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DISCLAIMER: We do not own twilight... Stephenie Meyer does.... we just like to send them off to war.
The beeping noise around me needed to stop, it was driving me crazy and was making me anxious. There was no other noise around me, other than that monotonous drone, no shouting, no buzz to the air, just calm. The air smelt fresh; it didn't clog the back of your parched throat with dust. Talking of parched, my throat was sore, dry and full, though I wasn't sure of what. Then I remembered what happened, the feeling of the cold metal hitting my head, the sound of Emmetts' voice ringing through my ears and the weight of the slight frame of the boy falling onto me.
Am I dead?
Would I be able to hear if I was dead? Surely I'd be able to move? My father would be waiting for me. I'd seen no bright light that people had spoke of and I'd seen no angel waiting with beautiful white feathery wings at the pearly white gates sat on a fluffy cloud, maybe it was just a story, not like anyone had come back from the dead and confirmed all this bullshit they fill you with to make the whole 'dying experience' that little bit easier.
Saying that, did I even deserve to go to Heaven, maybe this was hell; it would certain explain the constant drone of the noise that was soon becoming the bane of my existence; if I still have an existence of course. I'd deserve to go to hell for the men I'd killed, but I'd expected it to be warmer. There was a breeze blow on me and I wanted to stop it but I couldn't tell where it was coming from. It was just there, like I'm just here.
Open your eyes you fool and see where you are.
I tried, I swear to God I tried, but my eyes just wouldn't open for love, nor money, nor all the will in the fucking world. I tried to move my arm to rub my face, but that was no good either, they were like weights and too heavy for me to lift. That's when panic set in; maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me. Maybe I'd been blinded and my eyes were open and this was all I could see, or maybe I couldn't lift my arms because I didn't have them anymore.
"Morning Soldier."
Ah so that answers at least one of my million questions, I'm not dead because someone is talking to me.
"It's only me, gonna open those eyes for me today maybe?"
Who is this woman that refers to herself as me?
"Time for me to give that hair of yours a wash. It's getting long. Your Momma said that you'd be happy about that."
How the hell does she know about my Ma?
Wait, is Ma here?
The feeling of my body moving with my actually doing it myself and it made me panic, shit like that shouldn't happen. The beeping in the background picked up and started to go faster. I felt a small hand on my shoulder and the sensation of something being placed around my shoulders.
"Oh Jasper," she sighed, "When are you gonna learn that that's just the bed moving silly. You never make this much fuss when she does it." She giggled.
The giggle was like hearing a birds' song in the morning, as though all my senses were awakening for the first time. The way she talked it was like this was a normal occurrence when I was moved, though for the life of me I couldn't recall this experience ever happening before.
My body involuntarily moved forward slightly before I was sat back against the soft cushion which I could only presume was the bed mattress. The warm trickle of water being wiped through my hair and the pleasure of a head massage was enough to make me moan, though I'm sure it was only internally because she didn't say a word. I was smiling on the inside at the angel that was taking care of me. What I'd give to open my eyes so I could see her to and be able to say thank you.
She said my hair was getting longer, the last time I'd seen it it'd grow out of its crop but the way her fingers went through my scalp it felt so much longer. The slight pull of the roots as she got to the end was both pleasing yet uncomfortable.
"All done, I hope you feel better for it." She said, it getting gradually quieter. The shuffling of feet told me that she'd left the room and again I tried to open my eyes.
It was becoming more and more frustrating, I wanted to ask so many questions and I wanted to be able to know what was going on in this crazy world.
"I'm back, lets get you washed down before your visitor gets here, I'm sure you'll be grateful when you wake up."
Ah, so they think I'm asleep. How long have I been asleep for though.
She lifted my arms and the tepid warm washed my skin. I could smell soap, it wasn't my usual soap, but it smelt clean and to me that was an improvement on the sweat and dust I was used to smelling. The cool air against my damp skin was strange. I was feeling all these things, yet I couldn't see or actually feel them for myself, it was like I was having some outta body experience. When I finally opened my eyes, would I actually be looking down at myself, hovering over myself.
"So your Momma is gonna be coming in this afternoon, but there's your other visitor who'll be here in about ten minutes. She thinks I don't know she's comes here. She's come to keep you company when her brother is sleeping."
Who comes to see me? Who's her brother, and why does she feel the need to keep me company?
"I'll be back a little later sweetie; you try to open those eyes for me."
If I could I fucking would.
I can hear her footsteps disappear and the sound of the machine starts again. I know if I were awake I'd be pulling the fucker outta the wall just to shut it up. Most people learn patience in the army, it just made me realise that I have a short fuse, something I take after Pops with.
"There's my boy."
