Disclaimer: I own only the plot of the story. The names of the characters belong to S.M.
CHAPTER 8 – Crash and burn
2009
APOV
A year had passed since Jasper and I had our heart-to-heart talk and realized how much we love each other. From that day, we had been practically inseparable. Besides classes or working on due papers, we spent every single minute together, either as a couple or with our family; Edward and Bella, along with Rosalie and Emmett. They were ecstatic when we announced our coupledom. Bella was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"It was about time! I was getting tired with you dancing around each other," she said hugging us both. "I am so happy for you. My brother and my best friend…" She leaned forward and whispered in my ear, "we truly are sisters now." I hugged her back fiercely.
I smiled at the memory and checked my watch again. It was Friday and Jasper was uncharacteristically late to pick me up. He was supposed to be here an hour ago, to spend the weekend together with my parents at Forks.
They insisted upon meeting the man who made me so happy, who was willing to give me the world. He had been thoughtful and insisted on meeting them before I even had the chance to ask. Always the proper gentleman, my Jasper…Where is he, I thought, he is never late.
I tried calling him again on his cell, but I was directed to his voicemail. Something was wrong, I could feel it. He was never late, never. And on the rare occasion that something would cause him to be late, he would always call to let me know.
Today, though, he was late and hadn't called. Where was he? I was really worried now, scared to death. My mind was trying to ease my fears; Jasper is always careful, everything is alright…But my heart knew best, deep down inside; something had happened. He was hurt…Why hasn't he called? Because he can't…
The phone ringing startled me and I picked it up immediately without checking the caller ID.
"Jasper, where are you? I was so worried. I…"
"Alice, it's Edward," and my words were stuck into my throat. I sensed by the tone of his voice that he was about to tell me something bad.
"Tell me he isn't hurt. I beg you…" I whispered, not realizing I was crying. "I knew it…He is never late…where…" I couldn't finish, I was choking. I couldn't breath properly, I was getting dizzy and was seconds before collapsing.
"Alice!" I could barely hear Edward over the sound of my frantic heart. "He is alive! Alive. Look," he paused, cursing loudly, "I am coming to take you to the hospital. He keeps asking for you. Bella is already on her way, along with Emmett and their parents."
"I will be waiting down at the entrance," I said and hang up. I was in a daze, feeling numb inside. Like a zombie, I got ready and was outside our building, waiting for my friend.
As if in cue, the familiar silver car came speeding through the parking lot and stopped right in front of me. I got in as fast as my new-found legs allowed me to and, after I had buckled up, Edward was speeding into the busy road towards the hospital.
I looked at him and what I saw on his face brought a new wave of tears. Edward was always so calm and collected, and seeing him so pale and distraught was unsettling.
My sobs disrupted his thoughts and he glanced at me, suddenly realizing what had set me off. He shook his head and pinched his nose, in an effort to calm himself. He reached out and squeezed my hands that rested limply on my lap.
"What happened?" I managed to croak after a long silence. His knuckles turned white from gripping the wheel too tight.
"Honestly, I don't know much. He was out on some errands before your weekend getaway. It happened on his way back home. Another driver tried to overtake him and lost control, slamming on Jasper's side, pushing him onto a tree."
My eyes were brimming with unshed tears from the horrific images passing through my head, and I shut them tightly to push the terror bubbling inside me away.
"People following behind witnessed the whole thing and called 911. They responded quickly and Carlisle was notified immediately. He and the rest of the family left immediately for the hospital and I came to pick you up, since I was close by."
I was speechless, completely stunned. My mind was working overtime but my thoughts were incoherent. I resurfaced from my haze for one more question.
"How bad is he? And don't try to sugarcoat this for me," I pleaded.
"It's bad enough, from what Bella has managed to tell me. He has a broken arm and leg, some bruised ribs. He also his head on the window, and the doctors are still assessing the seriousness of the hit but seem to believe it's probably just a concussion. His CT and EET were clear." A beep, indicating an incoming message, interrupted him. He opened his phone and read the message, his face suddenly pale. His eyes fell on me momentarily and I could clearly see fear and anxiety written all over his face.
