Someone push the red button! Alert! Alert! Okay start panicking cuz we are in deep shiite!

Chapter 6: The Queer that are Pink!?

Missy Pov

Fowl Manor, Newly Occupied Family Room

I shivered. I was cold. Too cold. So I reached out a hand to turn on the electric blanket. But somehow I couldn't even find the edge of the bed. I kept searching, emerging partly out of the duvet. I found the edge of the bed but it was too far away. The bed was way too big to be my bed...

I snatched my hand inside the covers. I was in someone else's bed.

Holly shit bucket.

I'd done it.

I'd gotten drunk and then I'd gotten into bed with someone I barely knew!!

Wait. That didn't sound like me. I don't get drunk, usually, nor do I get into other peoples beds. I'm Missy not Rosie!

I breathed out a sigh of relief then cracked open one eye.

Holy shit bucket of DOOOM!

Pink! The bed sheets, the duvet, the wall, the furniture, Pink!

I'd done worse than get into bed with some random guy. I'd gotten into bed with some random gay guy!

Hence the doom. So I screamed.

Normal POV

Fowl Manor, Foyer

At this moment in time Artemis had a strong urge to growl 'Curses' and pace the foyer muttering under his breath. He did no such thing however silently berating himself for wasting his time watching cartoons with the twins. Curses? What kind of malformed characters did they make for children these days? Who would have thought that he Artemis Fowl the Second former criminal genius could be found on Sunday mornings watching "Loony Toons" and "Scooby Doo" with his siblings, but his mother was adamant that watching TV was the best form of sibling bonding available these days. "All the other kids do it Arty." She would say.

"Yes but if all the other kids jumped off a bridge, would I?" he wanted to ask. But found something utterly wrong with that particular picture.

So even though Artemis had more than a dozen plausible disagreements his mother nor Myles and Beckett would take a negative answer. Now he found dialogue from the animations roaming his complex brain. Suffice to say the boy genius did not find "What's up Doc?" amusing.

Let's go now though to the reason why Artemis felt like impersonating a Toon villain. And that reason would be the results he'd obtained just that morning, from the DNA test he had constructed. It could be no clearer that he was in fact related by blood to the abomination upstairs.

Artemis sighed and gave into one instinct, he began pacing the foyer. He missed Butler. He really wanted some advice on this matter. He had been so sure that he was able to prove that she wasn't his father's child then everything would get back to normal. But of course 'DNA never lies' he quoted. The girl's DNA -extracted from a hair Artemis had procured- was that of Artemis Fowl Senior's offspring. In fact her DNA was eerily similar to his own... down to ever last gene except for sex.

If only Butler was here perhaps Artemis could have asked him about the possibility of clone assassins... As it happened Butler was at this moment sitting outside a boxing rink in Mexico, but Artemis didn't know that.

Ever since her possession by Opal Koboi his mother had become quite assertive and perhaps a little persuasive. She had been all set to retire Butler with full pension of course but Butler too had vast resources of will power. He had driven a mean argument stating that he was still physically fit. Finally the conclusion of a three month holiday was achieved and Butler was sent off to spend some time with his baby sister. Artemis and Juliet had bets on how long Butler could stand it before coming back.

The 'abomination' upstairs as it happened was currently sleeping in her newly furnished room. One that Angeline Fowl had prepared in less than a day.

Artemis was slightly disturbed with the various amounts of pink furniture that had appeared in the room next to his yesterday. The fact that there was a room beside his was a mystery in itself; never mind the perplexing revelation that his new 'sister' would hence forth live there. Nor was Artemis particularly overjoyed when his mother had told him, upon his inquiry of all that pink, that his parents had been expecting a daughter when Artemis had been born.

The enthusiasm with which his mother had worked surprised Artemis. He had wondered for a while why she was so hell bent upon making the girl's life better, when he had realised that although Angeline was deeply hurt by her husband rather than show her sadness she had fuelled all her energy on being as kind as possible to the girl. It was testament to the woman's huge heart how she had, indeed welcomed Missy with open arms.

