Chapter 4

Forcing his tongue deep into John Paul's mouth, Craig directed all the anger he felt into the kiss. He hurt and he needed an outlet for his anger. He could feel the sting of betrayal in the pit of his stomach, in the beat of his heart, in every breath he took. How could John Paul have been so fucking stupid, to risk it all for a quick grope in the dark! He didn't care how lost he'd been. He was his. He had always been his!

He used the weight of his body to lean in even more, ignoring the pull on his ribs. Just to taste him again was feeding the fever he could feel coursing through his veins. He vaguely heard a soft whimper but was beyond caring whether it was released through pleasure or pain as his tongue raged a battle for dominance. His hands moved up to roughly grab blonde hair, forcibly tilting John Paul's head back, to allow even more access as his tongue pushed deeper with a primate need to reclaim and possess.

It was only the slightly metallic taste of blood that made him draw breath and pause.

Pulling back slightly, he lowered his eyes to the swollen cut his fist had caused, that his punishing kiss had now opened up again. Swallowing, he lifted his gaze until he captured John Paul's eyes. Liking the slightly dazed expression he found there, he gave him an almost cruel smile. He wanted him to feel unsure. Not taking his eyes from him, he deliberately reached out with his tongue to seductively tease the wound. The satisfying sound of John Paul's gasp as he became aware of what he was doing went straight to his already aching cock.

Knowing he had John Paul's complete attention, he nipped sharply on the sensitive skin.

"What the fuck...Craig?" The hint of pain in the husky reprimand only heightened the palpable tension between them. Satisfied by the other's confusion, Craig moved on, his attention now focussing on the pulse that beat erratically at the side of John Paul's neck. Once again he reached out, his tongue carelessly circling the throbbing skin. This time, the "Oh God" he heard was whispered.

Laughing softly he leaned forward, his mouth brushing against the delicate skin of John Paul's ear, his words taunting. "Mindless sex, huh, John Paul?" Pressing his body closer, he let the hardness of his arousal brush tellingly against the swelling he could feel between John Paul's thighs. "You really think I can't just screw you?" Realising where this was going, John Paul pushed hard against his hold, only to be forced into stillness as Craig brought one hand down to gently squeeze his erection.

"Holy fuck!" John Paul couldn't help himself as his hips rocked forwards trying to deepen the contact.

"You like that, baby?" The words were a challenge, almost insulting, as his hand squeezed him again.

John Paul tried to breathe, his mouth dry. Off balance, he searched Craig's face, not surprised to see remnants of a lingering anger in his eyes. Knowing Craig was unpredictable in this mood, he felt hesitant, unsure how to handle him. Being caressed so intimately wasn't helping his thought process. Jesus, he'd expected to lose him, to be thrown out when he'd confessed what he'd done...what he hadn't expected was this! Already reeling, Craig's next words floored him.

"How lost do you feel now, McQueen? Lost enough to fuck without all that emotional crap?"Craig watched his words slowly sink in, taking a perverse pleasure in causing pain. Knowing he was in control he let his eyes deliberately travel down the body he held pinned against the wall, loving the shiver of desire John Paul couldn't disguise. Taking his time he reached for the zip that was denying him the skin to skin contact he craved. Letting his hand slip inside, he suddenly raised his eyebrows mockingly, as the lack of any other clothing registered. "Going commando suits you." Giving John Paul a wicked grin he let his fingers brush lightly against the straining cock he now had access to.

Shit!

Unable to help himself, John Paul began to moan softly as he was tormented with soft strokes. He could feel Craig's eyes on him and he had to fight to stop himself begging for more. He'd missed this, he'd missed Craig and he had no defence against the onslaught. His head fell back as his hips began to match the rhythm of Craig's hand.

"Did it feel this good when 'he' touched you?"

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! John Paul suddenly felt exposed, defenceless. He tried to draw back but he had nowhere to go. Pushing at Craig's hand he tried to disengage himself from his fingers, needing to think, but the dark, narrow look sent his way stopped him. Cursing softly he prayed he got his response right.