"What is it, Edward? Was it Bella? I know it's something wrong, I saw it all over your face. Please, tell me," I said, on the verge of tears.
He was staring straight ahead, obviously debating whether to tell me the truth or not. Finally, he started talking.
"Jasper is good, but…there is something else, and I don't think you will like this…at all." He paused, stealing a glance at me before returning his eyes to the road. "The other driver….the man who hit Jasper…he…he died on impact…Well, this man, he was…James. James Hunter."
James Hunter? As in the man who had attacked me so long ago, who tried to…I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head violently, to push back the memory. Jasper had once told me what happened that night while
True to Edward's driving, after a few minutes, we were parked outside of the hospital. He helped me out of the car and kept by my side as I struggled to walk using my canes. I was so tense from anxiety that suddenly I was feeling drained and my legs swayed.
"Edward…" I croaked, clutching his arm to keep from falling down. He instantly put his arms around my waist and carried me to a nearby chair. I let my head fall back, the shock finally catching up with me, and I was sobbing and wailing inconsolably, while Edward was trying in vain to calm me down. All I could think of was that Jasper was in here injured and in terrible pain, and I was the one that put him here in the first place.
"It's my fault," I croaked, my tears flooding down my face, "it's my fault…"
I felt two strong hands on my shoulders, shaking me forcefully. "What the hell?" Edward asked me, his voice sounding harsher than intended. "How is any of this your fault? You weren't even there with him!" he exclaimed. I looked at him with unbelieving eyes. He is joking, right? Can't he see it? I found this strangely funny and was laughing hysterically for a few moments, until his astonished face sobered me up quickly.
"Hm, let's count, shall we?" I started raising my fingers one by one. "He was in a hurry…we were supposed to leave for the weekend and he was running late…James was after him because of me! If he hadn't met me, if he hadn't come to my rescue that night…he would have been at home, safe and sound…" I sniffled.
Edward's chuckle startled me. It was dry, dark, mirthless. "God…love surely makes us stupid." He looked at me with his piercing green eyes, as if he was trying to peek inside my mind.
"Look, Alice, you had nothing to do with the accident. That damned James Hunter is to blame. In his deranged mind, he wanted to hurt you both and, in a way, he did. Don't you see? Jasper was on his way back from the university, regardless of your trip, and that bastard was probably following him around, waiting for his chance. I know you are scared and worried now, but I promise you, he will be fine.
"Ever since he met you, he is happier. Even as friends, he kept changing because of you. He isn't a loner anymore; he has come out of his shell and started living. And when, finally, you two fell in love, he is literally flying, he feels invincible. Your love is his lucky charm, keeping him safe."
I snorted at the absurdness of his last words. "Lucky charm my ass," I muttered, "I brought James in his life," but Edward silenced me once more.
"Yes, you are his lucky charm. If it weren't for you, he might have been killed. He might be injured now, but he is fighting to get well for you. And he would save you from him, even if he knew it would cost him his life! So get up and go to him. He needs you." He stood up and offered me his hand.
He was right. There was nothing I could do to change this from happening. It was mere chance that put me in James' path that night, it was chance that Jasper happened to pass by and be my savior. All that mattered now was that Jasper needed me. I had to stand by him, as he had done for me during the grueling surgery and rehabilitation.
Taking a deep breath, I grabbed Edward's hand to stand up.
"Take me to Jazz, please," I said and let him lead the way.
JPOV
I was in so much pain, it was pure hell. There wasn't a single part of my body not in pain. I groaned hearing a beeping sound near me. What is this noise, I wondered. Where am I?
I tried opening my mouth to speak, but even that simple movement hurt like a bitch. What had happened to me? And…Alice, where is she? Is she ok?
I was worried, making the beeping faster and louder, matching the beating of my frantic heart. I had to find Alice, I had to make sure she was fine.
"Alice," I whispered hoarsely, my throat raw and dry from the painkillers.
A small hand took hold of mine, squeezing it softly. "Jasper…" my angel said.
