"Just how damn big is this jungle?" Jade asked irritably, the heat starting to get to her. Every step seemed to make her body armour heavier and more uncomfortable. Plus she felt like she was walking into heavy wind when in fact the jungle was perfectly still. It didn't help matters when she glanced at her new guide and saw that he was having no troubles whatsoever.
"I have no idea. I haven't exactly travelled this far from my home before." The Na'Vi replied. It glanced back at Jade and noticed how wary she was. She had both hands on her gun, holding her knife with the outer two fingers of her left hand and clamping it to the butt of her pistol with the other two fingers. Every now at then she would sweep it over the undergrowth, but it always ended up pointed squarely at its back.
"Stop doing that. It's making me nervous." Jade's guide asked. "You can trust me."
"Says the alien who tried to club me last time my back was turned."
"Point. Taken."
The landscape started to become rockier and incline downwards. The further the pair went the steeper it got and the more the vegetation thinned out. Jade was forced to slow down and pick her way carefully down the rocky slope. Jade noticed the Na'Vi's ears twitch.
"Hear that?" it asked.
"No, unfortunately I was not blessed with kitty-cat ears at birth." Jade snapped. "What?"
"It's water. We're getting close."
The Na'Vi picked its way down nearly effortlessly, and then waited at the bottom for a puffing Jade to catch up. She briefly switched the high-intake valve and wiped sweat off her neck.
"Am I going too fast for you?" It asked.
"Oh shut up, Papa Smurf."
The pair entered another forested section. Phantom sounds seemed to ring in Jade's ears constantly, the shuffling of predatory feet in the undergrowth near deafening. Her guide seemed to take no notice, but Jade stayed on edge.
"What's it like on your world?" the Na'Vi asked suddenly.
"Crowded, poor, crap food and it smells bad. Next question."
A short silence broken only by the crunch of Jade's boots on grass.
"You're not very talkative, are you?"
"Why do you want to know anyway?" Jade demanded, suddenly suspicious.
The Na'Vi dipped its head for a second. "I'm curious, that's all. Do you have animals?"
"Ours tend to be small, cute, furry and non-lethal. Only four limbs mostly. Hardly ever devour people whole. Pretty boring by your standards. Where's this going anyway?"
"But where's your queue?"
"My what now?" Jade asked.
"You know, when you bond with your animals." The Na'Vi held up its hair braid, which sprouted tiny pink tendrils. "It's just that you don't seem to have one on your head so I was wondering-"
"Wait, what?" Jade spluttered. "You jam tentacles into the brains of your animals?"
"Y-yes, that's how we are so in tune with nature. But-"
"I do not have wiggly mind-rape tentacles protruding from the back of my head!" Jade cut him off.
"So how do you-"
"I had a cat I was pretty in-tune with." Jade continued. "But when he woke me up at three in the morning I didn't have the privilege of shoving mind tentacles up his nose!"
"Then how did you communicate with them?" the Na'Vi asked.
"By learning to understand them through experience. You know, the hard way. Somehow I don't think applying mind-control tentacles to the brain is really the best way."
"Obviously your inability to understand nature explains the atrocities your people are committing here." The Na'Vi replied, gaining confidence from the extended conversation.
Jade started clapping. "Bravo. You're better than my race at something because you evolved biologically to do so. Truly a grand achievement. Let me guess, your little USB ponytail can plug into trees? Can it plug into my laptop? Ooh, does it have Broadband?"
"I wouldn't expect a human to understand anyway." It retorted.
"Awful ballsy now, aren't you? I seem to recall a much different attitude when I had my gun in your face."
"Trust a human to threaten violence when arguments fail."
There was another pause.
"So is your tail a TV antenna?"
"Shut up."
"I take it back. Bringing you with me was a great idea! Annoying you is the best fun I've had in years!"
The Na'Vi's ears flattened and its tail swished from side-to-side violently. Jade's needling was working spectacularly. She became distracted when she started to hear running water too. The pair broke out of the forested area and came to a narrow gorge. A fast-flowing river had cut a deep channel through the ground, the surface of the churning water tens of metres below where Jade and the Na'Vi were standing. It seemed that the only way across was a fallen tree truck lying across the gap.
"Are you trying to get me killed?"
"This is the quickest way. I assume you don't want the pleasure of my company for any longer than necessary?"
It watched her gaze flick over the long drop and violent river. "You aren't afraid of heights, are you?"
Yes, her subconscious mind whispered.
A little. her conscious mind said.
"No." Jade said out loud. "Just don't try pushing me off when we're halfway across."
She indicated her gun. "Sparky here's dying to meet you."
The Na'Vi went first. Once it had shuffled far enough Jade sheathed her knife and followed it onto the log. The tree had been heavy and solid, which was a small mercy. Though the log wasn't wobbling, Jade had to work hard trying to balance and compensate for the extra weight in her right hand. She strained her senses for the faintest whiff of a breeze – she didn't fancy her chances trying to get across against Pandoran wind.
"What's wrong?" the Na'Vi said, standing further ahead with its arms folded. "Scared of a little fall? Just accidentally slipping off that long and-"
"Shut UP!" Jade growled. She shut out the Na'Vi's needling and focused on shuffling her feet along the log. Her heavy combat boots seemed to have no traction at all, ready to slip at any moment. Jade forced herself to concentrate solely on moving her feet. The Na'Vi's voice was just background noise, even as it raised its voice to make itself heard.
Wait… it was panicked now.
"Look out!" It was yelling. Jade looked up. Rocketing out of the setting sun was a Banshee. It was obviously heading straight for her, but with the sun behind it Jade could only see a vague shadow. She raised her pistol and fired, too hastily for it to be accurate. She didn't know if her shot winged it or missed entirely, as the Banshee still clipped her as it passed and sent her sprawling.
I hate this planet. She thought. As her feet slipped from the log she flailed for a handhold. She felt her hand catch something. It was a blue, four-fingered hand.
"Give me your other hand! Drop the gun!" The Na'Vi ordered. Jade glanced at her gun clutched tightly in her hand. She knew she still needed it. Ignoring the Na'Vi, she holstered it instead. The Na'Vi grimaced as Jade slipped out of its sweaty hands. It lunged down to catch her as Jade reached up. They clasped hands, but it was leaning too far and Jade was too heavy. There was the briefest pause before the two of them toppled into the gorge.
This is going to suck. Jade thought. The two of them just managed to spreadeagle themselves before they hit the water and they were swallowed by the churning darkness.