Chapter 15
The following nights were filled with the theatre, the ballet, concerts, museums, and dinners with friends that were new to me, and centuries old to Eric. Fallon and Marius came to Meshra's every night. We spent one rainy evening indoors where I solidly beat everyone at chess except for Meshra. She was an exceptional chess player and I had to concede my queen a fair number of times. During the days, I wandered Paris, practicing my French on people patient enough to let me. Bobby and I walked the streets, shopping, taking pictures and scouting out new things for Eric and me to do at night.
I was on a first name basis with Mrs. Auberge who ran the café downstairs from the apartment. The evening staff at the Hotel de Londres Eiffel recognized us as the newlyweds from Louisiana and waved whenever we made our frenzied way up to room 20. Every late afternoon, I would call Jason and check in with him. He said things were running smoothly at Ravenwood, and that he hoped we didn't mind if he had a few friends over. I told him that would be fine and that I missed him. It was the most incredible three weeks of my life.
Eric told me that we could stay as long as we liked, but that he'd have some business to attend to if we were going to stay much longer than a month. I told him I was ready to get back to Ravenwood and settle in to my new life. Eric said he had one more surprise for me our last week. Marius and Fallon were coming to dinner at Meshra's and we were going to be saying our farewells. I was very sad to be saying goodbye to my new family. It was the best feeling in the world to have Fallon to laugh with, and Marius making jokes about Meshra's adventures with Lord Malbec. Eric was so relaxed and a part of me was worried that the feelings of calm would wear off when we got back to America. We still didn't know who had tried to kill Eric. I couldn't believe that Quinn would do something that awful, even if he was a jerk.
Marius arrived first, and kissed me at the door. He and I had come to an understanding, and I thought maybe he knew that Eric had told me about his relationship with Pam. After Marius stopped being charming, he was really a decent guy. I wondered briefly about sending Pam to Europe to track him down again, but that was probably a little jealousy talking.
Fallon rushed in a few minutes later, she seemed more frantic than usual, as if she was worried that she was late for something. I hugged her and kissed each of her cheeks. France was really growing on me.
Meshra lit candles and turned on music, she'd made them promise to eat before they came so I wouldn't feel left out or uncomfortable. Eric fed from me, and I had a few sips of Royalty to fend off the shakiness. I wasn't as dependent upon it as we'd feared, but Eric said it couldn't hurt for me to stop taking his blood for a while. We sat down on the floor, as had become the ritual. Meshra had huge silk pillows that we'd pile up on the floor and sit. She'd start off remembering something and then we'd take a turn talking about our own experiences in the world. Some of Marius and Eric's stories were the funniest things I'd ever heard. There had been a time when Eric and Marius got into pranks and practical jokes, and Meshra said that she and Fallon nearly cried laughing so hard the time that Eric locked Marius in his coffin and he had had to kick his way out. When they found him, he had one leg sticking out, kicking at the air. Marius had gotten Eric back by shortening all of Eric's pants by 5 inches. I laughed until my face hurt.
Meshra, who was sitting on my left, took my hand suddenly and placed the diamond necklace in it.
"Darling daughter, I want you to have this. It looks more magnificent on you than it ever looked on me, and I just want you to know that I love you. I wish you and Eric a happy life together." She kissed each of my cheeks, and I realized then that I'd missed having a mother more than I'd known. I thanked her, and told them I'd miss them all.
"Cara mia, we can come to visit you, provided the Sheriff, as you Americans call them, will permit me to enter your area." Marius winked at Eric and he smiled.
"You can come any time you want, but you will have to do at least three nights work at Fangtasia."
"Alas, it has been a pleasure knowing you but I cannot do that." We laughed because we knew that Marius was exaggerating. I hoped that they would come to visit us, it would bring a little of France home to Ravenwood. Fallon looked as if she had been trying to get my attention all evening. I told everyone that I needed to go to the kitchen and asked Fallon if she would help me. I extended my hand to help her stand, and she and I went into the kitchen.
"What did you need help with, Sookie?" I sat down at the kitchen table and motioned for her to sit.
"Honey, I can tell that you have been trying to catch my eye all evening, what's going on?" She looked down at her folded hands and back up at me.
"I don't want you to leave. Having you here has been the most wonderful thing that has happened to our family. My brothers are getting along, I finally have someone to talk to, Meshra is happy that Eric has had her blood, so now she feels as if he's really hers. It's just been really good to have you here. Do you guys have to leave?"
"Well, it's not that we have to leave, it's that well, Eric has a business to run and I have to…." Well, what did I have to do? I really did want to go back to Ravenwood, but I didn't have any pressing obligations to return to. Maybe Eric and I should stay in Paris.