Fighting his own arousal, he tried to gather his scattered thoughts. How the hell did he react to this? He had hurt the one person he most wanted to protect, the one person he knew he couldn't live without...and despite the intimate way he was being caressed, he knew he could lose him here. Nervously he lifted a shaky hand to touch Craig's face, his thumb brushing softly against his bruised cheek. "Hey." One word, whispered, vulnerable. Yet it held everything. All he wanted to say but couldn't, all of his regret, all of his love. For a moment he felt Craig falter, as instinctively his head moved towards the gentle caress. "No-one ever makes me feel like this, okay...only you. This part of me is yours." For a moment he had him. Moving slowly forward, John Paul parted his lips, needing to kiss him, needing to show him with actions that they were so much more than just sex.

Craig watched the mouth moving towards his own, John Paul's words echoing in his mind. It worked both ways. It always had. But right now the words only fuelled the frustration he felt. Hating himself but unable to stop, he ruthlessly shattered the moment. Deliberately he trailed his fingers once more along the cock that was as familiar to him as his own, before shifting without warning to firmly squeeze the balls beneath. John Paul caught his breath in shock.

"And still you went elsewhere" He squeezed his hand again, making John Paul rise up slightly. "So maybe we should still fuck each other's brains out with no feelings involved, so you know where you can run to next time you want to throw everything away."

Almost John Paul smiled. Was he crazy? No feelings? There was enough emotion between them to drown in. However, now was not the time to argue the point. Aware of the precarious position he was in, all he could do was wait, breathing heavily.

"Come on, John Paul, you can do this?"

For a split second, the arrogant confidence made John Paul narrow his own eyes, mimicking Craig's look from moments ago. There were only so many times he could say sorry. Yet he could still hear the pain hidden beneath the deliberate taunts. Knowing how badly he'd hurt him, John Paul fought to keep his voice steady. "Craig, stop it."

The only response was a hot look and a grin that made his stomach muscles clench. This time when his mouth was captured, it was pure seduction, Craig's tongue exploring him at will, brushing aside any resistance with insulting ease. His hands lifted to hold his face captive, his thumbs stroking along his jaw line, in a move that was pure Craig Dean. How the hell could he resist that?

Craig, knew the exact moment he had him. He felt the soft release of air into his own mouth, felt his body relax into his. Not breaking the kiss he began to move them backwards, one of his hands now on the waistband of John Paul's jeans, dragging him towards the bedroom.

Reaching their destination, still locked together at the mouth, Craig twisted them around so that John Paul's back was towards the bed. Only then did he lift his head, his eyes cloudy with desire.

"I want to fuck you so bad." The look on John Paul's face was priceless as without warning he was pushed back to fall helplessly on top of the mattress. "Stay. "Staring down at him, Craig could see his indecision. "I mean it John Paul, we do this my way!"

Seeing the stubborn look he knew so well, John Paul slowly let his arms fall uselessly onto the bed. As Craig's eyes travelled his body he couldn't help but writhe in response to the heat he could see in them. When they came to rest on his groin, an involuntary sound was ripped from his throat, making him blush with embarrassment.

His hips instinctively rose up off the mattress, his cock begging for attention, giving Craig the advantage he needed. Reaching out he unfastened the top button of the already unzipped jeans and in one swift movement pulled them down and off his feet. With him wearing nothing underneath, his cock was left totally exposed, straining proudly in front of him. For a second their eyes clashed before without warning, Craig lowered his mouth, taking almost his whole length in one go.

Jesus. He couldn't help the mewling sounds as he thrust deeper into the moist warmth that had captured him. Craig's hands went to his hips holding him still as his tongue began to drive him wild, the mixture of suction and soft swirling flicks making him cry out. He could feel himself tense as he came closer to the edge. Shit, not like this. Just when he thought he couldn't hold on anymore, Craig released him. Floundering, he could only lie there, gasping for air, his only consolation being that Craig looked as dazed as he felt.

"So how do you want to do this? Front or back?"

Fuck, he so wasn't giving up on this. "Craig...look at me. Please." John Paul's voice sounded broken but he no longer cared.

"This is just sex, John Paul." Trying to believe his own words, Craig stood, reaching for the bottom of his T Shirt and began to lift it. Now it was his turn to feel exposed as he knew the thin cotton of his boxers did nothing to hide his own state of arousal.

"You sure about that?" John Paul fought with everything he had. Part of him was screaming out for what was being offered, to be taken hard and fast, but this was about more than sexual satisfaction, this was about healing something that he had almost destroyed. "Can it ever just be sex between us?"

