She closed her eyes. Tighter, tighter, tighter until she couldn't tighten them any more. She slowly opened them, looking down at her trembling hands. "No," she closed her lids tight once more.
She slowly leaned her back against the headboard of the rot iron bed she was sitting upon. She shivered as a cool breeze from the open window filled the room. The sheer sheet that covered her legs did nothing to ward off the cold.
Her hands slowly reached up to touch her face, making sure it was still there. She let her hands fall to her sides and opened her eyes a slit. She brought her knees up to her chest and hugged them to her, sighing.
The room shook as she heard the front door of the small apartment slam closed. She could hear an angry Gustav Baum cursing her as he walked away from the apartment. She sighed with relief. "Finally! That son of a bitch!"
She got out of bed, still wearing just the over sized white shirt he had given her. She looked in the mirror, smiled at herself, walked out of the room and finally out of the apartment. As soon as she stepped out the door, she breathed in the cool air and calmed her beating heart. She began walking again.
She made her way down to the street and stopped. "Left? Or right, today, Ilse?" She asked herself. She nodded, finally deciding on left. She let her feet guide her, not knowing or caring where she was going just as long as it was far from here.
Before she knew it she came across a field of tall grass and wild flowers. She stopped and looked around, not even realizing she had left town and civilization. She smiled to herself as she began walking in the field, where the grass tickled her bare feet. She found a small area in the middle of the field where the grass seemed not to grow and sat down. She fell back on the ground, looking up at the light blue sky.
She closed her eyes as she sang to herself, "Spring and summer every other day…"
She could hear the grass sway as the wind swept through it. She sat up and looked seeing the grass surrounding her. She reached out and began to pick the wild flowers, making a small bouquet, still singing to herself. She would not let her thoughts of wondering where she would sleep tonight ruin her good mood, if only for a few more moments. It wasn't often when she felt this light and carefree. She wanted to hold onto it as long as she could, knowing that the night would chase it away from her.
She stood up, still holding her flowers, and brushed herself off. She turned her head, looking back to a forested section of the meadow. She half smiled as she made her way towards it, hoping to hide herself away for awhile and just sit beneath the trees.
She began walking again, through the forest. She walked and walked for what seemed like hours in this never ending forest. She stopped though, when she came to a clearing and saw she had come across another town. She narrowed her eyes, looking. Somehow this town seemed familiar to her.
She turned quickly as she heard the sound of crunching leaves and twigs behind her. "Hello?" She called out softly, though she saw no one. Perhaps it was just an animal.
"Enough, enough!" She heard a young man's screams. She turned back around, looking. Her curiosity getting the better of her, she began walking towards the voice. She heard the faint sound of twigs beneath feet again and quickened her pace, knowing it was not an animal.
"Enough!" She heard the voice again, only this time it was closer. She quickened her pace once more, until she finally spotted him.
She stood looking at him for awhile. The tousled, un-brushed hair, the clothes messily put on. There was no doubting who this mystery person was.
"Moritz Steifel?" Ilse cried out, trying to get the boys attention.
He wiped around violently towards her. "Ilse?" He asked, not believing what was before him. "You frightened me…"
Ilse smirked slightly as she watched her old friend move spastically around. She narrowed her eyes. "What are you looking for?"
She spoke with her friend for what seemed like much longer than just a few minutes, her good mood getting the better of her despite talking about her dark past to him and the dark conversation that followed.
She had the sudden urge to run back to her old house, despite the parents who had so carelessly tossed her out, with her old friend. She wanted to frolic and be naïve and carefree like they used to. She wanted to be a child again! Oh, how lovely that time had been.
She asked him, desperately, to come back to her house with her to play, but he refused her again and again.
"Just for an hour?" She asked, tears slowly sliding down her face. She hadn't even realized she had been crying and hadn't realized how much this suddenly meant to her.
"I can't!" He said, exasperated.
She scrunched up her face. 'Well…walk me…at least?" She pleaded.
Moritz stared at her, his eyes glazed over. "Honestly, I wish I could," he said quietly.
Ilse closed her eyes, trying her hardest to keep any more tears from falling. She laughed bitterly. "You know…by the time you finally wake up, I'll be lying on some trash heap."
With that she fiercely tossed her flowers to the ground and ran off into the forest as fast as she could. Tears streamed down her face, wetting it so that it felt frozen as the cold air washed over her. The wind quickly dragged her good mood away with it.
"Damn you," she hoarsely whispered to herself. "Damn you!"
Her feet finally stopped beneath her, her chest burning and her legs wanting to give out from under her. She knelt to the ground and crawled over to lean on a tree. She rested her head back, closed her eyes, and breathed deeply. Her eyes bolted open as the sound of a gun shot rang the forest. "Moritz?" She called out.
She stood up, despite the protests of her legs. "Moritz?"
No, she thought to herself. She began walking as fast as she could, but didn't get very far before her legs really did give out from beneath her. She crumbled to the floor, screaming in protest. She cried out, from helplessness and the heartache that she hadn't even realized crept in.
"Moritz!" She screamed out into the night. She wanted to dispel the thoughts that suddenly crushed her. No, he couldn't have. He wouldn't have. Why would he?
She closed her eyes as a violent wave of sobs engulfed her. She knew what he had done and she desperately, desperately, wished she had done something to stop it.