"Would you consider coming to see us in Louisiana?"
"I would think about it, but my doctor would need to come with me. I, I really don't know. If Marius would come with me, or if Meshra would come, maybe."
"Fallon, how's your treatment coming?"
"My doctor and I are trying to figure out if there's something I can eat that won't make me sick. I feed and then right after, I get horribly sick. I have cramps and I throw up and it hurts. Type A blood is less painful to me, but it isn't much better. I've been searching for centuries for a blood that won't make me ill. I've tried all manner of animal blood, and I just can't seem to find the one that will make me feel normal. My brothers talk about how good they feel, how strong and sated. I never feel that. I feel horrible after every meal. I'm just sick of it." Her eyes welled up and I hugged her. I got her a paper towel. It was hard to believe that she was older than Eric, because as old as she was, she was such a young spirit. She put her head on my shoulder and cried. "I don't want you to go. You're the only one who believes me that there is something wrong. I'm not even sure if my own mother believes me."
"Fallon, honey, would you consider letting a human doctor take a look at you? I know you all are afraid of human doctors, but your vamp doctor hasn't been able to help you in how many years? I just want you to get better. You can come stay with us anytime you want, I would love to spend more time with you. And Eric would love that too. Maybe you'd be happier someplace else, maybe America would be good for you. I wish I understood why you're hurting so badly. Has someone been hurting you?" She cried harder and I waited for her to talk. She hadn't ever been able to tell Marius or Eric any of this because they didn't take her seriously. I smoothed her hair and waited until she was ready to talk. I felt her hiccup a little and she wiped her eyes.
"I want to tell you want happened to me, but I don't want you to judge me. Promise me you won't."
"I swear, Fallon. I swear. You're safe. You can tell me anything you want." I stood up and wet another paper towel. I crouched in front of her, wiped the drying blood from her cheeks and held her hands in mine.
"When I was a human girl, my father did things to me that he shouldn't have. I couldn't tell my mother because you didn't tell anyone that that sort of thing was happening to you; you kept your mouth shut. I became pregnant and he forced me out of our village. I never saw my mother or sisters again. I wandered around for a few nights looking for food and trying to stay warm; I was picked up by an enemy tribe passing through our area. The men did things to me not realizing that I was pregnant, but at least I was alive.
One night, while they were being especially brutal to me, a woman wandered into the village. She killed all of the men and took me from them. It was Meshra. She saved me from them. I had the baby a little early, but he was healthy and he was mine.
At the time, I couldn't understand why I only saw Meshra at night, but then, one night, she told me what she was, and she offered it to me. I told her that I didn't want to become vampire, I had a child to care for. She said that I could travel with her as long as I kept her safe during the day. She would keep the baby and me safe at night. We met up with her lover Titus and his son, Marius in Russia. We stayed there together for nearly two years. I would run errands for them during the day, and they would make sure that my son and I had food and shelter. I thought it was perfect, but then Appius Livius Ocella came and things were bad again. He would tell Meshra that he would make sure that I was safe for the evening and everyone would leave. He raped me every night for weeks. I was horribly afraid of him, as he kept telling me that he would kill my son if I said anything to Meshra. Titus found out that he was hurting me and he asked Appius to leave. That night, Appius drained me, intending to kill me. Titus found me and turned me because Meshra had become attached to me. Appius stole my son and I never saw him again.
Meshra was furious, not only because it meant that we didn't have a daytime person to help us find safe sleeping, but because she had promised to protect me and I didn't want to be turned. I didn't want that one thing the most in the world, and she couldn't do anything about it. The one thing that she promised me was that if I ever decided that I was tired of living she would take care of me herself. I was a liability, and it's to her credit that she stayed with me. Titus was called back to Rome and Meshra, Marius and I went to Russia.
Marius took care of me until I was stronger and better able to care for myself, but I had trouble adjusting to drinking blood. It has always made me sick. I survived by drinking cows and goats for a short time. I don't remember much about this time, but Appius showed up at our door with Eric. I can't tell you the rest. I don't remember." She put her hands to her eyes and shook her head violently.
I had been crying the whole time she was telling me how awful her life had been. I stood and put my arms around her. No wonder she was an emotional wreck. Her life, and that of her child's had been stolen from her.
Eric came in, sensing that I was upset. He saw Fallon crying and hugged us both.
"What's going on, Angel?"
"Fallon's been telling me about how she came to live with Meshra. She's pretty upset. I'm thinking she may need your mom."
