mxpw's Author's Note: We've received a lot of feedback that this story is a lot like moo's Second Chance, which is honestly a bit puzzling. The stories cover entirely different topics, and it's a little insulting that just because a story has elements of angst and introspection, it's automatically lumped into a specific category. You have our word that this story will NOT be like Second Chance at all.
Also, we've been getting comments about how weak and lifeless Sarah seems in this tale, and that she's too depressed. We are merely presenting the same Sarah that was given to us in canon for the first episodes of season three. Please give us a chance. I promise you, things are about to get very, very different.
moo's Author's Note: Hmm, I'm still hanging out at the library and getting mxpw to do my dirty work. While I'm flattered at the comparisons to 2C I don't feel the premises are similar. Especially not when there's (cover your eyes) sham. Thanks for reading!
Chapter 5:
Chuck hurries down the hall, trying to catch up with Carina, and all the while doing his best to put the confrontation with Sarah out of his mind. Already the voices in his head are clamoring over one another for a chance to be heard and he's not sure that would be a good idea at the moment.
Sarah's crazy if she thinks they can go back to being friends.
They need more time. A lot more time.
Chuck gives a sigh of relief when he realizes that Carina's still in the building. He races down the stairs, catching a glimpse of her perfect silhouette as it round the corner.
"Carina, wait!" Chuck stumbles to pull even with her, a movement in perfect contrast to the woman's fluid strides.
She slows and leans a hip against the wall, looking not in the least surprised.
"Hey, Chuckles, what's up?"
Chuck rolls his eye. What's up? Is that all she has to say for herself?
"What the hell was that back there?" he seethes. It comes off more harshly than he intends, but the memory of Carina's words and the unbidden images of Sarah and Shaw together have already started to poison every aspect of his judgment.
Carina's said things in poor taste before but never like this.
The woman's eyes widen slowly and she bites her bottom lip. "I don't know what you mean," she says with a slight shake of the head. He might have bought the act if she didn't sound so obviously blasé.
"Don't give me that crap, Carina." Another wave of anger hits him unexpectedly and he feels compelled to crowd her personal space and force her to remove her placid façade.
It's certainly a gamble. He's well aware that Carina could kick his ass anytime she saw fit but then the emotions wash over him and he decides he really doesn't care.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about."
Carina shrugs. "I was just making conversation—honest. You've got it all wrong." Then she bats her stormy blue eyes at him and just like that, he can feel his anger fading away.
God damn her.
He laughs because it's the only thing he really can do.
"You're impossible, you know that?"
Carina smirks. "Yeah but you love me anyway." Chuck can tell she's pleased with herself; her eyes are too bright for her not to be.
"More like I haven't figured out a way to get rid of you yet—"
Carina suddenly grabs his tie and yanks him toward her, threatening to strangle him in the process. Pitching forward with both arms out, Chuck struggles to find his balance again. One palm ends up flat against the wall and the other…
"Uh…"
Carina presses his other palm flat against her chest, right between her breasts.
Chuck swallows and all the air in the room seems to have escaped at that precise moment. Milliseconds later, when he's regained control of his higher senses, he tries to do the honorable thing and pull away, but Carina's got a firm grip and unless he wants to use the Intersect, there's little he can do without making a fool of himself.
Resigned to letting the redhead play out her game, he looks down both sides of the vacant hallway and sincerely prays no one walks in on them.
"Carina, what are you doing?" he asks.
"Making sure you can feel my heart breaking."
Chuck frowns and Carina's grip slackens. He pulls his hand away immediately and keeps both behind his back just in case.
"You have a heart?" he asks, looking dubious.
Carina stiffens and she gives him a withering glare. It's potent enough to make all the flowers in the hall shrivel up and die and Chuck's just barely spared a similar fate.
"I'm sorry," he says and runs his now free hand through his hair. "That was uncalled for."
"You're right," she agrees. "It was."
They stare at one another and now he has no idea what they're talking about.
"I'm tired of playing your games, Carina. Please, just stop."
Carina sighs and moves a little closer, removing the distance between them once again. "Everyone plays games, Chuck. I'm just better at them than everybody else."
