Chapter 6
Repetition

Author's Note: I apologize for the italics messing up in the previous chapter. It seems this site does not like them.

(Bella's PoV)

After Edward's flat-out refusal to make love to me again until I became a vampire, our honeymoon had become a little boring. That isn't to say Edward hadn't tried to keep me occupied and amused.

Edward had surprised me later that day with a nice little tour around Isle Esme. It was larger than I had realized. He led me to a large waterfall and swimming hole, which I thought was amazing. We took a short dip in it, and while I was swimming, I could feel tiny little fish tickling my feet. My favorite part of the island was canopy of trees where many parrots of all different colors lived. They weren't scared when I came up close to them, but when Edward tried to call one over, the parrots flew off away from us. We returned just in time to watch the sunset on the beach.

The 'blue room', as I liked to call it because everything from the wallpaper to the curtains, to the lamp by my bed was blue, became my new bedroom. Edward refused to join me in bed until I was close to drowsiness, in fear that I would try something and he wouldn't be able to resist once again.

Though it wasn't like I didn't try. When I was in the cottage, my outfits consisted of the different lingerie Alice had bought for me. My hair was always up in a bun or ponytail, so that my neck was always exposed. There were times that I even surprised myself with my attempts. Sometimes at night, while I waited for Edward to come to bed to watch me sleep, I thought back to my life before Edward. Before I met him, I would have never been caught doing some of the stuff I was pulling here. I never flaunted off my body, for sure. I was a little self-conscious about my appearance. I never thought I was beautiful enough. My clumsiness had always made me feel like a fool.

Edward seemed to always be one step-ahead of me. Whenever he thought I would try to bring up the matter of sex again, he'd always try to keep me busy. I wasn't going to stop, and after four days into our honeymoon, I attempted to bargain with him. My plan was perfect. I wanted to make him believe I was worn out from our adventures he planned for us. It had been a few days since I had last spoken of my wants, and had decided to just do what he had wanted. So I thought he wouldn't be ready for it this time.

It was nighttime and we were on the beach, listening to the waves.

"I have a question for you," Edward asked.

I was a little surprised. Was he actually thinking about the same thing I was?

"Okay," I said, slowly.

"If I wanted to name a star after you, what would you say?" Edward asked.

I was speechless. I didn't expect that.

"Which star?" I asked, looking in the sky.

"It's not as visible as it is in Forks sometimes," Edward said, "But it is a bright star that I used to watch outside your bedroom window at night. It's brighter than the ones around it. And when I looked at it, I always thought of you."

"I'm not that bright," I muttered.

"Bella, you've completely misunderstood the point," Edward said. "The star represents you. You stand out from everyone else around you. But you should know this. I've told you many times. I've never met anyone like you before."

"I believe you have mentioned that," I admitted.

Edward grinned. He softly placed his hand on my jaw, and instantly the blood in my neck seemed to pulse faster. I leaned in to kiss him, and he backed away, sighing audibly.

"What?" I demanded, "So now I can't touch you?"

"I never said that," Edward said.

"I've already agreed to your deal," I said, hoping he didn't see right through me.

He did.

"You can't tell me that," Edward said, "You can't honestly tell me that you haven't been trying."

Well, there goes my plan. Now I just have to go with Plan B: my plea of desperation.

"I'll make you a deal," I said.

"I won't make any deals with you," he said.

"You haven't even heard what I'm offering!" I said.

"It doesn't matter," Edward said.

"Dang it," I said, with a sigh, "And I really wanted... oh well."

Edward rolled his eyes.

I stared into the sky, acting like I was looking for the star he might name after me. It only took a minute for him to reply.

"All right," he said with a sigh, "What is it?"

I tried to fight back a smile. I knew he couldn't resist giving me what I wanted.

"Well, Charlie would love it if he heard that I was going to Dartmouth," I said, "And it wouldn't hurt me to go there for a semester. What's the big different between eighteen and nineteen, really? It isn't like I'll take my decision back."

