The Best of Intentions
Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager, its characters, etc. are owned by Paramount.
Chapter Six
Chakotay stood silently in the briefing room with his back to the viewport, unconsciously assuming Kathryn's position from only days before. He listened while she conducted an intense chorus on human unworthiness to the remaining members of the Equinox crew standing in a tense line before her. Her eyes were hard, her voice like steel, and he shivered with the thought that eventually his dressing down would also take place.
"You are hereby stripped of rank. You'll be expected to serve as crewmen on this vessel. Your privileges will be limited. And you'll serve under close supervision for as long as I deem fit." She paused for a moment to search their eyes one last time. "This time, you'll have to earn our trust. Dismissed." The subdued group exited, accompanied by three security officers, and Tuvok began to follow.
Then the Vulcan appeared to change his mind and halted.
"Captain Janeway," he began, in a voice that Chakotay had never heard him use. But before he could continue, Kathryn was standing in front of him, her eyes an intense blue. Tuvok was looking at her with something akin to apprehension, but when her hand came up to gently clasp his shoulder, Chakotay saw him actually relax into her touch.
"Return to your station, Mr. Tuvok," she said. "I'll join you for a cup of tea when we both get off duty."
The Vulcan nodded, his back straightening almost imperceptibly, and left.
Kathryn watched Tuvok go. Then she turned towards him. "Chakotay," she murmured, tilting her head. He nodded and followed her into the Ready Room. He felt each footstep reverberate with a hollow thud, a drum roll announcing the demise of everything he had ever fought for, everything he had ever loved, on this ship.
Kathryn sat at her desk and motioned for him to take the chair in front of her. He sat. They were both quiet for several moments, their eyes tentatively meeting then flickering away over and over again.
"I've decided to let the logs stand as they are," Kathryn finally said. "The captain of this ship was incapacitated during an alien attack. Her first officer assumed command in her absence."
Chakotay released a breath he hadn't even known he was holding. He opened his mouth to speak, but she shook her head, her eyes telling him in no uncertain terms to back off. He sighed and bit his lip, waiting for what was sure to come next.
There was silence for a moment, a half-yearned for, half-dreaded expectancy that breathed from the very walls. And then she spoke.
"Unfortunately, there is also an intensely personal side of this matter, Chakotay, as much as I wish there weren't."
He nodded, resigned.
"You once told me that you would stand beside me, that you would do whatever you could to make my burdens lighter." She looked away, her lips trembling slightly, and he swallowed hard.
"Yes," he whispered. "And I've always tried to do just that."
"I know."
And then she met his gaze. And it wasn't the anger, the rampant sense of betrayal, or even the stirrings of self-doubt that broke him in the end—it was the ruin in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Kathryn," he said sadly, looking back at her. "I hope you know I had the best of intentions."
She didn't answer, just rose from her chair and walked silently over to the viewport, so he stood and slowly began to walk away. But he stopped at the threshold, suddenly finding that he couldn't breathe, couldn't move.
Then he heard her voice.
"Chakotay." It was quiet and heartbreakingly raw. But it was still there.
He turned, and their eyes met, held. And then the world coalesced into a million rushing colors, and they were moving towards one another as if they had never been apart. Her arms were crushing him against her, and he found himself wrapping her just as tightly. Their breathing was uneven, the tears hidden as they pressed into one another. Neither of them spoke. And then Kathryn finally pulled away.
"Dismissed, Commander," she whispered.
"Aye, Captain," he said, and the last thing he saw before the door slid shut before him was the faintest hint of a smile on Kathryn's face.
The End