. This was his chance for a little stress relief.
He pointed to Emily. "You know this?"
Emily shot him a look. "Of course." She belted out the first line, "She take my money…" drawing out the vowels in "money" to impressive lengths.
She continued the lyrics to "Gold Digger," and got a round of applause, even from Casey, who had to admit the girl had talent.
The keyboardist thrummed out the beat for the chorus.
"She give me money, when I'm in need," everyone joined in. "when I'm in need…"
Paul jumped in with the main rap. "Now I ain't saying she a gold digger…"
He pulled out his rusty dance moves and earned goofy smiles from the kids. They were totally into it. He felt great.
They finished the song with more enthusiasm than Paul had seen from them since "Don't Stop Believing."
"Just like that!" He crowed when the music ended. "Ready to go again?"
~L~
Kathy entered the girls' room to wash her hands before lunch, and heard retching from one of the stalls.
She gently pushed open the door. Casey was kneeling in front of the toilet bowl, coughing.
"Casey? Did you just throw up?"
Casey sat up and blinked. "No."
Kathy tried not to look at the floor. "You missed the toilet."
"The girl who was throwing up before me left that." She made a face. "I tried, but I guess I just don't have a gag reflex."
"One day when you're older, that'll turn out to be a gift," Kathy said matter-of-factly. "You should talk to Paul about this."
Casey shook her head. "No, I'm fine, Ms. Z."
Kathy gave her a hard look. "Let's have a little chat."
She took Casey to her office. Paul was outside in the hallway, hanging up a flier about the pep assembly. She waved, and he waved back. Her heart fluttered, but then she remembered the anxious fifteen-year-old sitting opposite her.
"Casey, bulimia is a very messy and serious disease."
"I don't have bulimia, Ms. Zeldin." She thought back to that awful summer when her cousin Vicky teased her mercilessly about a weight gain of three pounds. "I tried it, failed, and won't ever attempt it again, trust me."
Kathy nodded. "Okay. But I still want to talk about the feelings that you had that led up to you wanting to puke your guts out." She tried to remain friendly and informal, but she knew from Paul that Casey was actually a pretty fragile girl. She probably needed an actual counselor, but she wanted Casey to feel comfortable talking to her, woman to woman.
"I want to be thinner," Casey blurted out. "Prettier, like that Sally girl." She looked down at her lap.
"And why is that?"
"Have you ever liked somebody so much that you want to lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music, and cry?"
Kathy looked out the door and into the hallway again, but Paul had gone. "No," she said convincingly. "But a boy crush, huh…I know about that. Well, not now. It takes me back. In the day. Like, a long time ago." Stop babbling, Kath. "You know what, Casey?" she finally said. "You need to remember to protect your heart. I don't care who he is, if he doesn't like you for the way you are, if he's married, well, you know, he's not worth the heartache…You don't want to compromise yourself for that." She cleared her throat.
Casey looked a little lost. She hadn't missed the "married" comment, though, and wondered who it was Ms. Zeldin liked.
"Have you just tried telling him how you feel?" Kathy tried again.
Casey shrugged, beginning to tear up. "He doesn't even notice me."
Kathy's heart broke for her. It must be so hard being the new kid. And she could tell why Paul liked her so much. If nothing else, this girl was true to herself. "I see. Um, okay, here's what I think. Common interests are the key to romance. Find out what he likes. Then he'll see you in a positive way, and maybe you'll end up doing something that you never would have expected."
Casey looked much happier. "Thanks, Ms. Zeldin."
"Anytime, Casey."
~L~
Ralph and Casey sat side by side in Principal Lassiter's office, flanked by Paul and Ryan.
"Go on, tell 'em," Ryan said, smiling a very unsettling smile. "Tell 'em what I caught you two doing."
"Go to hell, Sylvester," Ralph spat.
Principal Lassiter grunted. "Now, now, none of that. Let's be polite."
Ryan smirked. Principal Lassiter raised an eyebrow.
"It just sorta happened," Ralph said.
"I don't mean to be rude, but I think Ryan's overreacting," Casey added bravely.
"You watch your tone, young lady." Lassiter pointed a finger at her.