He stared at me, keeping silent for a moment.

"You would wait?" he asked, "You'd stay human?"

I didn't say anything. I let the offer sink in.

"Why are you doing this to me?" he asked, and his tone was suddenly angry, "No. It doesn't matter. I won't make any deals with you."

"But I want to go to college," I said.

"No, you don't, Bella," Edward said, "And there is nothing that is worth risking your life. That's worth hurting you."

"But I do want to go," I said, "Well, it isn't as much college as – well, I do want to be human a little longer."

Edward exhaled. "You are making me insane, Bella," he said, in almost a growl. "Haven't we had this argument a million times, you always begging to be a vampire without delay?"

"Yes, but..." I said, slowly, "Well, I have a reason to be human I didn't have before."

"Which is what?" Edward asked.

"Guess," I said, grinning, and leaned over to him to kiss him.

He kissed me back, but I knew I still wasn't winning. I knew he was trying not to hurt my feelings. A moment later, he pulled me a way, gently.

"You are so ," he said, with a chuckle, "Ruled by your hormones."

"That's the whole point, Edward," I said, "I like this part of being human. I don't want to give it up yet. I don't want to wait through years of being a blood-crazed newborn for some part of this to come back to me."

Edward sighed.

"Bella," he said, then thought for a moment, "It isn't that I don't want to make this deal with you."

"Oh?" I asked.

"It's just that... I don't think it's smart to wait any longer," Edward said.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"Well, that's different," I said, "I thought you'd be happy that I want to wait a little while to change."

I stared at him. What was he playing at? I looked him in the eyes and realized what was wrong.

"The Volturi," I said.

"Once you're immortal," Edward said, "They will not bother us anymore."

"I get it," I said, in realization, "You actually want me to become a vampire as soon as possible."

Edward looked into my eyes. "Yes," he admitted, "I realized that I cannot wait much longer."

"When did this all come about?" I asked.

"When I saw the bruises all over you," Edward said.

He brushed his fingers against my arm. The bruises were gone but the memory was still there.

"When I realized how much I had hurt you," he said, his eyes still looking into mine, "I never want that to happen again."

"I am fine, Edward," I said, "I barely felt anything. I'm stronger than you realize."

"Not strong enough," Edward said, with a sigh.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked.

I clutched my arms around his neck. It wasn't desire at all. I wanted him to know I could withstand what he had. He struggled with me, as gently as he could, holding me away.

"No, Bella," he insisted.

I stared at him. Suddenly, tears started down my cheeks. I felt defeated. Maybe he was right.

"I'm s-s-sorry," I mumbled.

But he pulled me to him, hugging me against his marble chest.

"I can't, Bella," he said, "I can't. Please, understand."

"Please," I said, my voice soft and muffled against his skin, "Please, Edward?"

I couldn't tell if he was moved by the tears trembling in my voice, or if he was unprepared to deal with the suddenness of my attack, or if his need was simply as unbearable in that moment as my own. But whatever the reason, he pulled my lips back to his, surrendering with a groan.

When I woke the next morning, I was still on that sandy-white beach. I could hear the waves crash feet from me. I felt the sun beat down onto me. I also felt Edward. I was still laying against him. I guessed he hadn't moved either.

I flinched, wondering how much trouble I was in. I wondered whether his anger that I knew would surely come out was directed toward me or only to himself. I opened my eyes barely, searching for him. Through my eyelashes, I could see him staring up at the bright sky. I didn't know if he knew I was awake.

"How much trouble am I in?" I asked, voicing my thoughts.

My voice seemed small. I didn't know if I was ready for whatever his mind was thinking and his voice was about to say.

"Heaps," he said, softly.

He turned to look at me. Surprisingly, he grinned.

I sighed in relief. "Would you believe me if I said I was sorry?" I asked, "Can you forgive me?"

"I'm thinking about it," he said.

I sighed, sitting up slowly. I was stiff and sore, and I already knew exactly what to expect. Edward probably knew about it before I did. I tried to put some humor into it.