I turned my head towards her voice, and there she was, sitting right next to my bed. She looked so tired from lack of sleep and worry, but still beautiful.
"How are you feeling?" she asked. I shrugged nonchalantly.
"My body aches like someone beat me with a hammer. I have a splitting headache, my ribs ache even to breath, both my arm and my leg feel like lead." I stared at our clasped hands. "But it will get better, when you are by my side."
I closed my eyes again briefly and when I opened them, it was dark outside. Alice was still with me, on the same uncomfortable hospital chair, asleep. The door opened quietly and my father entered, carrying a small tray in his hands. He noticed the sleeping form of my love and approached me cautiously, trying not to wake her up.
"How are you, son? Too much pain?" he inquired while checking my vitals and taking notes on my chart. I nodded in silence.
"Time for your medications, then," he pulled down the bed covers and checked the bandaging. Satisfied with everything, he put the covers back up and stared at my face with a frown.
"What happened, dad? My memory is a bit fuzzy at the moment. I remember leaving campus and heading home. Alice and I were supposed to leave for the weekend and I was running late. Then…nothing."
My father pushed his fingers through his hair, a sign he was stressed.
"Well," he started, "I can only tell you what the police have told me. Apparently, you were speeding, and now I know why," he gave me a pointed look. "Another driver tried to pass you over, and he…somehow, he slammed his car on you, pushing you to a tree. He rolled over and was dead immediately. Thank God someone saw everything and called 911. They brought you here and the hospital called us."
He paused, his eyes averted from my face. Strange…was my father hiding something? "I was terrified when they told me about your…accident. Never do it again, son. You caused me to lose ten years of my life."
I listened to my father without a word, letting the details sink into me. I was carelessly speeding. If I wasn't, maybe I would have been able to avoid the other driver from hitting me. I had caused my family and me unnecessary pain, and it was my entire fault.
"How bad am I, dad? I want the truth!" I pleaded. He patted my hand in an effort to calm me.
"It's better than it seems, I swear. Your wearing the safety belt saved you from worse. You have broken your left arm and leg, you have some cracked ribs, a mild concussion. Also, you have some deep cuts and lacerations on your face and body from glass shards. There will probably be some scarring but we'll have to wait and see the exact damage."
I nodded at him and turned my attention to Alice, still sleeping beside my bed. I touched my face over the bandages, causing my father to scold me.
"Do not touch your face," he said. "Let your wounds heal. Depending on your progress, we will remove the stitches. I did them myself," he chuckled.
Great, I thought. I am scar-face now. I just prayed it wouldn't be too bad. My father squeezed my shoulder ending my self-pity trip.
"Get some rest, will you? Don't worry too much about your face. We will cross that bridge when we have to." And with these parting words he left.
I closed my eyes, enjoying the silence inside the room. I never liked the noise too much, and so did Alice. My sweet girl…she had stayed by my side all this time, her devotion to me was overwhelming. But I was worried; how had my accident affected us and our relationship?
"Tell me what you are thinking," my angel's sweet voice startled me. "I can't read your mind, but I can tell you are in pain."
God, I love her! She knew me too well. I contemplated lying to her, not wishing to worry her even more, but decided against it. We were always truthful to each other and I wasn't planning on changing that now.
"Carlisle was here when you were sleeping, and talked about the crash and the injuries." I paused, noticing Alice wince when I mentioned the crash. She looked...off. Or, more precisely, she looked guilty. But why? I dismissed it and continued.
"I am angry, to say the least. I am angry with the asshole that caused this whole mess. I am angry with myself for speeding. If I wasn't speeding, maybe I would have been able to react quicker and avoid him. I am angry because my face will probably be scarred for ever. I am angry because I am in pain and this is hurting you and my family immensely." I took some deep breaths to calm down, never releasing her hand. "I am sorry."
She stared at me incredulously, "why on earth are you apologizing to me? You did nothing wrong!"
"I beg to differ," I disagreed, "I should have been more careful. If I did, we would be enjoying our time together. I had big plans for this weekend." I grinned at her playfully.
