As Paul walked into the teacher's lounge, he spotted about six people examining their skin in compacts and a few eating nothing but fruits, vegetables and high-protein foods. He spotted Kathy sitting next to Ken without a word being spoken, and Paul laughed to himself when he saw that Kathy had on latex gloves and was sipping on her soda through a long straw.
"Hey guys, mind if I join ya'?" Paul asked, and Kathy nodded towards one of the empty chairs as if to say 'get me out of this awkward silence with this man'. "So, what's with all the primping?"
"Yearbook pictures," Kathy explained briefly. "This is the fiftieth edition of the McKinley High School Thunderclap."
"I'm gonna drop twenty pounds by Friday and look smokin' hot for that photo," Ken said. "And trim down to 210 for my hot date in a week."
Paul and Kathy eyed him, and he continued. "As a matter of fact, I'm gonna go get started," he said, standing up as he gathered up his things. "See ya', guys."
The two remaining teachers watched the coach leave the room and Kathy shook her head, "He is so strange…" she commented awkwardly, and Paul nodded in agreement. "But, uh, it's good he left, because I have something to tell you."
"Shoot,"
"I got an amazing job offer in Cleveland at Shaker Heights High School as their Drama teacher, and they have such passionate performers there," Kathy gushed. "I'm going to hate leaving this place, but it's a good career move for me… I took the offer."
"That's great!" Paul enthused as he tapped her on the shoulder in congratulations. He tried to hide his disappointment and masked it with his honest happiness for her.
"Thank you," Kathy grinned widely and she took a dainty sip from her soda can. "I've got an appointment with my realtor to go apartment hunting on a week from Saturday."
"But Sectionals is a week from Saturday…" Paul commented, and Kathy all but dropped her coca-cola.
"I totally forgot about sectionals," she said sadly. "I'm so sorry, I wanted to go... for the kids!"
Paul was about to say something in response, but Ryan strolled into the office and stood next to their chair.
"Nice suit," Kathy began with a slight smirk as the teenager looked down at them with a new haircut and donning something of a suit.
"Kira, Paul, every year when the yearbook photos come around, I always elect to by new cloths and get a haircut," Ryan explained, gaining questioning looks from the teachers as he sat down next to them. "It's not like I really need anything to look fantastic anyway, but I do it just to make things interesting. You know, I've got a storage unit full of trophies, medallions, but for the rest of you educators, these yearbook pictures are really the only concrete proof you have that anything you've ever done in your sorry lives has made any difference whatsoever."
Kathy fought the urge to roll her eyes and merely continued to gulp down her soda, and Paul clenched his hands into fists.
"My Cheerios are so excited," Ryan said with what seemed to actually be a sense of endearment. "Got 'em on a yam diet, it draws the water out of the skin."
"I'm sure my glee kids are gonna be excited, too," Paul commented, and Ryan began to shake his head.
"Glee kids don't get a photo," he corrected.
"What?" Kathy asked in shock. "Why is that?"
"Well, I just had a meeting with principal Lassiter, Kelsey," Ryan began, and Kathy wondered what he would do if she started calling him 'Rupert' or 'Richard'. "And what with all the vandalism of the glee club photos over the years, I convinced him that putting the glee kids in this year's Thunderclap was subjecting the little freaks to more humiliation and ridicule."
"Why can't you just accept the fact that my kids are gonna take sectionals this year?" Paul questioned angrily.
"That's not gonna happen," Ryan laughed.
"And stop with the pointless vendetta!" Paul exclaimed, losing his cool with the student.
"Alright, this is so not fair, Ryan," Kathy calmly tried to keep the peace, but the two ultimately ignored her.
"You know what? I'm gonna talk to Lassiter about this," Paul threatened, and Ryan chuckled as he stood from his seat.
"Hey, good luck with that," he said with sarcasm dripping from his voice. "You know, you two are boring me, now, I'm gonna go do somethin' else."
The seventeen year old headed out the door and Paul nearly slammed his fist on the table while Kathy looked at him empathetically.
~L~
At the next rehearsal, Sheldon had walked in with Thunderclaps he slammed onto the back of the shiny piano and a theory as he faced his group of fellow students.
"Where's Casey?" Sheldon asked impatiently, raring to go.
"She's not here yet," Ralph replied from his seat in one of the chairs.
"Perfect. Glee club stands on a delicate precipice," Sheldon began, speaking to his fellow glee clubbers. "We have all felt the cold humiliation of a slushie in the face, but as of right now, our relative anonymity as a club has shield us from even further persecution... swirlies, patriotic wedgies."
"What's a patriotic wedgie?" Emily asked as she twisted up her face.
"It's when they hoist you up the flag pole by your undies," Ralph provided, and nobody in the room could decide if he knew that because he had done that to someone, or if that had happened to him.
"Strangely," Noel piped up. "It did make me feel more American."
The rest of the club laughed, but Sheldon got back to business. "Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook photo would only fuel the flames of anti-glee club terror. I've done a little library research," he explained, opening one of the books."Peter Gellar, glee club, second tenor, 1998. He can be seen here with both a drawn on Hitler mustache and a rice patty hat, shortly after the yearbook came out, Mister Geller had a nervous breakdown. He is now the homeless man who sleeps in front of the public library."
"Patches?!" Sally questioned, her eyebrows raised, and Sheldon nodded while the rest of the room gaped.