It was like a choir of cherubs singing. Her voice, oh how I'd missed it. It was calming, familiar and completely relaxing all in one go. I wanted to reach out and hold her hand, tell her how much I loved her, and that I was sorry that I worried her, but neither my mouth nor arm would work. I felt her take my hand in hers and enclose it around mine. I'd missed her touch, if I could, I'm sure I'd be crying right now.
"The nurse said that your heart beat picked up again today when they moved you. Apparently that's a good sign, means you're getting closer to waking up. I can't wait for you to open your eyes Jasper; I've missed seeing their sparkle.
Things are good at home, the house looks immaculate, I guess I've kept it clean for when you come home. Your room is waiting for you. You just need to wake up." She said with a sigh. "Please baby boy, you need to wake up for me."
I could hear the tears in her voice, just like the tears had been present in our last conversation. Why did I always make her cry? What kind of son was I? Who makes their mother cry? And why the fuck can't I open my fucking eyes?! The monitor started to beat faster like earlier and the sound of a chair scrapping across the floor rang through my ears.
"It's ok Jasper, I've called the nurse. Just relax for me, please?" She pleaded, running her fingers across my scalp and down my cheek. Her touch was as soft as I remembered it. I wanted to lean into it; to let her know I was alright but yet again my godforsaken body wouldn't move. "You need to calm down for me baby boy. Please."
Her hand stroked at my cheek and the familiarity of it took me back to when I was a child. It was amazing how when you're a kid a mothers touch can mend anything; a scraped knee, a broken heart or the feeling of disappointment. What I couldn't understand was how in this instance it didn't work. It had always worked. Had war hardened me to everything around me that once settled my irrational feelings that stirred every emotion in my body causing me to freak out without being able to do anything to stop it? Either way all these fears, worries and uncertainties of what was going on around me caused me to panic all the more. The more I panicked the more that fucking beeping picked up. It needed to stop because that in itself was stressing me out even more. Like seriously, the beeping was more fucking annoying that the sound of a trapped fly trying to get out of a window.
"Oh Rosalie, it's just getting worse, it won't calm down, I don't know what to do." My mother cried.
Ah so Rosalie would be the nurse?
"Don't worry Mrs Whitlock, we talked about this remember? It's because he can hear you, he's trying to come round and it'll be frustrating that he can't do what he wants to."
Never before had I been spoken about whilst I could hear what was going on. It was just bizarre. If she knew I could hear them why was she talking like I wasn't in the room. It pissed me off a bit because she'd just said it herself. I could hear them, so address me, and tell me to stop fucking freaking out and that this was normal and I may calm the fuck down enough to stop the inane beeping.
"Jasper, come on, I know you can hear me, calm down honey, you're freaking your momma out." She said softly.
Ah so you can talk to me.
In all honesty I was so worked up by the time she'd talked to me I wasn't sure how to calm down quickly. The usual calm and collected person in me seemed to have dissolved like sugar in hot tea. Trying to remember things that had worked for me previously I searched my memories for all the things I loved; riding my bike to my father's waiting open arms, Ma's fresh baked apple and cinnamon pie, joking around with Emmett, my bed at home, the cerulean eyes that had stared back at me from that photo.
Whoa that's a new one.
Once I'd thought of those eyes though I couldn't stop. Then I remembered the dark hair, the heart shaped face, the way her nose turned up slightly at the end making her features soft and perfect. The curve of her hips in those cut off denim shorts.
I knew I'd found her attractive when I'd first seen the photograph, but fuck me I'd never thought of her like that before, had I?
My brain started coursing through all the memories and dreams I'd had over the last however many months I'd been away from home and the images hit me like a freight train. She was always in them, blurred in the background. Never quite near me enough for me to touch, but there, smiling and looking beautiful and like an angel sent from heaven.
Then the thought that made my mind freeze and my world crumble around me, the one thing I'd promised and potentially failed at keeping; Emmett. He was all she had and I promised to protect him and I hadn't. Was he alive even? Why had I failed at the one thing I promised myself I'd fight 'til my dying day to do. Here I was in a body that didn't want to work, my mind racing with a million and one questions, but the main one I wanted the answer to right now was simple.
Had I let her down?
The beeping went into over drive and I could hear all manner of equipment being moved around me, the soft touch of my mothers hand on my cheek, cooing at me, hoping to settle me down. I knew I was having a mini freak out but there was nothing I could do about it. I needed to know that Emmett was back with his sister.
"I'll be right back Mrs Whitlock, there is only one thing that is going to help in this situation." She said, her shoes hitting the floor in little patters.
"It's going to be alright baby boy, please calm down, I know you can hear me, and we'll talk everything through when you wake up, just now please rest and relax, you're causing yourself more harm this way." She pleaded.
I tried to concentrate on her voice to relax me but it wasn't happening, I needed answers to my silent questions and I needed them now.