"We have time. You must concentrate on getting well, and we can go away some other time. I love you, I am not leaving any time soon," she smiled back, then turned serious again, and a shadow covered her eyes.
"Pixie," I asked worried by the change in her demeanor. A serious Alice meant trouble, and I didn't like it at all. "What is it? Why the long face?"
"It's not your fault," she mumbled.
"I arched an eyebrow. "Enlighten me please. If it's not my fault, then whose it is?'
"Mine," she whispered, and raised her hand to stop my protests. "If we weren't supposed to leave for the weekend, you wouldn't be speeding to pick me up. Maybe you would have reacted differently to the situation," she was trying hard to hold back her tears. "And…there is something more…about the accident…that you should know…" she stuttered, her head lowered to stare to the ground.
"What about the accident? According to Carlisle, the man tried to pass me over, lost control of his vehicle and crashed at mine," I said puzzled. She looked at me with tears running down her face.
"The other driver…he was…he was….James. You know…." she choked back a sob, "the man who…attacked me….If you hadn't stopped him…he wouldn't have targeted you…" she raised her tear-stricken face at me, full of remorse and guilt, "it is my fault…mine…I am sorry…you are in pain because of me…"
I was speechless at first. Hunter, the man that haunted her dreams for a long time after the attack, had caused the crash deliberately? I suddenly remembered that night. When he realized I had the upper hand, and that he had to escape, he wasn't very pleased with me. He had threatened me, loud and clear, that I would pay for ruining his fun, to watch my back. Had he really been stalking me? How did he manage to remain unnoticed?
I turned my eyes towards the wonderful girl I loved, still sobbing her heart out. I had to make this right.
"Sweet pixie," I began, "you are being silly and you know it. I don't care if he hit me deliberately or not, I would save you from him over and over again. I only care about you. I love you and I will always protect you. You are my life now. Yes, the whole situation is fucked up, but you are worth it.
"Enough with the finger-pointing. Will you do me a favor?" She nodded eagerly. "I need something and you are the only one who can help me."
"Anything," she answered through her tears.
"Lay with me," I patted next to me, "push the rail down and come closer. I will pull you up."
She hesitated for a while and I pouted. She laughed and I was ecstatic. I had missed her laugh.
"Darn you and your pouting, I can't deny you anything," she muttered and slowly moved from the chair to my bed side. Putting my good arm around her waist, I dragged her onto the bed, by my side. She snuggled at me, trying not to cause me discomfort.
"I missed you," she whispered. "I can't sleep without you. When you leave this hospital, I will be staying at your house to take care of you."
"I'd like that," I grinned and kissed her feverishly. When we broke away to breath, she caressed my face carefully.
"Sleep, my love. We both need it."
Two months later…
APOV
Since the crash, my relationship with Jasper was deteriorating and I couldn't figure out the reasons why. I thought that, after our talk in the hospital, any underlying issues had been addressed and resolved before they would turn into trouble. Obviously and curiously, I was wrong.
Jasper was out of the hospital relatively soon, arm and leg in casts, stitches removed and, for the first time, I saw the damage on his face. Mainly, it was small cuts and welts that were almost healed.
But, on the left side of his face, there was the most serious of his injuries. It was a long gush, the flesh along side an angry pink. From what Carlisle had told me, he had a glass shard embedded deep into his face. Thankfully, it didn't damage any muscle, but gave him a nasty and prominent scar, marring his magnificent features.
Of course, nothing mattered to me, except the fact that he was alive and well, considering the severity of his injuries. I didn't mind, though, in fact, these scars brought out a darker, more dangerous edge on Jasper. He was handsome before, but now, to me at least, he appeared God-like. He was Ares himself, lethal and predatory. Nobody dared to mess with him and I was feeling safer than ever with him. People were intimidated by his new look and most of them kept their distance, sensing his foul mood.