"Patches," he confirmed.
"He barks at my mom," Amy said.
After a moment of confused silence, Sheldon carried on.
"Exhibit B, Tawny Peterson, glee club class of 2000, seen here with a cartoon knife stuck in her head, in a macabre tableau that, in four years, would prove eerily prescient," Sheldon said sadly, and the rest of the club cringed. "I think I speak for all of us when I say that not having to pose for a yearbook photo might be a blessing in disguise. I suggest not fighting Lassiter's ruling."
"Oh, hey guys," Paul began as he walked into the choir room, and Sheldon shut the Thunderclap. "Ah, looking at old Thunderclaps?"
"It's really unsettling," Noel gulped.
"And totally unfair," Paul said, and Sheldon nearly rolled his eyes. Sometimes, his teacher could be a bit clueless. "Hey can I borrow one of these? You know what? This year's Thunderclap is going to have a glee club photo with every one of your smiling faces. You have my word on it."
The students smiled weakly and gave their very best 'yay!' faces, but still, they didn't even want to imagine anybody in that club barking at people from the steps of a public library.
~L~
"Paul, I'm doing the glee club a solid," Lassiter said as Paul stood opposite him in Lassiter's office. "We're denying the opportunity to other children to further humiliate them."
"No, no, no," Paul insisted. "Those kids get up on stage all the time, no matter what anyone things of them, and they perform! They don't let anyone or anything get to them, and that's something you should encourage! Ryan is wrong!"
"Fine," Lassiter started. "I'll give them a photo."
"Thank you!" Paul said exasperatedly.
"For one thousand dollars," the Principal continued, and Paul turned to look at him, yelping 'What', "That's that it costs. The yearbook is prime advertising space, Paul. Fredrickson's Funeral Parlor experienced a 1.3 percent increase in revenue after their full page ad last year in the Thunderclap."
Paul sighed, and silently wished that Ryan had never been enrolled in McKinley, but he tried to clear his mind to come up with an agreement. "Okay, um," he began. "What about a quarter page, how much does that cost?"
Lassiter sighed and grumbled inaudibly as he did the math on his calculator. "Three-hundred and twenty-five dollars," he announced, and Paul closed his eyes as if the number had just slain him. "That will buy you enough space for a photo of two members of the glee club, right below the advertisement for Uncle Sandro's Chicken Inside of a Waffle."
"Lassiter, that's a lot of money,"
"It's a compromise, Paul," Lassiter said. "Now, I suggest you select a good-looking cheerleader, not the pregnant one, and the quarterback for the photo as their faces are less likely to be scratched out with safety pins."
But before Paul could say anything in return, Casey came storming into the room, stomping her feet for extra emphasis. "Paul, I'm very sorry to interrupt," she began hotly. "Principal Lassiter, as you very well may know, this is my first year in glee club, and I've just been informed that New Directions has not been afforded a yearbook photo. Now, my mother has a very close relationship with our local branch of the ACLU and if it's up to me-"
"Beat you to the punch, Casey," Paul stopped her, placing a hand on her shoulder, and quietly fantasized about there being a mute button on that girl… "It's all good, we're in the yearbook."
"Oh, fantastic," Casey gushed. "Thank you so much!"
The two watched her as she left with a bounce in her step, both mildly mortified by the girl. Make fun of her all you want, but school pictures were everything to her. They're great practice for getting photographed by the paparazzi. Invasive as the press may be, stars are dependent on them for their fame, and she felt that she must be prepared if she was going to join the ranks. In order to do so, she joined every club she possibly could – Speech Club, Mock United Nations Club, Renaissance Club, Muslim Students Club, Black Student Union… you name it! I know everybody thinks thinking that I'm just joining all these clubs to give off the appearance that I'm involved, known to exist, but glee club is different; I really love glee, and I believe in what we stand for. She thought. We've come from behind, dismissed and ridiculed by everyone, and we've made something of ourselves, something that I'm proud to be a part of, something I want to be remembered for.
Across the room, Sally sat opposite Amy and Kendra who were drawing on the face of a student in an old Thunderclap. I miss my Cheerios uniform, it made me feel safe, contained. Sally thought, her mind wandering. Even when she was feeling left out; at least she looked like she was a part of something. She wanted her kids to be able to look back at those books and see who she was, make them proud. Not the bastard one she was carrying then, of course, the ones she would have when she was married and ready. I might not look like a cheerleader anymore, but I'm still her on the inside. She pondered. I'm done playing the victim! When that cheerleading picture is taken for the yearbook, I'm going to be in it and back on the squad, weather Ryan Sylvester likes it or not!
~L~
In Lassiter's office, Paul handed him a check for three hundred and twenty-five dollars. "Could you wait to cash that until Thursday?" he asked, and Lassiter nodded.
Paul made his way off to glee rehearsal, and thought up an idea to choose who was going to be in the photo.
In the choir room, Sheldon was practicing his piano scales when Casey walked up to him suddenly. "Sheldon! I have a fantastic idea for a club that would officially make me the most involved student in the whole school," she began, and Sheldon stared blankly. "I want us to start a Gay-Lesb-All."
"…I'm sorry?" Sheldon said slowly.
"The Gay-Lesbian Alliance," Casey shook her head at him like it was the most simple thing in the world. "Gay-Lesb-All!"