"It's that Chicago upbringing, sir. Encourages rebellion." Ryan winked at Casey, who recoiled with a grimace.
Paul tried to intervene. "This is unnecessary—"
"Just tell me what happened, Miss McDonald," Lassiter interrupted.
"Ralph was worried about having to perform a solo at the pep assembly in front of his chromosomally challenged friends. I was immediately concerned by his lack of self-esteem and made a creative preemptive strike."
"Pretty much what she said," Ralph mumbled.
"It was a twofold plan. We figured that with the right marketing strategy, we could pull from the entire student body without having an assembly, thus creating the diverse glee club this school has been craving."
Ryan picked up the narrative. "I caught them making copies of some lame flier with Justin Timberlake on it…on the Cheerios' copy machine. I was so appalled I dropped my protein shake! It's for Cheerios only, paid for by alumni donations. I can't begin to fathom the damage you'd have done to the program if you'd broken it!"
"Hold on a second." Paul was fuming. Why did Ryan feel such a sense of entitlement? It was a copy machine, for crying out loud!
"I resent being told to hold on to anything, Paul. I put in four years at this school. I will not be treated like a second class citizen!" Ryan barked.
Ralph lunged at him, but Casey held him back. "More like five or six years," Ralph muttered.
Ryan's face twisted with rage, but he said nothing except, "There is a very clear bureaucracy when it comes to photocopies. And you, Paul, seem to think that these procedures don't apply to your students." He looked at Principal Lassiter, who was fidgeting.
"This is ridiculous!" Paul crowed.
Lassiter sighed. "Ryan's right, Paul, I'm sorry. No special treatment."
Paul threw up his hands. "How many fliers did you guys even make?"
"Seventeen," Casey said proudly.
"And how much does a photocopy cost?"
Lassiter eyed Paul, realizing that he was in a tricky situation. "Four and a half cents."
"Fine. They'll pay for the copies."
Casey looked indignant, but said nothing.
Lassiter agreed, relieved to be smoothing things over. Ryan made him nervous.
Ryan looked horrified, but he kept his mouth shut.
"And," Lassiter told Ryan, "I'm sorry, but I'll have to ask you to personally clean the congealed protein shake off the copy room floor."
"That's why we have janitors," Ryan huffed.
Lassiter straightened his tie and set his jaw. "We're in a recession, and concessions must be made."
"Fine." Ryan looked murderous.
Paul exchanged triumphant grins with Casey and Ralph.
Before he left, Ryan turned back to the relieved glee clubbers. "Lady Justice wept today," he said sadly.
Casey and Ralph burst out laughing as soon as the door was shut behind him, and Paul stifled a chuckle himself. "What is with that guy?" Casey asked, still giggling.
"Get out of my office! I have work to do!" Lassiter growled.
~L~
"Sorry about that, Paul," Ralph told him as they walked down the hall.
Casey bypassed the apology, thinking only about what needed to be done. "I'd like to get the fliers up before lunch tomorrow."
Paul stopped in his tracks, frustrated. "You know what guys? I don't want to hear it." He knew they were only trying to help, but getting into trouble with Ryan and Lassiter had been a really dumb move, and he couldn't afford one silly mistake like that; it could bring down the club for good. They had been lucky to get off with a fine. He didn't mean to snap at them, but he was on his last nerve.
Casey stood firm. "Doing that song is going to ruin any chance the glee club has. It's a terrible idea."
Paul didn't happen to think so, but he knew there was no stopping Casey when she got like this. "I have news for you, Casey. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. We're doing the assembly. And you're not putting up those fliers." He wagged a finger in their faces, and instantly regretted it. But he had made a decision to use a song that proved a winner, and he couldn't back down. They were out of time. "Everybody loves disco," he called as he walked away.
Casey and Ralph exchanged worried glances.
"It's official. I'm a dead man," Ralph moaned.
"Look, I know you're nervous, but you're really, really talented." Casey couldn't help but smile at him.
"Aw, stop it." Ralph blushed.
She put a hand on his arm. "Maybe it'll all be okay."
Ralph looked down at her slender fingers and manicured nails. She was so pretty.