The girls, though, were another matter completely. Like me, they swooned over his new look, and, to my dismay, started pursuing him with renewed fervor. They didn't care that he was always with me, his girlfriend. They kept making passes at him, and when he deflected their advances politely, they would aim their bitterness at me. It was high school all over for me again, except now it was more vicious. The spurned girls stopped at nothing, I was harassed constantly, especially when was alone.
Jasper was beyond pissed every time something like that happened, though I wasn't fazed at all. I knew from the beginning what being with a Cullen entailed. I was used to insult all my life, I had learned long ago not to let them get at me. As long as I had Jasper's love and devotion, I could stand anything. But he didn't seem to believe me, and he was becoming even more morose.
JPOV
The damned scar on my face made very self-conscious in the beginning. Although my family kept assuring me that it gave me a bad-boy look, I was not convinced. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't being shallow, at all. But I was a rather shy guy, and being the subject of the gossiping mill was hell on earth for me.
Everywhere I went, I got stares and whispers. Everybody around the campus knew the details of the crash and my injuries and was all too pleased to make petty comments, though not in my face. Apparently, I was dangerous now, and nobody said anything in my face, not since I beat someone stupid enough to do so.
The girls were…atrocious, to put it mildly. They were throwing themselves at me, even in front of Alice, the love of my life. I tried letting them down politely, but they wouldn't accept defeat graciously. They had to get back at me, and what better way to do so than insulting and belittling Alice. Not in front of me, of course; these girls weren't so brave to incur my wrath. But the few times Alice had been alone, they were ruthless.
Every time, my pixie would swear not taking their abuse at heart, as long as I loved her, but I couldn't help being pissed. I wanted to take matters into my own hands and treat those dim-witted girls ungentlemanly, but Alice implored me to do nothing.
"You are mine, and they are jealous. I don't care what they say. They can't touch me. I would go through fire and ice for you, don't; you know that?" she always told me, and I couldn't defy her.
Still, the whole situation had been nagging me. I loved Alice, more than my life, and she loved me the same way, too. But I couldn't help thinking that she was enduring too much because of me. Was I worth it? She had suffered so much in her life before me. She deserved to be happy. Was my love enough? I seriously doubted that. I was causing her too much pain, and it had to stop. I was not good for her.
I had to set her free. I knew what I had to do.
APOV
Besides Jasper's moodiness, I loved him so much that I wouldn't mind his strange behavior at first. But, with every passing day, it seemed the more I try to be close to him, the more he shied away from me. He was becoming more and more detached and cold, though still gentle and polite.
I tried talking to him, to find out what is troubling him, but he remained mum. I couldn't remember how many times we would get into a fight which ended with him leaving the room and me in tears of despair.
I am losing him, I feel it. How did we get to this point? Where had the love we shared gone? I still clung to hope that eventually everything would turn out ok, and my Jasper would be back. I was being delusional. It was simply too good to be true, to have a good man like him loving someone like me…
I sighed dejectedly as Bella drove us to her parents' house, where Jasper had been staying since he got out of the hospital. This had been a ritual by now; I would call to hear his voice, even distant and withdrawn, then Bella or Edward would drive me to the Cullens, me being their last hope to snap him out of his funk.
Bella helped me out of the car and into the house, where I was greeted by Esme, sadness written all over her kind face. It is killing her to see her son like this; cold, angry, lifeless. I knew him too well, I was just like that not so long ago. Before I meet Bella…before I learn what it means to be loved and accepted.
Yet, I took a leap of faith and allowed myself to get close to her and all the people I now considered my family and friends; Edward, Rosalie and Emmett, Carlisle and Esme…Jasper…
Just thinking of him opened the floodgates and I started crying silently. Still, Bella heard me and rushed to my side. She looked at me and sighed painfully.
"Oh, sister," she whispered hugging me tenderly, "it will be fine. We are all hurting. He is suffering but is too damn proud to admit it. He was always shy, and now he has everybody talking and gossiping about him. You see," she paused, "we are the Cullens; everything we say or do is under scrutiny. People love it when something bad befalls us; it makes them feel better. And this is their opportunity; a Cullen isn't perfect anymore." We both snorted at this. "And you being subjected to his fan-girls' hate isn't helping things up."
