Disclaimer: Standard still applies.
A/N: Okay, here's the second bit. Hope you all enjoy it.

Chapter Two

Martha Jones was happy with how her life had turned out. She was the lead obstetrician at the local hospital and had two kids whom she loved dearly. Mind, they were her step kids but she had been married to their father since Ianto was six so she considered them hers. She smiled sadly at the thought of their father. Tom had died a year and a half ago and ever since she'd been a bit protective of the kids.

She walked into the living room while going through the mail. Seeing Ianto reading something in a chair, she remarked, "You prove that you know everything to someone today?"

Ianto looked up, "Sadly, no. But it's only half four."

Martha smiled when Gwen came in. "Hi Mam."

"Hi, precious." Martha greeted.

Ianto looked up and narrowed his eyes at his sister, "Where've you been?"

"No where."

Martha frowned at the mail, "What's this? It says Canary Wharf?"

Ianto quick snatched it from his Mam and opened it, he was silent as he read it but then a grin broke out on his face, "I got in! I got in!"

Martha frowned, "Uh, honey, that's great. But isn't Canary Wharf not around here?"

"Thus the basis of it's appeal." Ianto replied simply.

"Yeah," Martha continued, "I thought we decided you'd go to UNIT like me. Be a Red Beret."

"No," Ianto said, "you decided."

"Oh, okay." Martha knew that Ianto took his tad's death hard, and was sad disappointed that he wanted to get away, "So you're just gonna pick up and leave, is that it?"

Ianto looked down, "Maybe."

Gwen liked the idea of Ianto suddenly leaving, "Let's hope so."

Ianto shot a glare at Gwen before smiling, "Ask Gwen who drove her home."

"Ianto, don't change the - drove?" Martha turned on Gwen, "Who drove you home?"

"Now don't get upset Mam." Gwen started, "But there's this boy-"

"Who is a flaming imbecile." Ianto cut in.

"-And I think he might ask me-" Gwen continued.

"Please." Martha cut in this time, "I know what he's doing to ask you. And I think I know what the answer is: no. It's always no. What are the house rules?" She asked, raising an eyebrow, "#1, no dating till you graduate. #2, no dating till you graduate. That's it."

"Mam, that's unfair." Gwen said, she knew Ianto used to have a girlfriend. Before their tad died and Martha got over-protective. 'Course Ianto had been heart broken when the girl had broken up with him, but he still had a girlfriend when he was Gwen's age.

"Alright, you wanna know what's unfair?" Martha asked, turning to Ianto, "This is for you too - story could be about your future girlfriend." She took a breath, "This morning I delivered twins to a fifteen year old girl. Do you know what she said to me?"

Gwen thought for a moment, "I'm a crack-whore who should have made my sleazy boyfriend wear a condom?"

Martha nodded, "Close, but no. She said: I should have listened to my mum."

"She did not." Gwen protested.

"Well, that's what she would have said I she wasn't so doped up." Martha concluded.

Gwen rolled her eyes, "Can we focus on me for a second, please? I'm the only person in the school who's not dating."

"No you're not." Martha reminded her, "Your brother doesn't date."

"And I don't intend to." Ianto said.

"And why's that?" Martha was ready for Ianto to back her up and get Gwen to see their side.

"Have you seen the unwashed miscreants that go to that school?"

"Where did you come from?" Gwen asked her brother, "Planet Robot?"

"As opposed to Planet Look At Me, Look At Me?" Ianto snapped back.

Martha sighed and rubbed her hand over her forehead before coming up with a plan, "Okay, here's how we solve this. You can date," she looked at Gwen who looked ecstatic at the idea, "when he does." She pointed to Ianto.

"But he's a mutant!" Gwen protested, "What if he never dates?"

"Then you'll never date." Martha was very happy with the new rule, "Oh, I like that." She turned on them, "And I'll go to sleep at night. A deep slumber of a Mum who who's kids aren't getting impregnated or doing the impregnating." Just then her beeper went of and she headed towards the door. With a glanced at Ianto she said, "We'll talk about Canary Wharf later."

Gwen turned to Ianto, "Can't you find a retard you can take to the movies just so I can have one date?"

"I'm sorry," Ianto started, "Looks like you'll just have to miss the witty repartee of Owen "Eat Me" Harper."

"You suck." Gwen said, walking away.

Ianto imitated her, "You suck."

{{{|

Rhys was tapping his foot quickly, nervous about teaching himself and Gwen French at the same time. Gwen showed up a few minutes late but smiled at him, "Can we make this quick? Beth and John are having a horrendous public breakup on the Plass. Again."

Rhys nodded, "Um, okay. I thought we'd start with pronunciation, is that's alright with you?"

Gwen made a face, "Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part. Please."

Rhys hoped he didn't look nervous when he said, "Well, there is an alternative." He paused, as her eyes were on his face, "French food. We could have some together. Saturday night?" He swallowed dryly.

Gwen grinned, "You're asking me out. That's so cute." She paused, "What's your name again?"

"Rhys. Listen, I know your Step Mam doesn't let you date. But I thought that if it were for French Class it-"

"Oh, wait a minute, Rich." Gwen started.