Chuck's eyes narrow slightly and he's forced to take in a deep whiff of Carina's perfume as she takes another step closer. The scent of her is intoxicating; a potent mixture of dark desire and even darker designs.
He shakes his head and steps away from her, putting some much needed distance between them.
"You made me a promise," he reminds, putting a cautious hand on her shoulder to keep her at bay.
Carina rolls her eyes and looks personally affronted. "Oh come on! I make a few comments and suddenly I'm misbehaving?" She shakes her head and leans back against the wall, arms crossed in front. "Get the stick out of your ass already."
Chuck clenches his fist to stop himself from doing something regrettable. "You wanna torture me, fine. But do it on your own time and do it when she's not here."
Carina shakes her head at him. "You're blind, you know that?"
Chuck waits for Carina to explain herself, but when she says nothing further, he has no choice but to take the bait.
"What do you mean by that?"
Carina shrugs. "You'll figure it out." A beat. "Eventually." She stares at him. "Probably."
Fine, whatever. Just more of Carina's games. "Look, just promise me that you'll stop with all the comments, okay?"
"Cross my heart," she says, her fingers crossing across her chest, "hope to die, stick a needle in my eye." She sticks out her tongue when she finishes.
Chuck laughs, he can't help it. "You never change, do you?"
"Who'd love me if I did?"
Chuck laughs quietly to himself and sidles up beside Carina, back against the wall. He runs a tired hand through his cropped hair and before he realizes it, the words are already tumbling out of his mouth.
"Seeing her again just brings it all back, you know?"
She nods. "I know." Her gentle tone is all the push he needs to keep talking.
"I thought it would be different. I thought I was doing better." He shakes his head and sighs. "It's almost like the last nine months didn't happen."
She nods again. "I know."
Chuck shakes his head. She couldn't possibly understand. "Why is Sarah here?" he asks, spurned by sudden frustration. "She could have refused the assignment."
Carina just shrugs and stares at the blank wall opposite of them. "Maybe she missed working with you."
Chuck scoffs. "Right. That's why she had to leave Burbank." He shakes his head. "The thing is…I don't know…I was never spy enough for her. I was never good enough. So why the hell is she back?"
Carina looks at him curiously. "Is that what you really think?"
"Yes." He bangs his head back into the wall, the frustration fit to drive him insane. "No." He shakes his head. "I…I don't know."
Carina just nods. Truth be told, her lack of response is starting to unnerve him. It's just not Carina if she's not teasing or flirting or making sarcastic remarks.
It's just so…so…weird.
Still, now that all these feelings have come up, he can't very well suppress them.
"She told me we could be together once I became a spy. She told me it was the only way."
And he'd done everything in his power to make that happen. To make that a reality.
"She lied to me. I did what she wanted and then she left to be with him." He spits the last word out as if it were the vilest thing he's ever said.
His anger towards Carina feels trifle compared to the sort of rage he feels now. All the goodwill of his short détente with Sarah earlier dissipates and he'll admit it—he doesn't want her here, doesn't want to work with her, doesn't want to be near her at all.
Chuck is well aware of the powers one fatally beautiful blonde has over him. He knows he's only going to embarrass himself further and make an even more humiliating spectacle of himself the next times he opens his great big mouth.
He sighs. He doesn't need Carina to say it to know that it's not Sarah's fault she's here. She's just following orders; that's all. And it's not her fault she chose Shaw over him; she can't help who she cares for.
But all the understanding in the world won't take away the pain of standing alone at Union Station and realizing that she wasn't coming. He can burn every keepsake and lock away all the memories, but he can't deny that seeing her again has made all his attempts futile.
He wants her back.
Carina notices the exact moment when all his anger vanishes and his hopes deflate. She wraps a strong arm around his middle.
"Come on," she says. "Let's get you home. I think you need a nap."
The suggestion is a surprisingly good one. "Yeah," he agrees. "Thanks. That's a good idea."
She just hums as they walk slowly down the hallway. "You can thank me later."
Chuck laughs softly under his breath. "I'm not going to sleep with you, Carina."
Carina pouts a little. "Why do you automatically assume I mean sex?"