"Do you want to practice for the assembly tomorrow after school?" Casey asked before she could stop herself.
Ralph was disappointed he'd have to say no. "I can't. I have a Celibacy Club meeting."
Casey's smile vanished. "Oh."
"Bye." Ralph left her standing in the hallway, feeling like an idiot. You can't be the other woman, she reminded herself. It's not classy.
~L~
Paul walked into the copy room the next day to find Principal Lassiter cleaning up Ryan's spilled protein shake.
"I thought Ryan was supposed to do that," Paul said, unable to keep the accusing tone out of his voice.
"Ryan got a note from the school nurse claiming that he had a condition that made it impossible for him to bend over a bucket of suds," he scoffed.
"Why do you let him get away with stuff like that? He's just a student!"
Principal Lassiter sighed. "His parents donate a lot to this school. His mother was a Cheerio. She wishes she had a daughter for the squad, but she doesn't, so I have to let Ryan coach the underclassmen."
"That can't be the only reason. He has something on you, doesn't he?"
Lassiter rolled his eyes. "He's scary, okay? I just want to get him graduated and out of here with my dignity intact." He bent over the spilled shake again, scrubbing away.
Paul shook his head. "Good luck with that."
~L~
"The Celibacy Club is now in session," Sally intoned, pounding her gavel on the desk. She didn't really care about the pomp and circumstance; that was Kendra's idea. But they had vowed to remain virgins until marriage, and Sally was not about to throw away a ten-year friendship over some silly urges she had for Ralph. She had to stay strong. She had a plan for her life. She would get into a good college, go to med school, get married, and have a happy family and fulfilling career. It had always been that way. She did not want anyone or anything jeopardizing her dream.
Kendra, on the other hand, was the one who actually believed in this. She was a good Christian. She went to church regularly, prayed every night, and believed in the sanctity of marriage. Sally respected her. It had been her idea to start the Celibacy Club, and Sally was all for it. Anything to help keep her on the path of righteousness. Kendra had never been good at organizing, so Sally took over as president. She had to admit, it would look great on college applications.
Sally turned her attention to Casey. "Thanks to a school rule that says we have to let anyone join the club, we're welcoming a new member this week, Casey What's-Her-Name."
Casey looked around at Sally, Kendra, and the other girls. "Where are all the boys?" She was finally in a co-ed school, and enjoying it. This club gave her a weird sense of déjà vu.
"Down the hall," Sally said, trying to be patient. "First half hour we separate, then we come together to share our faith."
~L~
Meanwhile, in the boys' room, Ralph was trying really hard to mentally transport himself elsewhere. He was still on the fence about the Celibacy Club. He had only joined to get into Sally's pants, which hadn't worked at all. But sometimes he felt like it was actually a productive way for the guys to get together and talk about sexual issues. Not that anyone talked much.
He smiled at Derek, who rolled his eyes. Derek was only in the club because Kendra had asked him, and they were casually dating. Ralph really had no idea if Derek was a virgin or not; he'd never asked. And he really didn't even want to know. And Derek didn't need to know that Ralph was one. He wasn't really embarrassed about it, just mildly annoyed at Sally for making him wait.
School newsman Tinker Tomlin stared around the circle, feeling engulfed by the silence. "I think I'm going to kill myself," he said to no one in particular.
When nobody acknowledged him, he got all jumpy. "I'm serious, you guys. We're bombarded with sexual imagery every day…beer ads, those short skirts…I'm supposed to be surrounded by temptation, and not be able to do anything about it?"
"Are you kidding?" Derek scoffed. "Those skirts are crunchy toast. Kendra bent over in hers the other day, and I swear I could see her ovaries."
Tinker broke out into a cold sweat.
~L~
"God bless the perv who invented these." Kendra twirled in her short skirt.
Sally inched her own a little further down her thighs. "Come on now. Remember the power motto, guys."
The girls, with the exception of Casey, who listened with morbid curiosity, chanted, "It's all about the teasing and not about the pleasing."
~L~
"How far does Sally let you get, anyway?" one of the guys asked Ralph.
