Disclaimer: The Wonderful World of Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. I own nothing but the plot and Lily Evans' literary voice and attitude.

A Look At Wonderland

by Wired Dragonfli

Chapter Five – I Wonder What Flavor He Is

Double Potions

November 1, 9:05 AM

Currently, we are all in our second hour of potions. That's right, all of us.

How is it that the people who I want to avoid the most at this moment have to be in every single one of my classes?

Oh right, we're all Gryffindors, silly me, how could I forget?

I have been having bad luck since a few hours ago, when I woke up on top of James. Sound familiar?

And don't take that in the wrong context, please, I'm already hitting my head on my desk repeatedly.

The moment I entered class, I found that my seat was in between Sirius and James.

What the hell?

See, this wouldn't be a surprise if it weren't for the fact that my seat is usually between Marlene and Emmy, who are sitting four rows behind their respective seats.

"Why in bleeding hell aren't you in your seats?" I hissed the moment I made my way over to them, cowering and ducking under my books.

"Well, you see, my sweetheart has it in his head that last night was a dream and insisted that he would be sitting in my seat, and I on his lap. Then Potter came in and took your seat, Black told him that that was your seat and shooed him away. So Potter moved into Em's seat, and Black told him to get the heck out of there, and them Emmy came in and told him he could have her seat, and sat here, I followed and well, here we are." Marlene said.

Once again, how she manages not to stumble all over her words…

"Miss Evans, I would be very much obliged if you took your own seat."

Oh bleeding shit, it's the fat bastard. Bleeding slug of a man…

I gave a low growl and dragged my feet over to my seat.

"But Marlene and Emmeline aren't in their seats," I muttered darkly, however, Slughorn loves me, and has placed me in the front row of his class since second year. So, of course, he had to hear, and of course, Sirius had to respond.

"You see, Lilykins, we want to enhance our understanding of potions for the OWLs, you wouldn't want us getting Trolls, do you?"

"Well actually…" I said, drifting off threateningly, but Slug was already charmed by Sirius's wit, and I was stuck there for all two hours of double potions.

Joy…

Double Joy…

I hoped that we had some complicated potion to get me through without being bored…but alas…it was complicated, and required the addition of a properly made Pepper-up potion, as this was a Cheering Potion. The only people who had progressed on the Pepper-up Potion last time were James, Sirius, Snape and me…

I mean I.

So, I was done, Snape was done, and soon James and Sirius will be done, and the rest of the class will be laboring over their shitty Pepper-up Potions for the next hour and a half.

I was sitting, twiddling my thumbs when suddenly, the sky grew dark and lightning thundered overhead. The rain came down like a waterfall of bullets and the roof was ripped off by a very strong wind.

Really?

Of course not…

…but there was a pecking noise at the door. Emmy's owl, Godzilla flew in the moment Sluggy opened the door. I know what you're thinking, why do our owls have the stupidest names?

I don't know either. It is, however, one of the things that brought us closer together. Marling's owl is called Bullshit, which is kind of a cool name. Marls named him during her rioting phase when she went about the house yelling curse words. Her parents let her and eventually she grew out of it.

Now Marlene winces whenever she sees the owl, and calls it "Bullet" instead. It's close enough to his real name so he responds well. I don't think the poor owl can tell the difference…and yes…he's brown.

So in comes Godzilla, charmed lime green. The real color of the lizard was too ugly for Emmeline. He lands on the desk with a package and Slughorn looks flustered.

"It's from my dad," Emmy responds, and Slughorn immediately shuts up. He likes Em's father, because Em's father is famous for inventing some spell. It might have been some "purity-of-blood" tester, but I think the Black's made that one up centuries ago.

She opens the package and there sits a bowl of popcorn. We three raised our eyebrows before shooting nauseated looks at the popcorn. Em takes out her father's note and shows it to Marls…I frown.

It's hard to frown, really it is…and while I was concentrating on frowning, Em had looked up, seen my unhappy expression, and thrown me the note. It hit me on the head and I uncrossed my eyes (they do that when I look at something without seeing it because my mind is elsewhere. I know my mind is else where…I left it in the punchbowl last night, I know I did.) and picked it up off the floor.

Un-crumpling it:

Em,

Mwahahahaha.

Love,

Dad

And underneath it, a note from Em.

Why the ugly expression?

I shot her a look and scribbled a response. To my right, Sirius unfolded a very ratty piece of parchment and shoved it at James. It was written on…a lot.