"No, no, I'm okay." She sobbed. "I-I," She began crying again and I slid out of Eric's arms so that he could hold his sister.
"Shhh, Fallon. What's the matter?"
"Why can't I remember? What happened when you came to live with us?" Eric stooped so that he could look her in the eyes. He wiped her cheeks with his thumbs. It was a tender gesture that caused my heart to swell with love for him.
"Appius had to leave, remember? His maker was killed and he went to council in Germany to appeal to them to avenge his maker's murder." Marius came in, and the mood of the room changed suddenly.
"That's not what happened at all. We didn't tell you any of this because it was mostly your fault."
"My fault how?" Eric was becoming angry and I could sense his building frustration with Marius.
"The things that happened to her. They were because of that demon father of yours. If you'd never come to live with us, this wouldn't have happened."
Marius led Fallon out into the salon, and Eric followed him.
"My father has absolutely nothing to do with her being fucked up, and you know it." I followed them out to the salon and noticed that Meshra was not in the room.
"He has everything to do with it. You don't know what he did to her before you were even born. He raped her and stole her child, Eric." Marius held Fallon protectively, and Eric ran his fingers through his hair.
"And no one thought to tell me any of this? No one cared enough to tell me that my maker had done these things to my sister?"
"Have you ever given any thought as to why she is the way she is? No, you haven't. You took off to America and left her with us. You've been off playing Sheriff while Meshra and I worry every evening that she is becoming more and more self-destructive. I wish mother had had the guts to kill you."
"Try it now, Marius if you want me dead. Be a man and do it yourself."
"Fuck you, I have to take care of our sister."
"Oh, you're such a fucking martyr. She's perfectly capable of taking care of herself, you two baby her and won't let her grow up."
"Stop it! Stop yelling. I hate when the two of you fight. You're just alike. Neither of you cares what is really wrong with me. Eric, you think it is funny that I cannot eat. You mock me with your eye rolling and your jokes. And Marius, he's right. Stop treating me as if I am a doll. I want to be a grown up woman. I want to find love, and I want to be on my own. You are both suffocating me with your egos. I cannot stand it anymore. I can't stand that I can't remember and I can't stand that I can't forget!" She collapsed to the floor and I ran to her side. Meshra ran in.
"What is going on in here? Someone tell me maintenant." By her expression I took that to mean now.
We all sat on the floor on the big pillows in front of Meshra. I asked if they would like me to leave since this seemed like serious family business, but Meshra demanded that I stay.
"My children, how I have worked to shield you from these awful things. We should have dealt with this sooner, perhaps. But here we are." She took a deep breath for effect. "I have resisted telling you these things, hoping they would sort themselves out, but alas, they have not. I did what I did because I love you." She looked at her children, as she spoke. "I have loved each and every one of you, so much. I was angry when Titus turned you Fallon, but I was angry with myself, not him. I had sworn to you on my honor that you would not be turned and my actions led to you being turned anyway.
As you all know, Titus, their father was my lover. He was the great love of my life. But what you don't know Eric and Fallon is that Marius is my natural child. Titus and I created a child together. Marius is one of the few vampires in the world who was born this way. To my knowledge there are only five or six others in existence, all with mixed blood; vampire and either angel or fairy. Titus and I had a tempestuous relationship at times and we would split up for decades.
I met Appius in Greece one hundred years before I'd met Titus; he and I had been nest mates and lovers. Years later, when Titus and I were bonded in a way that we call marriage today, I turned to Appius at a time when Titus and I were separated and he took over our nest. He insisted that I get rid of Fallon. I told him that I never would, that I had sworn on my honor. Titus kept telling me that he knew something was happening to you, that you were being harmed, and I didn't listen to him. I was blind to Appius, and he hurt you. I'm so sorry for that. Appius tried to kill you, and Titus spared you because I loved you so. We sent Appius away, and as young as he was, Marius took charge of your care." Fallon nodded as if she remembered that part. Marius stroked her hair.
"Things were good for about two-hundred years. Titus, Marius, Fallon and I lived in Russia, then China, and I made the mistake of wanting to go back to Italy. I could tell that Marius and Titus were pining away for home. We glamoured a family into giving up their home along the coast, and we lived comfortably until Appius came. He had young Eric with him. Eric, you were about seven years vampire at the time. This will be very hard for all of you to hear, but I want you to understand that I did what I had to do.