He looks at her as if to ask: Really? You really don't know?
"Huh." She clucks her tongue. "Good point."
Chuck leaves the office with a smile on his face.
Sarah isn't surprised when she sees Casey waiting for her outside the elevator. In fact she's a little surprised he didn't spring on her the second she landed in Rome—though, mind you, Carina has always been one step ahead of the game.
"It's still my job to protect him," he says without preamble and the unspoken addendum is clear: even from you.
"I know."
Casey grunts and leans one shoulder against the wall. His massive arms resemble large tree branches when he crosses them in front of his chest but she's not intimidated in the least. She doesn't bat an eyelash when he stares at her implacably. She's not afraid of him. He can break every bone in her body but he'll never be able to shatter her heart into a million little pieces. He'll never be able to reduce her to a humiliating, blubbering mess or wound her so deeply even the mention of a name makes her wince on the inside.
"Keep it professional and we shouldn't have any problems," he adds with a grunt. The familiarity of that sound gives her the strength to meet his gaze. She's missed him as a partner.
Shaw is a competent spy but there's just no connection there. She's sure he'll have her back, but it's one thing to assume and another to know. With Casey it was never an issue.
"You got that, Walker?"
Sarah tenses and her eyes narrow slightly. "It won't be an issue."
"Good." He pushes himself off the wall and presses the button for the elevator. They stand in silence and she's really starting to get tired of all the quiet. It's like a shroud falls over every room she enters and every person she tries to speak to. She's never been one for conversation but even she can't stand the tension simmering at a low boil.
They step into the elevator in unison and both turn to face the door at the same time. Casey moves to his corner and she hers. Casey rests against the elevator wall and she stands stiffly, unsure of what she should do or say.
The air is as tense as a rubber band pulled to its breaking point. It's so silent Sarah swears she's adopted supersonic hearing.
But then Casey reaches out and presses the 'Stop' button and the elevator comes to a grinding halt. She eyes him warily and wonders if this was his master plan all along. He's got her where he wants her and there's nowhere for her to escape.
He faces her and stares hard; the kind of stare that can split rocks and burn through walls. What earlier conviction she has evaporates and she just wants to go back to her hotel room and sleep. She's not sure her already overloaded senses can handle another confrontation.
"I don't care what you and the moron do on your own time. I don't care if you fight, screw, play 'Go Fish', or stare longingly at each other from across the room. Frankly, it's none of my business and I have zero desire to get involved in your feelings."
The last word is said so distastefully that his grimace is almost comical.
Casey leans forward slightly, using his large bulk to its greatest advantage.
"But keep it out of the mission." A deadly serious look overtakes his face and Sarah feels the blood drain from her face. This is one fight she can't win.
"I didn't want you here." He shifts forward slightly and looms even taller. "And I swear to God, Walker, if you being here, if you being you, screws the kid up and gets him hurt, former partner or not, that won't stop me."
Sarah searches for some glimmer of sympathy in his eyes but there is nothing there.
And what about me? Why does everyone go about thinking Chuck's the only one with feelings?
She sighs in resignation. This is precisely why she didn't want to come to Rome. Friends tend to take sides in the aftermath of a breakup and unfortunately for Sarah, she lost all of them when she lost Chuck.
If Beckman hadn't threatened to suspend her, she wouldn't have agreed to take the assignment. Neither option was palatable but there's no way she'll risk the one sure thing she has left in her life.
"He's my partner now," Casey informs and it has a definitive tone to it. That's it. The conversation is over now.
She doesn't say anything.
Her former partner presses a button and the elevator resumes.
# # # # #
Sarah's just through the door of her hotel room when she gets a call on her cell. It's five in the freaking morning in DC but then again, why is she surprised?
"How was your briefing?"
And hello to you too.
She supposes she should appreciate a man that is as straightforward with her as he is. It saves beating around the bush.
"Fine." Sarah pauses to kick off her heels. "We're going to reconvene in the evening."
She collapses onto her freshly made bed and wants nothing more than to bury herself under the covers and wake up in a year.
"And what are you doing now?"
Sarah hesitates before she answers. It's a straightforward question but with Shaw it's never so easy. What he's really asking is: What should you be doing?
