Disclaimers: The same as before.

Author's note: Here we go, another chapter. This one is a bit sketchy - a pretty much day-in-the-life slice with an added dose of some left over feelings and a splash of fanboy groping.

track four

I spent another boring day working on the songs. Well, I say working, but really, I was sitting around staring at the walls and wondering what I was doing in Tokyo if I was just going to stay inside and work. And it felt like work, not something exciting and new and different. Maybe that's why I really wasn't in the mood to work on the songs. It had become work.

Music shouldn't be about work. Sure, I supposed it could be work, but it never felt like it to me, especially if it was something I was enjoying. But even before I hit this stumbling block, I had been feeling a bit run down and tired. Maybe I should just put the work aside and doing some wandering on my own. It wasn't as if I was needed anywhere until later on tonight.

Thus decided, I headed out. Tokyo was awake and thumping along, salarymen mixed with schoolgirls, cosplayers and everyone else. I tied my hair back, shoved a baseball hat on top of my head and wore a pair of glasses for a disguise, mingling with them. It was amazing at how people could still recognize me after all these years, as if I just left the stage yesterday instead of three years ago. Then again, I did just that the other night for Bad Luck's debut.

Anyways, I went to a couple music stores and listened to some of the albums on display. I stopped at a noodle vender and had some noodles and a hot cup of tea, and spent some time at a neighboring bar where I got into a heated discussion over a game of Go. Around noon, I ended up at a karaoke bar and sang a few rounds before someone recognized my voice, and then I was chased around the place until I ducked on to a train.

The train took me uptown, where I spent a couple hours wandering along the main streets, peering at business fronts and spending time talking to a bunch of kids playing music and dancing. Then I was hungry so I found a pricy restaurant that wasn't going to let me in until I took off my disguise and beamed at them. The food was worth the hassle even though I really didn't need to eat as much as they were willing to give me. So I got a doggy bag of goodies before I left.

By the time six came around, I was standing outside of N-G, tired, carrying food and smiling pretty for the guy manning the front desk. He had to call up to Tohma's office before I was let through something which made me feel a bit irritated. I mean, seriously. I was Ryuichi Sakuma, not some star-struck kid looking for stardom.

I was in a mood when I finally reached Tohma's floor. Tohma was waiting for me at the doors and he took the bag of goodies from me, arching an eyebrow at my expression. Seeing his face, I tried calming down but it was no use. The whole day was just off to me.

"Thank you for the food, Ryuichi," he said, opening the container and digging in. "I forgotten how late it was and the kitchen staff has already left for the day."

"Tohma needs to take care of himself," I replied, flopping into a chair. "Tohma would get sick and I'll be really sad."

"I wouldn't want to see you sad, Ryuichi."

"It's not fun at all," I said, putting my feet on the chair and wrapping my arms around my knees. Tohma looked up from the papers he was working on, the worry line on his face turning into a different kind of frown.

"Ryuichi?"

I huffed and rested my chin on my knees. Funny thing was that I had a good time today. There was nothing to really make things crash so fast except that guy downstairs. Yet I was feeling just bad. That was another problem I had been noticing lately the sudden shifts in my mood when before I was usually just happy go lucky.

"Did the guard upset you?"

I heard the real concern in his voice and looked up. Tohma was reaching for the phone, his eyes and mouth hard. I dropped my feet to the floor and reached over, putting my hand on top of his.

"Let it go, Tohma. It's not the guy's fault."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded and tried smiling. It didn't seem to work, but at least he stopped trying to pick up the phone. I could tell that he was still upset, his eyes hard as he watched me. Then closing the file he was reading, he sat back in his chair, his hands resting neatly in his lap.

"Ryuichi, if something is bothering you, you need to tell me," he said, breaking the silence.

"I don't know what's bothering me," I replied, standing. I stretched and started wandering around his room, touching the few boring pictures on the walls, giving the potted plants a poke. I stopped in front of the only spot of bright color a glossy photograph of the three of us in bright stage gear, posing right before the Farewell Tour. Of course, no one knew at the time it was going to be our last tour, so the picture hadn't been in such high demands until after the last announcement.

I heard the rustling of papers and I almost expected Tohma going back to work. Instead, I could feel his body heat and smell his cologne. I looked up over my shoulder and he was there, his eyes dark and his face pale. He touched his forehead against mine.

"Don't lock me out."

"Did you ever think you did it to me first?" I replied, pulling away. Sighing at my outburst, I rubbed my forehead. "Saa, I'm tired. Can we just go meet up with everyone and talk about this later?"

He frowned; his face pulled in taunt lines before he closed his eyes and smiled his stranger's smile. "Sure. Just let me get out Kumagoro for you."

"Kumagoro's here?" I immediately dropped the child-mask into place.

"K left him here for you to pick up," Tohma replied, pulling the pink rabbit from his jacket and held Kumagoro out to me. I snatched the rabbit away from Tohma and hugged him close. I didn't realize that I left him behind, but that did explain why I was left wandering about without K showing up five minutes later to blow new holes in the walls.

Tohma pulled on his coat and took the takeout box of food and stuck it in his mini-fridge. Then locking papers in his desk, he turned off his laptop and turned out the lights, walking over to me and nodded towards the doorway. I shuffled out in front of him, peering around us as he stopped to lock the door and then take my elbow and steer me into the elevator. We didn't talk on the way down or on the way out the door. In the car, Tohma told me we were leaving early for the club, but I started humming so he fell silent, the skin around his eyes looking tight.