"Rhys." He corrected her.

"My Mam just came up with a new rule. I can date when my brother does." Gwen smiled at the idea of dating.

"You're kidding!" Rhys grinned, "Well, let me ask you, do you like sailing? 'Cause I read about this place that rents boats-"

"A beaucoup problemo, Roland. In case you haven't heard, my brother is a particularly hideous breed of loser." Gwen frowned.

Rhys nodded, "Yeah, yeah. I noticed he's a little anti-social. Why is that?"

Gwen shrugged, "Unsolved mystery. He used to be really popular, and then it was like, he got sick of it. Or something. There is a bet as to why, but I'm pretty sure he's just incapable of human interaction." She paused, "Plus he's a bastard."

Rhys had to think up a plan. "Well yeah, but I'm sure, you know, there's lots of girls who wouldn't mind going out with a… difficult man." He paused, "It'd be like extreme dating. Trying to get him to show emotion or something."

Gwen blinked, "You think we could find someone that extreme?"

"Sure, why not?" He sounded slightly hopeful.

Gwen reached out and put her hand on his arm, "And you'd do that? For me?"

"Oh yes!" Rhys noticed he sounded a bit too excited at the idea so he added, "I mean, you know, I could look into it."

{{{|

Toshiko wondered how Rhys could talk her into it, but she gathered up a few girls who may want to go out with Ianto. The two friends questioned them to find out who was the best candidate.

"Hey, how you doing?" Rhys asked the girls one by one each in turn. "Would any of you be interested in dating Ianto Jones?"

The First girl asked, "Does he like Pina Coladas? And getting caught in the rain?"

Second one simply stared blankly.

Third girl chuckled, "Never been that high."

Fourth one stated that she was going to be a nun.

{{{|

Rhys sighed and went up to Gwen, "It's very difficult to find a woman who'll go out with your brother."

Gwen shrugged, "Don't limit yourself, Rhys."

His eyebrows rose in question. "What do you mean?"

"Okay," she explained, "So I know my brother likes girls, but I'm fairly certain he likes guys too." Gwen said, "I've seen him staring intently at the telly when a cute guy is on it."

"Oh, okay." Rhys said nodding, "So, we can look for both girls and guys?"

"Yeah, though not certain on the guys." Gwen added, "But you can try it."

{{{|

Tosh rounded up some guys in an attempt to find someone, anyone. Rhys asked them the same question, "Would any of you be interested in dating Ianto Jones?"

The first one said, "No, I'm a vegan, thanks."

Second guy yelled and ran off.

Third one chuckled, "He's the one who beat up the guy with the golf club?" He paused at as Tosh responded negatively. "Oh. Then no."

Fourth guy thought about it, "Maybe if we were the last two people on earth. And there were no sheep." He paused, eyes going wide with excitement, "Are there sheep?"

{{{|

The next day, Tosh and Rhys were sitting in biology class, when Tosh said blurted suddenly. "Did I, or did I not tell you it was pointless? No one will go out with him."

Rhys looked around and saw the guy he had seen come into Ms. Noble's office the first day. Currently he was flirting with everyone around him. "What about him?"

Tosh followed Rhys' gaze to Jack, "Him? No no. Don't look at him okay? I heard that the Russians had used him as their go-to guy for torture. And that he was a rent boy not that long ago. He just got back from doing a year in jail."

"Yeah, well." Rhys said, "At least he's horny."

"I'm serious, that man is not right." Tosh said, "He sold his own liver on the black market to buy a new set of speakers. And then proceeded to seduce the guy selling the speakers so that he could keep his money along with the speakers."

Rhys grinned. "He's our guy." Standing up, he walked over to Jack. "Hi, how you doin'?"

Jack looked Rhys up and down, and said leering. "I'm doing fantastic." Leaning in close, he purred into the younger boy's his ear, "Shall we meet somewhere and have some passionate denial sex?"

Rhys swallowed and stepped back, "Wh-What would you say to a blind date?"

Jack's eyes narrowed, calculating. "No," he said simply, and with that he stalked away.

Walking back to Tosh he sighed, "No luck, but he came onto me."

"How do we get him to date Ianto?" Tosh asked.

"Well," Rhys started, "We could pay him. But we don't have money."

"What we need is a backer."

Rhys tilted his head, "What's that?"

"Someone with money who's stupid." Tosh said, thinking. She grinned, "I know who would front this idea."

At lunch Tosh went sat at Owen's lunch table. "Are you lost?" He asked snidely. when she sat down.

"No, actually. I came to chat." Tosh gave a small smile.

"We don't chat," Owen pointed out.

"Well, actually, I thought I'd run an idea past you. See if you're interested." Tosh kept her face open, trying to seem like she didn't have a secret plan.

"I'm not." Owen replied quickly, taking a bite from his food.

"Hear me out," Toshiko protested. "You want Gwen, right? But you can't go out with her because her brother is an insane head case and no one will go out with him, right?"

"Does this conversation have a purpose?"

"What you need to do is, you need to hire someone who'll go out with him. Someone who can flirt their way into a date." Tosh gave a slight smile as she pointed to Jack who was laughing at his friend John Hart's joke.