"Jasper is always handsome," I said sniffling. "I keep telling him so, but he doesn't believe me. I love him, I really do, even if he keeps pushing me away. It's tearing me up inside. Him, being so distant…so not Jasper…it's like a knife is pushed through my heart. I am at my wits end."
She nodded. "We all are, sweetie. Dad tried to convince him to see a therapist, but he flat out refused to even consider the idea, and cursed him. Edward tried to reason with him, to make him see his downward spiral to depression, how much we suffer for him, but he refused to listen. He even made Esme cry with his withdrawal." She paused for a while.
"You are his only hope. If you can't get through to him, no one can. I am so scared for him."
I wiped the tears away and made my way to his room slowly. Even after the surgery, my walking hadn't improved much, it's just less painful, but still slow and tiring. I gathered all my courage I could muster and knocked on his door.
He didn't answer immediately. I knocked again, calling him.
"Jasper, it's me. Can I come in?"
JPOV
She is here! My mind screamed at me. You know what has to be done.
I clenched my fists at my sides, trying to hold back the pain caused by the cruelty I was about to throw at Alice. My heart was breaking, again and again, bleeding silently inside me, begging me not to do it.
You love her, don't do this…
I shook my head, and moved to the door, feeling cold. I was engulfed in the darkness, barely visible to the rest of the world, like a monster lurking for his prey. I chuckled bitterly. I really am a monster, a bastard, for intending to hurt my girl like that.
It's for her own good. I just want to save her from all the hurt and regret…The door opened hesitantly and I put on my mask.
Time for the show…
APOV
I heard his footsteps approaching and the door opened in half, his face barely visible in the darkened room. His eyes appraised me and then rested on my face. I stared back lovingly. God, I miss him. He was hesitant, torn, haunted. He slowly raised his hand, as if to touch my cheek, but just inches away from my face, his daze was broken and he pulled back quickly.
I winced involuntary and it showed on my face. Whether he noticed or not, I couldn't tell. He, once again, was wearing his mask of indifference. Like I was nobody…like I meant nothing to him. As if our love never existed other than my imagination.
My already waning strength was nearly exhausted and I gripped on the on the doorframe to hold myself. Concern flooded momentarily his face and, scooping me in his arms, carried me onto his bed.
"I got you," he muttered and laid me down carefully. He was simple and thorough, as always, and for a moment, the old Jasper, the man who loved me and ruled my heart and soul, was back. His fingers grazed my face for a while, and I closed my eyes reveling at the sensations coursing through my body.
Suddenly, I was alone and cold on his bed. I opened my eyes and he was nowhere to be found.
"Jasper? Jasper?" I searched frantically for him.
"Rest, Alice," his velvet voice came out from the furthest part of the room, engulfed in darkness. There he was, standing tall and rigid, a true angel of destruction. I trained my gaze on him and stretched my hand, reaching out at him.
"Please…come to me…I need you…" I begged him, my eyes burning from the tears building up, but he didn't cave. He just stood there in the shadows, hidden, still and pale like a statue.
"Don't shut me out," I was choked by the piercing pain shooting through my heart, and was having trouble breathing. This isn't real, I thought shivering on his bed. He loves me…doesn't he? If he loved me like he always claimed to, he wouldn't push me away, would he?
"Alice…I can't…I don't want…" he struggled with his words, "…you…any more."
My body went limp, as the meaning of what he had just said started sinking into my dormant brain. The tears I tried to hold back for so long were let loose and run down my face. I peeked at him, still so far away from me, only his eyes shining from an inexplicable emotion.
Of course, I said to myself. Now everything makes sense. He doesn't love me anymore. After all, it's my fault he was injured in the first place. He was rushing to meet me. If I wasn't still dependent on him…if I was able to drive myself…if I was a whole person, capable of defending myself…then nothing would have happened.
My hand was clutched over my chest, in a futile effort to keep myself from shuttering to million pieces. I had done this to him, caused his suffering.
James wouldn't have tried to kill him as payback to Jasper for saving me.