Artemis was as yet unsure what his feelings were to this stranger who had just waltzed into their lives. He decided he needed more time to ponder and come to a conclusion. His father too was hesitant and apprehensive of the girl. Whereas Angeline had struck up an almost friendly relationship with her, perhaps it was because she was the only one not related by blood to Missy.

It had not been two days yet and already Angeline had contacted the social services, who were arriving with official adoption papers in a few days. She had booked a flight to Paris and London for a shopping spree with her new 'Daughter'. And the two Artemises found themselves enrolled in a local Secondary school, a smaller branch of 's.

Artemis cringed thinking about the events of the previous day. Angeline had been practically gleeful as she had laid out her plans, a hurricane had rampaged through their lives- Hurricane Angeline. He had seen that Missy had been none too pleased as Angeline rushed from phone to bedroom exclaiming about how "They were going to have so much fun!" In fact she had been just mortified by all these drastic changes, taking it all in with an almost surreal acceptance. At the mention of social services she had looked pained but when confronted with her hideously pink room Artemis was sure she looked nauseated.

She seemed like a normal obnoxious teenager who was coping reasonably well with a lot of stress. And although Artemis felt the slight twinge of guilt now and then his main feeling was annoyance. However he believed that by keeping his feelings neutral he might achieve a normal cordial relationship with the girl, ignoring her little faults of course. He couldn't be more wrong.

Yet this life changing occurrence wasn't altogether easy to accept even for Artemis, who had to deal with life changing occurrences on regular bases. His younger brothers were perfectly fine with the addition to the family, of course they had experience. Hadn't an elder sibling already appeared into their lives practically from nowhere before. Why this was just more of the same to them...her name was Artemis! They probably expected a hermaphrodite by the name or Artemis to walk in the door next. Wait they were two… did they even know what a hermaphrodite was…? Artemis shook his head, banishing the thought.

To elevate some of the stress and perhaps give himself some peace to think Artemis had decided to spend the rest of the morning in the Fowls stables. With his parents having gone to the twins first day of playschool, Artemis was alone in the house. Well as alone as he could be with that doppelganger fobbing around. And so to the stables it was for some much required 'alone time'. Artemis was almost out the door too, when he heard something that made him stop in his tracks. A blood curdling scream echoed throughout Fowl Manor, one which had him rushing right back up the stairs.

Missy POV

Still, Fowl Manor

Pink! Pink! Pink! Nauseatingly pink!

Oh Woe! Oh Woe!!

The carpet was pink. The vanity was pink. And a fluffy window seat, pink. There was heart shaped pillows in abundance on the bed and scattered about the floor, what do you think? PINK!

And then this guy who looked just like me walked in and I screamed some more, along the line of:

"I went to bed with a look alike gay guy!! Holy Mary save me!!" Before diving under the covers.

"What are you yelling about, Miss O'Shea?"

Oh.

And then everything came back. Alarm over. I wasn't in any guys' bed gay or otherwise. The boy I just saw was Arty my new 'brother'. And this bed was my bed, this room, my room. Jaysus... I was not a morning person.

I pulled off the covers to see him standing there with a riding costume on. Okay. What. The. Hell? It was like something off the 'Saddle Club'. The weird little coat and hard hat and those breeches that are way too tight...ew...What gave? So I asked him. I'd never seen Arty wearing that... only really snazzy formal stuff (which was absolutely to die for by the way) but then again I'd only known the guy for what? Forty eight hours?

But for some reason he'd turned bright pink and started staring at the ceiling which was coincidently, bright pink.

"What?" I asked my voice gravelly from sleeping, as he stared to back away.

"Ahem... Well I see you're not quite dressed yet so I'll- I'll just..."

I glanced down. "Oh."

