Title: Trust

Rating: PG

Pairing: Morgan/Reid

Warnings: Established Relationship

Summary: A missing moment from the first episode of season 4, Mayhem.

Disclaimer: The only thing of Criminal Minds that I own is the first four seasons on DVD.

"Spencer?"

"Don't talk to me right now!"

"What?" Derek was extremely confused. He was exhausted, shaky, and he wasn't in the mood to play mind games. He reached out and placed his hand on Spencer's shoulder.

Spencer tensed at the contact and jerked away; startling Derek and causing him to take a step back.

"Why?" The one word sounded raw and crackly.

Derek stood, still confused, yet afraid to move for fear he would scare Spencer away.

"I don't—I don't understand." Derek's head was pounding; he wanted to lie down, to rest, to forget the fact he had nearly died. "What's wrong?"

"'What's wrong?'" Spencer spun to face Derek; all sorts of emotions flickering in his eyes, as though he couldn't quite pick one. "How could you do that? What on Earth were you thinking!" Spencer's hands balled into fists at his side and began to tremble.

A light went off in Derek's head; he began to understand. He took a step closer to Spencer.

"I'm sorry." It was all he could think to say.

"You're sorry?" Anger and rage filled Spencer's eyes now. Disbelief and sarcasm dripped from his lips. "You almost died and you're sorry?"

Derek threw up his hands. "What else do you want me to say Spencer? 'I promise it won't happen again.' 'I've been a bad boy.' I did what I needed to do."

"You could have waited for us. You could have told us what you were planning. Had one of us go with you, something!"

"So you could stop and question my every move? There wasn't time. I had to do something and I acted." Derek paused and looked into Spencer's eyes, trying to make him understand. "I'm okay, Spencer." His voice was softer, gentler.

With those words Spencer seemed to break. All the anger seemed to flow out of him; his shoulders dropped and his knees went weak. Derek darted forward, catching him before he hit the ground.

"I thought I lost you." Spencer's voice was thick and when he looked at Derek there were tears sparkling in his eyes. "I didn't know where you were. All I knew was you'd gone towards the bomb. There was nothing I could do but try and catch the guy before he sent the call. When I saw the ambulance was gone, I couldn't even stop and worry, I had to do my job." The tears started cascading down Spencer's cheeks. It broke Derek's heart.

"I'm so sorry, Spence. I had to do it. I wasn't trying to play hero. It was instinct." He felt Spencer's hands tighten their grasp on his T-shirt. "Spencer you know the risks, of this job, and of us being together. You know I can't promise, and neither can you, that something won't happen." Derek suddenly realized there was wetness on his own cheeks. "But I need you to know that when we are on a case, this, us, gets pushed to the side. It has to."

Spencer nodded. "I know that Derek."

"I'm not finished. Spencer, it has to be pushed aside because if I stop, even for a split second, to think about what I'm doing or what you are doing when we are on the job," he drew in a breath. "I'd never be able to do this. The worry, and the fear, it would eat me up inside." The tears began falling faster from his eyes as he replayed the night's events in his mind. His actions had been adrenaline based, but now he could see how stupid they had truly been. No wonder Garcia had been upset with him.

Spencer pulled back a little and wiped his sleeve across his eyes and nose; something he would have definitely cringed at under normal circumstances, showing how upset he truly was. "Derek," Spencer's voice was small and quiet but had no trace of the tremor from before. "Just promise me one thing."

"What is it Pretty Boy?" Derek said wiping at his own eyes.

"Trust the team. We're your family. You don't always have to do it yourself."

Derek hesitated. Trust was an issue he struggled with everyday, thanks to events in his past, but he was slowly working on it. He looked into Spencer's eyes, warm, dark amber staring back at him, and Derek knew that this man was willing to help him through anything he still had to face and work through. "I promise Spencer. I'll do the best I can."

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