"I think I'm just going to go through the files again and maybe take a nap." She crosses her fingers and hopes she'll pass the gauntlet. "Maybe I'll go for a run after lunch," she adds for authenticity.
Shaw grunts. "Don't overtire yourself. You've got a big evening ahead of you."
Sarah rolls her eyes. As if she didn't know.
Then again, he's just looking out for her. And he's been in the field longer than she has. He knows better.
"I've already taken the liberty of booking you a flight back tomorrow. First thing in the morning."
Sarah wrinkles her brows. "Oh." Of all emotions, disappointment is strangely the first to come to mind. "You didn't have to do that. I would have liked more time in Rome."
Shaw's tone changes to a warning one. "Why?"
Sarah cycles through all the possible reasons, but she knows none of them will live up to his standards.
"Well, I'll be really tired. I'd like to sleep in a little more before the flight—"
"Just sleep on the plane."
Sarah bites her lip. She tries again. "I haven't been to Rome in years. I was really hoping I could spend a day or two and visit some of the sites again."
And there's still the hope of gelato at the Trevi Fountain.
"Sarah," Shaw warns. "I thought you and I both agreed that this was a business trip."
She suppresses a sigh, knowing the sound will only worsen matters.
"I'll send the flight details to your phone and I'll have someone pick you up from the airport."
Before she can protest and insist on driving herself back to the apartment, there's a knock at the door. It's a courtesy knock only, as the lock clicks and Carina saunters in with a telltale smirk and an identical key-card to Sarah's in her clutches mere seconds later.
Figures.
"Who's at the door?" Shaw asks, missing nothing.
Sarah's nerves begin to tingle in anticipation. This can't be good.
"Um…" She looks helplessly at her friend, desperately pleading with her (by flailing hand signals no less) not to make this harder on her.
"Just housekeeping."
Carina cocks her head to one side and frowns.
"Hello, Shaw," Carina says, purposely raising her voice so that even the next door neighbors would hear if they chose to listen. "I'm taking Sarah out. We're going to have a really good time."
She marches up to Sarah and holds out her hand. "Give me the phone."
"No! Sarah, you have to review the files. Tell Carina to get out of your room."
Sarah's about to respond, but the voices start to overlap one another.
"God weren't you on the phone with him like two hours ago?"
"You promised me you were going to keep things professional—"
"How much conversation can you have with a tree?"
"You know what a poor record Carina has. She's going to drag you down with her—"
"You know what?" she interrupts, then holds out her hand and stops Carina from speaking further.
Finally. Some peace and quiet.
Sarah closes her eyes. "You know what, Daniel, I'm going out with my friend. I'll see you tomorrow."
Not daring to wait for a response from Shaw, she turns off the phone and throws it into the sea of blankets.
Sarah looks at Carina in wide-eyed horror.
What has she done?
The exhilaration is unmistakable. Sarah laughs at herself and marvels at how her hand, usually so calm and steady, is practically shaking with adrenaline.
She hasn't felt this alive in a long, long time.
Carina gives an approving smile and Sarah laughs again. She can't help herself. She's wanted to do that for weeks now.
"Well…" Sarah gets to her feet and sighs. "If I'm going to have to hear it tomorrow, we might as well make the most of it."
Sarah catches the sad smile that passes across Carina's lips but it's gone as quickly as it came.
"Why do you think Shaw has such a poor impression of me?" her friend asks with a smirk.
Sarah arches a brow and Carina just laughs.
"Yeah…"
# # # # #
They are hardly typical girls but Carina's idea of a good time is surprisingly normal. They go for lunch at a neat little bistro near the Piazza di Spagna and then, true-to-character, shopping along one of the most expensive streets in Rome.
It's strange. You don't really know what you've been missing until you get a taste. You learn to live without, to grin and bear it, but now Sarah doesn't know how she's managed to last this long.
She's missed having someone who'll let her be herself instead of the person she's supposed to be.
"Do you get to do this a lot?" Sarah asks, as they look through the racks at a particular store. She's only got one friend, but she's sure Carina could find a replacement for her in under five minutes.