"At least we were out here on the beach," I said, laughing softly, "I don't think Esme would have forgiven us if her other bed was ruined."

Edward's lips curved into a smile. That was good. I seemed to be winning.

"How do I look?" I asked. I didn't even want to look at myself.

"You're beautiful," Edward said, grinning.

"You know what I mean," I asked.

"I know," Edward said, smiling, "You're not too worse for the wear."

"Really?" I asked.

"I don't think I hurt you much this time," Edward said, "Maybe because I had a better idea of what to expect."

"I told you it would all work out with a bit of practice," I said, grinning.

He rolled his eyes.

"I'm still not very happy with you," Edward said.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"Well, it isn't completely your fault," Edward said.

"Really?" I asked.

"You're too... intoxicating," Edward said, "for your own good. It's very hard for me to deny you."

"Then why did you?" I asked.

"You know why," Edward said, "I was afraid."

"Scaredy-cat," I said, sticking out my tongue.

"I'm serious," Edward said, "I was absolutely terrified. Though, I guess --"

"What?" I asked.

"Maybe that's why I was so careful with you this time," Edward said.

"I don't give you enough credit, you know?" I said, smiling.

"Oh?" Edward asked.

"You did well," I said, "Considering my actions."

"You mean how you basically assaulted me?" Edward asked.

"I wouldn't use that term," I said with a smirk.

Edward rolled his eyes. I decided to change the subject.

"How long are we going to stay here?" I asked.

"However long you want," Edward said, smiling at me.

"I thought you wanted me to be a vampire soon," I said, vaguely remembering some of our discussion from the previous night.

"I do," Edward said, then sighed.

"But?" I asked, sensing one coming.

"We can wait a little while longer," Edward said.

"You mean I can go to Dartmouth?" I asked.

"That isn't what I meant," Edward grumbled.

"Then.... what?" I asked.

"Bella, I've never done this before," Edward said.

"What do you – ohhh," I said, in realization.

Edward nodded. He knew I had realized what he meant. He was referring to changing me into a vampire.

"I will need a little bit of time and concentration," he said, "Otherwise, I could easily kill you."

"Well," I said, "Carlisle could –"

"No," Edward said, "I've already told Carlisle that I'll be the one to do it."

"Even though you've never done it before?" I asked.

"I don't trust anyone else with it," Edward said, "But I did promise I'd wait until we got back home."

"Good," I said, "I'd hate to ruin our honeymoon because I was in pain."

"That's not it, Bella," Edward said, "For one, I do want Carlisle to be near, just in case. Also..." he smiled. "I doubt you'd be presentable on the airplane back home in that present state."

I cringed.

"What's it like?" I asked.

Edward didn't need me to be clearer with my meaning.

"I'm – I'm not sure I should tell you," he said.

"Please, Edward," I begged, "I want to know."

Edward stared at me, then sighed and nodded.

"It's like nothing you could ever imagine," he said, grimly. "The first few days are the worst. You feel like you've just been placed in a large oven. You feel like your whole body is on fire. That burning sensation is the venom going through your whole bloodstream. It basically replaces the blood with venom."

I shuddered.

"You'll be with me through it all?" I asked.

"Right by your side," Edward promised.

"Even when I'm an uncontrollable newborn?" I asked.

"I've dealt with my share of uncontrollable newborns before," Edward said, with a grin.

I smiled and entangled my fingers in his.

"I'm ready for whatever comes," I said, "As long as I am near you, I can face anything."

Edward smiled and kissed my forehead.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Mmm?" Edward asked, his lips still against my forehead.

"Have you possibly... maybe...taken back your statement about not making love to me?" I asked.

Edward sighed. "You are so human," he said.

"Not for long," I said, with a grin.

Edward smiled and kissed me on the lips.

----------------------------------
Chapter finished. Sorry it was so short. I read through the chapter twice to see if I could make it longer, and I couldn't. More to come soon!

Feedback is welcomed.