Sheldon stood up and walked away to sit his girlfriend as he tried his hardest to forget that any of the previous events had ever happened, and Paul walked into the room with a grin on his face, excited to tell the club all of the good news.
"Hey, guys, great news! Glee club gets a photo in the Thunderclap!" Paul said joyfully, and he didn't even remotely pick up on the false enthusiasm in the clubbers' cheers. "Yup! It's gonna show everyone at this school that glee club is on its way up! When we win regionals, those Thunderclaps are gonna be collector's items. I mean, all of your classmates are going to be begging for your autographs! But I had to compromise to do it... um, we only get a quarter page in the back, which means we have to pick two team captains to appear in the photo. So, tomorrow, we're gonna put it to a vote. Exciting, huh? Alright!"
~L~
The following day, Casey grinned widely at Emily, who rolled her eyes disdainfully, "Well, we're all here, I guess we should vote," she said flatly, and Casey nearly reached the brim of her metaphorical cup with bouncing excitement.
"With your permission," Casey sprung out of her seat, and Derek tried his hardest not to laugh like a hyena. "I have prepared a few words."
"I nominate Casey," Emily said tonelessly.
"Second," Sheldon agreed.
"Alright, let's vote up in this piece," Derek began, already jotting down Casey's name on his piece of paper. "I gotta go hit the gym and load up on the Guns of Derekesis for the hockey picture."
Each of the students wrote down their votes and placed them in a hat, and after a few Survivor jokes, Paul pulled out all the slips of paper. "Looks like everybody voted for Casey," he concluded. "Including Casey. But we need two captains, guys."
"Why two?" Sally said hurriedly, eager to keep herself out of the photo. "We're fine with having Casey represent us in the Thunderclap by herself."
"We'd actually prefer it," Sheldon continued, and Paul sighed in disappointment as the bell rang and his students poured out of the room.
~L~
"The worst part is that after all this time, they're still embarrassed to be in glee club," Paul ranted to Kathy in her office and she looked back at him apologetically from her perfectly organized file cabinet. "I mean, they still see themselves as losers! I just need one of them to step up and become co-captain."
"Well, maybe you should let them use the captain they already elected," Kathy pitched. "You know, sometimes things sound a lot different coming from a peer, even if that peer is as annoying as Casey. You know, none of this is gonna matter if they win at sectionals. I'm really sorry I can't be there."
"It's alright," Paul said, but he knew it was a lie. "…I'm gonna miss you when you leave, Kath."
The two locked eyes, but Paul quickly caught himself when his nerve endings sensed that ring on his finger. "You're the last sane teacher here, after all," he laughed, and she giggled along with him, however fake it was.
~L~
"You wanted to see me, Paul?" Casey asked as she stepped into the choir room the following day while he un-stacked the chairs in the room.
"Oh, yeah, Case! Sit down," Paul said animatedly, and Casey sat on a chair he had just placed on the floor. "So, how's the new captaincy going?"
Casey pondered the question for a moment before replying. "I think that my unanimous election gave me a very strong mandate to shake things up," Casey grinned, and Paul nodded in praise for his student.
"Great!" He smiled back at her. Ever since she had gotten over her crush, she had stopped complaining at him… well, at least a little bit less. "Well, I have a job for you, captain."
Casey saluted, and Paul jumped right into it. He had a plan for this – make it about her. "We need a co-captain," he explained. "You have so many great ideas, no reason you shouldn't have help pushing 'em through."
"I could use a trusty lieutenant," she said thoughtfully. "I do have over sixy-five proposals."
Score.
"So, can I count on you?" Paul asked, and she stuck her hand out for him to shake.
"No problem," she assured. "I'm on it."
~L~
"Um, I can't be co-captain," Emily said as Casey approached her by the water fountain. "No time, Kwanzaa."
"Kwanzaa's late December, Emily," Casey pleaded. "The picture's this Thursday."
"Yeah, prepping early this year," Emily lied and she rushed away.
~L~
"I'd love to be in the photo, Casey," Noel said with a fake cheer in his voice. "But I'm way taller than you, so you'd be about five inches shorter than me and it would throw off the whole composition!"
"I'll stand on a stool!" Casey tried with a grin, and Noel put on his metaphorical thinking cap.
"But, if you stand on a stool," he began. "You'll be too tall and you'll look like a freak troll!"
"On second thought," Casey rushed as she gaped at him. "I don't think you're leadership material, Noel!"
Noel pointed to himself, "Follower."
~L~
"Amy, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity!" Casey began cheerily, though she was losing her steam after trying to Emily, Sandra, Max, Sam, Noel, Kendra, Sheldon and even Derek to be her co-captain, all refusing. She needed someone, anyone! She refused to let Paul down, let him think that she couldn't even recruit one of her fellow glee clubbers.
"No way," Amy declined as she walked ahead of Casey in the hallway.
"Why not?!"
"Because I don't wanna be in that picture with you," Amy said quietly. "It'll get defaced."
"No it won't!" Casey tried to reassure her, but Amy shook her head.
"Yes it will," she said with an air of sadness in her voice. "I'll be the one doing it."
Casey trailed off as Amy walked swiftly down the hallway. She only had one choice left.
"I'm desperate," she admitted hopelessly as she followed him down a hallway at the end of the day on the way out of school. "Glee club needs you Ralph!"