Because of me…stupid, crippled me…a good man like Jasper was disfigured and subjected to slander, as if my being his girlfriend wasn't enough for him to be dragged into the gossiping mill.
The whole idea of us dating was unbelievable from the start, who am I kidding? I am not good enough for him, I will never be. Even after the damn surgery, I haven't been much better. I may have been freed from my wheelchair, but I am still not normal, using canes to move around at snail's pace.
The crash finally brought him to his senses. He doesn't want me, I have only brought pain and problems in his life. I jinxed everything and everybody I knew.
I sat up and let my feet touch the floor. My eyes searched yet again for him, for the last time, my mind already made up. He had come closer now, his tall, muscled frame illuminated by the twilight, the scar dominating his face. Still, he was the most beautiful man on earth for me. I drank that picture of him in, memorizing his features. And then, I averted my eyes off him.
I have no right to look at him, not anymore.
"Forgive me," I whispered and slowly stood up, my hand on the wall to keep me steady. I stared at the door, trying to guess how long it would take me to leave. Too far, I cursed, too damn far. It will take me forever to escape. Nevertheless, I kept going. I have to leave.
"Alice, I…" his voice echoed in the silence. I shook my head furiously to stop him, not wishing to hear his dismissal.
"Don't say anything, please. It's okay, I understand completely. I can't tell you how sorry I am for everything. I am sorry I loved you, because my love caused you pain. I am sorry I ever came into your life, disrupting it and embarrassing you. Hell, I am even sorry for allowing myself to become Bella's friend, bringing trouble upon you."
I laughed mirthlessly. "I have only bestowed bad luck to you, you are way better without me. You are the Cullens, a family envied and admired by all. But, because of me, you are the talk of the town.
"I am no good for you, I always knew it, but I let myself live the dream. I should have known that happiness and I do not mix." I kept walking to the door, step by step, inch by inch. I was torturing myself and him, but there was nothing I could do.
Finally, I reached the door and, without turning around, I addressed him for the last time.
"I promise you this is the last time you ever had to see or hear me. Again, I ask for your forgiveness, for all the wrongs I have done to you. Please, go on with your life, try to get well. You deserve so much more. And…forget all about me. Forget my face, my name, forget I even exist." My hand grabbed the doorknob with all the strength I had left.
"Goodbye," I said through my tears and closed the door slowly behind me. "I love you…" The clicking sound seemed like thunder to my ears. It is over, I thought and leaned against the wall. It's over….I have lost him forever. I had to leave; I had to get out of here, as far as I could.
"Alice?" Bella's worried face was suddenly in front of me.
"Take me home. I am dead tired."
"But what…?" she tried to ask, but I stopped her. "Not now, I beg you."
She nodded reluctantly and led me to the garage, into her car. We silently started the difficult journey home, since she had guessed that things didn't go well with Jasper, and I didn't have the courage to talk about it. My mind was fogged, everything that had transpired in his room kept rolling around in my mind.
"Alice…I can't…I don't want…you…any more."
His pained voice kept repeating those few words, over and over again, each time cutting me open a bit more. He didn't want me, he didn't need me, I had hurt him so much. I had done the right thing, taking myself out of the equation.
I sobbed for a few minutes but composed myself quickly, and glanced at Bella. I suddenly realized that I couldn't stay with Edward and her, not now that I was out of her brother's life. I wouldn't put her in the middle between him and me. I couldn't impose on them.
So, as soon as we were inside the apartment, I excused myself in my room and locked the door. Putting my clothes and stuff into my suitcases, I dialed Jessica's number. She answered after three rings.
"Hi, Jess, this is Alice," I said and she was surprised to hear me. "Yeah, sorry to bother you, but I am looking for a new place to live. Do you know if there is anything available? What? You live in your room alone? Well, I guess then you have got yourself a new roommate."
I promised to call her later with the specifics of the move and hang up. By now, most of my things were packed and, as soon as I could find some help, I would be out of their lives for good.
This is what I want, isn't it? It is for the best, I said to myself.
Then, why did I feel so dead inside?