I never knew Black could write a lot. I've seen his essays…he copies a paragraph each from the other three Marauders. The intro from Remus, the second paragraph from James, the much overlooked middle paragraph from Peter, and then again from James, and the conclusion from Remus.

Obviously, this is not an essay, and it looks like black wrote it, all the words are short. I tossed the note back to Em and watches as James read Sirius' note…it didn't take long. My pillow wrote back and slid it over to Sirius, who commented as well.

Back and forth both notes went, before finally, I grew fed up with their note and got ready to steal it away. At this moment, Slughorn came to check on Sirius, and he left the note unguarded. I snatched it and stuffed it into my bra, before looking back and catching our note before it hit me in the eye.

"Whoa, Evans, you should look into the position of keeper on the Quidditch team," said a very sexy voice.

My heart and stomach did a gymnastics routine and my cheeks flushed…and flushed…and flushed some more.

I could feel my ears go red and I was glad that my equally red hair was covering them. I did not respond.

"I'm hurt…really…we spend last night together and you ignore me?" he said in a throaty voice. A very loud throaty voice.

Slughorn looked up from his desk and I flushed even more, if possible, and sank in my chair.

"Don't you dare mock me…" I muttered.

There was a silence and Slug lost interest. I was about to come back up when James leant in from my left and whispered into my ear…

"I wouldn't dream of it…"

I almost whimpered and I had to bite my lip from doing so. How pathetic am I? I mean, a guy…my crush, just whispered in my ear, is that any reason to get all blank and fuzzy, and have a buzzing sound in said ear?

Yes! Yes it is! Screams a part of my brain. I tell it to shut up and it sticks its metaphorical tongue at me…or is it imaginary tongue. Or perhaps a mental tongue, though mental tongues are usually mad tongues that go crazy when French kissing and…

I wonder what flavor he is…

Oh my god…my face went pale with mortification, I can feel it. I stared at the offensive statement for a good few seconds (it had ingrained itself into my vision before Remus tapped me on my shoulder (he was sitting behind me) and commented.

"You spelt au revoir wrong," he said, pointing to my entry from last night, at that moment, this entry was not yet visible as I was not done recording it.

Sirius decided to check too and peaked into my book.

"Yes, it's terribly wrong…" he said unnecessarily.

I clutched the journal to my chest.

"Aha!" the long haired prat went on, "It probably has a smutified version of yesterday in it,"

And he smirked, just like a Slytherin. I am sooo telling his mommy…if she doesn't murder me for being a muggle-born. He's trying to pry my book away!

"How would you like it if I read your personal stuff?" I hissed. Now whose being Slytherin-like? I am so much better than him. I can smirk and hiss.

"You don't fool me Evans. I saw you stuff our note into your bra…" again, that smirk, "or were you groping yourself?"

"I was just thinking of you Black, you sexy beast," I purred, then hissed a bit, and then I smirked. Oh yeah! I rock.

"Black? You offend me, Lily dear. But I always knew you felt something for me…"

"Yes, I do," I said, putting a hand on his shoulder, "pure disgust."

The last part I said quietly before slowly tipping him over. He fell off his stool and I uttered an innocent "oops" before corking my potion and labeling it "Cheering Po.—Lily Evans".

I handed it to Sluggy, who was passing by after seeing that our table was not at all brewing potions.

"Alright you three, stop your flirting and start on the homework!" he roared.

"What homework?" Sirius asked from his position on the floor.

"That," he drawled, flicking his wand on the board where an assignment appeared, "homework."

Sirius groaned and asked his dear mate to help him up, James was silent for a few moments…and then he fell out of his chair. Apparently he had laughed himself the point where all his coordination flew off, never to return again that period.

"Fuckers…" I muttered under my breath, opening my book and getting started on reading. "Am I supposed to fall off too? Oh great, a new trend, fall off your stools everyone, it's the best way new way to get out of your class. Warning: To produce any affect make sure to hit your head on the way down, side effect may include severe bleeding, a cracked open skull, bruises, broken bones, and in some cases, death or vegetable-ization."

"What's that Lily?" Remus commented from behind me.

"Nothing," I muttered again, waiting until her turned away, "fucker."

Ancient Runes

November 1, 1:35 PM

I can never, ever, ever show my face ever again. Then again, I will have to, everntually…but I really don't want to.

It starts with the note…that stupid note? Why did I take the note? Do you have an explanation for my stupid actions? Of course you don't. You're an inanimate object…magical, but still inanimate.