"I'm totally honored you asked me, but don't you think you should pick someone who, like, cares more?" Ralph asked nervously. He didn't want to wind up like that Patches guy, barking at people… or worse, Tawny. "Not that I don't, but I just have hockey and friends and stuff…"
"Look, okay, glee club only started working after you joined," Casey tried with a wild smile. He had to accept, she wouldn't let him say no. "I mean, face it, we wouldn't have cheerleaders and football players in the club if it wasn't for you!"
"You know I love glee club," Ralph grumbled. "I just don't know why I have to represent it."
"Because you're a leader, Ralph," Casey started; grabbing a vice-like hold on his arm, but the intensity in her eyes distracted him from the piercing pain in his arm. "And that's what leaders do! They stick their necks out for people that they care about. There are stakes here, morale is low, and you know it. If things don't change, we're not even gonna place at sectionals and then the club is over. I can't do this alone."
Ralph stared at her, because sometimes, Casey really knew what to say to him.
"You don't have to," he said. "I am a leader, that's who I am, who I wanna be... you got yourself a co-captain. I'll do the picture with you."
Casey smiled a wide smile and thanked him loudly before scurrying off.
~L~
"I totally understand that as captain of the hockey team you've worked really hard to project an appearance of steely toughness," Casey assured Ralph as they walked into the choir room together a few days following his new co-captaincy. "But, glee club is different; we have to present the appearance of positivity and optimism. So, we're gonna practice, and I'm going to teach you how to smile correctly for your photo."
Casey sat him down on the riser and handed him a piece of paper before walking towards the band and handing them all sheets of paper, and the final one going to Tinkles, who started the first notes of 'Smile' by Lily Allen.
"When you first left me, I was wantin' more, but you were kissin' that girl next door, what'd you do that for?" Casey asked as she playfully batted at Tinkle's shoulder, and he cracked a smile. She began to dance around the piano, and Ralph eyed her nervously as he echoed her voice. "When you first left me, I didn't know what to say, I've never been on my own that way, just sat by myself all day."
"I was so lost back then," Casey sang as she ran to sit next to him on the riser, and she rocked him back and forth in time with the music while he provided the backing vocals. "But with a little help from my friends, I've found the light in the tunnel at the end."
"Now you're calling me up on the phone," Casey's voice rang around the room cheerfully and she all but sat in Ralph's lap, alarming him a little at first. "So you can have a little whine and a moan, and it's only because you're feelin' alone!"
"At first, when I see you cry," they sang together and Casey pulled him onto his feet, wrapping his arm around her while he read the lyrics. "Yeah, it makes me smile, yeah, it makes me smile. At worst, I feel bad for a while, but then I just smile, I go ahead and smile."
She danced him around the room and tried every antic she could to get a real smile from him, which may or may not have included spanking him, while they sang meaningless little words along to the tune of the music.
"At first, when I see you cry," she sang playfully as she motioned him to 'come here'. They sat back down on the riser and kept singing. "Yeah, it makes me smile, yeah, it makes me smile. At worst, I feel bad for a while, but then I just smile, I go ahead and smile."
Ralph tickled her and she laughed with a wide grin. "Ah!" she squeaked. "Stop that, I'm ticklish!"
~L~
As Ralph struggled with his hockey gear in the locker room after practice, two of his teammates snuck on him waiting for him to finally take off his padding and jersey. When he finally managed to get it off, the two attacked him with black markers.
"What the hell?!" Ralph yelped.
"Hey, man, we're practicing, dude!" Ace, possibly one of the biggest jerks on the team, spat as he and Karoffski drew on his cheeks. "Shut up!"
"You're gonna be in the glee club photo," Karoffski said meanly. "And we don't wanna mess up messin' it up."
"Screw you, Karoffski," Ralph yelled, breaking away from the two and slamming him into a wall. "I'm sick of you pullin' people down!"
"Don't you talk that kumbaya crap! Alright, you know the system's put in place to keep order around here," Ace said while Ralph glared daggers and shoved him. "Hey, I'm gonna give you some options, you know what. You want me to put the Hitler mustache on your glee club picture or you want the buck teeth for your glee club picture? Which one do you want? Man, it don't matter to me, I'll put both on."
"Hey, how do you spell 'loser'?" Karoffski asked as he began to walk away with Ace. "I'm gonna write it on his forehead."
"With his big old potato head," Ace guffawed with a look back at his teammate. "You could write a haiku on that thing."
~L~
That Thursday, the choir room had a large vinyl sheet had been spread over the wall and floor, and two stools were placed side-by-side for the co-captains. But only one of them was there.
Casey sat fiddling with her hair nervously, and the photographer, named Dennis Cusperberg, waited impatiently by his camera.
"Can we shake a leg here?" He asked, masking his frustration.
"Fine… I'm ready, I'll do it myself," Casey mumbled sadly as she pushed herself straighter up on the chair, but Dennis snapped her picture before she was properly posed. "Wait! I insist on only being shot from my left side."
The photographer sighed and Casey tilted herself to the left. She smiled weakly and fought the tears of embarrassment and disappointment that were springing to her eyes.
"Yeah, I kind of need to see your teeth," Dennis said as he saw the distressed look on her face in the photos. "It's sort of my job here."
"I'm sorry, I'm just- I'm upset, my co-captain bailed," Casey stammered, and she stood abruptly. "I'm sorry, I-I just need a minute."
