Disclaimer: I do not own anything

Edward's POV

Jasper was having a dinner party and had invited Jane and me over. My parents had flown into town and were staying with us for a few days. They were also coming with us to the dinner party. I had explained to them all that had happened since I had arrived back in NY. They also knew Bella was a single mother to a heart warming little girl named Kimberly. Being the mother that Esme had been to Bella she wanted to know Kimberly.

I was afraid of Bella's reaction toward seeing my parents but I figured might of as well make the best of it.

-

We walked through the sliding doors that led to the patio and said hello to everyone. By the fenced in pool I saw Bella talking with Alice and Rose.

My mom saw them as well and her eyes began to water.

"Hi." I said, standing behind Bella.

She took a sip of her drink and turned around. She had a sly smile on her lips but vanished when she saw Esme.

"Bella, honey." Esme called.

Bella's reluctant expression to my parent's presence was discouraging. Her lips quivered in confusion and surprise. I felt torture for putting Bella through this. She and Esme had shared a mother-daughter bond.

"Hi Bella." Esme greeted cautiously. My mother's eyes were welling up with tears, while Bella's eyes held anger. She looked away trying not to speak up. I had known her for long and I could tell she was trying not to say something that she would regret later.

"Can we sit here?" My mother asked setting her purse down. Bella got up from her chair and walked hurriedly into the house with Alice and Rose behind her.

"I'm so sorry." Esme wept into Carlisle's shoulder.

I left Jane with my parents and walked into the house to find Bella.

"You don't leave the person you love!" Bella and Alice where in a room downstairs talking. I made sure no one was around and stayed to listen for a minute.

"Bella maybe it would be for the best if you talked to them. Just to hear what they have to say. It doesn't mean you have to believe them or accept what happened."

"I disagree with Alice." Rose said. "He has hurt you in so many ways that I don't know how you would forgive him. In a way I think he should know but I believe that he has screwed up so many times for him to deserve to know." What could Rose be talking about?

"Edward, Carlisle is asking for you." Greg, an old friend informed me.

"Thanks I'll be right out."

"I've given up so much that I wouldn't be able to live if I lost the one reason I live for." Those were the last words I heard Bella speak in a crackled voice before her crying became frenzied.

I had no idea what Bella, Rose, or Alice were talking about but it had something to do with me and my family. Bella still cared and as for that much I still had a shot.

--

From far it had seemed that Esme and Kimberly were getting along great. They were playing on the swing set together.

"Edward she is just so adorable." Esme cooed.

"I wished Bella hadn't reacted the way she did but I don't blame her. She has the rights to be upset." She sighed.

"Mommy sad?"Kimberly asked.

"No, beautiful." I lied. Her mother was hurting and I was the cause for it. I gently rubbed her cheek with my thumb and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"I wish I was your father." I whispered softly.

I walked behind her and started pushing her on the swing.

"More high!" She kicked her legs around and threw her head up. She was a profoundly remarkable little girl. How could she not be, she had Bella as a mom.

"She reminds me of you when you were about her age. Even her hair was like yours." Esme looked from Kimberly to me. "Although she doesn't have Bella's chocolate brown eyes."

"Her eyes are hazel- a mixture of green and brown." Carlisle voiced.

"Her father's eyes were probably green." I commented acidly. I hated that Bella was with somebody else and had his child. I would give everything in my power for it to have been me.

"Yours are green. Maybe when you have children you can get a baby with hazel eyes as well."

"I only want a family with Bella." Jane was my wife but I in no way viewed her as the mother of my children.

"Edward!" Esme scolded.

Jane walked away and sat with other guests. I didn't understand why she took that by surprise, she knew I loved Bella.

I kept pushing Kimberly on the swings when I noticed Bella looking around. She looked in our direction and froze. Emmett caught her expression and followed her gaze. He was about to come with her but Bella made him sit back down.

She walked gracefully and delicately through the stepping stones in the grass. "Kimberly you have to come and eat." She instructed, never looking at me or my family. Her eyes where still a bit puffy but it wasn't obvious she had been crying.

"She's very lovely Bella." Esme commented. "Edward told me you're a single mother and I have to say you have done an extraordinary job at raising her." Esme wasn't as bothered by what had happened earlier.

Bella waited for Kimberly to get off the swing but I kept pushing her. I wanted to prolong their stay. I wanted to have more playing time with the daughter I only wished was mine.

"You know Bella, she reminds me a lot about Edward's infancy." Bella's breathing caught short and stared at Esme.

"That's impossible." She interjected.

"Maybe we could go for ice cream or to the park." Esme wasn't giving up.

"NO. Kimberly lets go. Stop the swing Edward." The way she pronounced my name felt like daggers in my back. I did what she ordered and froze as I watched them leave.

"I'm afraid we have hurt her in ways we don't comprehend." Carlisle spoke.