Ralph was busy tossing a basketball back and forth with Derek. "Eh, we grind, make out," he allowed. He was a gentleman, after all. His grandma would be upset if he was the kiss-and-tell type.
"How d-do you keep from…arriving early?" Tinker asked. "Whenever I grind…Cinco de Mayo," he said sadly, holding out his hands.
Ralph exchanged a "he's pathetic" look with Derek, and said, "It's not a problem for me, dude."
Derek high-fived him, and Ralph tried really, really hard to push certain thoughts from his mind.
Because it was a problem. A big one. Someone had once told him that to keep from erupting too early, it was a good idea to think of dead kittens, stuff like that. But the only image that worked for Ralph happened the day his grandmother took him out to practice for his driver's permit.
He had just finished saying how fun driving was, when out of nowhere a mailman came crashing into his windshield. His grandma screamed bloody murder as the mailman rolled off the hood of the car and thudded onto the asphalt. Ralph could still hear the screaming. And feel his thumping heartbeat. It had been the worst moment of his life.
~L~
Once the girls and the guys came together for the second half of the meeting, Sally instructed, "Let's pair up for the immaculate affection." She held up a white balloon.
Each couple had a balloon, and Casey held hers by her side, utterly miserable. Tinker Tomlin had immediately taken to her the moment he'd entered the room, and they'd partnered up. He was cute enough, but the way he was practically panting as he stared at her made her very, very uncomfortable.
Know what else made her uncomfortable? She looked over at Derek and Kendra. Derek immediately glued his eyes to the ground when he sensed her watching. They had not acknowledged each other in school for a few days, and Casey hadn't been slushied since that double-shot. She'd been to his house again, though, to pick up her sister. Lizzie had bonded nicely with Derek's brother, a fact that made Casey sick to her stomach. She hoped their parents didn't expect her and Derek to bond that way. How could they? He wouldn't even look at her. She assumed she was as repulsive to him as he was to her.
Oh yes, there was one more aspect of this meeting that made her want to claw her own eyes out. She would have to watch Ralph and Sally acting like a couple. Ms. Zeldin's advice about taking an interest in Ralph's hobbies had been a very, very bad idea.
"If the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry," Kendra reminded everyone.
Casey placed the balloon at her waist and Tinker pressed against it. He put his hands on her shoulders, and she tried to muster up a friendly smile, but couldn't get rid of her pout. She was all for waiting for love, but this was torture. She wanted so badly to pop that balloon between Sally and Ralph, push her to the ground, and jump into Ralph's arms.
"You enchant me," Tinker told her.
Ah, she did have a gag reflex after all.
A squeaking noise from Derek's side of the room made Casey look up. Derek was teasing Kendra with his balloon, grinding with it.
"Take it, come on, take it," he said with a smirk.
Kendra smacked him on the shoulder. "Stop it!" But she was smiling.
Of course, the balloon popped, and Kendra yelped.
Another pop came from across the room, and Ralph looked down, aghast. "It must have hit my zipper!" he explained, panicked. Sally glared at him. Kendra glared at Derek. Derek caught Casey's disapproving stare and glared at her.
Casey couldn't take it anymore. She pushed away from Tinker and let the balloon between them fall. "You know what? This is a joke!"
Ralph looked at her, eyes wide.
That gave her the courage to press on. "Did you know that most studies have demonstrated that celibacy doesn't work in high schools? Our hormones are driving us too crazy too abstain."
Derek was looking at her in surprise. Ralph had a smile playing at the corner of his lips. Sally was about to kick her out, but she was sort of interested in what Casey had to say, too.
"The second that we start telling ourselves there's no room for compromise, we act out. The only way to deal with teen sexuality is to be prepared. That's what contraception is for."
Sally had had enough. "Don't you dare mention the c-word!"
Casey looked directly at Ralph, hoping he'd get the message. "You want to know a dirty little secret that none of them want you to know? Girls want sex just as much as guys do."
Ralph's mouth dropped open. That girl was something else. He watched her storm out, head held high.
Derek scratched the back of his head. That was the hottest thing he'd ever heard come out of a girl's mouth. Why did it have to be stupid keener Casey? He glanced at Ralph, who was still enraptured by Casey's outburst. Derek groaned and put his head in his hands.
