A/N: so this is the third chapter of my ten chapter story I had to think a little about this but I think this time I'm going to write it in Phil's perspective… you'll understand once you read the story oh and I'm really sorry if it doesn't go with the story very well I haven't read about poppy and james in almost half a year so my memory might be a little fuzzy if the details aren't exactly right my bad… also thanks to domo and blackmeadow for all the positive support
Hugs and kisses,
Lauren
Stuff
PPOV
(About a month after Poppy "dies")
It still hurt a little to go into Poppy's room. Mom couldn't even stand to look at her room. I missed Poppy. Yes, I knew that she was still alive – well sort of – and that I could still talk to her one day but I wasn't used to her not being around every day. She was such a bright and happy person she made everyone happy around her. Well except for the teachers…. Anyway I was going through some of her stuff. I was a little curious as to what she'd had in here. I'd rarely come in here before she had "died" and then well "undied." I had had no reason to.
I was going through the drawers in her desk. Lots of papers and pens and all the other stuff you'd expect to see in a desk… then JACKPOT!!! I'd found her diary. I felt like a little boy that was looking through his siter's diary to see which boy she liked now and who she'd kissed so I could tell EVERYONE. I pulled it out and inspected it. It was lavender suede. I rubbed my hand across it enjoying the softness, then I slowly opened it. I flipped through the pages and saw James name mentioned a LOT in the pages. I turned to the last diary entry. It had been written the day before she'd "died." This is what it said:
Dear Diary,
James told me that he loved me. He also told me that we're soulmates which means that we belong together, that our souls call out for each other… however you choose to define it. We found this out while we'd been trading blood for my "change." Phil had walked in the last time and caught us. He got pissed.
James told me that we'd only have to do this once more and then I'd die and wake up as a vampire. James also told me that there is a possibility that I won't change but that it is very low. I'm not afraid I know our bond is too strong for us to be separated by death.
I know this is wearing Phil down. It's hard on him to know that his twin sister is dying of cancer. I think what really makes him mad is that he can't do anything to help yet James can do EVERYTHING. I know when I turn into a vampire that I will see him again. Even if that time is when he is an old, old man and all his grandkids are running around his feet. I know we'll meet again.
I can feel my strength going even more each day. Today I had to have help getting out of bed. It was scary. I think it's partly because of the blood trading that James and I have been doing and partly because of the cancer. It's hard to hold this pen. I'm sorry if my handwriting is shaky.
All my friends are taking this hard. I know it will be a lot harder for them then it will be for Phil because he still knows that I'll be out there somewhere. I know Abby, and Ari will take this especially bad. They've always been my best girl friends. I went to them when I wanted to talk about girl stuff you know the kind where a guy just wouldn't understand (stuff like periods and period cramps and other hot guys…). I think there will be a memorial. There had been one last year when that girl who no one had known had killed herself. So I think there will be a memorial there. The kids that don't know me will probably go anyway if only to get out of class. What jerks.
If anyone reads this after I'm gone will you please look in the third desk drawer down for the letters I have written. If you would please give that to the people they are addressed to I would be very grateful.
Almost gone,
Poppy
I sat there for a moment after I'd finished reading that to think over what she'd said. I remembered that day when she had needed help getting out of bed. I had had to lift her off the bed and put her on her feet. I remember her feeling so light. It had scared me.
When I pulled myself together I looked in the third desk drawer down. After digging around a little I found them. A group of envelopes (about four or five) rubber banded together. I took the rubber band off and looked at the first envelope. It was addressed to Mom. I opened it and took out the sheet of paper. I unfolded the sheet of paper and started to read it.
When I finished I put the letter back in the envelope. Dad's was next. It was the same… a little. She said good – bye and how much she would miss him and that she loved him. Next I got to my letter. I pulled it out and read:
Dear Phil,
I know you'll miss me. I'll miss you too but I know I'll see you again someday. I love you and I always have. I know sometimes I didn't really seem like that but it's always been true. Don't worry, James will take care of me and take care of me. Don't worry too much about me I'm becoming a vampire. I'll be able to take care of myself. I hope you can handle yourself while I'm gone.
Love,
Poppy
When I was finished I was almost in tears it wasn't like it was all emotional but I could tell that everything she'd said had been true. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and went to the last letter. It said: To James on the front. I wanted to read it but then again this was different. The other letters had been to her family this was to her best friend… her soulmate. Thinking "oh what the hell" I opened it and read it.
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the mother of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
When I finished I sat back in my chair. Yes they were just lyrics from the song Good – bye My Lover by James Blunt. (A/N: Oh my gosh I just realized this her soulmate is James and I picked a song by JAMES Blunt. That was totally on accident I just thought of this song when I was about to write this letter. Sorry now back to the story) It was still the most intimate thing I'd ever seen from Poppy. I was… There were no words for what I was feeling. If I'd been half as in love as Poppy was with James I would be a very happy man. I put the letter back in the envelope. I left poppy's room with James letter still sitting on Poppy's desk.
A/N: I hoped you liked it. sorry about the other A/N up there I just had to put that in anyway I'll probably work on chap. 4 tommorow…. Or maybe I'll start on it tonight… hee hee I feel so evil oh well
Hugs and kisses
Lauren