"That guy?" Owen asked, "I once heard that he'd have sex with anything, even if it was an alien."

Tosh nodded, "Clearly a solid investment."

Owen regarded Tosh. "What's in it for you?"

She knew this is where she really had to sell it, "Hey, I'm walking down the hall and say hello to you. You say hello to me."

Owen nodded, "Yeah, yeah. I get it. Cool by association. I'll think about it."

Tosh nodded her thanks and walked back to Rhys who was upset, "What did you get him involved for?"

"Relax now, relax." She soothed, "We let him pretend he's calling the shots. While he's setting things up you have time with Gwen."

"That's a good idea." Rhys conceded.

{{{|

Owen walked up to Jack, who was sitting on the bleachers by the sports field, "Hey, how you doin'?"

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Do I know you?"

"See that boy?" Owen indicating Ianto in football practice. Jack nodded, "That's Ianto Jones. I want you to go out with him."

"Now why would you want that?" Jack regarded Owen.

Owen sighed, "Look. I can't date his sister until Ianto starts dating. You see, their Step Mum is messed up. She's got this rule where they can't-"

"That's a touching story. It really is. Not my problem."

"Would you be willing to make it your problem if I provided generous compensation?" Owen asked with a small grin.

"You're going to pay me to take out some guy?" Jack asked. When Owen nodded he continued. "How much?"

"Twenty." Owen said earning a stare from Jack. "Fine, thirty."

Jack's eyes glinted. "Well, let's think about this. We go to the movies, that's uh, fifteen. We get popcorn. That's uh, fifty-three. And uh, he'll want dark chocolate, right? Good for his serotonin levels. So, uh, we're looking at seventy-five." He smirked when he was done.

"This ain't a negotiation," Owen growled. "Take it or leave it."

Jack's grin grew. "Fifty and we've got a deal." Owen nodded, leaving Jack to make his way to the field. where the coach, Rose Tyler, was telling them all they had a good practice. Walking up to Ianto, he called out. "Hey boy. How you doin'?"

Ianto regarded Jack coolly. "Sweating like a pig actually. And yourself?"

Jack couldn't help but grin at Ianto's dead pan. "Now there's a way to get a guy's attention, huh?"

"My mission in life." He raised an eyebrow. "But obviously I struck your fancy. So, you see, it worked. The world makes sense again." He rolled his eyes as he started walking away.

Jack chased after him. "Pick you up Friday then."

"Oh right. Friday. Uh-huh." Ianto hadn't even looked back.

Jack frowned. Normally he didn't have to work this hard to get someone to even look at him. "The night I take you places you've never been before," he persisted.

"Like where? Tescos? Do you even know my name, screw boy?" he asked, finally turning around.

"I know a lot more than you think," Jack protested.

"Doubtful." Ianto turned back around, going to the locker room, leaving Jack there alone. "Very doubtful."

Rhys frowned, having watched the exchange. "We're screwed."

Tosh sighed. "Hey, no, hey. I don't want to hear that defeatist attitude. I want to hear you upbeat." No mention was made of her pep talk ability.

Rhys put on a big fake grin and made his voice overly chipper. "We're screwed!"

"There you go." She spoke, giving Rhys a small grin.

{{{|

The next day Ianto came out of the store to find Jack examining his car. He frowned and walked towards it. Not to Jack, though, Jack just happened to be beside his destination.

"Nice ride. Vintage fenders." Jack observed, grinning.

Ianto frowned. "Are you following me?"

Jack's grin fell. He really wasn't used to someone who didn't fall at his feet. This was interesting. "I was over there," he pointed to a store across the street. "I saw your car. I came over to say hi."

Without any emotion, Ianto responded. "Hi." He went to open the door but Jack slid over and blocking Ianto's way.

"Not a big talker, huh?"

"Depends on the topic." Ianto was wondering if this was going to turn into another line that was supposed to make him fall madly in love. "My fenders don't whip me in a verbal frenzy."

Jack couldn't help it, he let his interested in the fact that Ianto wasn't flirting back show. "You don't really like me, do you?"

Ianto's mask fell. "Like you? Why would I like you? I barely know you." It was a genuine question.

"Well, most people love me right away." Jack gave another grin that sent most people into blushing and giggling fits.

"Well, I don't."

"Well, maybe you don't know me well enough to like me," Jack started. "but I'm sure you've thought about me naked, huh?" He gave Ianto a knowing wink.

"Am I that transparent?" Ianto's tone was even more monotone than Jack had ever heard it, "I want you. I need you. Oh baby. Oh baby." He slid around Jack and opened his car door before quickly getting in and shutting it behind him. Just then Owen, in his red sports car, chose that moment to drive up behind Ianto and park him in. To himself, Ianto asked, "What is it? Arsewhole day?" To Owen he said, "Do you mind?"

Smirking Owen walked past him towards the store. "Not at all."

Ianto glared and hitting the gas, slammed into Owen's car. Jack burst out laughing while Owen's mouth fell open. "You Bastard!"

Ianto had a most innocent look on his face. "Whoops."