I was wearing red boxers and a pretty slinky black top, plus they were a bit rumpled. Oops... Back home in Blancherdstown I used to walk around in my knickers all the time, it was just me and Mam after all, which means just me since Mam was always working double shifts at the pub.

I guess some things would have to change, starting with the fact that there was no back home anymore. This was home now; Angeline had made it crystal clear with the dozen or so calls to the social services, yesterday. They were gonna be here in two days! Bugger... I was totally caught.

So perhaps... DOOOM had been the right sentiment to wake up to.

At any rate I grabbed the first thing I could find in my abandoned duffle bag on the floor, a big baggy hoody, green my favourite. Pulling it on, I said the first thing on my mind "Hang on Arty, don't be such a prude!?"

He stopped and eyed my ensemble with disdain I looked down to stare at my bare and frightfully pale legs. "Oh whatever Angeline is taking me shopping anyway..." I said angrily, "Though I really don't want her to..." Seriously the woman was like a ball of cheer on two legs.

His only reply was "I'm not being prude, merely observing decent behaviour."

Uh-huh... Sure Arty... Translation: 'I'AM A PRUDE! I'M A PRUDE!! MAKE FUN OF ME!'

He still hadn't answered me about the weird clothes he was wearing, plus he need some major teasing so I did the only thing I could, I asked him "So what's the clothes for Arty?"

He replied somewhat hesitantly, at least he was looking at me now... "I was going to go... riding..."

Oh. Going riding was he... his name may not be snotty-rich boy material but his actions sure were. He was so going to get it for that smirk yesterday. I saw him, snickering away as Angeline showed me the horror of all horrors...my new pink room!

"Don't worry Arty... I wake up screaming every day..." I said nonchalantly, as I began to walk around the room. "Pretty comfy are they?" I nodded at his clothes. Get all uppity about my clothes would ya? I glanced at him coyly, staring particularly at those oh so tight trousers; boy was he hot under the collar. Heehee...

"Yes...well..." He seemed to be madder with himself than me, Pssh... Probably 'cause he had no comeback.

"I think I'll just leave" and he made a bolt for the door. But guess what so did I and your probably wondering who got there first? Yeah... That would be me. Score.

Arty: 0 Missy: 1

I put my arms behind my head "What's the rush?"

"I believe you are in state of undress and I'm not comfortable with that, therefore I wish to leave." He deadpanned. Well at least he was blunt about it, but seriously he was like something out of the Eighteenth Century, all 'Excuseth me and if it pleaseth thee and la dee daa...' Talk normally child...

"Like I said ... PRUDE..." I stuck out my tongue. His face looked like it was going to explode. Jesus... that looked like this picture of me on my sixth birthday, when I lost my first checkers game!

I sighed and moved out of the door way "Go on then..." I motioned with my hand "Run off to your ponies now, Arty" Seriously someone should be writing this down!

Arty: 0 Missy: 2

He seemed to calm down some and then a cold look came into his eye. We stared at each other for a split second; an electric tension filled the room. I broke eye contact first, the poor boy needed a break... hehe...yeah that's it. It wasn't the fact that his eyes were unnerving me at all.

He walked up to the door but instead of walking out he stood there beside me, turning to me he said "Refrain from calling me Arty, Miss O'Shea"

Oh it was sooo on. "Don't call me Miss O'Shea" I retorted "It's Miss Fowl to you..." I paused "Say... You can even call me Artemis Fowl if you want." I winked. SO what if I was pushing it, I needed something to push.

"Well then refer t me as the same, Miss Fowl" he said albeit with a killer scowl, before walking straight out and down the stairs.

Miss Fowl?

That left me with shivers, good or bad I'm not sure...

What the hay? I decided as I pulled on purple leg warmers and my pumps. Who cared what my name was? This was gonna be fun! No-one was home and I was going to be able to explore the house at my ease, who knows what kinda valuable items this place had... Starting with Arty's room- my stomach grumbled- starting with the kitchen hehe... then an expedition through the house.