She walked towards a mirror placed around some lights and stared at her own face, worrying herself as she thought, Snap out of this, stop being defined by what other people think of you... or how they disappoint you, she thought as she nodded supportively at her reflection. It's lonely at the top, you know that. What's that song about overcoming professional and personal disappointments? Oh yeah! When you're smiling, when you're smiling, the whole world smiles with you...
"I'm ready," Casey said with a newfound air of confidence as she walked over to the chair and turned to the left, smiling widely. After only two photos, Dennis stopped.
"Great," he said and started to take the camera off of its tripod.
"W-w-w-wait, that's it? I practiced over eighteen different poses for this shoot, and I haven't even shown you my any of my over-the-left-shoulder pose!" Casey yelped, and she swiveled around to face the back of the room and she looked over her shoulder innocently. "See?"
"Sorry, kid, I gotta blow," Dennis said, gathering up his things. "I've got a casting session in half an hour."
She froze, and every concern she had previously had for the glee club suddenly vanished. This had the potential to be bigger than glee club.
"A casting session for what?" Casey asked with her interest suddenly piqued.
"My brother-in-law is shooting a commercial for his store, I'm directing it. I just do these school photos for the money," Dennis explained, and Casey began to cry helplessly, her shoulders wracking with sobs. "W-well, wait, okay, no, don't... I can take a couple more pictures for you."
"I can cry on demand," Casey said as she looked up, the tears stopping instantaneously. "It's one of my many talents, I'm very versatile, and aside from nudity and the exploitation of animals, I'll pretty much do anything to break into the business."
Dennis was taken aback, but he continued, "Well, you certainly seem talented and all, but there's other speaking parts in this thing, I need a bunch of other actors, too."
"I can help with that," Casey began with a smile.
~L~
"I'd like to call this meeting to order!" Casey yelled from the choir room as she walked towards the door to shut it, but she saw Ralph and let him in. "Hello, Ralph, how nice of you to show." She snarked, and he sighed, tired of being expected to please everybody.
"Ugh, look, I'm sorry! The guys were harassing me in the locker room about it, they said if I took the glee club picture they'd make me chose between a Hilter mustache or buck teeth, and I can't rock either of those looks," Ralph explained hurriedly, and Casey turned to look at him with an expression that said, 'You sound really stupid right now', so he took his seat next to Sally. "Do you think I have a potato head?" he asked her, and she merely sat there in silence and wonder at her rather strange boyfriend.
"Look, I realize now that all of you people think that glee club is a joke. And you're convinced that we can't win, and intend to sit idly by until Lassiter cancels the club," Casey said loudly, and made a quick note that Ralph was patting down the back of his skull. "Well, I'm about to present to you a rare opportunity; the opportunity to become stars."
"How?" Sally asked skeptically.
"We've all been cast in a local commercial," Casey said with a smug smirk on her face.
"Are you serious?!" Ralph asked with his eyebrows raised in surprise.
"Yes, Ralph," Casey snapped. "And while all of you have been so concerned with your appearance in this school, I've landed glee club its first big break, simply put, making us all celebrities. And no one messes with celebrities or defaces their pictures."
"What's the commercial?" Sam asked.
"Hold onto your hats, and get ready to sell..." Casey trailed off, and the rest of the club looked at her expectantly. "Some mattresses!"
The club broke out into happy, excited chatter. "I'm gonna get a black tie," Sam claimed among them.
"My grandma's gonna be really proud," Ralph said towards Sally.
~L~
"I can't believe we're finally breaking into the business!" Sam said excitedly towards his fellow glee clubbers.
"You guys, I want us to all remember this moment. Soon there may be agents and managers and movie deals," Casey began quite seriously, and she snuck a small look over at Derek that he returned. "But right now, I want us to remember what it's like to be here together as a team."
"Whatever," Emily said with fake, joking sassiness. "As soon as I get my record deal, I'm not speaking to any of you."
"Okay, guys, we're very excited to have you here," Dennis's balding brother-in-law, named Richard, said as he walked up to the group. "We here at Mattress Land believe that mattresses aren't just for sleeping and fornicating anymore. We believe that buying an affordable mattress should be fun."
"Alright, let's go over this script," Dennis began. "I think it's pretty brilliant - I wrote it myself. Action!"
Ralph cleared his throat and started with his lines on the script in his hands, "Ah, me…" he sighed.
"What's wrong?" Emily said with a bit too much cheeriness.
"We just lost our jobs at the factory," Derek read from the script all too dramatically. "And we can't get a good night's sleep..."
"Chipper up! Come on down to Mattress Land! We've got near-wholesale prices to fit your style and pocketbook!" Casey called loudly while flailing around slightly. "I-I'm sorry, Mister Cusperberg, this script is brilliant, but we're a glee club, we should perform!"
"Perform the lines as I wrote them," Dennis suggested snarkily.
"Wait, Dennis," Richard said, earning a hefty dose of eye rolling from his brother-in-law. "What'd you have in mind?"
Casey smiled at her teammates and they quickly came up with a makeshift number.
~L~
Eleven of the twelve glee clubbers stood with one foot on two mattresses lined up next to each other as they sang the intro to the song. Ralph screamed in tune with the music as he slid on his knees in-between the mattresses and the others dove onto one of the two mattresses. "I get up! Nothin' gets me down," Ralph sang. "You gotta jump! I've seen the toughest around."
"And I know, baby just how you feel!" Casey sang as Ralph grabbed a hold of her waist and hoisted her onto a mattress.