You know how I said that Black wrote a lot? Yeah, well that was his novel. That's right, Sirius Elephaba Black wrote a novel. His mother really is horrible; his middle name is her first name. I have taken the liberty of sticking the note in here. While that happens, I will be hyperventilating over here.

Little Black Book

The Serious Chronicles: Sirius Intentions

I, Sirius E. Black, will first apologize for the horrible puns. Second, I will mention that I am god's gift to women and if you need some fun, owl me at Gryffindor Tower, Landing 5, Boy's Side.

Women…are like cookies. They taste very good, they are warm, and they have things inside them. They are very soft and moldable and you can easily break them. You can never have to many, and if you exercise enough, you can them as often as you like without any lasting body damage or extra baggage.

Once you are done with them, they are gone, and you can get another one. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, but the bigger they are, the harder they are to tolerate, and the longer it takes to finish with them.

They're tricky though…sometimes they go cold, and it takes some charming to warm them up, and if you're not very good at charms, it doesn't always work. They are all the same, essentially. They get broken up after you finish with them and come out looking like shit.

Sometimes they hide away at the bottom of the bag of teenage girls who are like cookies, and you have to go though the others to get to the best. Other times, you have to ignore other cookies to make that one cookie feel special. Sometimes, you have to eat another cookie and make the cookie you really want feel jealous. Um…actually you don't really do that with cookies, but it is a very good tactic with women.

Unless it's Pamela Pierce, who decided to get over you the moment you are committed to anyone for over thirty minutes. Even dating her worst enemy won't make her change her mind, instead she spends five hours crying in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.

Sometimes your cookie will hate you, and will hide from you, and then you really have to chase after her…if you really think she's worth it. At some point in your life, there will be that very special cookie that you need to have to cherish and hold, and nibble at sometimes. That cookie will make you do very stupid things, and say stupid stuff when you think you're being cool.

And…you'll be very sorry, and you'll want to apologize, but the cookie will be so frustrating that you will start fighting with it and getting it even angrier until it hates you and never wants to see you ever again. It hurts the most when you had the cookie and then it ran away from you…

-A Novel by Sirius Elephaba Black-

Sirius, you realize, past the fourth paragraph, women really have nothing to do with cookies?

Yes James, I do, now I would thank you not to criticize my work as I am going through a very hard time.

Why do you put yourself through this every time, honestly, after every single girl you dump, you act like a dead man for a day and then you ask someone out and on and on, the cycle continues?

It entertains me, Prongs, it entertains me. You should try it sometime…ah yes…I forgot, you've only got eyes for your cookie.

Can you stop with the cookie references?

So you don't deny it!

Deny what?

That you have you an obsession with Evans…

I don't have any sort of obsession with Evans.

Please, I've seen you look at her in class, I hear the patheticicity in your voice when you talk to her.

Patheticicity is not a word.

Is so…what are you, Moony? And you do Prongs.

And if I do?

I dunno…I didn't plan the confrontation up to this point. I thought it'd take you longer to admit it.

I didn't admit anything.

Sure you didn't.

Technically, I didn't.

In this time and age, there is no need for technicalities.

Oh, shove your cookies up your arse and sod off.

Okay, I think I'm breathing normally now…oh my godric. Oh Merlin….oh Merlin…oh bleeding Merlin. A lot of things are "bleeding" today, aren't they.

Holy shit…holy shit…holy shit. He likes me…

Well, he didn't admit it but there is a very strong possibility. However, he didn't seem so distressed about me getting the note…so maybe he really wasn't admitting anything so he had no reason to worry about me reading something he didn't admit.

And what's this about Sirius…does he miss Marls? James commented that he does this with every girl. According to this, by tonight, Siri is going to have another date. Maybe if I rip off the comments and show the rest to Marlene…

No, she'd get all upset over the chauvinistic cookie references; the shit reference was particularly horrible. How about I rip that part off too?

Marls probably dealt with his pig-headedness before, and she can deal with it again…but I can't get her hopes up, that'd be horrible, and then seeing him going out with another girl the next day…

I'll wait until tomorrow…but Marls will probably be all stubborn and refuse to get back together or something, even if she misses him. I'm not even sure if she does…she should but…it's Marlene we're talking about…I know I saw her flirting with Fabian Prewett in the great hall today.

If you can't tell, I'm trying to avoid the subject of James possibly liking me, wouldn't want to get my hopes up. There's no way that getting that cookie was this easy. Sirius is pretty relationship savvy, so he might be right in his assumptions…then again, you can't put it past him to be a complete pillock, and be totally wrong.