"Is that accurate?" Tinker asked. No one answered him.
~L~
"What are you doing?" Paul asked Kathy as he stopped by her office for a visit after school. He tended to delay going home these days. He and his wife were going through a rough patch. At least that's what he told himself.
"Nothing…" Kathy smiled sheepishly. "I'm a bit of a neat freak."
Paul watched as she scrubbed feverishly at her blackboard eraser with a toothbrush. "No kidding!"
"It's just…" she paused, not willing to go into an explanation if Paul didn't want to hear it.
"Please, tell me," he said, leaning against the wall next to her.
"When I was a little girl, it was my dream to be a dairy farmer."
Paul chuckled good-naturedly.
"When I was eight, we finally visited one, and went on the tour, and did the yogurt tasting. When the tour was over, my brother pushed me into the runoff lagoon, and ever since then I've, uh, had a little trouble forgetting the smell."
"Aw, Kath, that's terrible."
"It's okay, though. I just take lots of showers, and I don't eat dairy."
Paul shrugged. "Whatever works." He brushed his finger along the blackboard ledge, picking up quite a bit of chalk dust on his index finger. "But I want to try a little experiment."
Kathy dropped her eraser and backed away. "Oh, no. I'm not really comfortable…"
Paul touched the tip of his finger to her nose. Her eyes crossed trying to watch him do it. He removed his finger from her face and stared at her. She stared back, speechless.
He slowly moved his forearm into her line of vision and wiped her nose clean of the chalk dust. "There," he said softly. "Ten seconds."
"New record," she breathed. Her heart was screaming "Kiss him now!" but her head was reminding her that he was very, very married.
From the way Paul was looking at her, though, that wedding ring on his finger was the last thing on his mind.
"I-I should get going," Kathy stuttered.
Paul snapped out of his trance. He wasn't sure what had just happened there, but he kind of liked it. "Oh. Yeah. I'll go. Have a good night, Kathy."
"You too."
He left her office, and she gingerly picked up her eraser. She would have to start all over with the scrubbing, since it had touched the floor.
~L~
"I officially call this meeting of glee club in session."
Noel perked up at Casey's pronouncement, confused. "But Paul's not here."
"Paul isn't coming. I paid a freshman to ask for some help creating a website."
"Sneaky, Case." Ralph was impressed.
She shot him a smile.
Emily lolled her head back and groaned. "I am so sick of you taking charge of everything, McDonald."
Sheldon, who was sitting next to her, patted her knee. "Let Casey talk."
Emily shrugged, and made a motion for Casey to continue.
"I have another idea for the assembly."
Everyone started paying attention after that announcement.
Noel raised a hand. "May I once again stress my most strenuous objections to this attempted suicide?"
"They're not going to kill us, because we're going to give them what they want."
"Blood?" Sam asked, only half joking.
"Better." She looked at Ralph again. "Sex."
~L~
When Principal Lassiter announced the glee club at the assembly, Kathy was the only one who clapped.
Paul introduced New Directions, heart pounding. This would make them or break them. "When I went to school here, glee club ruled this place. Well, we're on our way back. But we need some recruits to join the party. Now, I could tell you all about how great glee is, but I think I'm going to let some friends of mine show you instead." He moved aside to a smattering of applause (after all, people did like Paul), and the curtain opened.
Clad in electric blue shirts and tight denim bottoms, New Directions held their suggestive positions as the music started.
They had chosen Salt-N-Pepa's "Push It," unbeknownst to Paul.
"Get up on this!" they cried. And with that, the dancing began.
Among the "Ooh, baby, baby"s and "Get up on this"s was lots of gyrating, dry humping, rubbing, slapping, and other sexual simulation that would have given Ralph's grandma a heart attack.
He felt a little guilty dancing like that with Casey when he knew Sally was in the audience. But it was show business. And boy was it fun!
Paul watched the entire performance peeking out from behind his hands.
Kathy, to her credit, acted like it was the best show she'd ever seen, all the while cringing inside on behalf of Paul. But she had to admit, they were good.