The NY club wasn't very full at that time of night. Tohma and I took seats at the bar, listening to the idle chatter around us. No one was paying much attention to us, which is strange since neither of us was in disguise and I had Kumagoro sitting out in plain sight on the bar. The bar tender was an old friend of ours that only smiled when we appeared and pour us both drinks. I took a sip of mine and sighed, letting myself relax.

"I think those songs are getting to me."

Tohma set his glass down. "Is it that hard to write in English?"

"It's Japanese that's hard," I said, tapping him lightly on the shoulder with Kumagoro. I set the rabbit down and picked up my glass, looking at the crazy ice and whiskey patterns. "Maybe I've lost it."

"You haven't. If you did you would have never got up on stage to sing the other night."

"Don't start that."

"Start what?"

"I am having a perfectly good sulk and you're trying to cheer me up, that's what."

"Well, you better stop trying to sulk because the ladies are here."

I looked up and over at the door just as Mika and Noriko walked in together with a tall guy and Shuichi. I made a face. Who exactly was that guy and why were those two tagging along with the girls? But of course I noticed the way he just seemed to freeze and stare at me, and then he was sliding up and putting on a smooth voice.

"It's nice to meet you, Sakuma-san. I'm your biggest fan."

Young young young and still strangely familiar. So I did what I normally did when meeting some star-struck kid at any hot spot. I played dumb.

"Did you have plastic surgery, Shuichi? It's really good!"

"Hell no."

"Ryuichi, this is Tatsuha, Mika's younger brother," Tohma told me. "He was at the wedding trying to climb up your leg and hug you."

"Really?" I looked again. Now that Tohma mentioned it, he did look like a younger Mika with dark hair. I chewed on Kumagoro's ear and added. "Oh! Now I remember! Sorry, Tatsuha."

"It's okay," the kid Tatsuha - said, smiling.

"I don't know about you guys, but I really need a drink," Mika said and suddenly there was a scramble as everyone tried ordering something to drink. Tohma and I looked at each other and moved away from the gang, and claimed a table for all of us. Of course, they soon joined us, Tohma and Mika sharing one side and the rest of us sitting wherever. Unfortunately, that arrangement had me sitting with Tatsuha.

Now don't get me wrong, he was a sweet kid. I just was tired of getting chased all the time by fanboys, especially ones that were still so young. Give him a couple years, then sure, I'd probably bed him for a lark, but since I actually knew his family that may not happen even if he was old enough.

Conversation drifted over a few topics as everyone got their drinks and settled down. The main one was about Shuichi and his big expectations for work. Noriko had been working with him and his guitarist for a while now and she felt they were something. Not really up to our standards yet, but they were something different. Maybe even something different enough to charm the next generation of hopefuls?

But then the talk took a totally different path, mainly about me and my plans in the near future. I mentioned going back to L.A. since I did my favor to Noriko. Tatsuha was hanging off of every word, even though he was trying hard not to be so noticeable. But then he had to start talking about the sun and surf being good for me, and I just did not want to listen to anymore fan gushes.

So it was a Kumagoro Miracle Beam to the chest for him. I probably could have told him straight out that the subject was closed, or I could have changed the subject myself, but I really wasn't in the mood for either strategy. I wanted to be in a happy mood but no one was helping me that much. Even when Tatsuha got all weird and started to faint and needed help did I feel like I could find a happy mood. All I knew was that he was using the chance to get in some touching while I managed to find an empty booth and shove him down on one of the cushions until his dizziness passed.

Of course he had to grab onto my hand and yank me down into the seat next to him. I spent the next several minutes with him pressing his face against my thigh while off in the distance, Tohma was yelling about something and Mika was yelling over him. It got quiet fast and I looked down, noticing the very suspicious way Tatsuha was pressed against his seat. I tried tugging my leg away but his grip got tighter so I leaned back and fumed to myself.

I liked fans. I like at how much they think they know about me. I like how they buy my stuff and were nice to me and always wanted to be there for me. I just did not like fans who were bordering on the edge of creepiness. It was creepy, being groped by someone not yet out of school. It was part of the fame, but it was a part I didn't like.

Luckily for my sanity what little I had of it K showed up. I don't know what he might have said to Tohma and Mika but they were trailing after him, Tohma grimacing while Mika nagged on about ruining her plans with Noriko. K managed to pry Tatsuha's death grip off of me, and I gratefully hid behind Tohma while Mika laid into her younger brother. At the double words of 'father' and 'temple' the kid sulked out of the bar, muttering under his breath about a next time.

K waited for him to be completely gone, before shoving Kumagoro at me and telling me that the record schedule had been upped by a week, so my vacation had been cut short. I wasn't sure if I should be thankful or not as he told me that he had already packed up my things and we had a flight to catch that night. But sticking Kumagoro on top of my head, I hugged Mika and Tohma before glomping Noriko and Shuichi. Then K had me out the door, into a cab and to the airport before I even finished my goodbyes.

Ticketed, stamped, and passported, I was secured in First Class with a warm blanket while Tokyo grew smaller behind me. As much as I enjoyed airplane rides, this one felt even lonelier than most. I wasn't sure why, but I couldn't fall asleep the entire trip back to L.A.