Bella's POV

I was sitting next to Kimberly at the table watching her eat. I had taken a few sips from Emmett's and Rose's drink. I had to say I was out of the loop. I'd have to find someone to drive Kimberly and I home tonight.

Kimberly was the perfect child. I was being tormented on whether I should let Edward know about her. Jasper's intentions for them being here was just that. Having Kimberly all to me was a delight and I wouldn't mind always having her to myself but… was I being selfish.

In a technical way Edward hadn't directly done anything to her. He didn't know about her until he got back. But that was the one detail that always bothered me. He could have called. If he would have called at least to say bye or something he would have known. Whether he wanted to comply with his father duties would have been up to him.

Kimberly didn't deserve any of this. She wanted a father and as it killed me she needed him maybe more than she needed me.

But what if she ended up loving him more than me because he had just appeared. She would spend time at his house and he, Kimberly and that bitch of a wife would be with her while I was miserable. Kimberly did not need another mother.

I was being selfish and I acknowledged it. I didn't want Edward to fight for her custody and win since he hadn't had the time to be with her. I didn't want to lose her, I wasn't going to let that happen.

As for me I was weakening. I thought I had the courage and strength to fight against all odds but I was deteriorating with each time I saw him.

"Hey Bella." Edward placed a glass of wine in front of me and clinked his to mine. I looked at the eyes that always drew me in and fought the urge to cry. I took my glass and gulped a few ounces. He chuckled at my gesture and did the same. Why was I feeling like I was? Why did I want to smile at the way he chuckled?

My face had fallen. A tear slid down my face and there was no way to take it back. Alice came and took Kimberly inside.

"Please talk to me." Edward implored taking a hold of my hand.

I stared at his hand on top of mine and let the vibrations that it sent through my body catalyze.

"I'm sorry for leaving. I'm sorry for lying with out meaning to. I never knew what would happen on that trip. I'm sorry that I had to leave you." His apologies were what I wanted to hear but they still meant nothing.

I kept my head down and let him continue. "Bella I will get on my knees and I will gravel but I need you to look at me and tell me what you feel. Let me inside." I looked up at his face and shook my head.

"I feel anger and resentment." His eyes froze on my lips and retrieved backwards.

"I feel bitterness and hate for the first time in my life. Just as you showed me what love was you taught me how to hate and feel repulsion."

My words were sinking into his soul. Every word I spat stabbed him in the chest like I knew it would. It was his turn to cry.

"I don't care for your apologies anymore. I stopped carrying years ago when I knew there was no chance in hell you would be welcomed in my life."

Tears spilled from his glorious eyes but he didn't make an attempt to leave.

"I thought I would always love you but your actions have showed me otherwise. I have gone from misery to joy to hate to sorrow to gratitude and to bitterness. I had lived each day feeling protected by you and when you left I knew something had to change. My daughter has made me stronger and fearless."

"I wish you hadn't slept with her father." He ducked his head low. I chucked at his comment; If only he knew he was the father. "I want to be your daughter's father Bella."

My fists balled up beneath the table. "I want to be there for you again. I want to earn your respect and trust all over again. We are meant to be Bella."

"That's not true. Jane is who you should be with." I spat bitterly. I stood up from the table and walked to the swings. Mostly every guest had either left or gone inside. Edward and I were out back alone.

"I don't love her." He stated.

"I don't care about that. Your married and that's the point." I was loosing the strength I had. I was crumbling to the weakness of the love I used to have for Edward. I hated to admit it but the feeling I had tried to bury had awoken.

"Bella I've never-"

"Stop! Just stop!" I cried. I didn't want to hear him anymore. I had given up a lot just by saying what I had said. I was wounded but I had to rebuild the walls I had knocked down.

Edward inched closer, sweeping away the tears he had caused. "Bella." He whispered. I was dazed- frozen. He was getting closer and I wasn't moving. I had to budge. I could sense his lips getting closer to mine.

I found my will and I pushed him back and ran to the house. I threw the doors opened and saw everyone staring at me.

"Kimberly?" I asked.

"Rose and Emmett took her. She wanted to spend the night since Rose is taking her ice skating tomorrow." Alice reminded me.

"That's right."

I grabbed my bag from the side table and walked outside without saying goodbye.

"Bella!" Alice called after me.

"Is everything alright?"

"No its not!" I cried. I got into my car and rammed the gas. I wanted to get away and lose myself.

When I got home I called Rose and made sure everything was alright. I spoke to Kimberly and she was delighted.

Never in a million years would I do what I was about to do. I bought a bottle of vodka and scotch and started taking shots. This would be my night out. Drowning all my misery in liquor and all because the man I loved then hated was the man I knew I never had forgotten.

(A/N)

Sorry for the long update! Version 1 of this chapter was finished about two weeks ago but I didn't like where it was going so it took me literally 10 chapter re writes to get it to the point where I was happy.

I hope it was worth it.

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