"Ladies and gentlemen, this was originally scheduled to be a 1 on 1 cage match, but it has been made a triple threat elimination match. Introducing first from West Newbury, Massachusetts, weighing in at 200 lbs, Justin Cena." Justin came out to word life, wearing jean shorts, a shirt and hat that both said Ruck Fules, and a biker chain with padlock as a necklace. He got into the cage and took the microphone form Russell.
"What's up people? Its like this. Lindsay's tits are giants, good god, they're enormous. I could think of a million adjetives. You some big titted putz. And instead of fucking everyone, why don't you choke on these nuts." He said as he pulled a pack of peanuts from his pocket. "Let's face it, you are a slut. We should all run the other way when we see her. When I slapped her in the face, the bitch gave me ghaneria. Lindsay you think you know me? Well Justin Cena is like a pinwheel, so you can go ahead and blow me." At this point he pulled a pinwheel from his pocket and blew on it. The song Pourqoui? (Maryse's theme) played as Lindsay came out. She was climbing the steps, while Russell held the ropes for her, but then he stepped back and slammed the door on her. She collapsed and Russell slammed it on her again. they dragged her to the turnbuckle, and handcuffed her to it. Russell went outside the ring and got under it and grabbed a trashcan full of different items. Then he put the can in the ring and grabbed the microphone.
"And their opponent is a former World Champion. Please welcome Rocky Balboa." Some guy that looked like Mickey came out, followed by a Rocky cardboard cutout, supported by some guy. The man with the cutout got in the ring and Justin grabbed a mike.
"Do you honestly think you can beat me?" Justin asked. The guy moved the Rocky cut out so that it jabbed Justin in the face twice, then Justin punched the Rocky in the gut, then hit it with a pile driver. 1 2 3. Now he turned his attention to Lindsay, still handcuffed. Justin got into the trashcan and pulled a kendo stick out of it. He looked at Lindsay, then swung the stick at her stomach. Lindsay cried out in pain.
"Oh did I forget to mention that this is an Italian Street Fight?" He said as he swung the stick again and again and again. By the time he delivered the 8th stroke, Lindsay actually had tears coming from her eyes, and welts all over her stomach. Justin got into can again, but this time pulled out a cheese grater. He started running it over her skull causing her to bleed.
"Justin stop." He looked up the ramp and E-Scope and Bridgette were standing at the top.
"Girls, this is none of your concern. Just go back into the locker room."
"No this isn't right."
"It don't matter. No one can stop us."
At this point Eva, Awesome Kong, The Beautiful People, Sarita, Taylor Wilde, Tara, and Beth Phoenix came out.
"Well all of us together can." E said as they all ran down the ramp.
"Sean throw the switch now. The duck crows at midnight." Nothing happened till Beth attempted to climb it, she fell and started twitching.
"Nice try girls. I expected someone would try something, so I thought ahead and had the steel cage electrified." He said as he turned around. He unhooked Lindsay then grabbed her and hit her with the tombstone. Russell went to start the count, but Justin climbed to the top rope and hit Lindsay with the Ram Jam. 1 2 3. At this point the song This Fire Burns and out came CM Punk and Luke Gallows. They walked down the ramp, Luke carrying 2 chairs and Punk carrying his bag. They waited then Luke opened the door and they both stepped in.
"You two are awesome." Justin said.
"Well I'm glad you feel like that. Because now, I'm going to give you a better life, and induct you into the Straight Edge Society." Luke sat the chairs down, in which Justin and Russell sat. "Now raise your right hands and repeat after me. I accept Straight Edge into my life. I will now longer use recreational drugs, use tobacco, or drink alcohol. I will live the pure life, the life of greatness. I accept CM Punk into my life. I am better than all others, because I have the strength to just say no."
Justin and Russell repeated this and then Punk started to shave their heads. Everyone just stared at the ring as the two greatest members of the Filth had their heads shaved.
"Your new lives start now." Punk said as he and Luke raised the hands of the new Straight Edge Society members. The song lies played as out came Lilyyan.