After all the day before yesterday began with a frying pan on my toe and ended with the life change of a whole new family. I woke up this morning believing I had fornicated with the queer...So this day was probably gonna be a blast!

I mean, who was counting but it was already like, Arty: 2, Missy: 10, who knew what could happen next!?

But you see I was taking on Artemis Fowl, which in itself was like a suicide mission armed only with a banana, sadly I was armed with nothing, not even rudimentary knowledge on my rival. Come back to me in a bit... you'll see how Arty got his own back. Because later on it's Missy: -10, Arty: 50,000!!!

Like I said…Shiite....

Normal Pov

Tara, Fairy Shuttle Port

Appearing out from behind a bush at McGranary's farm Captain Holly Short activated her new wings, but not before vibrating out of the visible spectrum of vision. She watched at the sun rose into the sky, spreading its inky peach fingers into the clouds. It took her breath away even as she rose with it, higher and higher into the air, buffeted by thermals.

The cool morning air rinsed her lungs, purer the higher she went, than anywhere else on earth, well except for Haven. She calculated her flight time and stay time and if she stuck to plan, she could be back underground before evening but of course all plans are wasted on fate or rather the annoying voice in her head, now louder than ever. She tried to bat it away again like last time but it just wouldn't go! Alarmed she shook her head.

"Hello! Earth to Holly, have you floated out of the stratosphere?" burst the voice of Foaly through her ear piece. Oops...too many voices... she really was going mad.

"Yeah...yeah I'm here..." she slowed down her wings.

"Yeesh on cloud nine are we?" He teased.

"What is it?"

"You plan on staying the night or what? There's no way you can do the ritual now..."

'D'Arvit!' She thought.

Foaly seemed to hear her sentiments because the next thing he said was "Don't worry I'm not just checking up on you, there a little job, that's cropped up for you..."

"Uh-huh..." Holly rolled her eyes, setting her wings to hover and cocking her head to one side as if to listen.

"We have this gnome in Paris you see..."

"And..."

"By the name of Hester...illegal aboveground visa... and he ODed on his meds and now seems to think his main goal in life is to marry one of the seven dwarves of Snow White."

"You're kidding me..."

"I kid you not. And he's male to boot!" Foaly answered in mirth.

"The dwarf?" Holly's eyes narrowed behind her visor.

"Well yes the Snow White exhibit at Disney land Paris does have all male dwarves but no I meant the Gnome..."

Holly sighed changing her trajectory. "Great now I'm queer control..." She knew would hear Foaly's chuckle for the next several years after that...anytime a gnome was mentioned.

Opening the throttle as wide as possible she made a beeline towards her temporary mission. These were new Dexi-Wings courtesy of Foaly, as he had quoted "You can break the sound barrier with these babies!"

"Well then let's test 'em out..." Holly muttered picking up her speed as the wind blew warmer.

"If I'm not at Fowl manor by noon my name isn't Holly Short!" was all she said to Foaly before terminating the connection. And the funny thing was, her name was Holly Short.

Lilly: OMG! I'm on schedule! I have finished typing this chapter up before the update date!! ^-^ I'm so proud of myself!

Laurry: Don't forget this is the Easter Holidays... but really Lilly I'm proud of you too! You are actually studying! I mean you've never studied in your life... EVER!

Lilly: Aw shucks...Laurry... (Sigh) I do try you know...^-^

Laurry: Well what do you think peoples?

Lilly: Do review and tell us what this chapter was like for you? How did it make you feel? Did it make you feel happy? Did it make you feel sad? Or did it make you feel like a muffin?

Laurry: We really want to know? So review with some good constructive critique and when Lilly's a big million dollar making author she'll send you some royalties...ahehehe if she can find you that is...^-^

Lilly: COCONUTS!! XD!!!!! I wanna take a ride on your disco stick! Let's have some fun! This beat is sick! (Sings Lady Gaga at the top of her lungs)