Sara took a deep breath, and then calmly posed a question, "Over the years, I've seen you become frustrated with the time away from Lindsay, away from a social life, and just with the sheer exhaustion this job brings, but," gently shaking her head, "you've never become frustrated with the job itself, have you?"

Cat was taken aback by the question, "Well, no, I suppose," a bit confused, "You mean the cases?"

"I mean the pain, suffering, and misery of the victims in our cases."

"Oh" she nodded, "I see…then, I guess, I mean, of course, at times, you feel sad for some of them, you wouldn't be human if you didn't."

"No, I mean have you ever gotten to a place where you feel it with every case, every time out."

"Well, no then, no, I haven't felt that exactly."

"I hope you never do," she breathed out, "The weight of it brings you to your knees."

Catherine was now wide eyed and slack jawed with anticipation, she had that feeling you get when pouring over a particularly pesky puzzle, but one piece just went in, and you just knew, it was about to all come together, right before you. But, it didn't quite happen, not just yet.

"I didn't understand it at the time," she shrugged, "I just knew that I was about to fall apart. I wasn't able to keep it together any longer, and Grissom," her voice cracked on his name. She regained her composure, "Truth is, I stayed in the job far longer than I should have because I couldn't bear to leave him." She smiled, "Everyone probably thought I was leaving him suddenly, but I had stayed here just for him for so long, I had become a fractured soul, incapable of even maintaining a relationship. It's so ironic."

Catherine's mind was trying to process the scene Sara laid out of what was happening at that time, and it was slowly coming into focus. "Do you know why you started to feel that way; I don't think I understand that?"

Sara grinned that sideways grin, "I didn't understand it when I left, and Grissom," she rolled her eyes, "What I ever did to deserve him, I'll never know," continuing after a sigh, "He understood even less than I, which wasn't much, but he stood by, trusted me, and let me do what I felt I needed to do, as incredibly painful as that was for him."

"I must admit, I couldn't understand why he wouldn't go after you."

"I didn't know why at the time of course, but I knew I needed to be away, I needed to be on my own, I needed to face my own demons, and put myself back together." Taking a sip of water, she continued, "The last thing I needed was someone to be beholden to; I had nothing left to give someone else, and I loved him so much, it hurt all the more." She had to pause to regain her composure. "Most men would have come after you anyway, you know, take charge, and insist on getting you the help they think you need. Grissom's not like that. He trusted me, even when I couldn't even give him a decent explanation at the time." She shook her head with amazement, "His trust in me was the support that got me through those first few months. It was so hard…." Her voice trailed off as she seemed to be lost in thought.

She looked up with a smile, "Anyway, I faced my family, confronted some issues there, long story by the way," she almost giggled, "And got some therapy. But the best therapy was to go off and find life."

Catherine looked confused, so Sara explained, "I went where life was teaming, the rainforest; lush, green, gorgeous, and there I studied the fascinating animals there and slowly found my way out of my old life. I was starting to live life without that crippling emotional pain. It was so liberating."

By now the food had arrived, but in between bites, Sara freely continued, "My God, Catherine, I finally escaped it all. It had been so hard to leave here, to put it behind me, you have no idea. I stayed in touch with Grissom, but I, too, thought, I'd never be back. Our relationship was in real jeopardy at that point."

"And, yet here you are," Catherine couldn't resist putting out the obvious.

Sara grinned at the paradox, but didn't quite jump to the present just yet. "How do you think burn out happens?"

Catherine straightened at the surprise question, "Oh, well, let's see, ah, somebody works too hard for too long, and then they just don't want to, or maybe they can't do it anymore."

Sara smiled while she gently shook her head, "That would have been my answer before it happened to me, and that's probably the case for most jobs, but not ours." Catherine's face was contorted in confused expression as Sara set out to explain, "Our job requires a certain detachment. We can't do it without that detachment. So that armor, that detachment, that allows us to do our job and not get consumed by the emotion of it." Catherine's hand went to her forehead as she contemplated the analogy Sara just put forth. "Catherine," regaining her attention, "CSI burnout happens when there's a chink in the armor, the misery can seep in," her voice lowered, "and take you down."

Now it was Catherine who was becoming emotional as she was starting to see things through Sara, and Grissom's, perspective.

"For me, everything came apart when the horror of the cases we worked was thrown open by the horror of, ah,…"

She stopped abruptly, swallowing the words, and searching for what to do next. Catherine knew what she almost said. Catherine knew the extent of the horror of her past, and clearly that was the chink in the armor she almost referred to. So it was her past rising up demanding that she deal with that and at the same time making her unable to detach herself from the suffering of her current cases. My God, I had no idea the pain she carried, no wonder she had to leave it all and run to save herself.

Catherine slid around to put her arm over her shoulders as tears were threatening to pour. "You don't have to tell me anymore," She whispered, "I get it now."

Sara softly sobbed, relieved not to divulge any more to get the picture drawn. "You know," she managed a slight grin, "We've butted heads many times over the past when I got too involved emotionally in my cases. Now that I understand things, I see that I went into this job with a chink in the armor. It was only a matter of time before the chink became a huge rent, and I could no longer keep it together."

Sara took a few minutes to regain her composure, then nodded and continued, "Catherine I owe you an explanation." Catherine was stunned, wondering what she would reveal. "What I never told you is that I grew up in a household with rampant domestic violence. That's my chink. That's what forced me over the top emotionally in cases, and that's what raged to the surface after my abduction. I've finally dealt with those issues; it took a life savings, over a year of therapy and world travel, and eventually, a fulfilling marriage, but, hey" she shrugged, "No more chink."

They shared a hearty laugh, "So what's for dessert?" Sara proposed. Catherine could only shake her head. She was still hard at work digesting the conversation, forget the meal.

The analogy Sara put forth explained everything, from her early over the top pursuit of domestic violence cases, to her abrupt departure from CSI, and Grissom, right up to the present; how it is she is working again as a CSI in Vegas and seemingly happier at it than she's ever been. It all made sense.

What didn't make sense was Grissom, and their marriage. How long would she be here? The whole point of their meeting still went unanswered, so far.

tbc…..