Yes, go on. Talk as if I wasn't there, I'm only knocked out, potentially comatose... Flirt even, see if I care!! Hey wait! Stop manhandling meee! I'm fragile!!

Chapter 8: That Leetle Sitch

Fowl Manor, Bedroom, Artemis Fowl II

Holly came to groggily. Her head buzzed and her knees stung from where she had fallen on them before falling face flat on the ground. But of course she didn't realise that.

She groaned and rolled over, the remnants of a dream chasing themselves around her. It had been the strangest dream too, there had been two Artemises.

Bah! As if she should be dreaming about Fowl. The boy was enough trouble as it was in life, never mind dreaming up his shenanigans.

Holly opened her eyes and blinked as the bright light of the afternoon sun dilated her pupils.

What?

She was aboveground?

She had been unconscious, aboveground!?

Spurred into action by that thought she rolled over with military precision onto all fours. She crouched looking around herself warily and noted not without some confusion that she was on a thick Tunisian rug. And that was when she noticed Artemis, lying flat on his back, mere centimetres away.

She looked around and found herself in his bedroom.

Again. What!?

"D'Arvit." She cursed propelling herself to her feet.

No really, what?

She leaned over Artemis cautiously to get a better view and then swore again, much more loudly and sprang away from the teen's body. Warily she approached the form again, nudging It with her feet and simultaneously pulling out her neutrino.

Looking down again more closely at It she noted that this clearly wasn't Artemis, however eerily it might resemble him. Wait... The It was a girl. A girl with a freakishly similar face to Artemis Fowl.

Holly sucked in a huge breathe not sure whether to scream or swear.

"Please don't shout however much I want you to Mother would be terribly upset if you did." A voice said from behind her making her jump.

Whipping around she saw Artemis standing in the doorway, the real Artemis this time, looking for all the world quite sheepish. A glass of water held in one hand. Pointing her gun at the girl on the floor Holly growled "Talk mudboy."

"It's nice to see you too Holly."

"You're stalling..." She raised a definitive auburn eyebrow in response as he silently offered her the glass of water. Downing the glass in one go the elf fixed Artemis with a glare. "Now... What exactly is going on?"

"Are you sure you don't want to sit down... you did just faint after all..." Though his voice was perfectly polite with no hint of wit, Holly couldn't help but notice how he turned his face away. Was that a smirk?

"Artemis! Just get to the point!" She growled out, glaring daggers and folding her arms. She wasn't angry she told herself but the truth was that... yeah... She kinda was. Actually she was majorly pissed off! It wasn't every day that Holly fainted. Her brief stint of unconsciousness was causing her no end of embarrassment but she'd die before she admitted it to the mudboy.

Inwardly huffing she continued to glare at the boy as if he was some form of offensive life form. Which he kinda was. Hmm...

Artemis sighed. "The point is that, this irksome creature that we are looking at is indeed Artemis Fowl. Though loath I am to say it..." His shoulders seemed to slump.

Holly stared at the girl on the ground, then up at Artemis, then back to the girl. She blinked and turned her head to the side.

Finally she asked "Did you clone yourself?" Then she looked down again and stated rather hopelessly "But it's a girl." Already the reasons for coming up to the surface to give-Artemis-a-piece-of-her-mind were fading away in to the nothingness of short term memory.

"No I didn't not clone myself Holly, the world isn't ready for that." Artemis said sitting down at the edge of his bed facing her so that the girl lay on the girl between them.

"Two Artemises? It was never ready for you." Holly muttered. "So where did she come from? Who made her?"

"I didn't have anything to do with her creation!" Artemis protested and then blushed and had to look away to compose himself.

Holly narrowed her eyes, now she was more than curious. What was Artemis talking about? Eyebrows knitting together she stared at the girl again and suppressed a gasp at how much she resembled Artemis, it was highly disconcerting.

"Who is she?" Holly asked again slowly.

"She is my sister." Artemis replied gravely finding the statement just as surreal as the first time yet a little truer than the last.

Holly gave him a sharp look. "I thought your parents had twins when we were in limbo not-" She looked at Missy again. "Besides she's... your age..." Holly mumbled off, face scrunched in confusion as her neutrino arm lowered.

Artemis took in a breath and hesitantly began. He would tell Holly this because she was- what? She was his best friend, his closest friend. And besides he had to get used to it. Missy seemed to have already. "She- She's my half sister. It turns out that my father wasn't exactly... faithful."

"Oh."

They were both quite for a while. And then Holly said it again.

"Oh. Arty I'm so sorr-"

"There's no need. It was a one-off affair. My father was...was a different man then. There were difficult circumstances and alcohol. We only learned of her existence mere days ago." It came out in a slight rush but Artemis seemed easier now that it was all out. Then he added almost as an after though "He mother died recently."

Everything was quite for a while as they both absorbed that complication. Mothers it seemed were a touchy subject.

The Artemis broke the silence again. "At any rate Mother seems to adore her." And then his tone shifted "Apparently she's being adopted in two days."

He seemed not particularly overjoyed at the prospect Holly noted. She looked around as they almost fell into silence again.

"Well I better get going... Wouldn't want her to-to see me now would we..." She tried to smile but ended up trying not to cringe. The head of steam Holly had built up on the way there seemed to have condensed and then frozen stiff. She couldn't remember what she'd have for breakfast that morning much less why she'd been so livid with the genius.

"She already saw you, Holly." Artemis pointed out dryly.