That is why I am going to do nothing about it and continue being my almost self around James. If Sirius let's me…I bet that's why he let me take the note…first, so I can show it to Marlene, and so I can discover James' hypothetical feelings for me.

I am really starting to wonder how stupid he really is...

Great Hall

November 1, 7:20 PM

Dinner is served.

Sirius has some blonde bimbo on his lap, and Marlene is sitting on the other end of the table and having grapes fed to her by Fabian…and Emmy is sitting with Diggory.

I…am alone…eating and writing in my journal. James is four seats to my right. Remus is next to me, talking. I think he felt sorry for me, and thus, made the Marauders sit with me.

I don't need their pity, I am perfectly fine alone…being a hypocrite. I scorned all those girls that wrote in their journals, and here I am, scribbling furiously in mine…well not furiously…and I'm not scribbling…

Curse you Samantha Daniels.

"You see, they keep doing the stupidest things in class…there should be a list of things you shouldn't do in class…" Rem continued, which gave me an idea.

"Remus, would you like to join me in compiling a list of those things christened '101 Things You Should Never Do in Class'?" I asked.

"Why not?" he said, cracking a wolfish grin.

101 Things You Should Never Do in Class

1. Shag…

2. On McG's desk.

3. Start a drinking game where you take a shot of Ogden's Old every time Binns says "Goblin" or "Rebellion" and two shots when they are used in the same sentence. Three if next to each other.

4. Recite spells backwards.

5. Make potions starting with the last direction and ending with the first.

6. Swap wands with your complete opposite.

7. Crawl on the floor and flip everyone's book bags out.

8. Charm a romance novel to look like the potions book and put it on Slug's desk.

9. Insist that you need to hear the rest of the story once he accidentally reads it out loud.

10. Ask about your professor's life story.

11. Ask if they were teased when they were in school.

12. If yes, point and laugh.

13. Get the rest of the class to point and laugh.

14. Repeatedly bang your head on your desk during exams.

15. Levitate large unnecessary items onto the teacher's desk.

16. Constantly call the professor's by their first names.

17. Scold them using their first names.

18. Copy notes by repeating everything they say right after they say it.

19. Answer their questions with a question.

20. Ask stupid questions relating to Divination in McG's class.

21. Call McG "McG".

22. Ask for advice on your love life in the middle of a lecture.

23. Have a sudden need to go to the Hospital Wing anytime anyone else does.

24. As you leave, mutter to the other person "I've got you just where I want you now."

25. Talk to yourself during tests and give away answers to anyone in hearing distance.

26. Fail at everything you do and claim you only did it so you could be tutored and feel special.

27. Eat food in class and offer some to the professor whenever they comment.

28. Take to writing long letters and sending off your letters by owl in very boring classes.

29. Pass notes very obviously, but charm them so whenever a teacher intercepts it, it has nothing written on it.

30. In response to a question you don't know the answer to: " insert teacher's name , I am your father."

31. On phrase: "It's Voldy! Duck and Cover"

32. Twirl your wand and lose control, causing it to fly across the room and forcing you to disrupt the class with muttering to slowly go get it.

33. Do it again.

34. Fill in every answer on an exam with "57, sir".

35. Hand in the a different classes essay for homework and make the teachers figure it out.

36. Complain and bother them until they take back the fail they gave you for #35

At this point, Em and Marls came over and we went off to sleep, I shot a glance at James before I left the Great Hall, he was looking at me and I blushed immediately. He saw this and winked. I am pitiful. I am a rueful, travesty of a girl.

But the bimbo up Sirius's arse is even worse.

A/N: Stop the press, I updated twice in the same month, within a week of my last update it. GASP!

Last chapter was received very well, and hopefully, so will this chapter be. I put in what James felt about the pillow thing, he's denying it had any affect on him. Thanks to Angry Girl for the idea. I also corrected Lily's au revoir (Thanks crOKed-aura) error with the help of Remus, the handy dandy human dictionary.

And a whole load of thanks to the rest of my reviewers…you don't know how happy I was to see so many reviews. To new readers, I hope you like this chapter as much as the rest.

xoxox-slightly-obsessed-xoxox, The World is a Stage, Moonhawkpebbly, Amy Neemits, Angry Girl, superfly, Magnolia Star, croOKed-aura…

I LOVE YOU!

REVIEW

REVIEW

REVIEW

REVIEW

REVIEW

and check the LIVEJOURNAL, the link to which can be found on my profile, where I will constantly be posting updates and status of Wonderland.

-Wired