Craig glared as he pulled his top over his head, flinging it away, only to be almost stopped in his tracks by the look of desperation on John Paul's face. Jesus. He was pissed off with him but did he really want to push it this far. He was so fucking beautiful, laid out, vulnerable. But he was hurting too. There were shadows still in his eyes that Craig had forgotten in his frustration. Not wanting to acknowledge the feelings that were threatening to swamp him, he angrily shucked off his last remaining item of clothing, no longer sure who the anger was directed at.

Standing naked, he heard the indrawn breath that John Paul couldn't control, as his boxers joined his T-Shirt on the floor. Craig felt himself turning red. Not sure about anything anymore, he moved forward to straddle the body stretched out before him. God! As he settled against him, the touch of John Paul's skin felt like fire where it brushed against the muscles of his inner thighs. His cock twitched as his stomach tightened. Determined not to think, his forced his fingers to make teasing stokes across John Paul's chest, before finding and roughly playing with taut nipples. Ignoring the pleading looks that were being sent his way, he leaned carefully down, protecting his own bruises, as he captured pale skin in his teeth, beginning to nip and then sooth with a gentle sucking motion. Loving John Paul's flavour a little too much for comfort, he forced himself back to settle between John Paul's legs.

"I love you."

The words made him stiffen, made his whole body freeze. His heart kicked inside his chest as his eyes closed. The bastard! The fucking bastard! Time seemed to stand still.

Finally, he felt rather than saw John Paul move, one of his hands reaching to gently cup his head as he sat up, fingers brushing through his hair in a soothing motion. Craig's brain was screaming at him to make him stop, to say something cutting.

"I really love you."

Another arm reached around, encircling him, bringing them closer together. Hips aligned, Craig was aware of his own erection brushing against John Paul's as he was cradled against the strength of the other's chest.

"I hate you." Craig's own words were like a whispered caress.

The quick kiss to the top of his head was all kinds of familiar. The quiet "I know," brought a reluctant smile to Craig's lips.

"I really do fucking hate you." The words were accompanied by a slow rotation of his hips that again caused their cocks to clash gently against each other.

The laughter that met his words was pure relief as the arms around him tightened as if they would never let him go. And then their eyes met...

And Craig knew he'd finally come home.

Careful not to spoil the moment, John Paul's voice was soft as his hand brushed slowly down Craig's spine. "Do you hate me enough to make love to me?" The question came with a smile but Craig knew how much was really being asked. He could still feel a tension in the body beside his own. This was about forgiveness.

Craig moved his mouth a fraction closer, wanting badly to kiss him. "Are you back...I mean truely back?"

There was no mistaking the meaning and John Paul suddenly had to fight tears. Swallowing a lump in his throat, he nodded. "Yeah, you've got me."

Craig crashed their mouths together but this time the need to possess was softened by the love he no longer wanted to deny. He couldn't seem to get enough, he wanted John Paul's breath, wanted his flavour on his tongue, wanted to capture the very essence that made him unique.

"Can you feel it?" John Paul's words were almost lost beneath duelling tongues.

Slightly dazed Craig opened his eyes to find himself looking into the blue heat that was John Paul, their faces so close that their noses brushed. Trying to clear his head, he let his confusion show.

"Feel what?"

John Paul lifted one hand slipping it between their bodies to place it purposefully where a steady beat could be felt beneath smooth skin. "This...the reason why me and you could never just fuck...The sound of our hearts getting in the way."

Craig dipped his head for a moment as he recalled the words from earlier. Trying to steady his emotions, he felt John Paul's forehead come to rest against his own. God he loved him. He felt the hand above his heart move slowly down between their bodies to take hold of their erections where they rested together. Groaning softly, Craig felt desire hot and urgent course through him.

"John Paul McQueen..." Oh God, his hand was killing him. "I get it, I really do... but now will you please shut the fuck up and screw m..."

The hand stroking him stopped. John Paul moved back slightly. Craig looked up, his cock desperate for his touch, to see eyebrows raised meaningfully in his direction. Biting his lip he tried to stop himself from grinning.

Rolling his eyes he tried again."John Paul McQueen... will you please shut the fuck up and love me for Christ's sake." The heated look he got in response, made him moan out loud as he was wrestled down gently onto the bed, their limbs flailing until they came to rest wrapped around each other.

Pulling Craig's head closer, John Paul gave him a crooked smile that made his stomach flip and his cock ache. "Jesus, I thought you'd never ask."