"Thats nice. 4 losers in the ring, living the pussy life."
"What are you doing here Lilyyan? We fired you."
"I was screwed. You and Bridgette screwed me out of my job."
"Calm down. Neither Justin or Bridgette screwed Lilyyan, Lilyyan screwed Lilyyan."
"Don't give me that shit. You know what me and my crew are gonna take everything from you guys. How about this. Next week it be your Women's champ, your World champ, and tag champs, vs me and these three.
At this point Caylen Croft, Trent Baretta, and Zach Ryder came out.
"OK Lil, you want us, but first your boys have to fight the Straight Edge Society. And by that I mean Me, Russell and our leader Punk."
"Fine." She said as she retreated.
CAMERA TRANSITION
You see Heather standing with a microphone.
"Izzy, Kaite, what do you think of what you just saw?"
"Well in all honesty, it doesn't surprise us. They were always talking about their love for Punk, so all we can say is good for them." They then walked off.
"The Following match is a fatal 4 way for the Women's Championship. Introducing first from Toronto Canada E-Scope, and Bridgette. And introducing Izzy, and the Women's Champion Katie."
The bell was wrong and Izzy and Katie immediately tore into their opponents, punching, scratching, kicking, biting, whatever to keep them down, til Katie was monkey flipped to the outside, leaving her sister open for a powerbomb neckbreaker combo. Bridgette tried to pin her, but E pushed her and attempted a cover, but that was broken up. E looked at Bridgette with a look that said every word that you can't say on TV. E shoved Bridgette into the turnbuckle, but then Katie ran up and drop kicked E into the turnbuckle, then s she came back, hit her with an inverted impaler ddt. It looked like it knocked her out, so from her shorts pocket she pulled a pair of handcuffs and handcuffed E to the ropes, but then Bridgette rolled her up and hooked the shorts. 1 2 3.
"Winner of this match and new Women's Champ, Bridgette." Bridgette started to celebrate, but then out of nowhere, Izzy and Katie attacked her from behind. They started stomping on her, until John the Panda came in to make the save. He grabbed a mic
"Girls, we just can't have that. Look if you want another shot at the title, then next week you two will compete in an I Quit match, with the winner becoming number 1 contendor." He got out of the ring and took a seat at the commentators table. "And I will be doing guest commentary. Introducing the tag team champions, John the Gorilla, Roku Fox, and Asheel Tiger."
They came out to the instrumental of crazy train.
"And their opponets, Mark Henry, MVP and Kofi Kingston." Our tag champs' eyes got wide as three of the biggest names in the WWE came out. Pretty much the champs got creamed. It ended with Roku getting hit with the Trouble In Paradise.
"This is the final match of the night. Introducing first The Straight Edge Society." The 3 of them came out to Punk's music, each with a Straight Edge shirt on. "And their opponets, Caylen Croft, Trent Baretta, and Zack Ryder." They came out to Zack's music. It started off with Russell against Zack. Zack put Russell in a headlock, then flipped him over on his back and wrenched on the hold. Russell managed to break out, but Zach threw him into the turnbuckle. He ran at Russell, but Russ, moved out of the way and when Zack came out of the corner, he was hit with a one handed bulldog. He crawled to his side and tagged in Justin who tackled Zach to the ground and started punching on him. He got of Zack then repeatedly elbow dropped him. He got on the second turnbuckle and leg dropped him. He ran across the ring and dropkicked both Caylen and Beretta in the legs, which caused them to fall off the apron. Justin tagged in Punk, then he and Russ launched themselves through the ropes onto Trent and Beretta, both hitting something, Justin a retaining wall and Russ the announcer's table. Punk locked in the Andaconda Vise, to which Ryder tapped out to.
"Winners of this match, The Straight Edge Society." Russell and Justin got back into the ring and Punk raised their hands. Justin jumped on the top rope and poses, when all of a sudden, Punk kicked Russell in the head, and when Justin turned around, Punk kicked him in the gut and hit him with a GTS.