Sally was horrified. She clutched Kendra's hand so hard, Kendra hissed, "Watch it, hun, you're breaking my fingers!"
Derek pretended he was bored. But inside, his blood was boiling. He couldn't quite admit to himself that it was possible to be that turned on. Did Casey's skirt have to be so short? Did she have to mime doing that to Ralph?
When the song ended, there was dead silence in the auditorium. New Directions held their final poses, breathing heavily and waiting, dreading, the reaction.
Suddenly, Tinker jumped up and cried, "Yes!"
With that, the entire population of McKinley burst into thunderous applause.
Ralph was so relieved he pulled Casey into a hug. It wasn't that hard to do; their final pose had them plastered together from knee to chest.
Paul looked up, refusing to believe that what had just transpired wasn't a dream. But it was real; Kathy was throwing her arms around him. "They were fantastic!" she squealed. And she meant it.
Ryan watched the celebration in disgust. These losers were not going to trample all over everything he'd worked for at that school. It was not an option. He resolved to work even harder to bring down that dumb brick Ralph and the perky new girl.
~L~
Of course, Paul was called to Principal Lassiter's office the next school day.
His stomach dropped when he saw that Ryan was leaning against the wall when he arrived.
He took a seat across from Lassiter, who just shook his head.
"Let me be the one to break the silence," Ryan spoke up. "That was the most offensive thing I've seen in all my years at this school."
Paul made a face. Oh, please. Could he be more pretentious?
"We received a number of angry emails," Lassiter agreed, "from a number of concerned parents. What were you thinking, Paul?"
"I really don't know what to say." Maybe if Ryan weren't there, he'd find his voice, but at this point, it would be useless to speak.
"Then let me help you out," Ryan said smugly. "My first thought is that the glee kids should be put into foster care. But I think you're the one who needs to be punished. I demand your resignation from this school, as well as the disbanding of glee club."
"What makes you think you have the right—" Paul bellowed. He didn't get very far. Lassiter actually came to his rescue, for once.
"Hold on a minute. The issue is content. Those kids are talented. I haven't seen the student body this excited since The Cranberries performed at the North Hills Mall." He handed Paul a sheet of paper. "I took the liberty of calling my pastor to provide a list of family-friendly songs that reflect our community's values. Your kids can only perform these pre-approved musical selections."
Paul glanced at the list. "But all of these songs have either Jesus or balloons in the title."
"There are also songs about the circus," Lassiter said, as if that made it better. "This egg is sunny side up, Paul! Oh, and you need new outfits. I got several flashes of panty from your group today and I'm not talking about the girls."
He turned to Ryan, who was smiling from ear to ear. "So Ryan, I'm cutting your dry cleaning budget to buy new costumes for the glee club."
Ryan's smile evaporated and his eyes narrowed. "This will not stand!"
"Oh, Ryan, the dry cleaners here are just as good as the ones in Europe," Lassiter assured him.
Ryan stamped his foot. Paul laughed.
Lassiter dismissed them both, and Paul took his time, letting Ryan go ahead of him. He was proud of glee for trying to help. He appreciated what they had tried to do. But that didn't mean he could let them get away with anything like that again. He couldn't take the chance. Despite the new costume budget, he knew it would be a miracle if glee survived.
~L~
Casey was pacing the hallway. Ryan stormed by and she got out of his way immediately. She understood completely why Paul was afraid of him.
Ryan spotted her and made a motion from his eyes to hers that said, "I'm watching you." Casey flinched, and Ryan smirked as he walked past. It wasn't like Derek's smirk. His was playful. Ryan's was pure evil. She had a feeling that if he started slushie-ing her, she'd end up in the hospital.
Once he was gone, Paul came around the corner.
Casey was quick to try and make amends. "I'm so sorry, really, Paul."
"Do you understand what you did today? You lied to me! And you ruined our chances! No parent in their right mind would let their kid join glee now." He handed her the song list. "Oh, and here are the songs we're allowed to sing."
"What's a 'luft balloon'?" she asked, reading the paper.
"Look, I understand you care about glee club, and why you did what you did. But I don't like the way you did it." He smiled sadly at her.