"I can use the Mesmer. I haven't a blanket mind wipe kit with me." Holly offered but stopped when Artemis frown.

"I'm afraid it's a little more complicated... you are not all she saw."

"You're kidding me right?" Holly raised an eye brow.

"She seems to have gained access to my files..." The raven haired boy was still frowning.

"You're seriously kidding me right Arty? Please tell me you suddenly developed a freak sense of humour? And please... whatever you do... for fronds sake don't tell me..." She motioned to Missy with her green boot "Don't you dare tell me she's a genius too..."

"Well I wouldn't say that..." Artemis said slowly whether from the fact that Holly called him Arty or from the fact that he actually didn't want to admit to his half-sister being a genius. But when Holly just gave him a disbelieving look he backpedalled and tried to change the subject.

"Why exactly did you come here?"

Holly scowled and was tempted to say "No reason" But that would prompt more questions. Questions that she just wasn't ready to answer either to him or to herself.

Instead she countered "What I'd like to know is what you were doing rolling around on the floor??" She smirked.

Artemis seemed to stiffen and then his shoulders relaxed and he crossed his arms, the hint of a pout visible. "You know I'm not a violent person Holly, in all honesty I didn't do a thing. She decided that she would steal my clothes."

"And you started to wrestle over that?" Holly though her eyebrows would never comeback down.

"I really didn't instigate the fight, she takes offence at the simplest things..." Artemis closed his eyes, feigning innocence.

Holly had an insane urge to laugh suddenly, it was so... different, so refreshing to see Artemis having such stupidly normal experiences, But before she could follow through with the thought or laugh for that matter, she was spared by the sudden beeping of her helmet.

She picked it up off the floor and Foaly's voice, on loud speaker asked "Holly? Are you there? My sensors tell me that you just fell unconscious? Holly?"

Grinding her teeth Holly spit out "Thanks for noticing..." The fainting episode was still a sore subject.

"Sorry Holly, I only just checked up on you, we seem to have a little bit of a situation here!"

Holly was all ears. "What?"

"You have orders to report back straight away, the E1 Ports been cleared, you're to bring Fowl with you."

"Why? Why bring him?" She wondered as Artemis raised an eyebrow and discreetly glanced at Missy.

"Orders Holly, I'll brief you in the shuttle."

Staring at Artemis Holly sighed "Alright I'll bring them both..."

There was silence for a total of two seconds before Foaly's whiny came through again "Excuse me? Both?"

"Yeah... Both Artemises are coming. Apparently we need to mind wipe one of them." Holly ground out half irate half exasperated.

Foaly was lost "What?" he said again stupidly, making Artemis snigger inwardly. Holly switched on the camera for her helmet and pointed to Missy on the floor and then to Artemis calmly sitting on his bed and staring back.

"We seem to have a little situation here too Foaly. Do you see what I see?"

A moment later came the intrigued reply "Hm... Seeing is not believing..."

And then "My thermal scanners detect three people in that room. Who...Is that?"

"Artemis Fowl the second and a half it seems..." Artemis said wearily, speaking up for the first time. "And she'd in terrible need of a through mind wipe."

"Oh great! Just great!" Foaly moaned before quickly demanding "Right well get down here kids... we don't have all centaury." And then he terminated the link.

Putting her helmet down suddenly Holly blinked and pointed at Missy "Why?" She asked "Is she wearing your clothes?"

Artemis could have groaned instead he stood up and simply said "I suggest you ask her when she wakes..."

Holly rolled her eyes but asked "Well then you better get her normal clothes or something... your clothes get pretty itchy after a while mudboy. I know I had to wear them remember?" and with that she crouched down beside Missy and pulled out a moon belt which she then tie around the girls waist.

Muttering about how 'The girl wanted to wear his itchy clothes in the first place...' Artemis dragged himself into his closet where he found a purple back pack on the floor, the green shirt Missy had been wearing earlier spilled out of it. Exasperated he picked it up and walked back out to see Holly grinning ear to ear, holding an end of the belt out to him.

"Strap up Arty... It's gonna be a bumpy ride..."

Suddenly Artemis felt a shiver run through him, all the way down to his toes. And it had nothing to do with the fact that he would soon be a lot higher above sea level than he was comfortable with or that he would be sharing the impromptu journey with One-twenty pounds of dead weight, his sister. No, Artemis shivered for a completely different reason.

Arty.

"Well are you coming or not?" Holly asked cocking an eyebrow.

Loath though he was for his resolution to be tested so soon after having made it, Artemis shook himself and moved forward to take the length of belt from Holly. What a soap opera the young genius's life had become, what with long lost siblings, unfaithful husbands and angry women...

Artemis sighed for what felt like the umpteenth time and decide to just let the chips fall where they may.

For the time being of course.

He just needed to see all the pieces before he could do something about it.

Lilly: Yes you have full permission to brutally slaughter me for making you wait so long for such a short crappy chapter.

Laurry: But remember that if you do that then she won't actually be able to finish the story.

Lilly: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm just a lazy ass author who's suffering from minor writers block!

Laurry: But it's the Summer Holidays now and that means ample time to type and plot and all those others things she does while writing these fics...

Lily: I have a tiny excuse however!! I've been on Holiday.. OH AND I've been working on some Naruto fics... yes sadly this fic may soon become my secondary project! But I PROMISE!! I will finish this story!! Believe it!!

Laurry: Yeah review...most gracious apologies for Lilly's total Narutard-ness...=.='