"You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real," they both sang, miming punching each other while the others jumped on the beds and Derek rolled backwards trying not to laugh.
"Oh, can't you see me standing here, I've got my back against the record machine," Noel sang as he sat waving a sign reading 'jump' with Sally, Sandra and Emily scattered around him, echoing his vocals. "I ain't the worst that you've seen, oh can't you see what I mean?"
"Might as well jump, jump!" the group sang, and Richard couldn't help but jump a little watching the kids. "Might as well jump, go ahead, jump, jump! Go ahead and jump!"
"Ba, ba, ba, ba ba ba-da, ba ba-da-da!" the club sang together as they popped up from behind the mattresses, one by one.
"Jump, yeah!" Emily belted out around the others' voices.
"Might as well jump, jump!" they sang, and they took turns jumping and making someone who was laying down spring up into the air when the other landed. "Might as well jump, go ahead, jump, jump! Go ahead and jump!"
"Jump, jump, jump, jump!" they chanted.
"Yeah!" Emily sang loudly from her spot on one of the smaller mattresses.
"Jump!"
"Come on down to Mattress Land," Richard offered as the kids panted from exhaustion.
"Come on down to Mattress Land!"
~L~
"Hey," Paul called as he walked in the door of his apartment. "I'm home!"
His wife stomped up to him with her hair thrown up into a messy bun and a crumpled up piece of paper in her hand. "What is this?!" She screamed, throwing the paper at his feet and placing her hands on her hips. Paul bent forward to pick up the sheet, smoothing it out to see that it was his monthly bank statement. "What did you spend three-hundred and twenty-five dollars on without asking me?!"
"Terri, it was for the glee club! I paid for a quarter page in the yearbook because the Principal was persuaded to not afford them one," Paul fired back, and Terri crossed her arms defiantly. "Why are you poking around in my bank statements?!"
"I thought I had reason to worry, I thought you were leaving me!" she yelled. "I can feel it; you're pulling away from me!"
"Why? Because I'm standing up to you?!" Paul asked of her, and she rolled her eyes. "Because I'm trying to make this a relationship of equals?! Because you do nothing to help our marriage, Terri!"
"No, because of the damn glee club!" Terri began, crocodile tears in her eyes. "Ever since you started that thing you just walk around like you're better than me!"
"I should be allowed to feel good about myself," Paul yelled, trying to control his anger.
"Oh, who are we kidding?" Terri hissed. "This marriage works because you don't feel good about yourself!"
"This marriage works because I love you," Paul insisted, but they both knew it wasn't entirely the truth.
"You love the girl you met when you were fifteen," Terri corrected as she sat down at the table. "I'm not that girl!"
"You've made yourself a stranger to me," Paul said sullenly. "Are you happy? Are you satisfied?!
"Do you think I wanted you to start obsessing over that club when we got married?!" Terri shot back. "You shouldn't be spending money on kids that aren't going to matter in ten years!"
"Have you ever asked me if I want to start a family?" he asked, and they both knew the answer. "No. You hate my parents and siblings, so you refuse to go visit them with me, and I can't go by myself because you have some irrational fear that I'm cheating on you – and it's not exactly like you're the best company in the world! Has it ever occurred to you that maybe these kids are important to me?! Why is it that when I have something that I love with people that I care about, you try to ruin it? You don't see me ruining your pottery or your painting, even though you spend thousands on it every damn month!"
"That's different!" Terri spat, turning her nose up. "That's productive!"
"And teaching children isn't?!" Paul asked, and Terri held her hands up as if she had abandoned all hope, and began to walk away. "You know what? Fine."
Paul turned to leave the kitchen and he grabbed his keys off of the coffee table and walked towards the door, but Terri b-lined towards him trying to block his exit. "What are you doing?" she asked as her voice grew panicky.
"I'm leaving," Paul replied sullenly. "I loved you, I really loved you a long time ago, but I've been living like this for almost a year, and I can't do it anymore!"
"Don't go!" Terri pleaded as she latched onto his arm. "Paul, do you remember what we said when we first got married, on our wedding night? We said that no matter what happened, at that moment, we loved each other. We could get that feeling back!"
Paul shook his head at her and he grabbed his jacket off of the coat hooks. "You need a person to torture," he said. "And I'm not going to be that person anymore."
~L~
Paul sat a large duffel bag with a change of clothes in it down on his desk at McKinley High, and piled two pillows on top of it. He looked out of the window in his office and into the choir room to see a stack of mattresses. He made a face and walked into the room and switched on the lights, walking towards the stack to see a note on the mattresses that read, 'Hey, kids! Thanks for all your hard work! -Richard'.
Under normal circumstances, he would've wondered what it was about, but at that moment, he was too tired and disappointed to care.
He pulled the top mattress off of the stack and ripped the plastic off of it before placing it on the ground of his office.
He didn't want to think anymore.
~L~
Ryan was sitting at home in his living room watching TV in complete and utter boredom while his mother and her boyfriend argued themselves into oblivion. Just when he was about to stand up, grab his car keys and leave the house for a quieter but less dull setting, he heard a familiar, high-pitched, obnoxious voice.