"I'm sorry," she said again, trying not to cry.
~L~
Casey was miserable for the rest of the day. So when Ralph asked her if she wanted to help him with his singing after school, she accepted. Her mood brightened instantly.
She coached him on his scales, and he seemed to be steadily improving.
"Can we take a break?" he asked after awhile. "Singing kind of makes me hungry."
She had learned that everything made Ralph hungry, but she was happy for the chance to just hang out with him, like friends.
"Sure. Luckily, I was prepared for that." She motioned to the blanket she had spread out on the auditorium stage, complete with a few fluffy pillows and a picnic basket.
"Wow, I was wondering what that was!"
"You want to sit?" She was trying to keep her crush at bay, she really was. But he was so darn cute.
Ralph nodded enthusiastically.
She told herself that hey, he was here, so that must mean something. He had chosen her over Sally today. "So why did you ask for my help? You did great at the assembly."
"Well, this is my only chance to be good, you know, like you."
Casey blushed. "You think I'm good?"
"Well, yeah. At first, I thought you were kind of insane. Everyone else is a little scared of you, but the first time I heard you sing…"
Casey looked at him expectantly. The room had started to go a little fuzzy. She was not used to this kind of attention, and it felt good.
"…it touched something in me." He put a hand on his chest. "Right here."
Casey giggled. "Your heart's on the other side of your chest." She moved his hand to the left, and kept her hand on top of his.
"Oh." He looked down at their hands and then up at her. "It's beating really hard."
She could tell. Hers was, too. "Do you want a drink?" she asked, backing away.
He nodded. "That stuff you said at the Celibacy Club…that was really cool."
Casey shifted. "Thanks." She handed him his drink and took a sip of her own.
"You have a little on your…" Ralph wiped her upper lip with his thumb.
Casey decided that was the sign she'd been looking for. It was time to forget everything else and go for it, consequences be damned. She deserved this. "You know, you can kiss me if you want to."
Ralph swallowed hard. He stared into Casey's eyes, seeing only kindness there. It may not have been a good idea, but he wasn't exactly known for his brains. So he said, "I want to."
Casey leaned back against a pillow as Ralph slowly moved toward her. He placed his hands on either side of her on the blanket and kept space between their bodies, not trusting himself to touch her. But when she leaned all the way back against the pillow, he moved on top of her, closing the distance between them with his hand on her waist. She gave him a little nod, so he moved in, pressing his lips to hers. She kept her mouth closed, so he did too.
Casey opened her eyes to look at him kissing her. Her heart continued to pound, and she could feel Ralph's as well. She kissed back. It was…nice. Just as she decided she wanted to try opening her mouth a little, Ralph pulled away. She panicked, thinking he didn't like it.
But a millisecond later his lips were on hers again, nose brushing her cheek as he moved his lips against hers.
All too soon, Ralph felt the familiar tingle that usually meant it was time to stop making out with Sally. But he wasn't with Sally right now. Oh, God, why did he just think of Sally? Casey! He was with Casey. Her lips were a million times softer. He let himself keep kissing her, which turned out to be a mistake. Heat became concentrated in one particular area and he broke the kiss with a strangled cry. Images of that fateful day in the car with his grandma flashed through his mind, and it helped alleviate some of the tension.
He stood abruptly, but stayed hunched over until the moment passed.
"Did I do something wrong?" Casey asked, worried. What had just happened?
"No!" He tried to keep his voice level. "Look, I just gotta go. Please don't tell anybody about this." That was what he got for cheating on his girlfriend. Casey was a good girl. He was sure she wouldn't spread this around. But if anyone found out…he didn't even want to think about Sally's wrath. He grabbed his backpack and made a run for it.
Casey sat all the way up, folding her legs under her. She could understand why he left. But she wanted to know how he felt about what they had done. It was obvious he regretted it, but did he at least enjoy it?
She sure had. But she had done the one thing she promised herself she wouldn't. She was the Other Woman. She had just humiliated herself in front of Ralph, and completely betrayed everything she stood for. It could never, ever happen again.
But of course, she really, really wanted it to.