The patter of feet came back into the room, followed by a scent that I was sure I knew from somewhere but I couldn't place where. It was calming, reassuring and sexy as hell all in one go. My heart started to calm as I breathed the smell in deep.
"Hey soldier. I'm here. No need to panic." The gentle voice cooed as a new hand touch my cheek, stroking the skin delicately. "Gonna calm down for me huh?"
I'd do anything for that voice; it was like my own form of paradise. The tone was reassuring, lovely and calming without a hint of being patronizing. I calmed my irrational thoughts as the bed dipped beside me. The hand that had been on my face took my hand and placed it in her lap I presumed.
"You need to relax for me because Em is gonna freak out if I go back and tell him you're getting worked up in here. Don't make me get the porter to wheel him down here to beat on your ass." She laughed.
So he is alive. Thank the fucking dude in the sky.
Wait, if she's telling me about Emmett, does this mean that the girl holding my hand right now is his sister?
If I didn't have a reason to open my eyes right now that in itself had been my goal, I needed to open them and see if the azure pools were staring back at me. I needed this like I needed air to live. The beeping started to slower and the bed dipped further as she moved closer towards me. I could feel pressure on my upper arm and my forearm being pulled around her, her hand never leaving mine. I could feel her breath on my face, and her scent intensified.
"We'll leave you alone for a little; I'm just going to get some tea." My mother said as feet shuffled out of the room.
The pressure moved from my upper arm to my chest and I realised that she'd laid her head on my torso, still never letting go of my hand. Every part of me wanted to roll onto my side to look at her, see her form lying on mine. I wanted it more than I'd ever wanted anything.
"Please Jazz, come back to your Momma, she's so sad without you. I know you can hear me, please give me a sign that you're still in there."
If she wanted a sign I'd do anything I could possible to let her know I was still there. With all the will in the world, I put ever piece of concentration I had into squeezing her hand. I was trying so hard and it wouldn't work.
Ok Whitlock, if you can't squeeze her hand just move a finger.
I psyched myself up inside telling, no pleading, with myself to move one little finger, anything I could do to let her know I was there and trying to come back and open my eyes and be the person I'd been before my world fell apart. I managed to move my pointer finger against hers. It was only fractional, but I did it.
"Jazz, you just moved your finger. You really can hear me." She said jumping off the bed.
The instant lose was enough for me to panic, it felt like a dream and I didn't want to wake up if it was. The beeping picked up again and it pissed me the fuck off. She obviously noticed that I was having a mini breakdown again inside because her hand back straight back to mine.
"Rosalie, Rosalie. Get in here. PLEASE." She screamed.
A rush of noise and people came into the room.
"He moved his finger. I swear he moved his finger."
"Jasper? I know you can hear us. Can you do it again for me?" I male voiced asked he took my hand away from hers.
The fuck I was doing it for anyone other than her.
"Jazz please. Do it for me? Do it for Momma Whitlock?" She begged, "Give me his hand. Move."
I felt her hand back in mine and the smug motherfucker inside of did a happy dance that she wanted me to do something for her. So I did. I moved my finger and listened to the happiness in her voice.
"This is all a good sign, he'll be back with you before you know it."
"We're not together Doctor, I'm just a friend of a friend." She said a little disheartened.
We'll soon change that little lady. Just give me time.
"Well whatever you're doing, keep it up. You seem to be the only one he responds too according to these notes."
"Of course." She replied, a hint of smugness in her voice, and if it wasn't the sexiest thing I'd ever heard I'd be a liar.
"I'll just go get Mrs Whitlock. I'll be back." The nurse who they'd called Rosalie said as feet shuffled out of the room.
"I'm so proud of you Jazz. I just need you to open those eyes. Your ma tells me you have the most beautiful eyes in the world but I want to see for myself." She said quietly, never letting my hand go from her strong grip.
And because the smug motherfucker inside of me was winning today, I did what she asked. I used all my concentration in the world to do what I'd wanted to do since I realised what was going on around me. I opened my eyes and stared at her.
The light from the room shone around her head and made it look like she was wearing a halo. My own angel sent from heaven to protect me.
"Jazz you're awake, OHMIGOD, OH MY GOD! ROSALIE HE'S AWAKE, HE'S AWAKE. SOMEONE GET IN HERE." She screamed.
As people and noises rushed around me I could only concentrate on one thing; her smile. I wanted to talk to her, I wanted to smile back, I wanted to do hundreds things but I couldn't. I'd used all my energy just opening my eyes and moving my finger. Before anyone could move her away from me to check that I really had come around she said one line that'll live with me forever.
"Welcome home Soldier. You've kept me waiting a long time."
PT - You didn't honestly think I'd kill him off did you?
MC - Even she's not that mean....
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MC - Come on... writing to do... plot bunnies to play we *skips off*
PT - Byeeeeeeee *blows kisses*