"Who says finding a mattress can't be fun?" the voice asked, and as Ryan stood in his living room on the way out the door, he came to a screeching halt and whipped himself around to see a circus of teenagers jumping on beds with a certain sophomore named Casey's voice layered over the music. "At Mattress Land, we have mattresses of all shapes and sizes at prices that won't break your pocket book! No credit? No problem! Mattress Land has a no-hastle financing of twelve point nine percent with no money down and no payments until next year! You'll jump for joy at our prices!"
"Come on down to mattress land!" Ryan heard the rest of that insufferable club cheer, and he considered jumping for joy himself… but for something else.
~L~
"Ryan," he heard a voice begin sternly from the hallways the next day, he turned to see his ex-cheerleader. "We need to talk."
"Oh, I got nothing to say to you, preggo," Ryan snarked as an unfriendly smirk grew on his face.
"The Cheerios photo is tomorrow and I want back on that squad," Sally continued without missing a beat. She had learned in her time at the Junior Cheerios that the trick with Ryan was to not let him sense any form of anger – he would make you feel weak for it.
"Oh, is that what you want? Well, what I wanted was a cheerleader who wasn't going to hoist her legs behind her ears in the back seat of the first station wagon she could jimmy open," Ryan quipped. To be honest, he was thoroughly disappointed when he found out about her situation; she had potential to go places, but she ruined things for herself. "Throwing away any chance she ever had in life."
Sally rolled her eyes. It was a Honda Civic, actually… "It would be good for the school, show everyone that appearances don't matter, sometimes people have to deal with a little adversity." she countered, and followed up with a proverbial punch. "I learned that in glee club."
"Well," Ryan continued with a laugh. "That little education proverb must have slipped from Paul's mouth right after his lesson on how to disqualify yourselves from sectionals."
"What?" Sally snorted disdainfully, but inside, she was growing more and more worried.
"I saw your little commercial last night," Ryan smirked. "Boy, did you glee kids step in it."
~L~
"Paul, I'm afraid Ryan is right," Lassiter said with a frown. "You did indeed step in it!"
"No, I didn't even know this was going on!" Paul tried, and Ryan rolled his eyes.
"Of course you didn't, Paul, I mean, you wouldn't know it if your students were using your office to breed rabbits for pets or for food," he said, most of his argument already planned out. "And you know why? You're too busy chasin' tail and loading your body with enormous amounts of cologne! I mean, today, it just smells like you took a bath in Axe!"
"What are you even talking about?! Look, the kids did the commercial to foster a feeling of unity after you - not anyone else, you - got them banned from the yearbook," Paul said as he stood up and got a little too aggressive. "It was an innocent mistake!"
"And what if I were to just innocently murder you, Paul?! I'd still have to go to trial! I'd probably get off with Justifiable Homicide," Ryan quipped, and Paul sighed in frustration as the teenager bent down to reach for a book of Show Choir rules in his bookbag. "Let me review the rules for ya'…"
"This is crazy," Paul grumbled as he turned to Lassiter, pointing at the Senior.
"Amendment 63, 7th addendum," Ryan read from the book. "No professional activity of any kind will be tolerated, and payment for services rendered negates amateur status triggering immediate disqualification."
Ryan slammed the book into Paul's chest, and he muttered 'hey' at the boy warningly. "Hey... hey what Mister?!"
Keep it simple, folks! Keep it simple," Lassiter attempted to cool down the fight. "I am sorry, Paul, but I cannot let this slide!"
"But the kids weren't even paid!" Paul exclaimed.
"There's a stack of mattresses in the choir room piled as high as the empty cologne bottles in the dumpster outside your apartment!" Ryan claimed, and Paul sighed. He was so done with this punk of a kid; he couldn't wait until he graduated.
"Okay, we'll give the mattresses back!" Paul tried to settle the argument, but Ryan had already solved that problem.
"Paul, one of those mattresses was used! You can't return a used mattress," Lassiter intervened. "You can't even donate one to charity - lice, bedbugs! I looked it up online!"
"Is there any reason you have a soiled mattress in your office, Paul?" Ryan questioned, and the only thing Paul wanted to do was hide under a rock. "Have you and the Drama teacher become so sexually depraved that you have to commit your craven acts of adultery in-between classes?"
"What?" Lassiter questioned, barely audible as Paul sat down on the chair exasperatedly.
"You know, okay, fine. I slept here, alright?" Paul admitted, and Lassiter raised his eyebrows, asking, 'excuse me'. "...I'm thinking about leaving my wife."
"Well, I didn't see that one coming at all," Ryan continued sarcastically, not allowing himself to feel bad for the man.
"Paul, I am very sorry about your personal troubles, but my hands are tied," Lassiter patched everything up. "Ryan's right, you broke the rules. I cannot fire the scholastic board! I'm sorry, but glee club is over."
"It's over!" Ryan said, gloating and practically rubbing his face in it before storming out of the room.
~L~
Ryan sat at his desk trying to focus, but he had a hard time managing it. How could he? He had finally gotten Paul Greeby and that glee club out of his hair. It was a day that would live in infamy! Once again, he had won.
"Ryan!" he heard Sally's voice, and he looked up to see her dressed in her red and white Cheerios uniform. He was shell shocked for a split second, but as usual, he bounced back instantly.
"It's like watching a porno star in a nun's habit," Ryan compared the two, and Sally tried to keep her cool.
"I wanted to show you that it still fits," she explained quickly, placing her hands on her hips. "My baby bump isn't that bad, it's just like I had a big lunch."