~L~
"I have to say, I'm surprised you guys are trying out," Paul told Sally, Kendra, and their friend Amy Gardiner, a bubbly Cheerio.
"I'm sure you've read in the school paper that Ralph and I have been an item for awhile now. So what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't support him?" Sally answered sweetly.
Paul shrugged. He knew what this was about. She saw the sparks between Ralph and Casey and wanted to keep an eye on her man. In all honesty, he didn't blame her. And he definitely needed members for glee. "Well, let's see what you've got."
They had choreographed a cute little dance to go along with their song.
"Say a little prayer for you…" Kendra and Amy began. They were solid backup singers.
Sally took the lead. "The moment I wake up, before I put on my makeup…" Not a powerhouse voice by any stretch of the imagination. But, Paul realized, she was much better than he thought she'd be.
They finished the song and he had to admit, they were good.
~L~
Amy led the way to Ryan's office. She quickly explained the situation, and stood back as his face got redder and redder. He finally controlled his rage enough to speak. "Let me get this straight. You're actually joining glee club?"
Sally nodded. "I'm sorry Ryan, but something is going on between my Ralph and that thing. You saw how it was undressing him with its eyes at the assembly!"
"So why do you need Amy?"
Kendra rolled her eyes. "If just Sally joins, it'll look suspicious. Duh."
Ryan shot a death glare at her but she barely blinked. He turned to Amy. "Fine, but I want Kendra and Sally to join my squad so that you can be my spies. I need insiders telling me what's going on. We're going to bring this club down from within."
The girls high-fived. "And I'm going to get my boyfriend back," Sally said happily.
"Yeah, I don't care so much about that," Ryan replied harshly. "Just report to me after the first rehearsal."
The girls left. Ryan wondered if he could get some of his fellow football players to join to help weaken glee's infrastructure, but decided he wouldn't subject any of his teammates to that particular torture.
~L~
"You're giving Sally the solo?" Casey knew she had disappointed Paul, but that just wasn't fair. "That's my solo."
"This isn't a punishment, Case. Sally's audition song was on Principal Lassiter's approved list, and she did a great job singing it."
"I do a great job!"
"Casey, contrary to your beliefs, it's not all about you." Casey pouted. "Or me," he continued. "Look, we're both responsible for what happened at that assembly. I shouldn't have pushed disco so hard. I've decided to change my mindset. I need to remember that glee is about having fun. You need to do the same. You're not always going to be the star."
That hurt. And to lose her spotlight to Sally, of all people. "Don't you know me at all?"
Paul gave her a sympathetic smile. "All I can promise is that I'll do my best to make sure you're always having fun. This is a good thing, Case. We're on our way!"
Casey sighed. Paul was packing up to leave his classroom for the day. "Can I use the auditorium to practice?"
"Sure. See you tomorrow, Casey."
~L~
She stood on the stage, pretending to look out at a full house. She decided to sing a song that matched her mood. "Take a Bow" was the first that came to her mind.
"You look so dumb right now, standing outside my house. Trying to apologize, you're so ugly when you cry…" she gave herself over to the music, feeling every note. "Please, just cut it out."
She wasn't sure where it had all gone so wrong. For a moment, she had the respect of the school, the thrill of performance, Ralph's kisses. But now she had nothing.
"That was quite a show, very entertaining. But it's over now…"
Derek stopped by the auditorium. He thought maybe glee would be practicing and wanted to spy, but instead it was just Casey. That was even better. Now he wouldn't have to watch her falling more in love with Ralph.
Something wasn't right. She was singing, but she looked miserable. He had a strange urge to run up onto the stage and take her in his arms, but of course that was ridiculous. He moved as far out into the auditorium as he could while still staying in the shadows.
"Go on and take a bow..." She was crying now, big fat tears dripping down her cheeks. She wiped them away without missing a beat.
Derek shook his head. He wanted to laugh at her; after all, it was just a song. But he knew she was upset about something, and singing was her favorite way to express herself.
Or, you know, that's what his dad had told him about her. Not that he'd asked or anything.
"But it's over now…"
Derek slipped out of the auditorium, shutting the door silently behind him.