Carina smirks. Getting any information out of her was like trying to pry open a crocodile's jaws.
"Not really," she says. She picks out a dress and holds it out, considering it against her thin frame. "Chuck keeps me pretty busy."
She smiles unapologetically and replaces the dress, moving on. Sarah wishes she could be as blasé about the exchange but she can't. Every time Carina brings up his name, every time she makes that smile, Sarah feels like the earth is going to open up and swallow her whole.
"By the way—"
"Carina—" Sarah tries to stop her but it's futile.
"The sex is really, really, good."
Sarah clenches her jaw and does everything in her power not to repeat the night before. Carina can't very well go to the party tonight with a black-eye.
Besides, this is Carina, and she's surprised it's taken her friend an hour before spilling all the gory details of her sex life. This is the Carina-equivalent of showing some restraint.
Carina just laughs at her reaction and moves on. "Hey, what do you think of this one?" She pulls out a plum satin dress with a plunging neckline.
Sarah waits in case her friend has more to say. Like, what do you think of this dress as Chuck tears it off me?
"It's nice," she says. The usual noncommittal answer. "Purple isn't really your color though."
Carina smirks. "Not me. You." She extends the dress and waits for her to take it.
Sarah arches a brow. "I already have a dress and I'm supposed to be a wallflower." She takes the dress anyway, only because Carina keeps insisting, but she has no intention of wearing something so revealing for a surveillance mission.
"Fine. Then get it for your boyfriend."
Sarah frowns and returns the dress to the rack. "Shaw isn't really…" She stops just in time before the guilt sets in. "He'll say it's frivolous." Not to mention all the digs he'll make about attracting that sort of attention in public when they're together.
Carina rolls her eyes. "God, Sarah," she says in an exasperated tone. "Then get it for me." She smiles. "Consider it a belated birthday gift."
Sarah is slow to smile. She almost doesn't believe it.
Someone…someone actually remembered her birthday?
"Oh don't look at me like that," Carina hisses as she grabs the dress off the rack and pushes it into Sarah's hands.
"I'll probably never wear it," Sarah murmurs, running her hand along the satiny fabric. It would almost be a pity to take it home only to hide it away in the very back of her closet.
Carina shrugs. "You never know. And even if you don't ever wear it, there's no harm in letting him think that you did and you danced with half a dozen sweaty, hot, Italian men at the club—"
Sarah rolls her eyes.
Typical Carina.
# # # # #
Sarah's just finishing the final touches on her make-up when she hears her cell phone go off.
She groans and lets it ring for another few seconds, almost hoping the caller will give up.
Ha. When Hell freezes over.
Stalking to her bedside, she digs out the phone and is immediately perplexed by the image on the call-screen. For once it's someone she's actually interested in having a conversation with.
"Carina?" she asks and in the half-second silence that ensues, she wonders if her friend's played another trick on her and given her the wrong time again.
But it's simply not possible. Sarah had double-checked—triple-checked—with Casey.
The voice that answers is definitely not Carina's.
"Sarah?"
Sarah's heart falters and she has to hold onto the nightstand to steady herself.
"C-Chuck?" she stutters. Thrown off guard, all her tells become glaringly obvious. She hadn't prepared herself for another confrontation so soon.
Chuck doesn't sound especially overjoyed either. "Hey, Sarah."
"Um…hi." Sarah swallows nervously. "What's going on?"
What's going on? her mind chastises. He's calling from Carina's phone for crying out loud.
"There's been a change of plans."
Sarah takes a deep breath. "Okay."
So they didn't need her after all. Well, fine. She can enjoy Rome for the rest of the evening before she has to take the ridiculously early flight out tomorrow.
"I think it would be better if Carina explained it to you," he says. There's some static, some fumbling for the phone, and then it's her friend on the other line.
"Hey, Sarah." The voice is quiet but so distinctly Carina, complete with that beguiling undertone. "You know that thing I got for your birthday?"
Sarah turns and eyes the dress hanging on the closet door. Her stomach does a full somersault.
"Uh-huh," she mumbles.
Carina gives a weak laugh. "Well looks like you're going to be wearing it after all."