"Take it off," Ryan said, looking up at her with pity and disdain in his eyes. "You need to get it through your pregnant head that there's no way you're getting in that photo or back on the Cheerios - end of story."
Sally fought of a chuckle as she looked down at her former coach. "You're a hypocrite."
"Excuse me?"
"I just heard that you got glee club amateur status revoked over a mattress while you are constantly showering the Cheerios with swag," Sally pointed out. "I've gotten free shoes, complimentary tanning, haircuts... the season tickets to Cedar Point? We sold them on E-Bay for a profit, and it seems to me that if Lassiter found out, you would get banned from competition."
"Fine, you're back on the Cheerios," Ryan promised, but he had found a loophole. "I'll put you on full time dry cleaning duty and shove you to the back of the photo to hide your shame."
"I'm not finished," Sally hissed competitively. "Glee club gets a full page photo."
"That's not up to me," Ryan said with a cruel smirk.
"You are giving up one of the Cheerios six pages," Sally fumed, her voice growing stronger and more threatening. "And you are giving it to the glee club, free of charge."
"You know, S, I'd forgotten just how ruthless you really are," Ryan said, a backhanded compliment, but nonetheless, she smiled. "You're like a female Ryan Sylvester… now get out of my office, if you can manage to squeeze yourself out of the door without your water breaking all over my new carpet."
Sally turned to leave, but she whipped around to face him with a devious look on her face. He couldn't tell if it irritated him or if the confrontation was devilishly fun.
"You know what? I don't think I wanna be a cheerio after all," she smiled viciously. "I don't want to be a part of a team where I only appear to belong, I'd rather be in a club that's proud to have me, like glee club."
~L~
"It's my fault," Paul said with a sigh as he sat in Kathy's office, venting to her. "If I hadn't slept on that mattress, we could've just returned them and moved on."
"Hey, can I give you some advice?" Kathy asked, and Paul nodded slowly. "You need to give yourself a break, you do. You'll figure out what to do with the kids, you always do, but I think right now you really need to focus on your own life. You know, divorce is a really big deal."
"Who said anything about getting a divorce?" Paul asked as he looked up at Kathy oddly, and her cheeks grew bright red as she looked down in embarrassment.
"...Oh, god, I'm so sorry. I just assumed that that's-" she trailed off into silence, and Paul looked at her seriously.
"Is that what you would do?" He asked helplessly.
"Well, um, when I first heard about all this," Kathy started shakily. Come on, Kath, put all those scripts you've written to work, she thought. "I thought that she was being awful, cruel, a terrible wife, but then, when I thought about it some more, I thought about what I would have done if I'd felt you slipping away…"
"You would never be that cruel," Paul said with a feeble shake of his head.
"No, her methods were wrong," Kathy corrected herself gently. "But I totally understand her intentions. You're a lot to lose, Paul."
They locked eyes and they both wondered what they were going to do when Kathy left for Shaker Heights.
~L~
"But we don't wanna go to sectionals without you!" Noel said sadly as the glee club stood in a huddled group in the choir room.
"It's without me or not at all," Paul tried to reason with his students. He really wanted them to get their chance at sectionals, and they weren't going to get that if he wasn't willing to drop out. "Look, I was the one who slept on the mattress, which means I accepted them, not you. Which means I'm disqualified from competition, not you guys."
"He's takin' the bullet for us," Derek spoke up, and the club turned to look at him. "Solid."
"We can't do this without you, Paul," Ralph pleaded. "Hell, we probably can't do it with you."
"That's not true. You guys are good, you're really good! You did Jump for that commercial without me, right?" Paul attempted to raise their confidence. He began to circle the group, and he noticed the pained look on Casey's face as she tried to hold back tears. She felt so guilty – if she hadn't gotten them cast in that commercial, they would've never sent those mattresses. "Look, the best teachers don't give you the answers, they just point the way and let you make your own choices, your own mistakes... that way, you get all the glory, and you deserve it. If you can't win without me there, then I haven't done my job."
"We're really sorry, Paul," Casey said as she tried to gather her senses, refusing to become emotional now.
"I know," Paul replied with a smile on his face. "I want you guys to go get gussied up and take that glee club photo with pride. I wanna see a smile on every one of your faces."
The club dispersed into their separate bathrooms and offices. In the girl's bathroom, Casey brushed her teeth thoroughly, Sandra applied powder to Emily's face while they laughed in excitement, Kendra fixed her hair and applied lipstick, Amy picked lint off of her outfit and Sally walked out of the bathroom stall with her old Cheerios uniform flung over the door, instead wearing a short-sleeved, white dress.
In the boy's bathroom, Max and Sam picked at their hair, Sheldon tied a tie around Noel's neck, and Ralph and Derek lifted weights, Derek making some rather odd faces.
And in his office, Paul folded the black and red tie around his neck underneath his collared shirt, it was a tie Kathy had once complimented, and he grabbed his jacket.
As he got his picture taken, he tried his hardest to smile, and when he got his copy, it said 'Paul Greeby, Computer Glass, Guidance Counselor'. He couldn't help but feel that something was missing. He looked over to Kathy and saw her smiling brightly, he saw Ken, and then he saw Ryan, and he flipped to the glee picture. He had watched the kids happily cheer after they had their picture taken.
But while he smiled in return of seeing his students' grinning faces, other teenagers only saw a chance to write 'NO DIRECTIONS' in permanent marker.