Eric was being abused. Appius was absolutely brutal to you, I know. I know what you were made to do and I was disgusted. You were so afraid to speak up, to defend yourself. You responded to the slightest affections much like a dog that has been beaten. You were languishing under his tutelage. Oh how he hated you. You were so beautiful, and you were such a skillful hunter and so eager to please your maker. He tried to crush that wonderful spirit of yours. I couldn't understand why he despised you so, but he brought you to me and asked me to destroy you. I was horrified. I couldn't understand why he would make such a magnificent vampire, then destroy him. I begged him to let me keep you instead. I didn't know why he wouldn't destroy you himself if he really intended to do it. But his real motives became clear. He used you, Eric, as a wedge between Titus and me.
Titus told me I had to get rid of you because Fallon came undone. You smelled like Appius, and your mannerisms were like his, as was your coarse nature at first. She hid in the forest for weeks at a time, afraid that you would harm her the way that your father had. Marius became overly protective of his sister, and the two of you fought viciously." She turned to Marius and said, "Do you remember this, Marius?" He nodded. "Titus and Marius took Eric back to Appius and insisted that he take responsibility for his mistakes. You must understand that I didn't see Eric as a mistake. Appius refused to take Eric back. He said that if we didn't take you, you would be abandoned and he would let you die. I couldn't let you die, you looked so much like my lovely son Marius. I was arrogant enough to think that I could raise three vampires at one time and give you each the love and attention that you deserved.
Well, Titus wasn't going to be bullied by Appius, he felt so much guilt at turning you Fallon, it was killing him inside. Marius has told me that Appius struck him, and that there was a struggle. Do you remember any of this Eric?" Eric had not looked up from our entwined hands the whole time she was speaking. I leaned close to him, sensing his turmoil.
"During the struggle, Titus was killed. Marius, you came back to me with ashes on your hands, and I knew. If I could have died that night, I would have. I vowed to kill Appius myself. She looked at me, as if to ask if I understood her actions. "I was devastated, but I had three children to care for. I lured Appius to our home with the promise that I would be his. I'd intended to stake him in bed because I was older and faster than he. I waited until you children were hunting for the evening, and I let him have me one last time. He was so stupid that he believed that I would forgive him for what he had done. Fallon, when you came home, you saw me preparing to kill him and you staked him yourself."
"Then why don't I remember any of this?" She was shaking and Marius was having a hard time holding her still while Meshra spoke.
"Because I had a witch blot your memory of that time, you were hysterical. You deserved revenge and you got it, but it cost you dearly. It has cost us all dearly." She looked down and I could see that they were all upset. Eric's maker had wanted him dead, Marius had witnessed Eric's maker kill his own father. And poor Fallon had been at the center of all of this. I wished there was something that I could do to help, but I sat quietly trying not to interfere. Marius cleared his throat.
"Fallon, I'm sorry we couldn't tell you. You truly were a danger to yourself for several months. We had to help you if we were to keep you, and Meshra isn't the only one who became attached to you. You are my blood, and I would do whatever I had to, to protect you." He kissed her head and she nodded.
Eric stood and went to the windows. I didn't know what he was thinking but I knew Eric was struggling with the idea that his maker could leave him with someone else. Meshra stood and went to him. She slipped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his back. I excused myself to the bathroom and washed my face. My family troubles were nothing like theirs, and I felt like an intruder. I went down the hall and got a shawl. I would go for a walk to let them talk. I slipped out of the apartment and down the stairs. Eric must feel awful that his own maker wanted to kill him, and that all these centuries, he'd been treating his sister as if she was crazy. I walked downstairs to Gaudeamus, the café beneath Meshra's apartment and ordered a double gin and tonic.
I had picked up enough French to understand that the bartender thought that I was pretty, and that he wouldn't mind it if I got drunk enough to go home with him. I handed him my credit card with my left hand so that he could see the gold bands on my finger.
I sat at the bar watching the French evening news. From what I could make out, there was a sanitation strike impending which would leave the trash piling up around the public trash cans.
Eric came in and sat down on the stool next to me. The bartender suddenly took an interest in the customers at the other end of the bar.
"I'm really sorry about that."
"Don't be, honey. I just needed to give you guys some privacy. I feel really bad for you."
"Don't feel bad for me. I knew something must have happened to Appius considering he hadn't ever tried to contact me in one thousand years to ask me to do him any favors or loan him money. I had assumed that he must be dead. I just didn't know that my sister did it. If he raped her and stole her child, then he got what he deserved. I might have done the same to Titus if it had been necessary."
"How are they?" I sucked the ice in my glass and waved for the bartender to get me another double. He gave me a quick nod and replaced my glass.
