8
"So why do you think she wanted to know?" asked Salley.
"I don't know! I think that she just wanted to tease me about it, you know. Like when you have friends, and they tease you about the boy that you like? I don't think she meant any harm by it." I said looking at the clock. She had 5 more minutes before she had to go.
"So, are you saying to me, that you lost your virginity to willow, on your wedding night?" asked Dr. Greene, her eyebrows raised.
"Yes, that is correct." I said, nodding my head, and looking at her.
"But why?" she asked, writing something else down on her piece of paper, with that same green pen.
I laughed at her then, how stupid and uncultured these ghetto women were. They were all trashy in my eyes. Only a few of them had the privilege of being my friend.
"What is so funny Aaralyn?" she asked, tilting her head to the side with a silly little smile that I desperately wanted to slap off her face.
"Nothing, Dr. Greene," I said, as I continued laughing to myself.
"Well, you still did not answer my question. Why? Why did you chose that moment to loose your virginity to him? Why did you stay a virgin until you were married?" she asked looking at me.
I looked away from her, the tears burning my eyelids. Why was I crying? Why? I didn't know.
"Why do women in other countries, such as Africa get circumcised?" I challenged her.
"Well women in Africa, get circumcised as an offering, to stay pure, and holy. They've been practicing this custom for years, they do it, as a gift for their husbands on their wedding nights." She shrugged.
I was about to open my mouth, and say something to her, when I saw her. My mother. She was standing right behind Salley.
She looked sad, like she wanted to cry. Her eyes were all glassy, and her skin was as always was glowing and luminescent. Her rich, golden blonde ringlets hung around her shoulders, and then she smiled at me. The most beautiful smile I had ever seen. I smiled back at her, I felt her love caress my entire body, and make me warm from the inside out.
"Momma." I said slowly in a girlish tone.
"I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, she was gone. But I could still feel her presence in the room, making me want to run and play like I was six again, and not, twenty seven.
Then, I heard her again, dreaded cousin Amelia.
""Don't tell her, Aaralyn. Don't! Don't do it! If you do, then you are not of royal blood." She whispered in my ear.
"But, I am Amelia. I am of royal blood." I said back to her, spinning around, and facing her.
She laughed at me then, a mocking laugh.
"Ha! Yeah right, Aaralyn Doll Hawthorne," she squinted her eyes at me in accusation, and pointed her thick forefinger at me. "You, forget so easily, the heartache, distress, pain, humiliation, contempt, shame, and disgrace you brought to this family, by marrying that piece of trash that ghetto piece of filth without a penny to his name. Except for his father's drug dealing empire. You made this family the laughing stock of the town!" she said in a hateful tone.
"That's not true! Don't say that about willow. You don't know him, like I know him!" I screamed at her.
I heard the click of a button, and I knew that she was recording me again, but I didn't care.
She stopped squinting her eyes at me, and smiled, "Oh really, Are you sure about that, sweet precious Aaralyn?! Are you sure?" she cooed to me in a mocking tone, "Because the Willow that I remember, you marrying fucked me! Fucked me long and hard, just like all of your other boyfriends!" she screamed.
"Whore!" I screamed and lunged at her, but alas! I went right through her, and she stared at me laughing.
I began to cry then, "Why? Why?"
"Because, " she said hatefully, "It was always you. Aaralyn this, Aaralyn that! Don't you just love Aaralyn? Hell no! Aaralyn is such a good girl! I hated you! Hated your guts!!!" she said in a frustrated tone, as she stamped her foot in frustration. "Look at Amelia, look at the the good grades, Amelia has! Look at how good Amelia is! No! No! No! Nobody saw me, nobody did! They didn't care! All they cared about was darling Aaralyn, Miss. Innocent, Mrs. Be- A- Virgin- Till- I'm-Married!" she screamed. "You're just like your mother, beautiful, stupid, and blind!"
"Shut up!" I said to her.
"Why, should i? I'm telling the truth! If your mother wasn't screwing our grandfather, my mother would have had it all! But no! Vanity always had to have her way, my mother got everything, and was grandmother and grandfathers favorite until little precious baby Vanity, came along! They called her the most beautiful baby ever, with beautiful purple eyes!"
"My mother, wasn't screwing grandfather! Unlike you, Amelia, my mother had self- respect. She didn't let men use her, just because of what she had between her legs! She was always the wifey, never the boo, hoe, or CONCUBINE!!!!!" I screamed at her tears, streaming down my face.
"Oh you, don't think so Aaralyn? How stupid you really are! I should slap you for how pathetic you look. My mother was to inherit everything, but no! Your mother just had to be born! She was a mistake! She went out and fell in love with a pauper, and ended up having you! Dating black men, was strictly forbidden, she should have been disowned! And she was! But when she realized how black men really are, when she discovered that her lover didn't want her anymore, she came back here trying to win back our grandfather's love. And of course my mother thought that that was surely not to happen, because your mother had broken so many rules. But no! he did take her back! You and everybody else, thought that Atticus Hawthorne was some strong, handsome, Bible fearing man…. But when it came right down to it…. He was no different than any other man, who would succumb to a pretty face, and a beguiling laugh, and a seductive smile."
"But, all men are the same! As, soon as he saw her, he had her back in his Will, so fast it would make your head spin. And then when he found out that she was carrying you he took her back out of his Will, and she left. My mother thought that Vanity, would never get out of that mess… so she was happy to inherit the fortune."
"But then, your mother, just wanted to take everything that rightfully belonged to my mother and me, but she knew, she knew Atticus's weaknesses, and so she brought you to him… she knew the minute that he saw you he would fall in love, and would have no choice but to take her back in….. after seeing you…. You who reminded him so much of his sweet precious Vanity. So you and your mother inherited my fortune! You who wasn't even legitimate, and yet he loved you more! You were a mistake, you should have died at conception!" she screamed.
I was speechless. I couldn't even feel sorry for this girl, that I called my cousin, all I could feel was pity for her.
"I'm sorry…" I said, and rose to my feet, and sat once again on the bed.
"Who, were you just talking to?" asked Dr. Greene.
"My cousin Amelia," I said, and sighed. "Do you, really want to know why, Salley Greene?"
"Yes," she said, "Yes."
"Where I grew up, virginity or should I say innocence was the most treasured thing in my household. I'm going to tell you more. But a story like mine should never be told, just kept in a diary."
"Yes, "she said, eager for more.
"Do, you really want to know about my life Salley?"
"Yes."
"I'm going to take you to a world, that you are not familiar with. One that now lies in myth, the old ways have died. But I will take you back, so that you can better understand my life."
"Yes,"
"My diary. The diary of a princess. The diary of a heiress. The diary of a woman married to a drug lord. The Diary of a Doll………