"They will be fine. My sister has agreed to see a human doctor thanks to you. I apologized for not taking her seriously. We all would like to apologize to you for ruining our last evening in Paris. Meshra is especially sorry. But I'm not. I'm glad that we got it all out. It's kind of a shock for me to find out that Meshra gave birth to Marius after she was turned. I didn't know that was possible. But it explains why he feels I tried to replace him. I never understood his hostility up until now. Marius and I can go forward and they're going to let Fallon grow up. So, it's for the best." He took my hand and kissed it, "Lover, you are going to need me to carry you to the boat tonight, considering your condition." He was right, the suddenness of the alcohol and the amount hit me as I stood and he steadied me.
"Boat? What boat? Are we going on a boat?"
Eric threw ten Euros on the bar and picked me up. He carried me upstairs to Meshra's apartment where Bobby was waiting for us. He had arranged a short private flight for us, and to transport Eric's coffin. Lisette had packed our things and Meshra, Marius and Fallon were in a row waiting to kiss and hug us. I felt a lump growing in my throat as I leaned in to hug Fallon. When I'd first come here three weeks ago, I was expecting a brat like Frannie Quinn, or worse. What I'd found was a sweet, misunderstood vampire who brought out the gentle side of my husband. I wiped my eyes and she laughed at my clear tears.
'You come see us, okay?' I'm going to hold you to it. Take care of yourself, Fallon." She kissed each of my cheeks and I kissed her back. Meshra pulled me into her arms and I gave her a big hug. "Meshra, you have been so good to me. Thank you."
"You take care of each other. Love each other, and be happy. Thank you for bringing love and life back to this house." She kissed me and I smiled at her. Eric hugged her tightly.
"Meshra, my beautiful mother, thank you for your blood, thank you for giving us a home, and thank you for not turning me away when Appius wanted me dead." She kissed him on both of his cheeks and he kissed her cheeks. "I mean it, mom, thank you for giving me a family."
"I love you, son. I have always loved you and I always will."
Eric held Fallon quietly and didn't say anything for a long time. Tears streamed down her cheeks and Eric smiled at her. "Take care, Fallon. And when you are well, you come stay with us."
"I will, thank you Eric. Thank you for being my brother."
My nose began running and Marius handed me his handkerchief.
"Oh, Marius, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make such a mess of your handkerchief." I hugged him tightly, and he whispered into my ear in his thick Italian accent that he would taste me yet. I laughed and he kissed my wet cheeks.
"See, cara mia. That is a start, no? Eric, tell me is her blood as sweet as in my dreams?"
"No, Marius, she is sweeter than that." He smiled and slapped Marius on the back. "Come see me. I have missed you, and I really would like to see you again soon."
"I will, brother, I will. Maybe Fallon and I will come to this palazzo you call Ravenwood and have blood, and wine." He nodded to me. "Eric, I know that there has been trouble for you in America, so please be careful there, I do not wish to hear from our mother that you have met an untimely end. You are stubborn and proud, but you must be smart. Do not leave anything to chance. I tell you this as your big brother and nest mate. If you must hire extra security, do so. Sookie, do not let him be so proud that he does not take precautions."
"I promise, Marius." I waved as I began to walk out the door.
"Marius, cool it. You're scaring Sookie, I'll be fine. I just got caught off guard, but it won't happen again." He stared at Marius for a moment and I could tell that during that instant, they were saying goodbye not only to each other, but to the past that had divided them for so long. "You take care of mom and Fallon, okay?" Marius nodded and I saw a tear slip from his eyes. Eric pulled him into a hug and they held on. I went down the stairs to wait for him, sad to be leaving my family behind. When Eric caught up with me, he had streaks of blood on his cheeks, and I reached up to wipe them away.
"You made quite an impression, young lady. They love you."
"I love them. Eric, thank you for giving me a family. I missed it.
"So did I. He took my hand and we climbed into our awaiting limousine.
It was quiet on the street near St. Etienne, but as we drove toward Rue de la Montagne, the streets got busier. I had wandered these streets to the point that I knew each shop at each corner. I could live here very easily and within a few months, I could be fluent in French. Bobby pointed out a café on Boulevard Saint-Germain where I'd tried snails. Eric smiled at the stories that we'd told him about our daytime exploits.
I tried to absorb each of these moments because I didn't know when I'd be back to Paris. Eric too, sat quietly looking out the window. I had seen Meshra whispering something to him just before we left and I wondered if he was feeling all right. I held his hand and he smiled.
"Marius, who is usually a selfish bastard, has lent us the use of his yacht for a week. We are headed to Monte Carlo, to get you some of that precious sunshine that you so dearly love, and to cure me of my need to be absolutely and totally alone with the most beautiful girl in the world."
"Not cure forever, I hope."
"Never, my love. Never."